//------------------------------//
// Saturday Afternoon 
// Story: Growing Pains 
// by Sixes_And_Sevens 
//------------------------------//

Aloe was quiet. Lotus had learned from experience that this was not a good thing. A quiet Aloe was usually a thinking Aloe, and though the blue mare usually wished that her sister would learn to be a little more considering, she had long since learned that her sister’s ponderings usually lead only to far greater complications. As she picked up her rose-hip sandwich, Lotus took a deep breath and let it out in a massive sigh before taking a bite of her lunch.
“You need to go on a date viz Flootershy,” Aloe said abruptly.
Rose-hips rained across the table as Lotus hacked and wheezed. Aloe smacked her sister roundly on the back once or twice. “Wh- why,” the blue mare gasped. “Why vould I do somethink as, as stoopid as zat?”
“To make Miz Rarity jealouz, of course,” the pink mare replied matter-of-factly. “She vill confront you and confess her love for Flootershy in public. Obviously.”
“Absolutely not,” Lotus said firmly. “Anyvay, she vould not go viz me.”
Aloe tutted. “You zink too little of yourself. I can get any stallion I wish. You look like me. Zerefore, you can get any mare you desire.”
“I vaz talking about ze violets you sent her. Signed ‘R’? She vould not date me for fear of hurting her mysterious admirer.”
“Hm. Zere, you haf me,” Aloe admitted, sinking back into sullen silence.
Lotus stared at her for another moment, then shook her head and took a sip of tea. “You should go on a date viz Miz Rarity.”
Cue spit take, cue tea-spattered table, cue gasping, gagging masseuse. “Aloe!”
“It will inspire in her feelings of great shock and envy!”
“She doesn’t know it vaz Rarity who sent ze violets!”
“Who else vould sign “R”?”
Lotus gestured expansively. “Miz Rainbow Dash? Miz Roseluck from ze flower shop? Zome ozzer pony from her childhood maybe who has a name beginning viz “R”?”
“Roseluck iz straight, Flootershy haz not mentioned any childhood friends save for Rainbow Dash, and Dash vould not send flowers,” Aloe argued. “Eny ozzer objections?”
“Yes!” Lotus said, throwing her sandwich to the table. “I do not wish to go! I do not vish to date Rarity or Flootershy! I vish to run zis spa vell ent in good order! I vish to go home and sleep! I vish zat I never had told you of zis at all!”
Aloe’s eyes went very soft and warm. “Oh, sister,” she said, sadly. “I vorry about you so…”
“Aloe, do not do zis! Do not do ze soft puppy eyes! I vill not give in!”
“All alone, alvays vorking, never taking time for herself…”
“I haf a massage every week, sister,” Lotus replied. “Look, I haf closed my eyes, zho zat I cannot see your soft puppy eyes. You may as vell give in.”
“I know zat you are zho lonely, Lotus,” Aloe wheedled, rubbing her sister’s back.
Lotus’ mouth drew into a line. She could hear the soft puppy eyes. “Ent if all goes to plen, zis vill not change after ze date,” she said firmly. “Ze good ship Flarity vill sail, and Lotus vill stand in ze harbor.”
“Good ship Rarishy,” Aloe corrected. “Vell, zis may be. It may also be zat ze ship is sunk in ze harbor, ent a certain unicorn leaps bodily into ze safety of your hooves. Eizzer vay, you vill be out of ze house, in a restaurant, entertaining a pretty mare for ze evening. Zis iz vhat you may call a vin-vin situation.”
Lotus opened her eyes to glare balefully. Aloe returned the gaze with a small, cool smile. “You haff made ze rezervations already.”
“Yes.”
“Dress picked out.”
“M-hm!”
“Possibly a corsage.”
“Yeh!”
The blue mare let out a long, drawn out sigh. “Vhere ent vhen,” she said, toneless.
Aloe beamed. “In town, at ze new Neighpolese ristorante,” she said. “I got you rezervations for Sunday at five.”
