(3000+ words?! Somebody stop me! Generally, I'm feeling I'm OOCing all the time, but it's terribly hard to stay in character, without repeating dialogues from series... Oh well, I'm going to keep trying.)
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Pinkie spent the rest of her visit in the camp telling stories about her life in Ponyville to Chrysalis and few selected changelings. Their reactions were varied. Most of the gathered changelings were impressed by Ponyville described in those stories, by it's serenity and safeness. Surprisingly for them, Pinkie observed that ponies had many things in common with Changelings. It was obvious truth for gatherers or recons, but most lings back home didn't know it. For them it was just distant food source, and who cares how you get your food. Knowing that your food source is not so different from you... Well, it could be disturbing.
Of course there was something distinguishing changelings from other kinds of sapients, and it was their understanding of community. For example, each pony was a part of community in some way, but most of the ponies weren't seeing themselves as a part and a creator of it. Ponies saw it as Me and the rest of ponies, when lings saw it as Me and the rest of us, The Swarm. Lings knew and were reminded by constant connection with other lings via mind-link that any of them, all of them are really on this same side and that even if anyone of them is unique being, that in global scale they are the same. It that wasn't that they didn't matter. It was exactly opposite. Each changeling was important. Each one was contributing something to The Swarm, and The Swarm was giving it back to them. Changeling seeing any other ling knew that in spite of all differences they shared similar goals: To be happy. To had dreams fulfilled. To live their life fully. In short words: Ponies were looking for differences looking at other ponies, when Changelings were looking for similarities in other lings.
Of course, there were other shocking things, like starving or poor ponies. For Changelings it was natural that the rich ones were supporting those who weren't, doing it in simple belief that all of them were part of Swarm and because of that all of them were important. Changelings were to support each other, to care for each other. "You got to care, you got to share" was a general idea behind social system of The Swarm. It wasn't that in The Swarm private property didn't exist or it was forbidden but it was less important than the life of a fellow ling. Letting, or even worse, making another ling to die because of selfishness was one of the greatest crimes in Swarm. It was punished either by terminating their mind-link or by exile. Outright killing other ling from selfishness was punished either by capital punishment or by deprivation of all rights, even right to life. It meant that any other ling could kill such criminal without consequences.
Chrysalis said that some of changelings were behaving now like non-lings, like ponies or griffins. Caring only for themselves, treating others like enemies. She banished most of them to stop these 'disease' from spreading to other changelings. It was hard decision but it has to be done or at least Chrysalis believed that. It made her a tyrant in the eyes of many lings but she couldn't let The Swarm to tear itself apart in riots, crimes or maybe even civil war.
Pinkie never felt conflicted so much as hearing that. Some part of her was arguing that what Chrysalis did was simply evil but other side of her was argumenting that her sister was right in her intention.
So, all in all, Pinkie decided to not comment this.
Unfortunately, other changelings, the majority of them were regular soldiers, saw it as a disgrace that one of the Queens of their race was living as a normal pony, or even worse, was part of the Elements Of Harmony. They argued that it made the Pinkie's loyalty to the Swarm doubtful. How could they believe she isn't Celestia's minion? She was fighting in her glory against enemies of Equestria, they said. She fought against her own kin during Canterlot Invasion, some added, and it caused outrage. She even saved one of the princess of Equestria. And what seemd to the worst for some lings, she wasn't even so important.
Pinkie felt attacked, threatened. She saw in eyes of few lings hate, she could even feel it, flowing in the air.
Pinkie could only object that if she wasn't there Eternal Night would have prevailed starving the Changelings as the Ponies would starve and the land would have been destroyed by Discord's power. Chrysalis added if they aren't ready to be leaded by Queen who fought with gods they better be begone, or she herself will reduce them to ash. Pinkie wasn't really sure such harsh words were needed, but it worked and gave her a better understanding how badly The Swarm ideology was damaged by famine and war.
Pinkie wanted to apology for her actions during Invasion. Chrysalis had to feel her intention, because she put her hoof on Pinkie shoulder and sent her simple message; "It's not the time".
Soldiers turning against their Queen. In the time of Pinkie's mother it seemed to be impossible. Times were hard too but she always reminded them the strength of a changeling was coming from the strength of The Swarm. Pinkie was trying to remind herself how her mother put it; "There is saying: The whole is more than the sum of its parts. And I'm looking at you, my beloved subjects, and I know it is true. Each one of you is a something perfect, something to admire, but all of you, no matter how big, how small, how strong, how weak... You are creating something much greater, something much more marvelous... You are The Swarm. You are One. I see you all working as one body, together, arm in arm. Changelings! Your Queen is proud of you! I'm blessed by such subjects, and let me this time to bow to you, to each one of you, and to all of, The Swarm!" That was one of her general speeches. There were sometimes speeches for selected groups of changelings, like military, mothers, workers of different sectors... Most of time her mother was giving speeches to raise spirits, to give hope, to ensure integrity of The Swarm. She was trying to a shining beacon of hope and defiance to the impending doom.
