//------------------------------// // Cats and Dogs // Story: The Unexpected Adventures of Trixie and Sunset // by Sixes_And_Sevens //------------------------------// “‘This console was not meant to be studied and pored over, but intuited,’ you said,” Sunset grumbled “‘Trixie knows these things,’ you said.” Trixie huffed indignantly. “Well? Trixie made the TARDIS fly, did she not?” “Well, yes,” Sunset acknowledged. “There is that. There is also, unfortunately, the fact that you were trying to get us across town, and you sent us to another planet.” Trixie had no response to this. She merely glared at the wall of the cell they now shared. The inhabitants of the planet had not, thankfully, been as warlike or carnivorous as they had first seemed. Unfortunately, they had also confiscated the TARDIS. Sunset and Trixie had, furthermore, been thrust at spearpoint into this claustrophobic chamber, and thus the two considered that they were overall still in the red. “What do you suppose they want with us?” Trixie asked. “Who knows? Harvest our organs? Sacrifice us to their gods? Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll only want to study us.” Sunset said, glaring at the door distrustfully. “Well, why stay to find out?” Trixie asked, rising to her hooves. “Let us effect our escape.” “Our escape,” Sunset said flatly. “Trixie, we’re under lock and key. There are guards outside, and I really don’t like the idea of facing off against those teeth. And, of course, they’ve taken our ride.” “Piffle,” Trixie sniffed. “Trixie should have known you would be focused on the trifles.” “The trifles,” Sunset echoed flatly. “Of course. The fact that we don’t know where the TARDIS is won’t get in our way at all.” “It will not.” Sunset scowled. “Alright then, O Great and Powerful one. Explain your plan to me.” “Simplicity itself,” Trixie said, drawing herself up. “We will blow up that wall.” She gestured to the locked door. “This should incapacitate any guards in the immediate vicinity. Then— and this is the important part, so listen closely— then, we run away and hide in the cave systems.” Sunset digested this. “Okay,” she said slowly. “I’m not saying that’s a bad plan, but I’d like to address a couple of problems with that, if I may.” “Problems?” Trixie asked, stepping back in shock. “Trixie can see no problems with her plan whatsoever!” “Problem one,” Sunset said lifting a hoof. “We don’t know where these corridors will lead. We might run into a death trap, or the royal chambers, or we might run into one of the guards.” Trixie pursed her lips. “We don’t have to run far,” she said. “Problem two,” Sunset continued, but stopped suddenly. “Huh. Right. I don’t have fingers anymore.” She set her hoof back down. “Anyway, problem two is, we don’t know how many guards there are outside the door, or how many might be waiting in the wings.” Trixie shrugged slightly. “They’ll be incapacitated by the explosion, nonetheless.” “Which brings us to the third problem. We don’t have any way to make the door explode.” Trixie gave Sunset a long, level look. “Sunny. Trixie is a stage magician.” With a flourish, she removed her hat and held it out for inspection. There were several shockingly large fireworks in it. Sunset’s jaw dropped. “What.” “Trixie has a motto. Would you like to hear it? It is ‘never leave home without at least enough firepower to frighten off an Ursa Major’. Trust Trixie, she has learned from experience, especially since taking up residence near the Everfree.” “Trixie. Trixie, my dear, sweet, good friend. Please tell those are just flashbangs.” “Of course not. How do you expect Trixie to take down a door with flashbangs?” “Trixie, that’s enough firepower to, to, to…” “To frighten off an Ursa Major, Trixie believes she said.” “That’s enough to blow up Twilight’s foyer with enough left over to take out the master bedroom!” Trixie looked at the draconequus as though she were speaking to a small child. “Trixie did say ‘at least.’” “Okay, now we have problem four, bringing down the clopping ceiling on our heads!” Sunset shouted. “Language,” Trixie admonished mildly. “Language isn’t the issue! The issue is that you are carrying a bomb in your hat!” “Trixie is not going to bring down the roof,” the magician scoffed. “Trixie has forgotten more about pyrotechnics than you could ever hope to know.” “That’s what I’m afraid of.” There was a faint clanking noise