Lotus’ brow cinched. “Zat iz… over an hour before ze spa closes for ze day,” she said, confused.
The pink mare waved the remark off. “Vhat good is being ze boss if you cannot take a little time off for a date? Ve vill not crumble if you take two hours off. You vill leave at four, get dressed, and have a nice evening. Getting drunk is not required, but is recommended. Staying ze night at ze Boutique, likevise.”
“Aloe!”
“Oh, look at ze time, must get back to ze desk, enjoy your lunch, sister!”
Aloe all but galloped from the room. Lotus glowered after her for a long moment, but her expression softened when she brought to mind Rarity’s face. She was intelligent, cultured,  generous, nice, and quite gorgeous. Perhaps a date wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Perhaps it wouldn’t end in disaster. Perhaps she wouldn’t return to the spa only to see it being evacuated by fireponies. Perhaps she could go outside and find a pink elephant that danced ballet.
She bit into her lunch with vigor, but all the taste had gone out of it.


***


Rarity cast a quick eye over her newest client once more. When Discord had mentioned that a friend of theirs would be coming for a suit fitting, she hadn’t been expecting their custom so soon. Nor, she had to admit, was she expecting anything in the neighborhood of a peryton. She felt mildly awed by her guest’s presence. Her name was Eris. She was tall and slender, with gorgeous wings and elegant movements. The light shimmered off her red-violet-blue wings, an illusion of shimmering twilight. She was, put simply, quite attractive.
Rarity tended to prefer male company, but she was fully capable of being attracted to all genders, and the longer she gazed at the alluring figure, the more she wished that the blind date upon which the doe had been set was with the seamstress herself.
Unfortunately, this held true only so long as Eris kept her mouth shut. Really, Rarity had never imagined she would ever come across an accent quite so grating as her mother’s mayonnaise-thick Manesotta drawl — though her Aunt Shaker’s Neigh Jersey whine gave it a run for its money.
It wasn't as if Trottingham accents were as bad as all that. Rarity had encountered more than a few delightful voices in that region, such as that charming young piebald friend of Sweetie’s. It was just this particular voice, so rough and coarse, that wore on her nerves. The endless stream of nonsense she seemed to peddle didn’t help matters. Eris cleared her throat, and Rarity’s hackles rose instinctively. “So,” she quickly interrupted. “Do you know the name of this blind date of yours? If it’s somepony in town, I might be able to throw in a little free advice.”
“Bin wif a lot of the Fakes ‘round ‘ere?” Eris asked, chuckling.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Fakes ‘n’ Phonies. Y’know. Ponies.”
Rarity let out a huff. “Well, I wouldn’t say that! However, I have been on a few dates, and I do rather know the lowdown about much of the village.”
“Oh, right,” Eris said with a nod. “Well, it’s wif a bird.”
That caused Rarity pause. “Does that mean… pegasus?”
“Nah, a bird is a dame. A mare. Though, she is a sad viking.”
“What?”
“Sad viking? Cryin’ Norse? A flyin’ horse, a pegasus, like ee said.”
“I see. Well, darling? A name?”
“Oh, ar,” Eris said, glancing away nervously. “Er, it’s… Fluttershy, that were it.”
Rarity dropped her measuring tape. “Fluttershy?” she asked, incredulous. “Are you quite sure, darling?”
“There summ’t wrong wif ‘er?” Eris asked, a note of anger in her voice.
“Wrong with? Hardly. Fluttershy is a dear friend, among the sweetest of ponies, and the absolute pinnacle of kindness and beauty.” Rarity turned around and raised the tape measure again, wrapping it around the peryton’s barrel. “She’s also incredibly shy.
“I’m glad to see her getting out of her shell, don’t misunderstand me,” Rarity continued, jotting down notes on Eris’s measurements. “Wings up, please. It’s surprising, that’s all.”
“Huh.” Eris glanced over her withers. “That’s silver, then. Okay, what’s your pair of mice?”