It was lost fight, yet every day her Mother was going to the balcony, observing the royal hive, it's citizens, complentating beauty and magnificence of her nation.
She was like captain of dying ship. Doomed, but proud of her crew, of her ship.
Everything is on road to ruin, like it always was. Is there anything to save? Is there any chance to escape sealed fate? Pinkie's spirits were low after leaving camp. She knew she had to keep it together but it was so hard with all bad news. No light in the end of tunnel, and it was looking that she had to create this light first for others. She had to be a lightbringer like her mother was. It was her duty.
Pinkie couldn't see how she could achieve it.
How one pony... correct, changeling, could carry this burden? How could she do it after so many years? She simply forget how it was to be a daughter of Queen, a princess of Swarm. She had memories but she couldn't see herself fit the role everyone excepted.
She fell she had to cry on someone's shoulder but there was nobody to listen to her cries. Who could listen to broken changeling?
Sister knew how bleak situation is and she was already crushed by all of this. Pinkie had to give her hope and strength. Admitting to her about fears and sorrow would only crush her further, and bury hopes to lift her up.
Twilight? She would freak out and send letter to Princess about imposter... Funniest thing; is that really a deception if most of your life you was a disguise? She probably wouldn't even try to listen; as smart Twilight was, she had tendency to be dogmatic.
Pinkie would stand before Celestia as imposter who took a form of Pinkie Pie, and they would ask where is real Pinkie Pie. They wouldn't believe.
Rainbow Dash? It was easy to predict, she would attack first and ask questions later.
Applejack? She would use lasso on Pinkie and buck her up until she got answers which she wanted to hear. She was so stubborn sometimes. Real earth pony all in all.
Rarity? She would probably faint first, and call guards second.
Fluttershy?
Fluttershy... Pinkie thought about for a while. Fluttershy was a kind one. Ready to extend hoof to those in need. Still, there was no way to predict her reaction to real Pinkie. Pink pony didn't want to think about it but she recalled that many lings in the camp were in need of first aid or serious medical assistance. From all friends of Pinkie, Fluttershy was closest to medical pony. It was something to think about.
Now, younger Queen wanted to cry. At this moment there was nobody to listen to her cries, so she sat under the tree, and looked up at evening sky. She sighed. Hard times were coming to her and she wasn't sure if she would have her friends of her side.
It was probably the worst for Pinkie. Problems are easier to take when there is somebody on your side, someone to walk trail with you.
But now? How could she? It was only two weeks after Invasion on Canterlot. Nopony will trust her. It was too early for that, and on other hand, her subjects, so new and unfamiliar idea for her, don't have enough time. Chrysalis mentioned that they have three weeks at most before they will start to slip into coma.
Pinkie let sigh, and let her head fall. She had to go back to Ponyville, to made good lie to tell Mrs. Cake, to invent some solution for changelings... But now she was mentally exhausted. She just wanted to lie under tree and cry.
"Pinkie?" Shy voice was heard.
Pinkie lifted her head up and looked at concerned yellow pegasus. She wasn't quite ready, and she wasn't feeling up to "happy Pinkie Pie".
"Hey Fluttershy." She asked with voice out of her usual happiness.
"Is there something wrong?" Fluttershy asked hesitantly.
"No, nothing... Just..." Just my kind dying from famine! "...just bad day. Nothing to worry about."
"Are you sure? Um... I mean I can listen... if you want to..." Pegasus asked in small voice.
"Yeah, I'm sure." Pinkie made mistake looking straight in this full of compassion eyes. It almost broke her.
"Oh... Okay. But if you would want to, just please, do come..." Fluttershy voice was only sincere and full of care.
It broke any wall Pinkie made. She couldn't stop what was happening next.
"Shy, I lied to you. I didn't want to. But I'm too scared. Too many thing are going wrong..."
"Pinkie, you know I'm always ready to listen to problems of my friends..."
"I know, I know... But I don't want to overburden you..." Answered Pinkie with feeling of guilt. You idiot! You are concerning her!
"Oh, how bad It could be? ...If you don't mind telling me that, that's it." Confound that Fluttershy. In her soft words had to be some kind of hypnotism.
