//------------------------------//
// Best Methods of Graciously Inviting One’s Family into One’s Tidy Rural Cottage 
// Story: Vacation to a Pleasant Country Retreat 
// by Sixes_And_Sevens 
//------------------------------//

Carrot Top emerged from the bathroom, feeling much refreshed after her nice, hot shower. It had relaxed her immensely. She felt, if not accepting of, then at least resigned to the fact that her sister-in-law was coming to stay indefinitely. Perhaps if Hyacinth wore out her welcome, Carrot might prevail upon her own siblings to help send the mare along. Goldie and Hyacinth would no doubt butt heads upon meeting. If the situation got too extreme, her brother, Carrot Cake,  might be convinced to lend her the use of Pinkie Pie. Yes, she was certain that Hyacinth wouldn’t be staying in Ponyville for too long.
Then Carrot stepped into the living room and all the stress was back with interest. “Ladies,” she said calmly. “I am not an unreasonable mare. I go out and work in the fields just about every day of the week, and I can tell a pony’s limitations just by looking at them. So I feel certain in saying that you could have done a much better job than…” she waved a hoof. “Whatever you did.”
Three paint-smeared mares stared down at the equally-colorful floor in embarrassment. “We tried,” Rose said.
“But the paint just kept spreading,” Daisy continued.
“And it got a little out of hoof,” Lily finished.
Carrot rubbed her forehead. “Well, at least it’s uniformly messy,” she sighed. “Go. Shower, All of you. There’s no hope for this room now. I’ll just focus on tidying up the rest—”
~DING-dong~
There was no sound. Carrot quietly closed her eyes. “Alright. Go. I’ll take care of it. But hurry, before someone ends up in the hospital.”
“Thank you,” Daisy sighed, leaning over to give her wife a paint-smeared kiss on the cheek.
“Thank me after I avoid pushing her out a window. Now go, shower!”
The three sisters galloped off to the bathroom.
~dIng-Dong~
Carrot wasn’t quite sure how Hyacinth had managed to put inflection into the doorbell, and she was certain she didn’t want to know. She closed her eyes and grit her teeth, slowly forcing her face into the approximation of a smile.
~ding-DONG~
She threw open the door. “Hyacinth, Civil, Mr. Potter. What a surprise.”
Hyacinth raised an eyebrow. “Oh? Didn’t you get my letter detailing our… unfortunate circumstances?” Her tone was haughty as ever, and her expression suggested that whatever her sister-in-law answered, it would be scoffed at.
“Oh, we got it,” Carrot agreed. “About an hour ago, actually. And you didn’t mention what train you’d be arriving on.”
Hyacinth’s smug smile flickered. “Ah. Well. An understandable oversight, you know, in the face of such a dire plight.”
“Which was what, exactly? I don’t believe you mentioned that, either.”
“Oh, it was absolutely dreadful! Doesn’t bear thinking about, really. Why, just the mention of it is making me — oh — rather woozy~” She held a hoof to her forehead dramatically, swaying on her hooves.
Carrot sighed, rolling her eyes. “Please. Won’t you come in and take a load off of your hooves,” she droned. “How was your trip? You must tell me all about it.”
Hyacinth either didn’t notice the sarcasm or didn’t care, as she swept past the yellow mare, still talking. “Oh, it was simply dreadful. Really, how do they expect to run a railway if they can’t answer a simple complaint civilly? I ask you~”
She continued into the kitchen, still griping, her father following close behind. Carrot turned to Civil Service. “What happened?”
He sighed, making his worn old moustache flutter. “We had guests,” he explained. “Honest to goodness nobility, Sir Fancy Pants and his wife, Fleur. I’m still not sure how that happened.”
“But you know what happened next.”
“Oh, yes,” he agreed, wincing. “Hyacinth tried to sing.”
“Oh, no.”
“Worse than that. Apparently, it alarmed poor Fleur so much that she set off a burst of magic. Shattered all the crockery in the house, and the windows beside. They were very apologetic, of course, offered to replace everything, but the house is more or less nonfunctional for the next three days or so.”
“Three days?”
“Three days.”
Carrot nodded slowly. “That’s… not so bad. I’m sure we’ll all be able to handle three days.”
“Why, Carrot, I had no idea you were redecorating!” Hyacinth’s voice cut like the icy mountain winds. “Modern art is so terribly… carefree, isn’t it?”