Rarity ran over the sentence in her head. Tartarus if she could guess what ‘silver’ meant, but she suspected the doe was asking her advice. “She’s extremely sensitive, so avoid being too forward. However, you must be forward enough to begin a conversation, or you’ll be stuck there all evening sitting in stony silence. Loud noises must be avoided, and I wouldn’t mention delicate topics, either. If you have a pet, or some particular interest in nature, that would be an ideal topic of conversation. Fashion would also be most acceptable. Under no circumstances should you harm an animal. If you step on a beetle, she would be inconsolable.
“She may attempt to pay for the entire date. If you allow this, I will hunt you down like an animal. She has little enough spare funds as it is. If you insist on paying for half, she will likely find confrontation sufficiently disagreeable as to avoid argument, though I don’t expect you to push on paying for it all. She wouldn’t stand for it, or if she did, she would spend all the next day worrying about the strain she’d put on you. I do think that rather covers most of the bases. So, where are you taking her?”
Eris’s jaw flapped silently. Rarity couldn’t see the doe’s eyes behind her sunglasses, but from the movement of her eyebrows, it was clear that they had gone wide. “Oh, dear,” Rarity sighed. “Well, let me think up a few options for you. There’s the local bistro, of course, but that’s rather overdone.”
“Wouldn’t do to be unmemorable,” Eris agreed.
“I don’t believe the Stick and Carrot can provide the requisite ambience, and Sugarcube Corner is right out.” Rarity hummed as she stuck a few pins in the cloth. “Oh! But there is that new restaurant that opened on the far side of town, what was the name? Grazie, that was it. Neightalian food, you see, very romantic.”
“Oh, ar?” Eris nodded thoughtfully. “Oi’ll sling a butcher’s at it.”
“Sling a what now?” Rarity asked, startled.
Eris huffed. “A look. Oi’ll take a look, Miz U-Standard.”
Rarity frowned and made a few marks with a stick of chalk. “Well, that should be sufficient for now,” she allowed, removing several pins. “Your date, you said, was tomorrow? I should look into reservations at once, were I you. Meet me back here at two in the afternoon for your final fitting.”
“Ri’. Ta much.” Eris stood perfectly poised as the fabric flew off her and landed in a folded pile on the table. “‘Ere! Do she like flowers?” Only Oi thought Oi’d getter some violets.”
Rarity’s eyes narrowed imperceptibly. “You know, you’re the second to ask me about those particular flowers today. What exactly is so important about violets?”
“Ah, never you mind,” Eris said with a wave of her hoof.
Rarity shrugged. “Very well. I would suggest buttercups over violets, however. They keep better, and they have longer stems, so they’ll look nicer in a vase.”
“Ar,” Eris said, rubbing her chin. “Buttercups, eh? Aye, aye…” she left the shop, nodding to herself.
Rarity watched her go. A beautiful, graceful body, fitted with the most uncouth sort of mind. A dreadful shame; the doe was terribly attractive. Why did all the pretty ones have to be such unutterable boors? She turned back to the fabric. The customer had elected to take a bright, spring-green piece of silk. It was uncomfortable to look at, and Rarity had been surprised to even find it in her stock. Yet, she couldn’t find it in herself to talk the doe out of the fabric. It suited her, as simple as that. The boldness, the unexpected vulgarity in a beautiful piece, the contrast to her coat that should, by rights, have been an absolute eyesore but somehow worked…
“Well,” Rarity murmured. “What did I expect of a friend of Discord’s?” She levitated over a pair of shears and began to slice along the measurements she’d marked.


***

Spike loped down the road back to Ponyville proper, smelling and looking marginally less terrible than he had earlier. Fluttershy had, as promised, fixed him up a bowl of tomato soup, which she’d garnished with turquoise. Not a high-quality gem, but a tasty one, nonetheless.
