Roughly two minutes since last chapter...
"Go to ponyland they said. It will be fun they said. Well, I get they didn't think they would have the entire motherfucking guard and the damn princesses on their ass!"
I've been running for two minutes straight and I don't know how as New Vegas technically didnt have running in it without mods. I never got it cuz mods are for people with more space on their PC.
"Stop creature so we can take you into custody!" Were some of things I heard from the guards and princesses while running. So if course my reply every time was
"Fuck off ya cunts!" I think I'm starting to make them tired as thankfully once I got to the edge of the city they wouldn't have energy to follow. Probably. I hope.
After about 3 minutes of sustained running I noticed that the guards are braking off and the princesses are nowhere to be seen. Hopefully they thought that I wasn't worth their time and left me to their "great" guards. This was probably not the case but a guy can dream right? Right!? I fucking don't give a shit anyways so fuck.
Oh look, shadows in the sky that I can only assume are pegasi and hopefully not the princesses. (Author's note: you already know shits going down soon. That is the end of this painfully obvious psa.) What do you know, it's the princesses moving in from above as I spare a glance up.
As soon as I noticed the the alicorns I fucking ran even faster than before and hauled ass out of the city. Although I should've guessed that the guards who left went to guard the gates to the city.
"Oh for fuck's sake give me a fucking break universe! Just once as its only been like two hours since I got up!" Of course after shouting that to the sky I got weird looks from my pursuers. Thankfully though a short time back they realized the futility of telling me to stop and proceeded to continue the chase throughout the city.
I did manage to lose most of their guards when I started to jump and climb on buildings. The only ones that kept up were the pegasi and the princesses. Though I was getting scared as I lost site of one princess, that being Celestia. Of course as soon as I noticed the princess not being present even more flying guards came up. With that I decided to duck into an alley and hopefully catch my breath.
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I lost the guards after I hid in the alley. There were ponies inside of it but they looked homeless so I decided to be nice and have a casual conversation for the time being.
"Nice weather were having huh?" He just gave me an odd look and returned to whatever it was that he was doing before I showed up. I sat in that alley for a good twenty or so minutes. It was a good time as I found a large piece of bread. I gave 3/4 to the homeless pony and ate the rest of the bread. I'm not going to lie I've not had bread that good sinc the last time I was at my parents.
I decided to risk everything when I poked my head out of the alley to see if the coast was clear. It wasn't.
"Creature, we have you surrounded! Come out and surrender!" This came from the large blue pony. I was about to leave through the back when I spotted the large white one on the other side and pegasi above me. Walking out I decided to try and distract them using any means. Sadly I didn't have any flashbangs as they would've been useful.
"Okay I'll admit it, you caught me. I tried my best and I'll go quietly - what's over there!" I pointed out quickly and to my surprise they actually looked and I took off through a gap in the guards I spotted walking out. I got a pretty good distance before I was followed. It took them awhile before the caught up but by then I was approaching the edge of the city and hopefully a exit.
I was following a river to get out as I guessed that river may mean moat which means exit. I was horribly wrong as when I reached the end of the river it was just a cliff. And it was at that moment I knew, I fucked up. So I stood there like an idiot just staring off the edge instead of running. The guards and the princesses did catch up and noticed me at the edge. They thought I was thinking of jumping to escape them and attempted to negotiate.
"Stop and back away from the edge creature it's not safe!" And things like that were what was the commonplace saying towards me as I started to turn around and back away from the edge. But just when things were looking good my foot got caught on loose rocks and I proceeded to trip and call backwards. Throughout that short time span of tripping I only had one thought on my mind,
"Fuck"
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In all honesty building Cantorlot on a motherfucking mountain was a bad idea. If you knocked out the supports the entire city would collapse. But I know what y'all are saying "the supports are reinforced with magic of something!" but you have to realize that even if something is reinforced it can still break after few sustained attacks. I'm not even mentioning the edges that have no guard rails whatsoever.
Seriously all one has to do to take out the capital is sneak in from the edges and destroy the supports with explosives like C-4 and other explosion-creating devices. I was contemplating it while I was falling for a minute straight and still no ground in sight. It really pissed me off that the princesses would let such a dangerous thing still be when there are children running around.
Sorry I'm just venting right now cuz I'm angry at myself for tripping and the princesses for having a very large safety hazard. As the two minute mark approaches I look down and finally notice the ground which is a very large lake as it looks small from up here. Sadly it's still going to hurt like a bitch because of physics. So, fuck you physics! What have you done for me besides be a bitch to pass back in highschool!
It seems the pain is getting closer as the body of water is getting larger. I brace myself for the impact that will more than likely cripple multiple bones....... What do you know, it did! All of them in fact. I can't feel anything but I still somehow opened up the Pip-Boy and used a Doctor's bag. With my body no longer crippled I swam to the surface to catch my breath as I had no Rebreather on me to my disappointment.
I sat on the beach for a short time and drank a bottle of sarsparilla. It was delicious and served the purpose of healing my body. I layed down on the nice sand and took a nap, not noticing the strange looking forest behind me.
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I was woken up to the sound of rustling bushes from behind and to the sides. As I got up i had the misfortune of smelling a very foul odor that was worse than dead fish. If I remember correctly then the smell would be from timberwolves and judging from the eyes i spotted in the bushes inside the forest I was correct.
"Nice doggies, don't eat me I don't taste good." I tried reasoning with them as soon as they exited the bushes. There were five in total and they were big motherfuckers. I then realized something, "I have guns why don't I just shoot them?"
As soon as I said it they started advancing on me and I pulled out the Sprtel-Wood. They looked confused at the objects before it looked like they shrugged and continued moving forward towards me. So I aimed at the biggest and held the trigger down for a straight 3 seconds. It disintegrated and the other wolves looked just about ready to run at me. One did run at me and I quickly pulled out Maria and put two in its head.
The other three looked nervous and were probably rethinking why they thought I was an easy meal. As the timberwolves started to move away I shot one with the Survivalists rifle and it exploded. I then equipped the riot shotgun and started to lose it with DB shells. The one wolf started to run at me while the other ran.
I shot the one that was running but I got tackled by the last one. It's breath was even worse than its smell so I put it out of its misery and made it explode.
"This has been a great first day in equestria!" I'm fairly certain even the animals could detect my sarcasm as I walked through the forest.