at the door. Sunset whirled around as the heavy metal portal swung outwards. Tall. Muscular. Angular. Vicious. All of these words aptly described the guard standing in the doorway. Most of them also applied to the spear he held in his paw. He opened his mouth. “Come with me,” he rumbled in a surprisingly pleasant baritone. “The Goddess requests your presence.” Sunset glanced at Trixie, worried. The showmare, however, seemed perfectly poised. Her hat looked as though it had never left her head. She trotted forward with grace and purpose, and only when she was out the door did she spare a glance back at Sunset. “Well? Let us not keep the local religious figure waiting.” Sunset exhaled through her nose, long and low, but grudgingly, she trotted after the blue unicorn and the predatorily feline guard. *** The corridors of the labyrinth were surprisingly well-kempt. It was far from the marble walls and plush carpeting of Canterlot, but neither was it a dank, musty system of caves. They were also quite impressively long and winding. Side hallways branched off like roots, twisting away and splitting into infinitely many paths. The trio had been walking for fifteen minutes when Trixie broke the silence that hung over the them. “So, nameless guard,” Trixie began. “My name is Felix,” the warrior said flatly. “Whatever. Why have we been arrested? Where are you taking us? And perhaps most importantly, when will we be having lunch?” “You haven’t been arrested.” “We were shoved into a jail cell at spearpoint,” Sunset said. “That seems pretty much like being arrested to me.” “It was necessary that we detain you,” Felix said. “Her Ladyship and” his face twisted up as though he had bitten into what he had thought was an apple and turned out to be a lemon that was on fire. “And the dog detected your arrival.” “The who and the what?” Sunset asked. “In answer to your second question, you are being taken to the Judgement Hall.” “See, that sounds a whole lot like being arrested to Trixie.” “Lunch will be provided for you there.” “Trixie withdraws her objections.” Sunset rolled her eyes. “Why are we going to this Judgement Hall? What are we being tried for?” “You?” The guard looked rather surprised. “You just got here. Why would you be on trial?” Trixie opened her mouth, but a quick glare from Sunset made her shut it. “Well, if you can’t think of any reasons, neither can we.” “Certainly not. It would take a lot to justify trying a newly-arrived goddess and her acolyte.” Sunset blinked. “...Goddess.” “Well, yes.” Felix eyed her oddly. “You are the goddess, are you not?” “I mean, technically, I guess,” Sunset said. Felix breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. It wouldn’t do to have a mortal in this role. That’s why we were all so glad to hear of your arrival.” Sunset and Trixie exchanged concerned glances, but continued on through the web of corridors. The halls began to grow more neatly cared for, now. The floor grew tiled, followed by the walls. Patterns formed, simple at first, then more complex, until finally culminating in full-blown mosaics.The branching corridors began to grow larger, straighter, more well-lit. Sunset could now see large, terraced houses down each ‘street’, of an opulence comparable to the center of Canterlot. These, however, were of a vastly different style. Columns sprung from the ground like trees, and curving balconies wound around the architecture. The windows were nearly as thin as arrow slits. Sunset leaned over to Trixie. “It looks like late Ancient Camellian, don’t you think?” she murmured. Trixie looked at Sunset, confused. “What looks like what now?” “The architecture. It closely resembles the architecture of Camellia in the Third Dynasty,” Sunset replied, waving a hoof. “A bit Minoan, much more so than the work of the Second Dynasty.” Trixie stretched her mouth wide in a mock yawn. “Trixie will give you this, Sunny. You’re a sure cure for insomnia.” “And how many stallions have you kept up at night?” Sunset sneered. Trixie thought about this. “...Well, only mares, technically, but at last count, Trixie wants to say—” “Trixie. Rhetorical question. Don’t wanna know.” Felix sighed and rolled his slit-pupiled eyes. “Look, ladies, you think you two can stop arguing like an old married couple for maybe ten minutes? I promise, we’re nearly there.” Trixie and Sunset glared at him in a show of instant solidarity. It