//------------------------------// // 4. Poison Joke // Story: Like Fireworks in the Sky // by SpyroForLife //------------------------------// It took a while, but eventually Discord learned to work with Tempest's limits, while still encouraging her to step out of her comfort zone. He introduced her to meditation, and occasionally brought her books to read, as she sometimes learned better when she could read how to do something rather than just being told. She learned to listen to the magic all around her, to the subtle sounds of her environment, to have an awareness of her surroundings that went beyond the usual senses. This was how the draconequus lived, he told her. They didn't just look at what was around them, they felt it. The fabric of reality was draped all around them, and they learned to take hold of it, pull it apart, knit it into whatever they wanted it to be. The ground was a construct. So was the sky. So was gravity, and light. Everything could be altered, if one had the willpower to change it. “Some would say that changing the world around us is chaotic,” Discord said one day as they walked through the woods. “Yet look at what the ponies do to maintain 'harmony'. They direct the clouds and make it rain. They change the weather to new seasons. They even have the audacity to move the Sun and the Moon! The Sun, which is a huge star that has existed long before Equestria, and Princess Celestia moves it around our world, instead of allowing our world to orbit it, as is the natural order.” “Haha, what?” Tempest laughed. “The world, moving around the Sun? That's not how things work. How would our planet move?” Discord sighed and rubbed his face. “That's how it once did. But... that's a very, very long explanation. And you have Luna who moves the Moon. Redundant, as it can move itself around us. She just directs it at a very particular pace.” “And the Moon can move by itself too? Come on, you're pulling my leg.” “Do I have to go into a science lesson on gravity and the physics of outer space? Because I will do it, don't test me. The point is, you ponies manipulate your world constantly. But oh, I do the same thing, and all of a sudden I'm 'chaotic' and 'dangerous'. Pathetic. Nothing wrong with changing things up to benefit me. If I have the power, why not use it?” “Good point.” They were quiet for a while, just taking in the sights. Then Discord pointed at a tree. “Turn that into a giant ice cream cone.” Tempest focused and shot her magic at it. A teal glow enveloped it, sparks flying, and then the tree turned into a giant ice cream cone standing precariously on the tip of its cone. Discord flew up to the ice cream scoop on top of it and shoveled some into his mouth. “Hm. Strawberry.” He returned to her. “I was hoping for something with raisins but strawberry is good too! Okay, change it back.” Another blast of magic and the tree was back, though it smelled fruitier than before. They decided to just leave it like that. There were weirder things in the Everfree Forest. “That rock, make it into... I don't know, a trampoline,” Discord said. A quick flash of magic and there was a wide trampoline in front of them, which Discord proceeded to jump onto. It bounced him up high, and Tempest hopped up next to him, jumping too. When Discord landed, it flung her up so high she nearly hit a tree branch. The momentum ended up flipping her upside-down, and she flailed her legs as she fell, trying to twist upright again. “Oh, I gotcha!” Discord jumped back up and caught her, flapping his wings so he landed gently. Tempest stared at him, then squirmed away, flustered. “I didn't need you to catch me.” “Of course you didn't. I just thought it'd be fun is all.” Discord got down from the trampoline, and Tempest hopped down too, turning it back into a rock and then kicking it away. Discord followed quietly behind her. For a few minutes neither of them spoke, but then Discord broke the silence. “Alright, I can tell that what I did bothered you, so sorry.” “It's no big deal. It just... I'm not used to being... held. It made me feel weird.” “Oh, I see. Though you didn't seem to mind when you hugged me a few weeks ago.” “That was different, that... I chose to do that,” Tempest said. “Hm, I suppose so. Well then, I will not hug or otherwise hold you without you starting it, how does that sound?” Discord held out his hand. Tempest chuckled and took it, shaking it. “Sounds good.” “Would you like to keep practicing your transformation spell?” “Sure.” She turned