"My sister... My folks..." Pinkie wanted to buck herself. Hard.
"Yes...?" shy pegasus asked softly.
"They are starving... and lost..."
"Oh..."
"And... I need to help them..."
"You could ask for help..." Shy pegasus said helpfully.
"I can't... They are... I am..." Pinkie was too scared to tell truth, yet she wanted to yell it at this very moment, to have it over.
"Pinkie, you can tell me anything, if you only want to..." reassured Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy... You are good friend but..." Pinkie looked down to her hooves. After while she closed her eyes to not let tears fall.
Silence, Pinkie felt hug on her body. She let her body collect kindness radiating from Fluttershy. It was good, nutriorus feeling, but for Pinkie it had sour taste. She felt wrong feeding now, it only reminded her what she was.
"Shy, I'm afraid. I'm scared you will be scared of me... when I show you truth..."
"Oh, Pinkie, how could I? We are friends... It would be horrible of me." In her voice there was no resentment.
"Could you... could promise you won't run? You won't yell?" Cautious side of Pinkie's mind was yelling at her. What the hell are you thinking?!
"Um... Okay... Cross my heart..." Flutthershy broke hug and started to make required gestures.
"No, you don't have to use this liar promise! Just promise..." Pinkie snaped. She didn't want to see this promise. Not now. She was a liar and now it hurt her so much.
"O-okay" Fluttershy backed up a bit, shocked by Pinkie reaction. "I promise, I mean, if it's good enough for you."
"Yes..." Said Pinkie hestiantly. Now or never... "Shy... My sister is Chrysalis. This Chrysalis. I'm a changeling. Always was." Fluttershy looked shocked, but she didn't run or yell. It was getting easier after each words. "Stories about my pas are lies. There wasn't Granny Pie or rock farm... There was royal family, reduced to me, Chrysalis, and our mother. There was royal high-hive, Thorne-Lark, on verge of wasteland and war zone. I'm Changeling Queen like Chrysalis, but she took my throne from me and exiled to Equestria. Mother told us that we should rule together but my sister considered me dangerous to greater good of our people. Invasion on Canterlot wasn't my idea, I swear, nothing what happened this day..." Pinkie looked with pleading for belief in her eyes.
"I believe you, Pinkie... But... Why your sister did it?" yellow pegasus was in mix of emotions. On one hoof she was scared, because changelings were scary and Pinkie claimed she was one of them. On other hoof, it was Pinkie. Her friend, sad and hurt. It was right thing to help her. However, she was changeling, one of those creatures who attacked Canterlot. Worse, her sister was Queen Chrysalis, who hurt Shining Armor, Twilight brother, kidnapped Princess Cadance and bested Celestia in fight.
It was horryfing, her friend was sister to monster.
But It was Pinkie... or... or imposter. But it all didn't make sense. It had to be Pinkie. Her friend, a monster?
She could be just joking, but she sounded too serious. Even Pinkie was serious sometimes.
"She was desperate. Her subjects are starving, living under constant danger of war, trying to somehow live by. Changeling we saw... They looked so scary because they are famished. And why my sister... well, she doesn't know ponies as good as me. She saw us... I mean, Equestrians, as source of food. Now she sees ponies as enemies, because so many of her subjects were hurt or... worse...."
"I'm sorry..."
Suddenly Fluttershy felt bad about herself. She just labeled a whole kind of sentient beings as a monsters.
Fluttershy, who was friend to every living being, even predators.
Fluttershy, who was one of few ponies okay with meat-eaters.
Fluttershy, who knew what animals do when they are hungry or afraid.
She felt like hypocrite.
"And now she's losing control, her subjects are turning against her, and worse, she's falling into depression; she's looking for my help. Everyling I met, It was so hard... so many eyes devoid of any emotion, only awaiting for-for end. Or other's looking at me with exceptions, that I will solve this mess. And I know what I have to do but I'm afraid. I'm afraid you, my friends, will be scared of me. Or don't trust me. Or accuse me of being fake. But I has been Pinkie over half of my life..."
"Um... If you don't mind asking... How did you feed? I mean..."
"No, I'm not like my sister. I'm not hurting ponies. I feed on emotions, I'm not sucking it up from you or stealing emotions of other pony. I'm taking from ponies a tiny bit, small part. They don't even feel it and it feeds me. I'm not greedy. I wasn't trying to take from one pony so many emotions to feed more than myself. I never fed on only one pony. I'm feeding on Ponyville."
"O-okay... But it doesn't sounds fair to other ponies..."