was a tribute to his training that he didn’t even cower under the weight of their combined glowering. “Please, you’re about to enter one of our most sacred spaces,” he said. “Could you treat it with some kind of decorum?” “Very well,” Trixie said with a sniff. “Trixie will behave herself if she does.” “Excuse me?” Sunset said, scraping a hoof against the ground. The guard leaned on his spear, his face a picture of exasperation. No being can express a sentiment that so thoroughly expresses bored irritation quite as well as a cat. Sunset simmered for a little, then backed down. “I’ll behave if you do,” she told Trixie. Trixie considered Sunset over the bridge of her muzzle. “Very well,” she said with a nod. “Lead on, MacDuff!” “Not how that quote goes,” Sunset muttered, following the cat and magician further into the catacombs. *** They stopped at the edge of a great pit, dug into the earth. “Welcome, visitors, to the Omphalos.” “Um-fellas?” Trixie tried. “What?” “Omphalos,” Sunset corrected. “Literally translates as ‘belly button’.” Trixie snickered. “You took us all this way to see your belly button?” “The Omphalos is the belly button of the city,” Felix explained. “The cultural and spiritual hub, run by the Lady Ba’ast.” Sunset frowned. “Ba’ast. Why is that name familiar?” Trixie just kept laughing. “The belly button of the city!” she wheezed. “Come on, Sunnybuns, that’s hilarious!” Sunset had to make a concerted effort not to smile. “So, why are we here?” she asked. “An impartial adjudicator is required,” Felix said simply. Sunset’s brow knit. “Huh?” “All will be explained when we arrive,” Felix said. “Come, I will take you to the Moving Boxes.” He led them to one of the tall, square pillars that ringed the Omphalos. They were carved from a material that reminded Sunset of sandstone, but more yellow in hue. The outward face bore two marble panels etched with gold, as well as a pair of metal sigils on either side. Felix pressed one of those sigils, and it began to glow. Sunset stepped back nervously as the box began to hum. Trixie stared at it, quite entranced. There was a sound like a bell, and the two marble panels slid apart slowly. On the inside was a perfectly normal elevator. Admittedly, there was a rather dishevelled cat lying in the middle of the floor, limbs stretching out to all corners, but other than that, perfectly normal. Felix sighed. “Moggy Jones, if you’ve been told once, you’ve been told a hundred times. You can’t sit in the Moving Boxes all day.” Moggy let out an irritated growl. Felix’s voice became sharper. “We’ve got guests, Moggy. Behave.” “Claw yer legs off,” Moggy grumbled. Felix sighed. “If I give you a dollar, will you bugger off?” “No.” Sunset frowned, thinking hard. “Hey, Felix? Close your eyes a second.” “I regret I cannot do anything which might cause me to lose you.” “Then hold on to Trixie while your eyes are closed,” Sunset said. “Hey wai-- WAH!” Trixie said as her hooves left the ground. “Are his eyes closed, Trixie?” “You dare to pick up Trixie? Hey, claws out of the cape!” Sunset rolled her eyes and lit her horn. A little red point of light appeared right in front of Moggy’s face. Her eyes snapped open and she watched it move back and forth and back and forth. She slapped her paw over it, only to find that it was now resting on the back of her arm. She tried to put her other paw over it, only to watch it scoot right out the elevator door. She all but dove for it, scampering and tripping over herself to catch the Red Dot, screeching up a storm. “Quick, let’s get in before she realizes it was a trick,” Sunset said, trotting in through the marble doors. Felix, still carrying Trixie, wobbled across the threshold. As the doors started to close, Moggy spun around, apparently realizing she’d been tricked. She sprinted for the doors, but they shut tight before she could reach them. There was a thump from the outside of the door, followed by a brief silence, and then a long, keening yowl that slowly faded as the lift descended. All three remained in awkward silence for the space of about half a minute. Then Trixie made an effort to roll over in Felix’s paws. “Put Trixie down!” she ordered. “If you’ve scratched her cape, she swears…” Felix quickly bent down and placed the magician on the ground. She rose, desperate to salvage a modicum of dignity. Sunset smiled to herself. In a lot of ways, Trixie was like a