Still, he was exhausted. He stumbled along on aching feet, tail swishing arrhythmically from side to side like a broken metronome just so he could keep his balance. He could see the outskirts of town straight ahead. He allowed his feet to carry him along, independent of his brain, which had long since gone into standby mode. Thus, it took a little while for the fact that his name was being shouted to seep into the foamy malaise of his work-addled brain.
He stopped. Turned slowly, painfully towards whoever was calling him. Squinted. “Starlight?”
The unicorn cantered closer. “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” She paused. “Geez, you look dead on your feet.”
Spike let out a flat chuckle. “Yeah, about that.”
There was a long silence. “Want me to walk with you?”
Spike frowned. He had expected her to offer a ride. Still, somepony to lean upon was an improvement over what he had. “Sure,” he said, falling back into the gently flailing non-rhythm of walking. “Why were you looking for me?”
She hesitated for a moment, as though thinking. “It’s lunchtime,” she said, far too decidedly for Spike to believe she was telling the truth. However, he was too tired to care.
“Thanks, but I ate at Fluttershy’s already.”
“Oh.” She was silent. “Get enough to eat?”
“Yeah.”
“You sure? You’re a growing drake.”
Spike rolled his tired eyes good-naturedly. “Yeah, sure. Nearly a whole millimeter this month alone.”
“Really?”
Tired or not, Spike could hardly fail to notice the excitement in her voice. “Uh, no. That was sarcasm. Why, does it matter?”
There was a lengthy moment. “I just… couldn’t help noticing that you aren’t growing,” Starlight replied. “Why is that? Do dragons mature at a slower rate than ponies?”
“Dragons…” Spike racked his brains. How had Ember put it to him? “Dragons grow at our own pace,” he said at length. “Might stay the same size for years, then grow two meters in a month.”
“Really?” Starlight sounded interested. “What determines the speed?”
The dragon does. It’s a matter of how they perceive themselves. A very self-important dragon might only be able to sleep on top of a mountain. Dragonlords had been known to grow larger than mountains themselves. It’s a complex, unconscious calculation, converting worthiness into muscle and hubris into height. Ember had grown like a weed since taking the Bloodstone Scepter, and now had to duck when walking through any doors outside the Dragonlands. She had written to inform Spike that Garble had shrunk almost to the size of a pony. All of this and more ran through Spike’s weary head.
“Hormones, I guess?”
“Huh.” A pause. Spike steeled himself for the follow-up. “So, are you just a late bloomer, or…”
“Something like that,” Spike agreed. He frowned, registering the road they were on. “This isn’t the way to Carousel Boutique.”
“No? We’re going home, remember? You’re dead on your feet. You need sleep.
Spike shook his head. “I promised Rarity I’d dig gems with her today,” he insisted.
“You can’t do that if you’re too tired to raise your hands.”
Spike threw up his claws, half in protest, half in exasperation. “I promised her!” he repeated. “I can’t just break a promise like that!”
“Spike, not even Pinkie Pie would hold you to that promise in this condition!” Starlight snapped. “Why is this so important to you? Why do you work yourself to the bone like this?”
They stood in silence for a long moment. “They’re my friends,” Spike said simply.
“They’re my friends, too, but you don’t see me running myself ragged like this,” Starlight retorted.
“I need to make them happy.”
“You’ll make them miserable if they think they’re working you like some kind of slave!”
“Because I want to!” Spike exploded. “Because it’s good! Because it makes me feel good! Because Twilight always tucked me in and read me a story when I was six! Because Fluttershy makes good soup! Because Rarity--” he broke off.
“Because Rarity…” Starlight prompted after a moment.
He took a deep breath. “Because she’s great,” he said. “She’s the one who stopped me when I turned into a giant greed monster and curb-stomped Ponyville, just by reminding me how good generosity feels. Generosity, it doesn’t come easily to either of us. We’ve always gotta fight the greed back. We’ve got the same struggles, and I guess I feel like that connects us. That’s why she’s so important to me. That’s why I’ve got to keep my promise to her.”
