After living with my landlord(and friend) Topaz for many years in Canterlot, I have experienced what ponies would call a culture shock. The past ten years have been a trying time, and I'm sad to say I have been slow to adapt; even with my increased understanding of pony life, I still find myself easing into the understand of what makes a pony a pony.
Every new day has taught me something new or unsettling, and still to this day, despite my best efforts to make sense of it, I find myself lacking. Especially in the matters of love, that is Cady's expertise.
A weird admittance for a changeling who finds substance from positive emotions like love. One would think we were experts, but in truth I continue to discover new aspects of pony emotions.
An example would be there is more than one kind of love and each has their own taste and texture depending on several factors: the ponies involved, romantic or family, and learned or unconditional. Each factor melding to create a subtle variation to the emotion, comparable to the food Topaz and I eat. Each one tasting almost the same just with slightly different flavors.
So, when the union between my friend for the past decade, the newly pinned Captain Shining Armor and Princess Cadance became official, many ponies suddenly became life size water fountains but with positive emotions instead of water. The news that the new captain was binding himself to their princess in order to fulfill his guard duties 24/7 is something I strongly admired.
After the sudden frenzy the declaration had caused, I had expressed my own wish to expand my own guard hours to Topaz but unfortunately she developed a brash fervor that forced her to an early nights rest.
Concerned by its suddenness, I suggested that she visit a clinic or perhaps send word to her mother about the illness, surely the wise dame would know of a cure? In a twist, the sudden fever left leaving Topaz to rebound to her previous state of health just as quickly. Even faster if it were possible.
"Don't joke about that Idol!" Topaz declared as she hurriedly moved between the bedroom to the kitchen, looking for something.
“A banana peel is humorous, your failing health isn’t." I countered as I followed.
Topaz paused to look back at me before returning to the ransacking of the kitchen's drawers. Whatever she was searching for, she could not find and sighed angrily before forcing the drawer shut.
"Where are they, Idol?"
"Where are what?" I asked unsure, wondering if I might have forgotten something at the market yesterday.
"The parchment and quills. They were in one of these drawers and now they're not there." she demanded more than asked as she moved closer to me, causing me to flinch.
Reassembling my composure I answered truthfully.
"They're on the writing desk of course. Where else would I draft a letter?" This illness must really be hard on Topaz for the color once more left her face. Following right after came a dizzy spell and shortness of breath that required the pegasus to find a seat.
"I was worried about your health and rightly so based on your paleness and asked your mother for advice."
"Wha..why..ok there's still time before the mailmare arrives, and..."
"I sent the letter by DragonFire." A feat I felt quite proud to share given the expense to mail anything buy fire.
"DragonFire!" Topaz nearly fell out of the chair but caught herself "Where did you find DragonFire, let alone afford it?"
"I asked Twilight's young dragon assistant, Spike if I could buy a bottle." After many years of saving the bits forced on me by the state and what few vases I managed to make nowadays, I could easily afford a small bottle of the fire, even with its inflated prices during the holiday. Would I pay full price for a bottle of deadly fire if it meant emptying my account of these bits? Yes.
"You bought DragonFire from a baby dragon?"
"He offered the fire for free, but I morally couldn't accept it without giving something in return. In the end, I offered to buy young Spike several issues of those story books with the many drawings he likes."
"You traded him comic books for DragonFire?"
" Indeed. He's unable to purchase them himself because of his age, thus I offered my assistance in acquiring them."
"Idol, there's a reason they're age restricted. It means they're not suitable for certain age groups." I was about to inform her that young Spike had assured me he was of age but his size handicapped him when Topaz changed the subject."Never mind. That's his mother's problem."
"Caretaker."
"Whatever she is, that's her problem. What's my problem and extension your problem, Idol, is the letter you sent to my mother! I have a hard time keeping her from spoiling Nymph, without hearing her preach about a grandmother's duty." I wanted to clarify that part of that is my fault given how I introduced Nymph to her mother, Vivi. Maybe saying I was fathering the foal wasn't the best way to introduce the filly. "Perhaps spending less time at your mother's house would be for the best then."
Topaz deflated, hunching over how a pony weighted down by thought might look. How did I know? When patrolling the city streets, you tend to encounter many uncommon facets of pony life not seen. One such surprise was seeing where the Night Guard hid their delicious fruit, and to this day he still owed Mothchaser for the fruit.
"I...I'm going to lay down, Idol." Topaz sounded tired and I gave a firm nod in agreement. Maintaining one's strength is important, even more so when possibly fighting an ongoing illness that might be contagious. That raised a question that I might know the answer to, but felt imprudent without seeking other input.