cat herself; proud, obsessed with her own dignity, independent, and quite often ridiculous. The elevator dinged again as it came to a halt. The doors opposite the ones they had entered through slid open. Sunset turned around and found herself in what looked rather like a courtroom. *** It was gorgeous. The various furnishings looked to have been carved out of the earth itself, before being tastefully studded with cut gems and precious metals. The ceiling was vaulted and painstakingly detailed with painted carvings of various animals standing. Many held weapons; pikes, curved swords, shields, and more. Others held books, or other artifacts. One long-necked bird, near the center of it all, held a set of scales. And directly below, all those same animals were fighting like-- well. Animals. Sunset watched in horrified fascination as a frog beat on an ox’s head with the end of her staff, as a snake wrapped itself around a crocodile and squeezed, right up until the long-necked bird she’d seen took its set of scales and whacked it over the head. And into all that chaos, Trixie stepped out. “Hail, citizenry!” she called. Everything stopped abruptly, and Trixie found that all eyes were on her. A born performer, she refused to be deterred by the violence that had been going on just moments before, or by the number of furious glares directed at her. She met the borderline-homicidal eyes with a slick smile. “Fear not, squabbling natives! At your request, the Great and Powerful Trixie and Sunset Shimmer have arrived to solve this conundrum!” The axe that was thrown in her general direction froze in midair, held in a red aura. Sunset stepped out of the elevator, scowling at the assembled. “Alright,” she said, shaking the axe menacingly. “You know what? In the last couple hours, we’ve been arrested, locked up, walked all over town, and told that we’re meant to help you guys decide something without even being told the first thing about what’s going on here. And now you’re throwing axes at us?” She glared around the suddenly silent hall. “If one of you doesn’t start explaining things in the next five seconds, I swear. Heads. Will. Roll.” There was a stirring in the back of the room on either side. Two corridors formed out of the mass of animals. At the end of each, a figure stood. To the right, a huge black jackal. His eyes were hard and bright, and his abs looked hard enough to crack walnuts on. To the left, a pale purple cat with three tails. She was slender and striped, and her green eyes twinkled with some kind of hidden amusement. “Lord Ra,” she said, voice like silk. “You have returned to us at last.” She tilted her head. “Though I must admit, your visage has changed somewhat…” The jackal snorted. “Ra? This creature cannot be Ra!” “Why not?” the cat asked. “Because, Ba’ast, this is a horse. Ra is a falcon.” The jackal tapped his forehead. “Your divergent ways have addled your wits, cat.” A low rumbling of tension went through the room at that. Ba’ast merely scoffed. “A horse, Anubis? It cannot be so. Behold, her wings!” There was silence. The cat goddess made an impatient motion, and the next thing Sunset knew, she had been grabbed around the middle. She gave a squeak of alarm and spread her phoenix wings. The room lit up twice as bright. “Behold further,” Ba’ast shouted over the gasps. “She wears the sun atop her head! It is Ra indeed!” “Ra!” someone shouted. More and more of the creatures took up the cry. “Ra! Ra! Ra!” “Sis boom bah,” Trixie quipped under her breath, leaning in to Sunset’s side. “You have any idea what’s going on here?” “Let’s just say I’ve got an idea. And I really hope I’m wrong,” Sunset muttered back, not taking her eyes off the crowd. “Let’s say you aren’t.” “Well,” Sunset said, gazing out over the cheering crowd. “Unless it’s a really crazy coincidence, all these guys look just like the ancient gods worshipped in Camnek, Abyssinia, and all the rest of north Unglica. Of whom Ra happened to be the king…” “Enough!” Anubis roared. Silence fell, until only one creature, a squat antelope with red fur and black eyes, was still applauding. Anubis sighed and covered his eyes with his paws. “Father. Please show some decorum.” “Pah! I never showed decorum a day in my life, and I don’t intend to start on your say-so, boy.” “Sutekh,” Sunset said, hoping against hope that she was wrong. The antelope stilled. “Knock it off.” “My lord,” Sutekh