Starlight’s silence hung over them both like a pall. “Fine. I’ll walk you there. Then, if Rarity wants you to help her, I’ll allow it. If not, I’m taking you home and finding another book of sleep spells.”
“Fair.”
They turned at the next street and trotted along in silence. “You aren’t going to offer me a ride?” Spike asked after a long moment.
“If you’re going out to dig for gems, you can walk on your own,” Starlight said brusquely.
“Right.”
Neither of them said anything more until they reached the Boutique. Starlight rang the backdoor bell. “Just a moment!” Rarity sang.
A few seconds passed before they heard the doorknob click. “Goodness, but you’re early today, Fluttershy! I wasn’t expecting you for another half-hour…” She trailed off in the face of Starlight’s flat expression. “Hello, darling. What can I do for you today?”
“I’m here to give you Spike,” Starlight replied. “Apparently, he promised you help digging today.”
Rarity put a hoof to her mouth. “Good grief, was that today? I’m terribly sorry, darling, I didn’t think of it when I was making plans with Fluttershy.” She looked at Spike and blanched. “Darling, you look a mess! You shouldn’t even be thinking about more work in this state!”
“I tried to tell him,” Starlight said, scowling. “Right. We’re going back to the castle, and you are taking a nap.”
“Back to the castle? Oh, Starlight, there’s no need for that. He can borrow my bed for the afternoon.” She paused and gave the drake a once-over. “You have had a bath, haven’t you?”
He gave a short drop of the head. “Yeah. Thanks, Rarity.”
“Not at all, darling. Go on up, you know the way.”
Spike stumbled through the kitchen and into the stairwell. The two mares watched him go. “Poor dear,” Rarity murmured. “I shall have to tell Fluttershy that she’s working him too hard.”
“Yes. And why exactly are you having tea with Fluttershy instead of digging for gems, today?”
“I don’t go digging every day, darling. When I heard that misfortune had befallen the poor dear, I felt it my duty to comfort her.”
“Without thinking to tell Spike.”
“An unfortunate oversight, yes.” Rarity gave Starlight a sidelong squint. “Is there a point that you’re driving towards, darling?”
“I tried to get him to go back to the castle with me, but he wouldn’t hear of breaking his promise to you,” Starlight said. “He’s devoted to you, Rarity. You know that, right?”
Rarity’s gaze flicked briefly to the stairs. “Yes. Yes, Starlight, I do.”
“Just keep that in mind. Bye, Rarity.” Starlight tramped out the door, slamming it rather hard behind her. She winced at the noise, and Caramel, Rarity’s next-door neighbor, jumped. When he saw who it was, he relaxed slightly. “Afternoon, Miss Glimmer,” he called, not setting down the watering can he held over his bed of tomatoes. “Congratulations.”
Starlight blinked at him vaguely. “Uh, thanks,” she said. “You too.” She trotted away without waiting for a reply.


***


Some fifteen minutes later, Fluttershy waited at the very same door. It had been five minutes since she had first knocked, and there had been no reply. She tried again, a little louder. This time, it was almost audible, as though a feather had struck the door rather than a speck of dust. “Fluttershy? Is that you?”
The door swung open, revealing Rarity sitting at the table with a steaming pot of tea. She smiled and waved her guest in. “Now, darling, be careful to keep quiet,” she murmured. “Spike is asleep up in the cupola, and it wouldn’t do to wake the poor dear.”
“Oh.  Of course.”
“On second thoughts, perhaps your normal voice will do,” Rarity said. “How did it go, do you think?”
Fluttershy frowned. “Not very well,” she sighed. “Discord more than tripled his workload, and gave him all the jobs I usually do in a month. Spike was too exhausted to finish all of them, and though I’m sure he did a very good job, I simply couldn’t let him go on.”
