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// The Life and Times of Dr. Scarabew Ballentine 
// Story: What If...? Screwball Had A Harley Quinn Complex 
// by No1MporXant 
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Somewhere in Ponyville there was a small building serving as a doctor's office, inside was the office of the only doctor who used this building, the labels by the door read: Dr. Scarabew Ballentine(pronounced Sc-air-ah-b-U = like Scarab with a U at the end, Ball-N-tyne = like Valentine but with Ball instead of Val), below her name was a long list of her various credentials suggesting that she was a greatly skilled and experienced Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist among other similar Mental Health Professionals.

Just then the door to her office opened and one of her patients, a Commonly Used Background Pony came out of her office saying "I can't thank you enough Doc, you really helped me out, I feel so much better now, again thank you so much".

Then we look inside the office to find an Earth Pony Mare with the same body figure as the average Mare, apparently she's somewhere in her 30's, with a Light Beige colored coat, a long Dark Reddish mane & tail both styled up in a bun, Light Green normal looking eyes, a Cutie Mark depicting a Fountain Pen & a Clipboard with Paper that has an Ink Blot on it, and wearing a Light Gray cardigan sweater with large Navy colored buttons, with a pair of half-cut reading glasses held to her neck by a long thin chain, with a very stoic expression on her face, this Mare was Dr. Scarabew Ballentine.

Who was currently writing down some stuff on her clipboard, then she looks towards her patient and speaks in a low, monotone, sort of dull & emotionless sounding voice that could rival that of Maud Pie, kind of sounds like Tara Strong's Teen Titans' Raven but without the Raspy-ness and says "Yes, well if you ever need my help with anything else, just call me and we'll schedule another appointment".

The patient replies with "I certainly will, you truly are the best at what you do Doc", then closes the door as said patient leaves. 

With her final appointment of the day completed, Dr. Ballentine starts to close up shop, making sure that everything is in it's proper place & ready for her to come back tomorrow.

Looking around her office we see plenty of material needed for her line of work, she had a desk with a wheeled chair behind it, her desk neat, tidy, and well organized with everything exactly where she needed them to be, there was also a big comfortable chair for her to sit at to talk to her patients, and a long, large, comfortable therapy couch for said patients to sit or lay down on, a couple of filing cabinets to hold all of the records & files on all of her patients among other things, and all of the walls were decorated with plaques displaying her many licenses, doctorates, degrees, awards for her work, and a large bookshelf showing off many trophies along with many books, a few pictures & a potted plant, it was obvious how well accomplished she was in her line of work.

After Dr. Ballentine made one final routine check on her office, she grabbed her purse, then walked out of the office, then turned around to lock the door to her office, walking through her waiting room, then walked outside, turning around to lock-up the building until she would return in the morning, then she starts her routine walk back home.

As she walks home everyone in Ponyville kept saying "Hello" to her, clearly she was well recognized for how great she was at her job, but in a very stoic manner she didn't give much of a reply to anypony.

Despite the fact that she makes pretty decent money, she chooses to live a life where she only needs the essential necessities to survive, she lives in a small two-story apartment complex, she enters the lobby, walks past the desk clerk, she then walks upstairs to the second floor, then she comes to her room numbered 210, she unlocks the door and enters the room.

Revealing her living quarters to be small with a small living room that has a single love-seat type of couch, a short table where she usually eats at, and a stand where she keeps a radio, a small kitchen with small counter-tops, a single sink, a stove-top oven, a refrigerator with a freezer on top, and a few cabinets and drawers here & there, one of which is under the sink & has a small trash can in it, a single small bedroom with a vanity dresser, and a single twin size bed that has a small bookshelf beside it with a lamp & alarm clock on top, all three of these rooms have no walls separating them from each other, the only room with any walls separating it from the others is a single small bathroom with only a small sink with a mirror/medicine cabinet above it, a toilet, and a combo shower-bathtub with a plain single-colored curtain, there was also a small closet to keep a few articles of clothing she uses year-round(which she usually gets cleaned at the local laundromat since she doesn't have a washing machine), and there were only two windows, one in the living room, and one in the bedroom.