said, turning around with a wide, cheese-eating grin on his face. “Or is it lady, now? Regardless, how good it is to see you again in this noble hall, even if it’s not under the… friendliest of circumstances.” Sunset nodded once. “It is ‘lady’ now, as it happens,” she said with as much calmness as she could muster. “I have traveled far and long to arrive here with my high priestess, Trixie the Great and Powerful. I would know why I have been summoned back here.” “Well, your ladyship,” Sutekh said, waving a hoof, “it’s like this. My boy Anubis over there is having something of a property dispute with the crazy cat lady over there.” “It’s rather more important than that,” Anubis growled. “It’s rather less important than that,” Ba’ast disagreed. “It’s rather tedious all round,” Sutekh said, rolling his dark eyes. “But all the gods have taken sides except you and me. And none of them trust me to reach a fair decision.” “You would take the land for yourself and leave all others out to dry,” said the bird with the scales. “Begone, Thoth,” Sutekh set, his eyes flashing red. “So it falls to me to render a decision,” Sunset concluded. “Alright, fine, this shouldn’t be too hard.” “Very well. Felix, bring the priestess.” “Wait, wha--!” Trixie said as she was picked up and shoved in a cage. “Hey! Let Trixie out of here!” “What are you doing?” Sunset demanded as the cage was walked to the back of the room and placed on a large set of scales. “Your decision will be weighed against her life, my lady” Sutekh said casually. “If your words are fair and just, all will be well. If they are not…” Flames shot up and licked the bottom of the cage. Trixie yelped, her composure quite shattered. Sunset’s eyes went wide, and she quickly weighed her options. If she were to object, they would doubtless expose her as a fraud, and she doubted that she or Trixie would be able to survive what followed. “Then let us proceed with the trial.” Trixie let out a squawk of indignation, and Sunset flashed her what she hoped was a suitably apologetic look. “Fear not, my acolyte,” she said, trying to repeat the words she’d heard Felix say earlier. “My words are just, my decisions fair, my statements law. Is that not so?” A great cheer went up from the crowd. It was as though they were at a hoofball stadium, rather than in a court of law. “Settle DOWN!” Sunset snapped, slamming a magically-formed gavel on the tallest rock slab in the room. The assembly fell quiet. Sunset took a deep breath, spread her wings, and flew to sit upon the tall pillar. “Let the prosecution step forward,” she said. Anubis waded through the crowd to reach the front of the room. Sutekh looked around and sighed. “And I suppose this makes me the bailiff,” he said, rather put out. He slid an oven mitt over his hoof and took out a slab from under the stone slab. “Do you, Anubis, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Ma’at?” he asked, barely flinching at all. Anubis placed his paw on the book. “I swear,” he said gravely. “Marvelous. Now get this thing away from me!” Sutekh said, dropping the tablet quickly. Smoke wafted off his oven mitt. “State your case,” Sunset said, watching the big jackal carefully. Anubis turned sharply and began to pace sedately in front of the judge’s stand. “As it please your solar majesty,” he began, “As Lord of the Dead, Master of the Tomb, and Guardian of the World Below, it is by right that all places beneath the earth are my holy places, inviolate and controlled by myself alone.” “I grant that,” Sunset said, thinking desperately about what she remembered of this mythology. They entombed their dead in pyramids, right? Where did the underground connection come from? Oh, right, the underworld, where Ra’s sun boat went every night. “And since these places are my sacred places, none should have to right to rule over them but myself.” “Go on,” Sunset ordered. “Therefore, given that this edifice is under the earth, I should be the one to reign over it.” “I see,” Sunset clasped her hooves together and hunched over the pillar. “Have you any more to say on the matter?” she challenged. “Not at present, your ladyship. The prosecution rests.” “The defense may approach the bench.” Sutekh smiled this time and pulled out a different tablet. “Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, else Apophis shall devour you?” “Certainly,” Ba’ast said, grinning as she laid a