“He probably would have,” Rarity sighed. “One lump or two, today? Yes, he’s certainly very noble. The poor boy simply doesn’t know when he ought to stop. He came here with Starlight because I asked for his help digging today, and I completely forgot, would you believe it? He could barely stand on his two poor little feet, so I sent him straight up to nap in my room.”
“Gosh,” Fluttershy said. “Um, two lumps today, I think. I hope he’ll be alright.”
Rarity nodded. “And what of Discord? What did you tell them?”
Fluttershy’s eyes hardened. “I informed them that they were to leave my house and not come back until they were sorry. Properly sorry, I mean.”
Rarity tsk-ed. “Dear, dear. Well, I suppose that tomorrow night will prove a relief from that little drama, at any rate.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your blind date, darling. With Eris. Discord’s friend? Peryton doe? I’m making her a suit? I must say, I never thought of you as such a mare.”
“You mean dating other mares? Er, does?”
“Frankly, I mean dating full-stop.” Rarity sipped her tea. “You never expressed any interest as far as I know…”
“Er. I’m, um. Not.” Fluttershy rubbed her head. “This is the first I’d heard about it.”
Rarity blinked. “I-- you-- oh--” she scowled. “I see.”
Fluttershy hesitated. “... Do you?”
Rarity nodded once, sharply. “It’s Discord’s doing. They came in this morning to offer their aid in exchange for a free fitting for a friend. That friend was Eris. Clearly, Discord must have set the two of you up, then forgotten to tell you.”
Fluttershy nibbled a biscuit thoughtfully. It did make a certain amount of sense. “So… what do I do?”
“Up to you, darling,” Rarity replied with a shrug.
Fluttershy considered this. “It might be nice,” she admitted. “And if you’re already making her a suit, I suppose I wouldn’t like to put you to all that trouble for nothing…”
“Excellent, excellent. Now, other than Discord’s misguided ‘assistance,’ did the plan work?”
“I think it’s too soon to tell, Rarity. Growth doesn’t happen that quickly.”
“Nonsense, you remember his birthday.”
Fluttershy raised a brow. “And you remember how that worked out? And what happened afterwards?”
Rarity frowned as she recalled those two Spike-less weeks. He had locked himself in the library, thrown himself into his labors, and avoided any contact with anypony save Twilight. “I take your point,” she agreed soberly, before lapsing into silence.
Fluttershy fidgeted with her cup. If Rarity wasn't talking, that rather put the burden of conversation on her, and she wasn't feeling quite up to the task. “So, er,” she began, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door.
Rarity jolted back to her senses. “Now who could that be?” she wondered, opening the door telekinetically.
Ditzy waved. “Letter for you, Rarity.”
“Oh? Thank you, darling,” Rarity said, taking the envelope from the mare. She examined it as the postmare took off again. “Why, it's from Lotus! I wonder what it could be?”
“Maybe it's another coupon?” Fluttershy suggested.
Rarity paused. “Another, darling?”
“Like the one she gave to me the other day, for a free massage. She said you’d had one a few months ago?”
Rarity shook her head. “I don't remember that. But if it is a coupon… well, I should be most grateful to her.” She ripped open the envelope and removed the letter. The sweet smell of honeysuckle filled the room as Rarity read the paper. Her brows rose. “I see!”
Fluttershy frowned. “See what, Rarity?”
“It seems that I have a date of my own to prepare for,” Rarity replied. “Tomorrow, much like you. Hm.” She set the paper down on the table and sat down heavily. “Lotus and I… hm…”
Fluttershy drained the rest of her tea. “Perhaps I should be going now. Let you get ready. I could give you my free massage coupon, if you want it.”
“No, thank you, darling,” Rarity replied absently. “You enjoy yourself. Thank you for your help today.”
“Oh, you're welcome. And I will enjoy myself. Lotus told me the massage had a ‘happy ending’. That sounds nice, doesn't it?”
Rarity smiled. “Yes, dear.”
Then she blinked. “Wait. What?”
Fluttershy, however, was already gone.