When Applejack opened the door to Princess Twilight’s study, she was quickly greeted by a flying screaming dragon. Spike flew past her and slammed into the crystal wall behind the farmer pony. He slid down the wall, then collapsed on the ground, unmoving.
“What in the hay did I just walk into,” Applejack said aloud.
“Oh! Hi Applejack!” Princess Twilight called out, trotting towards the door. “Spike! Stop being unconscious so I can come back and blast you again!”
“Woah, woah, woah,” Applejack said, walking into the study and cautiously watching her friend. “Are you doin’ that thing where you’re really anxious about somethin’, and then you overreact in some crazy way?”
Twilight stopped in her tracks.
“Why Applejack, that sounds completely unlike me. Like, that is the most unlikely thing I would ever do.”
Twilight smiled to her earth pony friend, who glared at her, nonplussed.
“Okay, so maybe I’ve been a teensy bit stressed lately, so I was trying to find some way to make tons of clones of Spike that could work down one of the fifty-four lists that I have in order to alphabetize the entire library by genre, literary movement, and percentage of primary source material,” Twilight confessed. “But I promise it wasn’t going to be something were I’d replicate myself for something insane like--”
“Okay, Twi. I’mma cut you off right there. You are more anxious than a turkey round fall time. Your hair is flyin’ about in several different directions.”
“Oh!” Twilight interrupted. “That was me trying to make my hair all princess like. I mean, I can’t believe Cadance hasn’t tried to get her act together. We all know wavy hair is in.”
“Stop.” Applejack said, placing a hoof to her head. “Twilight, as your friend. You need to relax. Lemme ask you a question.”
“Oh! I’m good at questions,” Twilight added.
“Uh, yeah. So, when was the last time you got… uh. You know. Laid.”
Twilight took a step back, glaring at Applejack with open eyes.
“Well, AJ, you know as well as anypony that I get laid every night.”
Applejack’s pupils dilated and her ears folded back.
“I mean,” Twilight said blushing, “We had a sleepover with Rarity.”
“Wait, what?”
“Yeah!” Twilight continued happily. “I’m laid for at least 8 hours a night!”
Applejack sighed and slammed a hoof to her forehead.
“Listen, all I was doin’ was to drop off these apples for you, but here…”
Applejack dropped off one of her saddlebags and then pulled out a little something from her spare bag. It was long, yellow, and ribbed. It was corn. A full ear of corn.
“In my family, Twi, we have a sayin’. Country mares make do,”
Twilight took the corn, looked down at it, then back up to Applejack.
“I really don’t think food is going to help me destress, Applejack,” Twilight said, the confusion written all over her face. “But I’m honored to have such a friend that cares so much.”
“No, you don’t eat it.”
“Then what am I supposed to do?” Twilight asked.
“Oh lordy,” Applejack sighed. “You’re a regular old spring chicken.”
“I’m not a chicken, I’m a pony.”
“Oh my G--,” Applejack said, gritting her teeth. “Listen. You’re gonna want to relieve some tension. Relax a little. Let that corn ‘inside you’ so to speak. Make him your boyfriend. Ya feel me?”
Twilight looked down to the corn then back to Applejack. Then her whole body straightened.
“OH! OOOOHHH!”
“Yeah, now I reckon you’re smellin’ what I’m steppin’ in,” Applejack said before turning to leave. “Mind if I check in tomorrow to see if you’re doin’ better?”
“Not at all!” Twilight called back, looking to her friend with imaginative eyes. “I think I’m going to get started right away.”
“Well don’t lemme keep you.” Applejack stepped out of the study and looked quickly to the collapsed dragon. “Uh, do you think Spike’s okay?”
“Yeah, he’ll wake up in an hour or something.”
“Then I have no reason to be concerned in the slightest. See ya!”
The next day, Applejack made her way through the hallways of the crystal castle, then turned right at the door with the passed out dragon on the floor.
“Well, that’s not a good sign. Twilight would have at least picked him up,” she muttered to herself. She knocked on the door to Twilight’s study.
“Uh, Twilight are y’all alright in there?”
“Oh! Yes! Come on in and join me!”
Applejack suddenly paused, completely unsure how to interpret the words of one of her closest friends. She could turn around right now, go home, tend to the farm, and never have to know what is happening on the other side of this door. Or she could open this door to one of two things.
Twilight doing something weird, or Twilight masturbating.
Applejack closed her eyes. She wasn’t a gambling mare… but she’s loyal to her friends to a fault.
She opened the door.
Applejack’s jaw dropped.
Twilight had an ear of corn on her head. The same as yesterday. Except, he had a smiley face drawn on.
“Applejack, I can’t thank you enough! Corny has just been wonderful to me.”
“C-corny?” Applejack asked.
“Yeah! I thought over what you said, and the last 24 hours Corny and we really got to know each other. I got to just…. Talk about all the things and feelings I’ve been having recently. I had no idea that just talking about all the things that stressed me out would help so much!”
Applejack paused, staring at Twilight.
“Aw... shucks. Uh. Well, I’m happy for you and all. Uh. Although, I have a dumb question for you, Twilight.”
Twilight nodded.
“Anything!”
“Did, uh. You and Corny… uh. Go all the way?”
Twilight stared at Applejack curiously. Applejack growled.
“Did you have sex with Corny!”
“WHAT? NO EW GROSS.”
“Okay! This is weird!” Applejack said, turning around. “I need to go.”
“YEAH MAYBE YOU SHOULD.”
Applejack closed the door to the study behind her, then sighed. She paused, but… then a smile began to grow on her face. She reached into her bag and pulled out an ear of corn with a little stetson a-top it.
“See, Acorn, I told you that our forbidden love wasn’t that weird,” she said to the corn.
Applejack sure got an earful from Twilight, but if she knew one thing… it’s that she and Kernel Acorn weren’t the only one’s in Ponyville with strange relationships.