"I know!" Pinkie snapped from shame. "I know... but how to say it? Hi, I'm parasite feeding on your feelings, feed me? Oh, hey Applejack, sorry I'm taking meal from you? Oh, apples? No, no, you silly farm-filly, I'm taking your emotions. No, it would freak them out. They would think all I was doing was done for food. It-it's not true. I like everypony, but I'm feeding on them... And it makes me evil." Pinkie's word sounded frank to Fluttershy ears.
"Were you? Did you hurt anypony?"
"What? No! I'm caring for them, for you. I want you to be happy! I need to eat too. And I'm sorry Shy, I was taking from you too..." Pinkie broke eye contact with Fluttershy shamefully.
"It's okay... I think I understand... But it wasn't okay you didn't told truth to anypony... I understand you were too scared. You really should told everypony truth someday. Or at least Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow, Applejack. They deserve it. And I'm sure it would be better than you imagine."
"R-Really? They will be mad at me. They won't believe me."
"Oh, I'm not mad at you. And I'm sure they won't too" She reassured with soft smile.
"Are you sure?"
"Well... No, I don't think so. Twilight probably is still sore about what your sister did and Applejack could be angry for lying to her all your life, to not ever mention Invasion... But they are your friends..."
"They are friends of Pinkie Pie, a earth pony, not Queen Metamorphosis, changeling..." Pinkie Pie said with bitter voice.
"Um... yes... but eventually they will understand... I hope..."
"Yeah... maybe some day. Now I can't compromise my cover, Fluttershy. I have many hungry and wounded to care..."
"Changelings are near?" Asked meek pegasus with a bit of panic in her voice.
"Yes, one is sitting in front of you." Pinkie shot unsure smile.
"I'm sorry! Didn't want to offend you, I'm just scared of them. I mean... fangs, solid color eyes, hisses, insectoid shapes or shells on body..."
"Huh, we are not pretty ones?"
"Um.. that wasn't I meant... I was more... I never saw a friendly changeling..." Fluttershy was trying hard to hide simple fact that appearance of lings was frightening to her.
"If you want to, I can reveal myself..." Said Pinkie hesitantly.
"Could you?"
Pinkie nodded, and let her body change to original self. She felt weird, like her own body didn't fit her; she needed to get used to changed perspective. She waited in anxiety for Fluttershy reaction.
"You are not so scary as others. Are you shorter than Chrysalis."
"I'm younger sister, and I'm quite short for a Queen." Pinkie chuckled nervously. "Am I... okay? Not scary?"
"U-um...You are scary a bit but it's like Princesses are scary. Taller, bigger, regal... And your fangs are, um, disturbing." Yellow mare smiled nervously and added, "Your wings are pretty. Like butterfly or dragonfly."
Pinkie cheered inside her mind. If Fluttershy wasn't scared, then nopony else should. She smiled to pegaus.
Fluttershy in reaction "eeped" and hid herself behind tree. After a while she came back. She was shaking a bit.
"I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me but you showed your fangs better and..."
"Okay, no smiling."
"Oh, no, don't stop yourself because of my fears. I just need to get used to it."
Pinkie nodded. It was early night.
"Uh-oh... I have to go to Mrs. Cake, explain somehow myself." She sighed. "Well, another lie..."
And with that changed back to her earth pony self.
"Fluttershy?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. I needed that..."
"Oh, what are friends for?"
Pinkie wanted to go, but two more questions were lingering in her head.
"Shy, are you okay with that I was feeding on you?" It was so awkward question to ask but she had to ask it.
"Um, I'm not okay with that I didn't know but you had to eat too... So, yes, I'm okay with that you are changeling. You can't help what you are..." She paused a bit, and continued quieter. "W-well, you can still feed on me... I know you are good pony, um, changeling." Awkward! Strangely for Pinkie, Fluttershy blushed.
"O-okay. Fluttershy... I know you are good with animals, caring, feeding, healing them... Many of lings, my subjects, are wounded. Could you, you know, help them?"
"Uh... I don't know..."
"You can decline. No hard feelings."
"It's not that I don't want. If they are hurt as you say, they deserve help; anyone who is hurt deserve care... It's just that I'm scared of them. I-I'll try."
"You do?"
"Yes."
"Shy, you are great friend. If there is..."
"T-thank you. I need to go, it's so dark..."
"I get it. Thanks. Bye!" shouted Pinkie and galloped to Ponyville. After all, maybe her friends will stand by her side. Maybe at least few of them. Reaction of Fluttershy was giving her hopes for that. Maybe she wasn't alone in this mess as much as she thought.
"Bye." Answered Fluttershy and trotted to her cottage, plunged deep in thoughts.