delicate paw on the clay tablet. “I, Ba’ast, the lapcat of Ra, chaser of monsters, the terror-bringer, so swear,” she said. Sunset coughed. “Um, yes. Your side of things, if you would?” Ba’ast looked up at her, and Sunset suddenly felt quite small. “Lady Ra,” Ba’ast said, “Surely you can see that giving control of the Omphalos over to Anubis would be a most grave error? For many centuries, this has been a structure of community, and was thereby ruled by the community. It is kept freehold, for the use and benefit of all who would come here. If it were that one of us alone were to preside over the Omphalos, it would inevitably be…” Sunset’s attention drifted to the back of the room, where Anubis sat, watching her. When he realized he had caught her eye, he grinned and pulled out a dagger. He threw it right through the bars of Trixie’s cage, brushing her mane. Trixie sat bolt upright and went very still. Sunset was horrified. How could these peoples treat the court with such little dignity? If that wasn’t a threat, she was a monkey’s uncle. She returned her attention to Ba’ast, who was apparently concluding her own opening remarks. “...in order that the Omphalos may remain free, public, and uncontrolled. Defence rests.” Bast sashayed to the back of the room. “Prosecution,” Sunset said, turning a gimlet glare on Anubis. “Rise.” Anubis stepped forth. “Do you wish to rebut any of Ba’ast’s arguments?” “Yes, Lady Ra.” “Then do so.” She’d picked up this little trick from her mother. If you’ve lost the plot, ask someone else to explain everything wrong with it. Generally, they’re only too eager to rip their opponent’s arguments to shreds. By watching where the knife cuts deepest, you can gain a pretty good sense of the whole cloth they started with. Anubis took a deep breath and launched into a lengthy diatribe about how the public rarely thinks before it acts and the majority could easily be swayed by inflated promises of impossible success and achievement. Sunset frowned. The frown only deepened the longer Anubis talked. For someone that nattered on for so long, he wasn’t saying a great deal. Her attention strayed to Ba’ast. The cat met her gaze and grinned. She flicked her wrist, and her claws came out. She was standing right next to Trixie’s cage. The magician pressed herself against the bars on the far side, watching the cat with terror. “Enough!” Sunset shouted. The room fell silent. She gazed around with bright, fiery eyes. “Lies,” she said. “Lies, damn lies, and statistics.” She glared at Anubis when she spoke the last. “Ba’ast, come here.” Anubis turned to leave. “Sit,” Sunset ordered. “And stay.” The jackal did so unthinkingly, then scowled up at her. Sunset gazed at them both. “Each of you,” she declared, “has three words. Three words to tell me what will happen should I decide in your favor. Three words to convince me.” Anubis opened his mouth to protest. “Three words only,” Sunset warned, fixing him with a glare. The jackal’s mouth snapped shut. Ba’ast gazed down at the floor, her beautiful brow furrowed. After about fifteen minutes, it became clear that neither were any closer to working out their responses. Sunset sighed. “A ten-minute recess will be called so that the disputants may confer with their advisors.” Both Anubis and Ba’ast heaved twin sighs of relief and hurried their separate ways. Their respective cohorts gathered around them, and a soft buzz filled the room. The only one who hadn’t joined in was Sutekh, who simply stood at Sunset’s side. He was smiling. She scowled at him. “What’s so funny?” she demanded. Sutekh gestured to the crowd. “Oh, nothing much," he murmured. "I’m just astonished they all actually believe you’re Ra.” Sunset’s heart skipped a beat. “What are you--” “Please. I fought alongside Ra every night for centuries. I know Ra in all his forms. I know his smell. You, my dear, are no Ra.” He glanced up to meet her horror-struck face. “Oh, don’t worry, I don’t intend to give you away. I’m chaos itself, I’ll have you know. In fact, I may even choose to help you.” Sunset’s heart leapt. “For a price,” Sutekh continued. She considered. “Alright, fine. Help me keep Trixie from getting killed by whoever loses the case. What’s the price for that?” “Knowledge for knowledge,” Sutekh said, grinning. “Let me snatch failure from the jaws of success, and I’ll help you do the reverse.” Sunset glared. She hated the cryptic