How to Disappear Completely

by shortskirtsandexplosions


Acoustics

"Whoaaaaaaaaah..." Derpy Hooves' muzzle hung wide open. Her voice echoed against the massive walls of a massive room inside a massive palace. Illuminated on the far ends by purple manatorches, an enormous chamber of immaculately glinting stone surfaces stretched all around the miniscule group that had gathered there. The otherworldly lighting system gave the place a purple, constellatory shine—and even the very air felt enchanting to breathe. "You mean I get to work in a place like this?!"

"We get to work in a place like this," Flash Sentry said with a smile, his voice also echoing. "And gawk all you want. Best to get it out of your system. Believe me—I was all a'drooling the first moment I saw it."

"When did you first see it?" Bon Bon asked.

"About... mmmm... ten minutes ago." Flash spun, his blue eyes glinting. "Jesus Christ on a bike, will you just look at this plaaaace?"

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" Derpy's eyes rolled and rolled and rolled and...

"It's like someone made a ballroom out of those trial temples in Final Fantasy Ten!" Flash sighed happily. "Only it doesn't suck."

Soarin strolled calmly past Flash—taking the opportunity to close his gaping muzzle shut with an expert hoof. "Easy there, pal. They already wax this place enough without you having to drool on it."

"Ssssssppp..." Flash rubbed his chin. "...sorry, dude."

"Don't mention it." Soarin turned to face the gathered Ponyvilleans directly. They had trotted straight there from the train station, and the stewards' servants had provided the keys to this most auspicious chamber. "This is where the majority of the festivities will be taking place." He gestured at the ceiling. "Directly above us is the Crystal Heart—the central nerve of the Crystal Empire. This chamber that we are in right now? It was originally carved out of pure rock by the first Imperial Dynasty... and designed to be a place of warmth and refuge before the crystal ponies discovered how to control the local weather with their magic. In togetherness and union and love, the crystal ponies have long learned how to survive and celebrate in spite of the greatest hardship." He took a deep breath. "A little over a thousand years ago, King Sombra took over and used this very chamber as an extension of his slave pens. He's long since been defeated, and the Crystal Heart above us has been restored. As you can very well imagine, it means an awful lot to the Imperialists here that they use this place for joy and recreation, to symbolize the triumph they now enjoy. This Unification Celebration will be only the second time they've utilized this room since the Empire resurfaced. The first was celebrating the foaling of their daughter, Princess Flurry Heart. Now, more than ever, the whole of us stand to give the crystal ponies something they can enjoy with equal enthusiasm—if not even greater."

"Yeah." Flash smiled dumbly. He nodded at the Wonderbolt. "What he said."

Soarin breathed. "The fact that the party will be situated so closely to the Crystal Heart will be our greatest asset." He smirked. "The locals' proximity to their sacred relic will assure that they're enraptured in one accord. That'll leave us the foreign dignitaries to be concerned with."

"Yeah." Flash nodded. "Don't worry your fuzzy ears off about the crystal ponies. With that Heart of theirs a-spinning, they could enjoy just about damn-near anything." He smirked. "Even bingo."

"Could you... please...?" Soarin sighed.

"What?" Flash shrugged. "I'm the charisma!"

"You'd look stupid with a pair of pom-poms."

"Glad for your reassurance, bro."

"Ooh! Pom-poms!" Derpy grinned, clasping her hooves together. "This place would just sparkle with reflective streamers! Especially done in complimentary colors to mix with the mana-torches!" She hummed melodically. "Oh, I could just see all the friendly ponies from far and wide being bedazzled! Can't you?"

"Duaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah," Soarin uttered, eyes already glistening.

"Ahem..." Flash gently brushed him aside and took front and center before the group. "So... already I can see our decorator is inspired!" He craned his neck. "What about our musicians?"

"This..." Octavia trotted leisurely through the large open hall, her hooves echoing with faint, dainty clops. "...I can most definitely work with this." She looked over her shoulder at Vinyl. "How about you, love?"

