What If...? Screwball Had A Harley Quinn Complex

by No1MporXant

What will it take to make you Laugh?

As Discord keeps spreading Chaos, making random things pop out of nowhere, turning things into different things, defying every known laws of physics in the book including making things defy gravity, performing childish pranks, even being in multiple places at one time, Dr. Ballentine follows him everywhere he goes, not letting any of this get to her even the tiniest bit, some time later Discord looks at Dr. Ballentine noticing how well she's taking all of this in, he then says "You know I'm Surprised at how none of this seems to be fazing you out in the least bit, you're either very brave or you've just lost your marbles(hitting himself on one side of his head with his own hand & making a bunch of marbles pour out from his ear).

Dr. Ballentine dryly replies in "In my profession it's important for the doctor to remain calm at all times so that the patients can also remain calm & avoid becoming frantic, besides I've studied and seen many mental ailments & conditions that would leave any untrained pony awake every night for the rest of their lives, trust me, this is only slightly disturbing to me at best".

Discord just laughs and says "You know, I like you Doc, you've got Moxy, and I'm especially fascinated by your Name, (he then makes a bunch of holographic letters appear right between them, spelling out her name while saying)Scarabew Ballentine, (he then makes a bunch of the letters disappear to spell out a single smaller word from her name while saying)subtract the right letters from That and you get-".

(He's then interrupted by Dr. Ballentine as she flatly replies)"Screwball? The classic baseball pitch that serves as the antithesis of a Curveball, which is also used to describe an absurd situation as well as a Crazy or Eccentric being? I didn't find that to be mirthful the first one million times I've heard it".

Discord replies "Geez you are so Uptight! You've got to learn to Loosen Up a Little(while he wiggles his body around like a bunch of wet noodles)and have a good laugh".

Dr. Ballentine dryly replies "You're not the first being who's told me that, I rarely ever find the time or any real reason to laugh".

Discord then feels a tad worried yet still puts on a determined face and says "Oh Really? Well I guarantee that I can make you laugh, I'll find something, just you watch!"

Discord then begins doing all sorts of crazy/silly/goofy things to try and make Dr. Ballentine laugh, use your imagination to think up whatever you want him to be doing to try and make someone else laugh, the possibilities with Discord are virtually endless.

But in the end Dr. Ballentine doesn't even make the smallest smirk, Discord gets frustrated & tries to think of something else, just then he accidentally slips on a banana peel, slides up high going backwards, then lands face first into a pie lying on the ground, he then gets up with his head & neck shoved so far down his torso, that the pie tin is right at his shoulders, he then removes the pie tin only to realize what became of his head, he then forces his head & neck to pop back out from his torso, and he has spinning stars in his eyes with chirping birds flying around his head, he then shakes his head to get rid of the stars in his eyes, but he notices that the birds are still flying around him, he then makes a frustrated look, he begins waving his arms around to shoo the birds away while saying "Alright you, break it up Break It Up", he then tries to get his act together while saying "Now then, where were we?".

But then he starts to hear some quiet laughter that grows louder by the second, he turns around to see Dr. Ballentine is finally laughing, and laughing really hard, as if she hadn't been laughing in a very long time.

Discord then smugly says "Ha, knew I could get you to laugh".

And as she continues laughing hysterically, she suddenly opens her eyes, she then begins switching from laughing in joy to crying in sorrow, until she's now bawling in sadness for some strange reason.

Discord gets worried & says "Ooh, spoke too soon", Discord then leans down to the crying Dr. Ballentine and asks her "Hey now, why are you crying?"

She then responds like a normal person who is sad would talk while saying "I'm sorry, it's just that, I haven't laughed like that in such a long time, that I've come to realize, that despite how successful I am, my life is just so Boring & Miserable(and she sob-talks to make it sound like Mis-er-a-bu-hu-hu-hul)" and she resumes bawling.

Discord then pulls a handkerchief out from his ear, and gives it to Dr. Ballentine while saying "Aw come on now, turn off the waterworks", then she blows her nose in the hanky once, then blows harder a second time, then blows even harder a third time, then she stops bawling & just tosses the hanky aside, Discord then says "It seems to me that your life is just far too Orderly for your own good".

Dr. Ballentine then looks at Discord with her cheeks drenched in tears and in a more Normal sounding tone asks him "What do you mean by 'Too Orderly?".

Discord replies "I mean your life is just so Predictable and Routine, that nothing really brings anything Fun or Surprising into your life, in other words you live a life with Zero Chaos in it", he then makes a rose appear out of nothing and holds it up to Dr. Ballentine while saying "But that's the beauty of Chaos, it can take the Ordinary, (he then magically changes the rose into what looks like solid chocolate and says)and make it something Extraordinary(and he pronounces it as Ecks-Trore-din-air-ee, putting a lot of emphasis on the ROAR part)".

She then takes the rose, smells it, makes a curious expression, then she bites into the rose, and as she chews she then makes an amazed expression and says "Wow! a Rose that's actually made of Chocolate-Coated Graham Cracker with a Marshmallow Center".

Then Discord leans in and says "And there's a lot S'more possibilities than just that".

Which causes Dr. Ballentine to let out a small chuckle.

Then Discord takes Dr. Ballentine by the hoof and says "Come on Doc, what you need is to have some real fun, Chaos Style", he then whisks her off into his Chaos remade Ponyville.