talk. “Y’know what? Fine. Don’t care. Go.” Sutekh smirked, and with one talon, he tapped her horn. Her eyes went white. For the space of a few seconds, centuries of Sutekh’s life ran through her head-- blood, tears, laughter, chaos, construction, fire, betrayal-- and as quickly as the deluge began, it stopped. You might have said you were a telepath, Sutekh thought, disapproving. You might’ve said you were going to put thoughts in my head! Hmph. Here’s your plan. Much good may it do you. … What? Well, aren’t you going to take the information you want? “Oh, no,” Sutekh said, taking his talon off her horn. “I’ll handle that later.” “You realize we’re gonna need to leave pretty fast, right?” Sunset said. “Oh, yes, yes,” Sutekh said, waving her off. “You go on. Don’t worry, after you take off in that box of yours, you need never see me again.” Sunset glared at him. “Oh, look, they’re coming back. Recess is over, Shimmer. Time for the test…” She grunted and sat up once more as the two quarreling gods approached her bench. She looked to Trixie. The magician’s eyes were wide. Sunset did her best to convey assurance with her eyes alone. It didn’t seem to do much. “Prosecution,” Sunset said, tearing her eyes away. “Your three words?” “Lives not risked.” Sunset frowned. That certainly added a new dimension to the problem; no mention of death had ever arisen. If only she knew what Ba’ast and her supporters were actually planning to do… “Defense, you rebuttal?” Ba’ast met her eyes. “Lives not squandered,” she said. Sunset sucked in her cheeks, drawing in a long breath. She let it out in a great huff. “I see. Please, take your seats.” Anubis glowered at Ba’ast. The cat returned his anger with only an enigmatic smile before she sashayed back to her empty chair. When both had sat and the room was silent, Sunset gazed around the assembled. All eyes were on her. Good. “This will be a difficult case to decide,” she began. “When civility has fallen to chaos and fire--” Sutekh let out a snort of indignation. Sunset glared. “Has fallen to chaos and fire to make the final decision,” she said, more loudly, “then something is clearly wrong with the process as it stands.” Trixie frowned in her cage. “What’s more,” Sunset continued, “I suspect that much of what has been said here is mere misdirection.” A slight hubbub arose at that, but Sunset lit her horn threateningly and silence fell once more. “I do not mean to suggest that either of our esteemed deities would be so foolish as to lie under oath,” she continued, smooth as fresh-blown glass. “Merely that they were keeping things under their hat that should, perhaps, have been taken out.” Trixie glanced down from her cage. The fire swirled oddly. She looked up at Sunset, whose mane of flame was moving in a breeze that no one else could feel. “I see you understand. But wait! Before you assign blame, I must first judge this case. Yes, Ra sees all, and judges accordingly.” Murmurs arose at that. “And once I have decreed the result, that must be the end of it! You will all swear to abide by my judgement, and then drop the matter for ever. Do you swear?” More murmurs, this time in the affirmative. Sunset’s eyes blazed white. “I said, DO YOU SWEAR?” They jumped without even having to be told how high. Sunset had transformed into pure fire, rings of gold circling her body like sharks, cutting like sawblades.“Is this how you treat your Queen of the Sun after all this time?” she thundered. “Is Ra to be no more respected than a menial guest speaker? I told you to swear it, and swear you all shall!” “We swear!” “We’ll do it!” “Dropped forever!” “Don’t even remember what we were talking about!” Sunset settled, the flames going from bonfire to campfire to candlefire to nothing, save for the fire still blazing on her head, tail, and wings. “Good. I rule in favor of Ba’ast. Bye, now!” There was a moment of stunned silence, the calm after the storm leaving everyone speechless. Trixie, though, was a little quicker on the uptake. She grabbed several rockets out of her hat and threw them into the fire pit below her. Sunset grinned and took hold of the fire itself. The fireworks shot around the room, and Sunset quickly telekinetically unlocked the cage door. Trixie jumped to freedom and scarpered for the exit. Of course, when several dozen confused, frightened, and quite angry gods are standing between you and the door, that’s more