‘Stand?’
‘Hit.’
‘Oho!’
‘That’s twenty-three, Sister!’
‘Proliferating parasprites!’ Celestia tried to thump her bust hand, and her translucent hoof passed through not only the cards but the ketchup-stained dinner tray from which Tirek had been eating. Luna laughed. Cadence laughed. Tirek laughed – very diabolically.
‘Let it forever be said that Princess Celestia met her end at the hooves of the Dark Lord himself!’ said Tirek, cackling.
‘You won eleven bits,’ said Luna, and her red nose flashed as she grinned. ‘Hardly what I’d call an end.’
‘Any self-respecting detainee would kill for eleven bits! I am a rich man! I – hey!’
One of the DAGs placed its metal snout on Tirek’s tray. Within seconds, it had sucked the empty plates, pudding spoons, teacup and deck of cards through its nose and into storage. Tirek kicked his FoodRock in protest.
‘Gah!’ He hopped up and down on the spot, tripped and fell through Cadence, who tittered. Luna joined in, only this time Celestia wasn’t in the mood.
‘Enough!’ she shouted. Apart from Tirek’s grunts of pain as he rolled around on the floor of his cell, there was silence. Celestia glared at him. She’d been far, far too lenient with that money-grubbing crook. Tartarus was far, far too good for him. Why she had commuted his sentence in the first place she did not know.
‘So,’ she hissed. ‘You think this is funny. Fleecing your monarch, your sovereign – she who ticked yes on the scroll authorising life.’
‘I mean –’ Luna started to snigger ‘– it is a bit funny when you think about –’
‘ENOUGH!’
Luna fell silent. Cadence bit her lip. Tirek gulped, then giggled, struggling to keep a straight face.
‘Right,’ said Celesia, breathing heavily. ‘Right. You want to play hardball? I’ll play hardball – and Cadence will help me.’
Cadence blinked. ‘I will?’
‘Oh yes,’ said Celestia, her voice heavy with intent. ‘Yes, yes, oh, my word, yes. Do you know, I think the time has come.’
‘To do what?’ asked Luna, nonplussed.
‘Open it,’ said Celestia.
‘Open what?’ asked Tirek, his smile vanishing.
Celestia broke into a leer, her eyes fixed on the centaur’s. ‘Open warehouse fifteen.’
Cadence’s face fell faster than a toy aeroplane. ‘You – you can’t be serious?’
‘Deadly serious,’ said Celestia, with deadly seriousness. ‘Our, aha, friend thinks he can play games with me – he thinks he can mock the crown? I’ll soon put a stop to that. Come tonight the Dark Lord himself will beg for mercy, and I being the kindly soul I am will grant his wish. Cadence! Bring twenty bottles!’
‘I’ll send word to the curator,’ muttered Cadence, and she pulled out of T-Kam. Her likeness vanished with a fizzle.
‘Sister, you can’t mean – not the tonic?’ Luna fell to the floor, threw open her mouth and laughed – she laughed so hard she wet herself. Literally. Celestia could see the discharge meddling with her avatar. Luna’s red nose flickered and then vanished, along with her Stetson.
‘Aww, come on!’ cried Luna, and she got to her hooves, nose wrinkled in disgust.
‘You had better not be using my office!’ said Celestia, her temper flaring.
‘No, it’s the system in my workspace. Ugh.’ She shuddered. ‘Better go get cleaned up.’
She, too, pulled out of T-Kam. Celestia was left alone with the inmate about to undergo the worst experience he would ever have in his now short and miserable life. She smirked.
‘Hold him here until we return,’ she told the DAGs. ‘No walks, no social calls. Solitary confinement.’
‘Hey!’ said Tirek angrily. ‘What gives? That’s just not f—!’
Celestia pulled out of T-Kam.