//------------------------------//
// Day III 
// Story: Celestia of Equestria's tonic experiment 
// by Acologic 
//------------------------------//

‘Early again, Your Highness?’ Tirek plucked a loose hair from his eyebrow and flicked it off his finger. Celestia sighed and rubbed her snout, sniffing.

‘I think I’m coming down with something,’ she said.

Tirek sniggered. ‘Karma’s a bitch.’

‘Tirek! I am a princess of Equestria, and you will not command such language in my presence!’

Luna’s likeness crackled into view. ‘Moonflank’s joining the party, people!’ Her mane slicked itself back. ‘How’s that for a haircut?’

‘Hideous,’ said Celestia. ‘Absolutely hideous.’

‘No Cadence today?’ asked Tirek.

‘She’s still busy with the’ – Celestia yawned deeply – ‘with the – thing . . .’

‘Oh yeah,’ said Tirek dryly. ‘That.’

‘The work of a princess is never done,’ said Luna. ‘Heck, you should see what’s on the agenda tonight! Killer Kitty’s premiering at the Regal! As if I didn’t protest their midnight showing. Blasted kiddies’ll be having nightmares – they should never have made a sequel –’

‘All right!’ Celestia massaged her eye sockets. ‘Let’s just get on with this. DAGs – you know the drill.’

‘You know,’ said Tirek after his drink was poured, ‘besides the solitude, this really is great. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. Care and attention, free drinks – and no Monopoly for days.’

‘I’ll have you playing Monopoly in a second!’ snapped Celestia. ‘Now get on with it!’

Tirek parted his lips, only a loud crackle sent him reeling. Cadence dusted herself down.

‘What a night!’ she said. ‘I only just got away! We nearly had a PR disaster, but I managed to smooth the whole thing over.’

‘What happened?’ asked Luna.

‘We caught the dissidents. Shining Armour was all for leaving them be – said there wasn’t enough to go on, but I set things straight. How’s this for politics? Publicly acknowledged the validity of their grievances, then had them privately flogged!’

‘I taught you well,’ said Celestia, suppressing a sneeze. ‘Now let’s hurry this –’

‘Do you think,’ said Luna, ‘that you are tough?’

‘What are you babbling about, girl?’

‘Well, do you, Sister?’

‘Do I what, Luna?’

‘Think you are.’

Celestia groaned and turned to Tirek. ‘Just drink the damned thing already.’

‘I feel fine, before you ask,’ said Tirek. ‘This isn’t going well, is it?’

‘Days two and three to Luna!’ said Luna.

‘Just drink it!’

Tirek downed his tankard and smacked his lips. ‘Delightful!’

‘Right,’ said Celestia. ‘Now let’s get out of here. I don’t feel too well.’

‘You’re working too hard, Sister!’ Luna tried to pat her on the back. ‘You need rest. Tell you what. I’ll order you a massage, get them to deliver to your door. Do you prefer pecs or abs? Or both?’

‘No pecs! No abs! No massage!’

‘Don’t go frigid on me!’ said Luna, and Tirek laughed – very, very, very diabolically.

‘She just needs to meet the right pony,’ said Cadence kindly. ‘Then I’m sure our Tia would shake a leg, as it were.’

Celestia’s head drooped.

‘Oh, I think she’s actually passing out.’ Luna whistled loudly, and Celestia gave a jerk.

‘I’m fine!’ she snapped. ‘Goodbye!’

She pulled out of T-Kam.

‘Well, that’s that, then,’ said Luna. ‘Keep living, Tirek! I can almost feel that crown . . .’

‘You’ve still got three hundred and sixty-two days to go,’ Cadence reminded her. ‘No offence,’ she said to Tirek, ‘but you may well die. I know Luna thinks it’s a joke, but that stuff is harmful.’

Tirek tilted his head. ‘Truly?’

‘Truly.’

Cadence and Luna pulled out of T-Kam, and Tirek was left alone.