//------------------------------// // Fetch // Story: How to Disappear Completely // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// "Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" Spot nearly reared back into a somersault. At the end of his exclamation, he leaned forward once again, staring across the interior of the skiff's gondola. "You mean you're jussssssssst some regular pony?" "That's right," Flash Sentry said with a nod. He sat across the cabin from three Hawkeye Pack members. "Well... technically I'm a sapient bipedal creature in a pony's bod—" Whap! Soarin smacked him with a wing. "I'm a pony!" Flash grinned wide. "As pony pony pony as it ever gets!" "It's jusssssst that..." Spot turned to look at Rover and Fido. Clouds breezed past the windows as the vessel continued its swift flight north. "...with all of the sssssssmart smartnessssssss you've been showing..." "We figured you were a pony elder!" Rover added. "Yeah!" Fido nodded. The big mutt had to scrunch his body low to fit beneath the roof of the flight compartment. "Twelve or thirteen yearsssss old at least!" Flash squinted. "You don't think I look like a young pony?" "Dog years..." Soarin murmured aside. "They think in dog years." "Whatever." Flash shook his head. "Nah. I'm just visiting, really." Soarin spoke over him. "He's a helpful equine soul. An Equestrian spirit to the core!" "Hah!" the pilot hollered back from where he sat at the controls to the skiff. "Now there's a good pitch!" "Who asked you?!" Soarin shouted back. "Anyways..." Soarin turned to smile back at the Hawkeye representatives. "It was his idea that we come back and fetch you guys." He winced slightly. "Sorry for using the word 'fetch.' I didn't mean to trigger... anydog." "You mean it wassssssssn't the golden haired pony who sent for us?" Rover asked. "Oh, Blueblood agreed when I brought it up to him," Flash Sentry said. "He lent us this ship and all. But..." He shrugged. "You're looking at the genius in charge. Guilty as charged." "Woof! You're a criminal?" Spot asked. "No, he meant—" Soarin ultimately face-hoofed. "Celestia spare me..." "You'll find that ponies are full of surprises," Flash Sentry said. "The whole world is—really. All you gotta do is stick your head out of the ground once in a while." "Hrmmm..." Rover leaned his head down to scratch his ear with his lower leg. "Pony philosssssssophy. How curious." His eyes narrowed. "Tell me. Do the crysssssstal ponies have any libraries?" "Why... yes!" Soarin blinked wide. "Do you want to exchange ancient texts?" His wingtips fluttered as he smiled. "I'm sure both of our cultures would have priceless lessons to learn from one another—!" "Naaaaah." Rover grinned with bright yellow teeth. "Books are tasty!" "Yesssssss!" "What he said!" "Woof!" "Yip!" Soarin almost face-hoofed again. "I... do hope this is a good idea." Flash rolled his eyes at the stallion, then smiled at the canines. "Surely there's something you find tastier than books." "Nope!" Fido shook his tiny head. "Only books!" "And bones!" Spot said, pointing with a paw. "Oh right! Booksssss and bonessss! Heheheheh..." "Really?" Flash raised an eyebrow. "Is that really stuff you enjoy eating? Or just chewing?" Spot and Fido blinked. "... ... ...there's a difference?" "Idiotssssss!" Rover slapped them both upside the head. "Do I have to do all the talking?" He cleared his throat and stared squarely at Flash. "Actually, there are many thingssssss that diamond dogsssssss love to eat. But poniessssssss do not have any of it to share." "I'm sure the caterers could come up with something that's... canine-friendly," Flash said. "Really?" Soarin breathed. Flash shrugged. "It's worth a try." "Well..." Fido tapped his chin. "There issssssss that one pony thing." "What pony thing?" Flash asked. "Sssssssssssh!" Fido frowned at the larger dog. "No reason to bring that up!" "Why?!" Fido shrugged with his massive arms. "The daysssssss of raiding pony caravanssssss is behind us! We know now they don't mean usssss any harm!" "What... are you talking about?" Flash asked. "Ahem..." Rover gestured with his paw. "We once... hrmmmmm... chanced upon a crate full of pony goodssssssss." He then gestured. "Inside wasssssss a bag full of... delicioussssssssssssssss brown treats." "Sooooooooo delisssssssssh!" Spot drooled. "Delissssssh delisssssssssssssssssh!" Fido drooled even more. "They were the besssssssssssst stuff the Hawkeye clan ever tassssssssted!" Rover exclaimed. His eyes glinted slightly. "At firsssssssst, we thought it was the sssssssssssecret to pony success!" "What did it taste like?" Soarin asked. "Ehhhhhh..." Rover's ears folded. "...we diamond dogs do not have the same tassssste buds as ponies." "Try me." "Well..." Rover tapped his chin with a claw as he looked out at the blurring clouds. "...it was a round treat. Mussssssssshroom-shaped. Breaded... OH!" He jolted in place. "With thesssssssse little blue fruitsssssss inside!" "Yessssssss!" Fido nodded. "Blue fruitsssssss!" "Like berriesssssss!" Spot added. "Only blue!" "Uhhhhhhhhhh..." Soarin's brow furrowed. "...a muffin? A blueberry muffin?" "Isssssss that what they are called? Muffinsssssss?" "Sounds an awful lot like what you're describing." "Woof!" It was Rover's time to drool. "I sssssssswear on the bark of trees! If you poniesssssssss had these deliciousssssssss 'muffinssssssss' to share, we would heap all the crystalline jewelssssssss in existence at you!" "I... don't know if anypony in the Crystal Empire is good at baking muffins," Soarin said. In the meantime—Flash Sentry was laughing... and laughing a lot. He shook his head and spread his wings to keep from teetering over. The three canines blinked curiously. "Uhhhhhhhhhh..." Soarin leaned in. "Bro... what's so funny?" "Just life... that's all..." Flash smiled tiredly. "Just when I think the race has run..." "You know a pony who's good at muffin baking?" "Boy do I." Flash looked towards the pilot and hollered: "Second bubble to the right and straight on 'til morning!"