Vinyl Scratch nod nod nod nod nodded. The reflections of her purple shades magnified the mystical interior as she whistled through pursed lips.

"I can already tell the acoustics are to die for," Octavia murmured. "I must admit, Brad. I was somewhat... concerned when you first invited myself and Vinyl here. But now that I'm in this most majestic place—I daresay my fears have been dissipated."

"Yeah..." Lyra purred, standing next to Bon Bon. "You could sit on an accordian and still manage to lull a hydra to sleep in a place such as this!"

"Well, I suppose we will have to put that enthusiasm of yours to the test, Ms. Heartstrings."

Lyra blinked, holding a hoof over her chest. "Me?"

Octavia looked over with calmly lidded eyes. "But of course, dear. Vinyl and I surely can't set up the stage all on our lonesome. We're going to need your own musical expertise if we're to seal the deal—as t'were. Especially in two days."

Vinyl smiled.

"But..." Lyra fidgeted. "I-I-I'm just here for moral support! Y'know..." She smiled sheepishly, squatting beside her best-bestie. "A regular Bon-Bon bonus! Eheheheh..."

"Don't sell yourself short, Lyra." Bon Bon smirked, fluffing her friend's bangs. "Who knows? This could be your big break just as much Vinyl's and Octavia's."

"Mmmmmmmmmmm..." Lyra's green cheeks turned red. "You really think so?"

Bon Bon nuzzled her close. "Know so."

"Heh..." Flash smiled, turning towards Soarin. "Isn't that sweeter than Mountain Dew?"

"Duaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah," Soarin uttered, still gazing at Derpy.

"Mrmmfff..." Flash face-hoofed.

"I'm glad that we're so committed on the musical and aesthetic front," Cup Cake remarked, waddling forward. Her bright eyes traced the distant edges of the splendid room. "But it's one thing to fill this room with decorations and sound. But to fill the bellies of those who will be dining here?!?"

Carrot Cake trembled. "This place could easily fit five thousand p-ponies!" He grimaced, sweat forming across his golden coat. "Maybe even m-more!"

"How are we even going to feed them all? Much less treat them?!" Cup Cake gulped. "What do Crystal Ponies even like to eat? We don't even know!"

"Funny you should ask that," Flash said. He turned towards his buddy. "Soarin...?"

"Hmmmmmmm..." Soarin stood on drooping legs, his cheeks warm with a prolonged smile—

"Hey!" Flash slapped him in the face with his tail. "Wake up, Casaneighva!"

"Huh? What?" Soarin blinked, snapping out of it.

"That was your cue!" Flash's eyes narrowed. "Don't make me use an even worse pun."

Derpy giggled.

Wincing, Soarin wrenched himself from the sight and sound of the blonde. "Ahem..." He then rhythmically slapped his front hooves three times against the floor of the room before pronouncing in a loud, authoritative voice: "You may now enter!"

With a massive creak, large doors in the northwest corner of the room opened wide. The acoustical chamber echoed with many-many hoofsteps.

The Ponyvilleans craned their necks, then gasped in surprise.

Several lines of crystal ponies marched to a stop. Servants. Cooks. Farmers. Musicians. Artists. Caretakers. And volunteers a-plenty. A mare at the front of the group stepped forward, curtsied, and said: "Greetings, friends, Equestrians. On behalf of the Crystal Empire—and with the power invested in us by the stewards in the good spirit of unification—we offer our services to you."

A stallion behind her stepped up, adding in a confident tone: "We know that time is of the essence. But fear not. While you serve as our inspiration, we shall be your hooves and magic."

"Together we will make this wonderful celebration a reality."

Once more, both bowed as one, and the rest of the servants clapped their hooves against the floor with cheers and whistles and laughter.

Dumbfounded, the Ponyvilleans glanced at Flash.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Flash smirked. "Point and click!"