easily said than done. Anubis drew out a dagger and threw it in Trixie’s general direction. Years of instinct honed from playing for some extremely tough crowds kicked in, and Trixie dodged the blade, weaving through a forest of legs at speed. Anubis let out a howl of rage and charged after her. Unfortunately for him, the dagger that Trixie had dodged had wound up buried in the side of Sobek, the crocodile god. The reptile drew himself up to his full height-- about a meter tall and eight meters long-- and charged the jackal, tripping him up. An axe slammed down in front of Trixie, and she found a fish-woman bearing down on her. Trixie winked and blew her a kiss, then vanished in a puff of smoke. “Come on!” she yelled to Sunset. “Trixie feels we may have overstayed our welcome!” Sunset leapt from her pulpit and raced for the elevator, pausing only to send a firework right up Anubis’s backside. His howls echoed as Trixie jammed the ‘close door’ button frantically. It wasn’t closing anywhere near fast enough, and a crowd of gods were closing in. “Got any more fireworks?” Trixie gave her a flat look. “Obviously,” she said, reaching out and pulling a rocket from behind Sunset’s ear. It lit on her mane, and Trixie threw it into the crowd of onrushing gods as the doors slid shut. The elevator slid up toward the surface, to the tune of soft mandolin music played through the speakers and the fading shouts from below. Sunset was radiating heat like a campfire, and Trixie sidled over to press against the wall. “Thank you,” she said. Sunset blinked out of her reverie. “Oh, uh, it was nothing,” she replied. “Couldn’t just let you die.” “Well, it was certainly something for Trixie!” Trixie said. “Trixie owes you a life debt, Shimmer, and she will--” “Nope, not going there. Let’s just say were even for almost killing you with the mirror portal.” Trixie heaved a sigh. “Fiiine. You have no sense of the dramatic, Shimmer.” Sunset smirked. “Really? Is that what we’re taking away from today? I thought I did the ‘king of the gods’ schtick pretty well.” Trixie rolled her eyes. “Hammy,” she said. Sunset might have retorted, but just then, the doors opened to reveal a frothing cat-lady. Moggy Jones picked up Trixie by the collar and yanked her out of the lift, and Sunset immediately thereafter. She stepped in and turned to glare at them both. “My box!” she spat, pressing a button. The doors trundled shut once more. Both mares stared at the closed doors for a long moment. “...So!” Sunset said, turning. “Where do you think the TARDIS is?” “Trixie doesn’t actually remember seeing the cats take it…” “Back to the scene of the crime? Alright, seems as good a plan as any.” One of the other rocks dinged. Then another one. Then another one. Sunset froze. “Rut.” As the elevator on the left began to open, Trixie threw down another smoke bomb. The gods stepped out into a plain of purple haze and a distinct lack of mares. *** Down in the courtroom, Anubis grumbled to himself as his wounds were tended to by Sekhmet. “I hope you’re happy,” he spat at Ba’ast. She tutted. “I thought we all swore to let the matter drop now that it’s been decided.” Anubis grumbled, then winced as Sekhmet’s healing milk stung at his burns. “Watch it, you stupid cow!” Sekhmet glared back at him through big, bovine eyes. “If the cow is giving you trouble, the lion can always come out to play,” she warned, golden fur spreading over her brown muzzle. Anubis bowed his head. “Apologies.” He turned to Ba’ast and sighed. “Very well. I suppose the worst this ludicrous plan can do is fail.” “And at best, we will have a new future for our worshippers, and for ourselves,” Ba’ast said. Anubis snorted. “I’m sure. How do you expect to get off this planet? We have the theory perhaps, but no technology could ever get us off the ground.” Sutekh chuckled, and both of the gods turned to face him. “Have you something to add, old man?” Anubis growled. “Oh, no. I just would have thought you’d have noticed.” “Noticed what?” From behind his back, Sutekh produced an unexploded firework. “Not, perhaps, the best source of fuel,” he admitted. “But it certainly is a start. And we immortals have nothing but time, you know…” Ba’ast’s face spread into a slow, wicked grin. “I’ll take it to P’tah right away,” she said, snatching the rocket out of Sutekh’s hands. “We’ll see what he has to say. Just you wait, Anubis! Just you wait.”