"In the letter, I ask if your mother if Nymph could spend the night until you're feeling well. Given its sporadic nature, I should ask if Viridian would mind coming over instead? "
The sickly groan that escaped answered that question.
"I'll stop by on my way to the castle."
"Wow..really?"
"Correct, young Spike, Topaz has forbidden the purchase of 'manga' for another." I told Spike, as we walked through the excitable crowd of ponies in the marketplace. My gaze shifting from the drake to the mass surrounding us, searching for any possible threats. With most of the guard deployed within the castle my presence in city turned more than a few heads.
If Spike noticed, he acted oblivious to the attention, which left me giving a few ponies careful nods or slight waves to show the guard have not forgotten them. The wedding had occupied many ponies' thoughts and time the past few weeks especially the guard after receiving the letter.
While a common sight in the past, I am a curiosity to these ponies who, to their credit, have functioned well without our presence. Truly, their devotion to their princesses goes above and behind what is expected.
"It was nice of you anyway, Idol, but you don't have to. I'll still give you a bottle if you ask." the drake offered as I mentioned him to make a left on the next street, just past the stalls selling 'official' wedding souvenirs. I'll have to look into their business practices another time, once the city reverts to normal operations.
"A kind gesture, young Spike, but Topaz has forbidden these books for another. She has not forbidden me from purchasing these books for myself, and if I decide to lend them out, well, that is my choice." I waited to give Spike a chance to process what I meant. It took him all of two seconds before becoming wide-eyed with excitement.
"You mean you'll still buy them for me!?"
"No." I corrected him "They'll be for me but you may borrow them for as long as you like."
"Alright, Idol! There's a new one based off these white-eyed stallions that wield giant blades and fight monsters..." Spike began informing me as we neared our destination and surprise for the day, Ink Page Comic's and Books, which only served to further excite young Spike further.
"I don't remember this being here! What happened to the stall by the ice cream parlor?"
"Ink Page bought him out and moved it here." I started, trying to recall what I had been told about this 'deceitful' place." He added books and began marketing them as foreign imports, and has been doing well ever since."
"Books! I'm around them all day." He deflated slightly at the mention of being around more of Twilight's obsession. Luckily, this wasn't entirely the way it sounded.
"He has a small selection of foreign books, but specializes mainly in comics. Now hurry inside; Twilight and her friends wont be helping Cadance for long and my shift starts very soon."
Some of my bits found themselves a new home within Ink Page's shop before we left.
"Your dedication Crown and Country, Corporal Hooves, is undoubted, yet your constant insisting we retire is wearing the very threads of this one's patience." Luna grumbled as the pair lazily turned down the hall that would lead them back to her chambers.
"A risk we must pursue if it means better health for her majesty." I started off, testing my right to proceed, which by Order I was. "A lack of rest is a guard's worst enemy; one that hampers his ability to fight, and make logical decisions when they would matter most."
"A sound argument, but we are Alicorn. A union of all three races meant to lead and guide, a mission we can not fulfill from the realm of slumber."
"Very true Princess Luna, but that's why the guard exist." I started, hoping the princess and my current charge finally saw reason." Princess Celestia, Princess Candace, The Element Bearers, and Captain Shining Armor will also be alerted and ready if any threat should arise. Now would be the best time to rest."
Princess Luna thankfully took my words into deep consideration as we stopped just a few strides from her chambers, humming softly before glancing my way to meet me in the eyes before giving a single nod and I released the breath I was holding. I respect and dare I say admire my princess almost as Order itself and to know I wouldn't have to continue a needless exchange any longer relaxed me greatly.
"Your words ring true Corporal Hooves. If we can not rest now than when?"
"After the wedding most likely." I answered. Which provoked a hearty laugh from the princess that left me feeling less hungry than before. Since when did a laugh provide a changeling any substance? A question worth answering in the foreseeable future, maybe once Topaz finishes her current teaching season? I must have pondered this too much because Princess Luna had ceased her laughter at my ridiculous answer to address me.
"You jest! True nonetheless but you jest!" She caught her breath before continuing " Yet, your advice is sound and well meaning. We will retire for the day as requested."
"I didn't mean for it sound..." I started but quickly found myself listening once again.
"Here, here, fair Idol, it was a jest of our own so fear not. We are tired and your points were enough to convince us,. Good day."
"On my oath and honor as guard nothing will disturb your rest my Majesty."
"A promise we expect carried out sir knight."
" I'm just a Corporal yo-"
"Good day, Idol. We will see you at sunset." the princess stated before disappearing behind the closing door. Leaving me to accept the title of 'knight' until further notice.
With nothing other than my duty to occupy my time, I admit temptation wrapped its tail around mine, and I began inserting myself in false scenarios where ponies called my Knightly Hooves.