Once she entered her room, she sets down her purse on a small stand that she keeps near the door just for such a thing, she then takes off her cardigan & hangs it on a coat hook screwed into the wall,

She then walks into the kitchen, opens a cabinet, and inside is several stacks of cans of instant single-serving soups that you just add water to & cook, looking at the cans Dr. Ballentine says "Let's see, Carrot, Beet, Onion, Tomato, Pea, Cucumber,.....Oh What the Heck", in an attempt to spice things up, she takes two cans, one Carrot, one Onion, she then boils the soups in a pot on the stove, she then takes a big bowl full of the Carrot/Onion Soup into her Living Room, sets the bowl on the table, then she turns on her radio to listen to some soothing smooth jazz, then she sits on the couch, takes a spoon & eats the soup.

Later she takes a bath, laying in the tub with very few suds, and she's let down her long, wet mane which is just sagging in the water.

Later we see her in bed wearing a long sleeved night gown & her mane tucked inside a sleeping cap, while she's reading a newly released mental health book under her lamp's light, because she likes to keep current on any new discoveries in mental health studies, she then places a bookmark in the book, then puts the book away in her shelf, she then turns off the light, then she lays down, let's out a depressing "sigh" & goes to sleep.

To quote Big Macintosh "Eeyup", this was just a typical night in the life of Dr. Scarabew Ballentine.

Despite the rather dull & boring lifestyle Dr. Ballentine chooses to live, and her rather deadpan personality, she is still a highly respected & appreciated figure in Ponyville.

Her skills in the field of mental health are said to be so advanced, that she could tell what mental problems someone had just by being around them, all she had to do was merely observe a pony, looking at how they appear, how they talk, how they behave, how they act, and what they do on a daily basis, and through psychoanalyzing said pony, she could determine signs of various mental disorders & conditions, and could estimate exactly what was wrong with said pony, and she was usually correct about what problems the pony had & helped them learn to deal with their problems.

One time when she first encountered Fluttershy, simply by looking at how Fluttershy acted, Dr. Ballentine had believed that Fluttershy was what she called an "Equinophobiac" - a Pony who suffers from a Fear of Other Ponies, and during a session with her, Dr. Ballentine suggested that since Fluttershy is more comfortable around animals than other ponies, and had the ability to communicate with animals, she should try living with large groups of animals, as a way to practice interacting with others so that she could eventually build up the courage to interact with her fellow ponies.

Another time one of her patients told Dr. Ballentine of a dream he had where he was a Coconut hanging from a Tree, then a large Crab climbs up the Tree, and snips him off the Tree, and he falls towards the ground, and Dr. Ballentine told him that he had deep-rooted Mother Issues and had to make peace with his own mom if he was to truly be happy, and surprisingly she was absolutely right.

Even Twilight Sparkle - prized student of Princess Celestia was very impressed with Dr. Ballentine, Twilight even believed that Scarabew Ballentine was even smarter than herself, and Dr. Ballentine's Academic Accomplishments would be enough to back up Twilight's beliefs.

It had often been said that Dr. Ballentine was the Best Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist in all of Equestria, even other therapists all over Equestria have come to her for therapy sessions.

She's even made house calls for the Princesses(or should that be Castle Calls?) & has helped Luna deal with her problems after having been changed back from being Nightmare Moon.

And yet perhaps Dr. Ballentine was too good for her own good, most of her sessions with her patients were resolved so fast that it rarely ever took her even half an hour, fortunately due to her abnormally high level of skill she was allowed to charge more than the average therapist, a session with her may have been more expensive than other therapists, but she did get the best results & fast, so in the end it was worth it for her patients, and Ponyville was full of Ponies who were crazy, even if they refused to admit it.

But like the old saying goes "It's Lonely at the Top", and being the best basically meant that there was no one else out there who could give you a run for your money, no one who was worthy enough to even put your skills to the test, and Scarabew Ballentine had this feeling everyday, having come to believe that she had nothing more to look forward to than her next boring day, where she helps solve the problems of others, but no one could ever help her solve her own problems, but all of that changed on the day that Discord broke free from his 1000 Year long imprisonment.