and shot her magic at a flower, and it shifted and turned into a brightly colored butterfly. Discord watched in awe as it flitted away, and looked over at her. “You created a living creature!” he said gleefully. “Heh, yep, I sure did.” Tempest was impressed with herself, but tried to keep a casual expression. “Well this opens up a whole new world of possibility! You can create any creature you need, or start combining them with things, to make stuff like...” Discord waved his hand and several sandwiches with wings appeared. “Like these flying grilled cheese sandwiches! Go ahead, try one!” Tempest bit into the closest one. “Mm, cheddar.” “See? Hilarious and delicious! Now come along, you just gotta see the field of poison joke!” Seeing the poison joke was fun for about five minutes. It completely altered Discord's appearance, making him look rather like a normal pony with a solid brown coat, though his head remained the same. “Oh, typical,” he said as he examined himself, opening his new feathered pegasus wings and closing them again. “Did it give me a cutie mark?” He twisted his neck to check his flank. “Hah! A black hole! I can appreciate that.” Tempest found it hilarious, especially as he trotted about on his four pony legs, before tripping on a vine. Then she accidentally walked through the poison joke too, and it made her horn turn rainbow colors and flop over uselessly. “Discord, my horn!” Tempest shouted, prodding at it. She couldn't make any of her spells work and she was close to panicking. “Don't worry about it,” Discord replied. “There's a very simple cure. I'll just snap my fingers and fix everything like I normally-” He lifted an arm, and then stared at his hoof. “Uh. Wait.” He looked at both his front legs, then waved them. “I don't have fingers!” “Can't you use your magic without snapping?” Tempest asked. “Well of course I can, but that's not very flashy, is it?” Discord instead clapped his hooves together. Nothing happened. “What?!” He kept trying, eyes narrowing as he focused, but his magic didn't seem to be working. “Great! The poison joke made me into a normal pony! I can't control reality!” “Is there another cure?” Tempest asked, trying to straighten out her horn. It fell limp again. “Fluttershy told me about the time she and her friends waltzed right through poison joke a few years ago,” Discord said. “Changed them all. It made Applejack tiny, Twilight's horn became useless like yours, Fluttershy's voice dropped so low she sounded like a stallion! Luckily, Twilight found out some kind of herbal bath works as a remedy.” “Okay, let's go,” Tempest said, turning around. “Are you sure you want Twilight to see you like this? Those rainbows on your horn are... spreading.” Tempest raised a hoof and saw that the bright stripes of color had made their way down her neck and shoulder, all the way to her hoof. She cringed, but said, “We don't have much of a choice. Come on, before it gets worse.” She galloped away. Discord rolled his eyes and ran after her. Twilight couldn't stop laughing when they explained the situation to her. Tempest's ears drooped with embarrassment, but Discord was fairly relaxed about the whole thing. “I didn't realize I would lose my magic,” he said. “Last time I played with poison joke it just inverted all my body parts to different animals! At least one of my legs became a tentacle!” “I guess the effects aren't always consistent,” Twilight said, continuing to laugh. “Okay, hold on, let me grab Supernaturals: Natural Remedies and Cure-Alls That Are Simply Super off the top shelf over here, okay?” “That's... quite a title,” Tempest commented. “Yeah, and I almost dismissed it as garbage at first, but it turned out to have exactly what I needed,” Twilight replied. She pulled the book down and flipped it open. “Let's see, poison joke, poison joke... ah, here we go. Yep, all the herbs are written right here. I'll just run you a bath and mix them in, and we'll get you all fixed up.” “Thank you so much,” Tempest said gratefully. “I'm sure you want to get those rainbows off you,” Twilight said, gently touching her side. Tempest examined herself and sighed when she found that her entire coat was now an array of colors, and her horn still didn't work. “As for you, Discord...” She regarded him. He just looked at her smugly. “I'm sure you feel fine.” “I've definitely been worse,” he agreed. “But I am tired of this tiny pony body.” He shifted on his hooves and flicked his tail distastefully. “I miss having hands.” “I don't