By now the wedding was in full swing judging by the excited screams of fillies and colts and the nearly obnoxious thumping of music; even standing still became a chore as I tried to maintain the strict protocol inscribed by Guard Doctrine. I'll never question Topaz about disruptive students again. In fact, I may even accompany her in my off-hours, time permitted.
And only if the Institute would allow me on the premises ever again.
This entire ordeal by pony standards must have lasted an eternity and the longer the wedding continued the louder the noise became. Shouts, reckless screaming and shattering of many windows left me thinking how expensive it all sounded.
By Order, were all pony weddings this expensive and damaging I wondered?
Beside the sense of binding and community built around such an event was there any true benefit from the energy and resources spent on such a worthless gesture? I and the rest of the hive came from our Queen, and therefore have the understanding where I(had) belonged to, but ponies do not.
Maybe this was their own way of capturing that sense of belonging by binding two souls into a singled, shared life? A mystery I'll likely never know; only that it's a part of their traditions I will have to live with.
It was about this time that I noticed a lack of 'thrilling' screams or other 'rockin' noises and concluded the ceremony was over. Lasting a little longer than most weddings (from what I've been told), but given the ponies involved it made sense. But what didn't make sense was the solid pink barrier that tasted like love coming right at me.
I brought up a magical shield as I shifted my weight to better withstand the force heading my way. Regrettably, I failed to stop this attack in its tracks, and subsequently found myself being dragged along with it. Before I could react, I found my body (rather forcefully) making contact with the only surface hard enough to shatter my disguise and leave me exposed to the world, Princess Luna's Chamber Doors.
I was still dazed from being sandwiched between the pink screen of over-eating and what could only be classified as petrified wood but conscious enough to don my persona just as the distinctive clopping of hooves filled my ears.
To further reduce my disgrace, I managed to pick myself off the floor and assumed my guard stance once more before the old doors burst open to reveal a disheveled, red-eyed Princess Luna snorting in between breathes of air. I turned to avoid looking upon her in such a common state, but what I had done out of respect must of been taken out of context for her words struck me hard.
"Idol! We assumed you would perform your promise to the letter!" Princess Luna scolded me, forcing my ears to fold back. I had failed.
"I await what ever punishment you find fitting, Your Majesty." I declared ready to accept a fitting punishment for my dishonor. To show my sincerity, I turned to bow (and grovel) while waiting for the swift hooves of judgement when my new princess called to me.
"At ease, Corporal Hooves. We appreciate seeing such devotion still exist in this age but fear not guardstallion. Your wondering eyes are safe." Luna waved off the overreaction.
"I'm unworthy of such mercy and compassion. Thank you, Your Highness."
"A fault is mine, really, but enough of that. Tell me, was that large thump on our door from you?
"Indeed. The wave of love, I'm ashamed to say caught me by surprise."
"So the wedding is over and our niece is already consummating her claim in front of potential rivals. I'm continually proud to call such a mare family."
"A bit flashy, but such a display would effectively signal one's unavailability and, help avoid future challenges to the claim."
"Well put, Corpral Hooves. Few today really understand the importance flaunting a good victory can be. But enough talk of my neice's public flashing. That thumping on my door and my own brash anger as left me deftly awake. Perhaps now would be the perfect time to teach me that combat simulation Shinning and yourself play?"
"Catacombs and Spiders, Your Highness?"
" We believe so, you can show us how using numbers can not only summon skills, but alter the very strains of a pony's fate." Luna softly ordered, as she invited me in.
Her Majesty's invitation left me unsure. An order from a princess must be carried out, but being the only guard defneding her door meant I could not leave. I shifted nervously between my charge's door and down the deserted hall, unsure which order to follow.
As if sensing my internal struggle, Luna's horn shimmered to life as her magic reached out to grab one of her only pieces of modern clothing before hoofing it to me. "Princess, I couldn't use this even if it is loaned."
Luna almost smiled hearing the concern before dismissing it entirely.
"Tis nothing, gallant knight; and yes you deserve to be called such so cease your complaints. "Is it not your first duty to guard our Royal personage or the Royal door? Verily, thou canst protect us inside my chambers just as easily as outside."
I couldn't respond right away as I combed through my entire collective knowledge on pony society and guard responsibility before giving a hesitant nod. Satisfied, Luna returned the nod and continued into her room to set up the game... combat simulation and all the little toys associated with it.
Already failing to keep my promised I moved to the door and carefully looped the silk sock around the handle. Hopefully, I can redeem myself by instructing Princess Luna on the finer art of creating a fictional persona to live in a foreign land.
If I and the many other exiles can do it than anypony could.