The yellow mare’s teeth ground so hard she could swear she heard them crack like ice. “Three days,” she repeated, her tone slightly huskier than before. “Three days.”
Civil Service gave her an unsympathetic look. “You don’t have to go home with her afterwards.”
Carrot Top nodded in reluctant agreement, and together they turned to follow Hyacinth into the sitting room.





Macintosh had a beautiful baritone voice. It is the unfortunate case of several baritone voices that their screams tend to come off as particularly high and pitchy in comparison, but not Mac. The booming, billowing bellow echoed and reverberated through the streets as the red farmpony zoomed along, held aloft by four little metal crabs. A few ponies glanced up in mild surprise as the normally most stoic of ponies rocketed along, yelling fit to bring the sky down. Most of them looked away when Ditzy Doo passed by, flapping like mad trying to keep up. After Rarity passed, horn glowing like a flaming sword, everypony went back about their business. This was Element stuff. Or possibly timey-wimey stuff. Maybe both. None of their concern, either way.
“Come on! They’re getting away!” Ditzy shouted back to Rarity.
“This is— as fast— as I— can run!” the fashionista gasped. “How— are you— so fast?”
“Good diet, regular exercise, and travelling with the Doctor! But these things are even faster than he is!”
The edge of town was well in sight now, and coming up fast. Ditzy pushed herself to fly even faster after the foalnapping little robots, but they were well into the hills before she could make up even half the distance between them.
The grey pegasus had no difficulties in traversing the more treacherous terrain, as she could simply fly above it. Even with her depth-perception problems, she could certainly fly in a straight line provided a sufficient target upon which to focus. Mac performed that role admirably. That sweet apple flank… Ditzy was happily married, but she could certainly look. The auditory element also helped matters. Mac’s shouts could be heard easily from a mile away. Suddenly, however, the little robots and their captive turned a corner. The bellowing cut off abruptly.
Ditzy nearly fell out of the air. Behind her, Rarity skidded to a halt, her face gone deathly grey. “You don’t suppose…” she began.
“No. I don’t.”
“Oh, now,” Rarity started, then drew up short, frowning. “Wait. You don’t suppose?”
“That they killed him? Doubt it, yeah. There would’ve been some kind of noise, not…” she waved a hoof in the air. “Not just silence.”
“Mm,” Rarity nodded, trotting up to Ditzy’s side. “Well, we’d better rescue the poor dear. You go left, I go right?”
“Sounds good. I don’t think those little guys can fly.”
With a quick hoof-bump for good luck, the two mares quickly, quietly trotted around either side of the hill that Macintosh had disappeared behind.
Rarity scarcely dared breathe as she stealthily picked her way over field and fen toward the scene of the disappearance. Her eyes flicked rapidly from side to side, searching for even the smallest flash of silver in the shadow of the hill. Oh, it was simply all too exciting for words! She was Shadow Spade, private investigator— no, no, this was quite the wrong atmosphere for that.
She was Daring Do, archaeologist extraordinaire— No. That wouldn’t do either. This was quite a new type of adventure, different than any that she had encountered in print or film, a completely novel type of story, moreso even than the events that had led to the return of the Doctor’s Time Lady friend. That had had far too much nonsensical gadding about for Rarity’s liking. This, now. This, she could get behind. Stealthy creeping around the quaint countryside, searching for dangerous beasts not of this world, saving certain handsome stallions from the clutches of evil. Perhaps he would offer a kiss as thanks, but Rarity would refuse him, despite his handsomeness and sculpted flanks. She would remain faithful to her love. Then, Spike would arrive, and she would sweep him up in a perfect, fairy-tale kiss and—
Alien robots. Yes. Think about that, Rarity. Think about alien robots, rather than your painfully sweet and loving drakefriend and how much you’d rather be in bed with him. Or possibly just in bed at all. New genre or no, Rarity thought as she rounded to the side of the hill opposite where she had begun, today was very much a day she should have stayed under the covers until supper. At the very earliest.
It was at this point that Rarity realized something. She was on the other side of the hill. Ditzy was not on the other side of the hill.
Perhaps the hill was a more difficult trek, or a lengthier one, on the other side? Well then, she would just continue along until she met her friend coming in the other direction. Rarity gamely straightened herself up with a shake of the mane, and trotted along at possibly a slightly faster clip than she had before.
Absorbed with new thoughts, thoughts of fear and dread and trying desperately to remain calm, she never even saw the teleporter pad.