blame you,” Twilight said, walking away with the book. “Just relax, I'll come get you two once the bath is ready.” Tempest flopped back onto a cushion, sighing. “You have the worst ideas.” “Hey, I still think it was funny!” Discord laid down, stretching. “I really should raise some poison joke of my own... use it for practical jokes... mail it to people who annoy me... hm.” “Heh. Well, I did enjoy the walk, up until the poison joke part.” Tempest rolled and rested her head on her hooves, yawning. They relaxed and talked about magic while waiting, and Discord brought out a couple books for them to read. As they were discussing draconequus history, Twilight returned to let them know the bath was ready. “You can go first,” Discord offered to Tempest. “It's in the spa room, the tub is big enough for both of you,” Twilight said. Discord perked, but Tempest hesitated. “Oh, well... I don't know, how big exactly?” “Huge, like six ponies can easily fit in there together. Come on, you'll love it. I made sure the water is nice and warm.” Twilight led the way. Tempest and Discord followed. The spa room was on the first floor, and it was filled with various pools. Twilight took them to one in particular, which was filled with bubbly water that smelled wonderful. “There you are, just soak in this for a while, rub it into your coats, and it'll get rid of the effects of poison joke.” “Thank you,” Discord said, before jumping in. He went completely under and lingered for a bit before bursting back up, wiping his eyes off and laughing. Tempest tested the water. It was very warm, steam rising up from it. It felt silky from the herbal mix. She slid in. Her skin tingled, and when she lifted a foreleg out, she saw the rainbow colors fading away. “Oh, good.” She washed herself off, and Discord ducked under again. When he came up for air, he lifted his arms, which were no longer pony legs. One was now similar to a lion's foreleg and the other was like a hawk's leg with sharp talons. “It's working!” Discord cheered, flopping back against the ledge inside the tub, raising his tail out. It was long and scaly like a dragon's again. His legs also seemed to be returning to normal. “I'm glad to see it,” Tempest said. She felt her horn as it straightened and became rigid once more. She tested her magic and was able to lift a nearby vase. She sighed with relief. “You've still got some rainbows in your mane.” Discord cupped some water and dumped it on her. She leaned back and splashed him. He laughed and splashed her back. They began flinging water at each other, and finally Tempest tried to dunk him under. He pulled her down too, and they both pushed back up, water streaming down their fur. Tempest was enjoying herself. She's never been to a spa before and this was one of the most refreshing baths she's ever had. Discord stretched himself out to his full height. “Well, I feel marvelous! Let me see if my powers have returned.” He twisted his wrist, and several large pieces of candy manifested around them. He hummed as he took one and unwrapped it, the rest disappearing. “Yep, my powers are back.” He settled back down into the water, his long body stretching around the ledge, and Tempest ended up getting bumped by his tail and slipping forward into the deeper center of the tub. She kicked her legs to tread the water, huffing. “That's good to hear,” she said, swimming back over to the side. These tubs were actually deep enough to swim in. Maybe she'll bathe here more often and do some laps. They took a few more minutes to make sure they were completely cured before draining the tub and climbing out. Tempest shook herself off, and Discord sampled the various towels before choosing one and drying off. “Okay, so,” Tempest said, brushing water out of her tail, “No more poison joke.” “But we can still visit the Everfree Forest and go on hikes, right?” Discord asked, grabbing another towel and rubbing it against Tempest's mane. She tensed, and when she pulled away, she could feel her hair fluffing up. She groaned and tried to fix it. “Sure, we can still go on hikes.” “Great! Well Tempest, I'm sure I've caused you enough trouble today. I'm going home. Keep practicing what I taught you today, and we can get together again in a few days.” Discord dropped the towel onto her head and walked away. By the time Tempest pulled it off, he had teleported away. She snorted and pressed the towel to her ear, mopping it dry. Despite his quirks and his recklessness, Discord really was endearing.