You are Anon. Ever since you landed in ponyland you have been treated like a spoiled child, praised and pampered. The dictators rulers in this land have been kind to you and have given you a home in ponyville and a large sum of money from the royal treasury. Ponyville have gotten more or less used at your presence but you still get weird looks now and then.
But that's not what is annoying you right now. Your plan however was to spend a nice quiet life in the luxury known as your living room. The thing or "ponies" in this case who were annoying you were the well-known Elements of Harmony. It was said to be an honor for the members of the "Mane 6" (as you came to call them) for them to visit one pony or human in your case, so frequently.
By frequently, you don't mean once a week or once a day. You mean about every few minutes you have in your spare time. They always came by your place talking about "coming out of your shell or make friends or whatever" and you always gave them the same response.
.
.
.
"SLAM!!" It was the beautiful sound of one of your obstacles for a peaceful life, being knocked out of the way. They never seemed to get the message though so they finally went to the princess. Celestia or Trollestia as you now call her, created a law that forced you to interact with at least one pony a day. There wasn't much you could do against an entire army of magically enforced ponies so you just resigned yourself to the fact that you would have to interact with other sentiment creatures.
However, you weren't about to take this lying down and Celestia never did say how you had to interact with ponies...
You started your normal morning routine.
You wake up.
Get into the shower and masturbate to hot pony ass.
Cry out your tears for being reduced to masturbating to pony butt.
Get out of shower.
Put on your clothes after drying yourself off.
Go downstairs and make your breakfast, Bread, eggs and illegally imported bacon form "GriffinVille". Bacon was one of the few luxuries you could enjoy in this world. Not your fault that these ponies were skirmish around anything involving meat. After eating breakfast, prepare to go "socialize" with the local folk, like any good self respecting member of society would do... YEET!!!
Oh, hell no. If the ponies were gonna force you outside your "fortress of solitude" then you were gonna strike back.
A few days ago you went to the local blacksmith with plans for a paintball gun. Why this town had a blacksmith, you didn't know, didn't care and just accepted it as one of the many wonders of ponytopia. You would have tried a real gun but getting butt-raped in prison was not the way to go.
After the gun was built you had promptly ran home, to avoid any questions about the object that you were holding in your hands. Arriving home, you locked all of the locks (10 of them) and prepare to make the "paintball" part of a "paintball gun".
Grinning and Laughing while making it probably wasn't a good idea on your part, as passing ponies recored hearing diabolical laughs from the house.
Present
This was the very reason why you were sitting on top of a building, camouflaged and No-Scoping ponies left and right. The part you enjoyed the most was that whenever you hit one of their "butts" they jiggled, Just like a balloon. You needed that jiggling ass and you were just annoyed at ponies in general.
Feeling the nice breeze on your face and hearing the commotion below just made you feel really good for sniping pony ass to take out your troubles
Yeah!! What, better way to take on your frustration then to snipe ponies butts with a paintball which upon splattering looked like "love juice". The first shot alarmed the ponies who started looking around suspiciously and you suddenly had the urge to call out "SHOTS FIRED!!!". You just kept your eyes on the scope and zoomed into the place that where one of your greater threats lied... THE GIANT MOTHERFUCKING TREE. You knew it had a name but didn't bother to say it.
You didn't want to spoil your mouth after all.
Zooming through a open window you spot your target.
Name: Twilight Sparkle
Codename: Friendship Version 10.0
Hobbies : annoying, reading, being a nerd, friends
Reason for elimination: Tried to give you a social life
After taking proper aim and scratching of the balls your are ready for go time. Unfortunately, things as always never go your way for long in ponyland. As soon as you released the trigger, the ball made its way towards the purple abomination but a certain purple and green lizard jumped into view just too late.
"You see here Twilight, this is why I should get higher... augh AHHH!!!!" Spike chortled out suddenly choking.
"Spike!! What happened to you?!" Twilight wailed out concerned for her friend/slave/brother.
"Just choking here... HELP ME OUT!!!"
"O.K. Lemme get this book on how to stop choking first."
"..." Spike had paled but Twilight still looking for a book had not noticed it yet.
"O.K." you state looking a the scene before you. But that isn't going to be enough to stop you. But there was always a saying you had remembered,
"Sacrifices must be made for the greater good" or some shit like that. You never did pay much attention to elders after all.
After taking the time to salute Spike, you focus in on another high-salary target.
Pinkie Pie.
Oh, the pink demon has terriized your peaceful life the most ever since you got here.
She once built an amusement park in your background, created a musical number and for some reason has been randomly teleporting into your underwear drawer. Those jump scares though, they still give you the creeps up till this day.
Setting up your sniper rifle you try to snipe for the pink fluffly pony , but she seemed to dodge at the last second. You reload and tried again and then, like an autistic minecraft player you raged and cried for about 2 minutes until remembering Splergle saying something about Pinkie Sense (what a rip-off spider sense you think out loud).
Looking through the scope again, you notice the pink menace winking at you and wagging that ass at you. Was she taunting you?
As a man you couldn't take this standing or lieing down so you decided to hit her right between those 2 big wide eyes.
Big.
Mistake.
In slow motion like action, you could see what was happening. You had hit some kind of switch which was connected to a bunch of catapults. Even an idiot like you could see what was about to happen. You started to get up and run off the roof but like a bitch, Karma slaps you right in the ass.
You trip over your equipment and ended up falling of the roof, hitting the ground head first.
As you look up to the "pony heavens". You can only wonder one thing.
.
.
.
Hopefully, they got ice cream in your hospital bed.