‘Your Highness!’
‘An uprising!’
‘Inconceivable!’
‘Thrash the brutes!’
‘The gallows, man, the gallows!’
‘I say!’
‘Inspired notion!’
‘Jolly good show!’
‘Hear, hear!’
‘ENOUGH!’ roared Celestia, and the back-stabbing bureaucrats of her Closed Council fell silent. Adjusting the crown, Celestia took her seat.
‘And so,’ she said, ‘to business. On the basis of that charming dialogue, it is safe to assume you each have been made aware of our situation in the north. Nevertheless, let me reemphasize the importance of whatever decisions we make today. I shall not leave our allies to suffer this insult! The rebellion must be crushed, and in so doing we send a clear message – that such action will be condemned so violently it is rendered counterproductive.’ She paused, sweeping the assembled with an iron gaze. ‘With that in mind, I draw your attention to this most recent – just what do you think you are smirking at?’
For at least half of her mutinous child-men had the giggles. Luna, who was trying and failing to keep a straight face, leaned over and whispered, ‘I think it’s your horn.’
Celestia blushed and reached instinctively upward to shield Tirek’s unpleasant addition from view. She narrowed her eyes. ‘The next person to so much as blink in my direction will be treated as equally guilty.’
Silence again.
‘Now,’ she continued, ‘let us consider the issue.’
After much bickering, a broken tea set and a bruised scalp, the Closed Council approved, signed and sealed the document authorising military presence in the Crystal Empire. Celestia’s Own Sixth Regiment was dispatched at quick march from their station in the mountains, and she and Luna flew north to meet with Cadence in her capital. Celestia absent-mindedly rubbed her horn and wondered idly whether Tirek was drinking his tonic.
‘Out with it, you!’ snarled Trixie, bearing down on him. ‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing!’ gasped Tirek, stumbling backwards into a DAG. ‘I’ve nothing to do with any of this, I swear! Celestia’s just a little – incensed is all. I’m sure she’ll be back to let us out soon!’
‘Oh, you are, are you?’ Trixie aimed a kick at his only horn, which missed and caught the DAG on its breastplate. It clanked into life and, with remarkable speed, snatched her clean out the air. She cried out as she was pressed onto the floor in a submission.
‘Now you know what it feels like,’ grunted Sunset, who’d been placed in a similar position several hours beforehand and was yet to be released. Tirek giggled at the pair’s squashed faces. They looked quite comical.
‘This! Is! Your! Fault!’ Trixie struggled manfully against the hold but made no impression on her DAG, who pushed harder. ‘Ah, ah! OK, OK! I yield! Jeez!’
But the DAG did not let go. Suri and Tirek shared a look.
‘I’m serious!’ Tirek told her. ‘I had nothing to do with this! All I wanted was a card game. Honest!’
‘And your stupid card game has cost us big,’ said Sunset from the floor. ‘We’ve been left here to rot.’
Another of the DAGs broke rank and clanked forwards, tankard in hand.
‘Also, why do you they force you to drink that stuff?’ she asked.
Tirek grinned. ‘Didn’t you know? Celestia and her sister have a bet on – winner takes the kingdom. Problem is, I’ve got to drink a portion of this stuff on the daily. It isn’t too bad – but we did prove it was dangerous.’
‘They’re betting the kingdom?’ said Suri, frowning.
‘Yeah! Crazy, right? I’m game, though. It’s been so boring these past few years. To be honest, I needed the distraction.’
Suri seemed not to hear.
‘Two sisters squabbling over control of a nation,’ she muttered. ‘Totally oblivious to the ponies living in it. Just what sort of leaders are they?’
Tirek shrugged. ‘I don’t know, but you’ve got to admit it’s funny.’
‘It’s wrong,’ said Sunset.
‘You’re damn right it’s wrong!’ said Trixie, still attempting to squirm free. ‘Those villains . . . threw me in here . . . for no – ah! For no reason . . . and . . . ouch! Come on, man!’
Her DAG pushed even harder, and Trixie was forced into silence.
‘Well, I guess we’ve a chance at something new,’ said Tirek, snatching up his tankard. ‘This rebellion might shake things up a bit. Who knows?’
‘You mean to say it will succeed?’ asked Suri, her brow raised.
‘Succeed? No, no! Heck, I don’t bloody know, do I?’ He paused. ‘Who knows, though?’
And he downed his tonic, smacking his lips loudly.