//------------------------------// // You're Going to Need Stitches! // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// Advisory: Please set "Formatting" to "Dark" to ensure that brightly colored text is legible. Thank you. Time to pull a needle-and-thread out of the reserve list. Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Intelligent Systems. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For Season the Seventh Beauty is in the *something gets stabbed* MY EYE! External beauty is a quality that some people say is an expression of what exists within. The right clothes, makeup, and treatment is said to bring inner beauty out for others to admire. Or you could just use it to cover your inner ugliness, like W and I do. Yea- Hey! Oboro, the seamstress retainer of Prince Takumi in Fire Emblem Fates. Rarity, the inspiring generosity from My Little Pony. He's W and I'm B. And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. ///Death Battle\\\ Oboro -Human; spear fighter -Lost her parents to a bandit attack -Scowl is said to be demonic in appearance -Once part of a family-owned kimono shop; likes to express her interest in fashion with her allies -Fights best with a spear weapon -Relatively balanced stats; low magic and low resistance to magic -Seal Defense and Seal Speed: lowers the respective stats of enemies she makes contact with; wears off after one turn of combat -Loses her temper and focus when thinking about "Nohrian scum" In a fictional realm, there exist two kingdoms of legendary quality. They say that the sun never shines over Nohr while Hoshido is as bright as the day. Their people and customs take these sayings to heart in how things are run. While Hoshido is plentiful in resources and life, Nohr faces the harsh shade and conquers other nations for food and supplies. What's with all the conflicts revolving around day and night? Clearly daytime is better. That's when all the vampires burst into flames, like my ex-wife! On the contrary, nighttime is better. That's when I can do all of my secret projects without fear of interruption. What? What? ... Anyway, long story short, every prince and princess in these kingdoms has their own personal retainers. It's kind of like if you cross a servant with a kick*ss warrior. Under Prince Takumi is the samurai Hinata and the spear fighter Oboro. Oboro used to be a happy child making dresses in her parents' kimono shop. But then some bandits from Nohr showed up and they killed her parents while she was still hidden. So, naturally, her hatred for everything in Nohr grew to the point where she kind of looks like my ex-wife if you so much as mention the word Nohr in front of her. As a protector of the Hoshido family, she focused her training on what is likely the style of sojutsu, the samurai art of spear fighting. In battle, this style gives her a slight advantage when fighting against enemies that use swords or magic scrolls. She suffers a disadvantage when facing a tough enemy wielding an axe or a bow. Don't think she's always safe against magic-users. Her low magic and resistance stats indicate that she doesn't have a whole lot of options when fighting with or against spells and summoned spirits. As long as her enemy is dishing out physical pain, she can usually give as well as she takes. If an ally is suffering, she can swap positions with them on the battlefield to protect them. She also has skills that can lower her enemies defense and speed when making contact with them, but these effects don't last longer than one combat turn each. When she's not fighting, you can usually find her cleaning up in the mess hall or trying to sew dresses for her allies, whether they want her to or not. She also has a bit of a shy crush on her master Takumi. This insecurity is probably what leads to her sharp tongue when criticizing other allies' fashion sense, particularly the ninja Saizo and his rugged appearance. *sigh* I'll never understand women... except you, Mama B. You stay awesome! Oboro is also quick-tempered when it comes to the looks and actions of people from Nohr. If she isn't careful, she can easily lose track of her own actions when trying to stamp out what she considers evil. "Oh. That's. It!" After she defeats her enemy, she twirls her weapon around herself. "How do I look?" ///Death Battle\\\ Rarity -Unicorn; seamstress and gem-finder -Lives separate from her parents and sister on the other side of Ponyville -Uses four different sound effects at once when expressing disbelief -Owns boutiques in Ponyville, Canterlot, and Manehattan -Can fight with both her magic and her hooves -Magic is very good at finding gemstones and controlling multiple small objects at once; not excessively strong in any particular magic-based attacks -Virtue: "Generosity"; vice: greedy impulses -Typically better at outsmarting an enemy than using brute force Where does one expect to find someone all about glamour and sophistication? Most in Equestria would point to Canterlot where the princesses and the nobility resides. Not this one. Rarity is from what is apparently treated as a nitty-gritty town, Ponyville. Considering how she holds herself up, you'd be hard-pressed to figure out how she's related to her parents and younger sister. Regardless, Rarity was passionate about making dresses and especially considerate about how spectacular they would look on other ponies. One day, when she was just a filly, her magic acted up and lead her over a comically long distance. There, she faced... her destiny. "A rock?! That's my destiny?! What is your problem, horn?" But wait! Rainbow Dash's first Sonic Rainboom created an explosion that shook the mountain she was standing on and cracked that big rock right open. It was filled with all kinds of jewels. In Equestria, it seems every gem you can find is already perfectly and precisely cut. Plus, multiple gems of different composition and color can all be found in the exact same geode, which is very different from how it works in real life. Let's move on before I break something out of sheer stupidity. Really? I didn't think you were that stupid, W. AAAAAUGH! Hypothetical IQ aside, Rarity had a knack for not only finding gems but incorporating the gems so perfectly into the dresses that they both bedazzled the crowds and earned her a cutie mark. I'd say that was the weirdest way to get a hip tattoo I've ever heard, but then I'd be lying. Rarity's magic isn't just good at finding valuable gems. She can also light up her horn in the dark and has enough telekinetic prowess to manipulate multiple sewing and dress-related items at once. These include a number of needles, fabrics, scissors, and what appears to be at least eight pony-shaped mannequins at once. She can also hold up a small barrier shield, though it's kind of hard to be impressed by that when compared to shields that Twilight can put up. Still, I don't usually see Twilight in as many hoof-to-face combat situations as Rarity is willing to get into. Since when can ponies perform Taekwondo kicks and standard bikkhe-slaps? Apparently, she's strong enough to kick Applejack off the screen, even though Rarity can't kick more than one apple off a tree with multiple kicks, while Applejack can clear all of the fruit from an entire tree with one kick. Physical strength is absurd and inconsistent in Equestria. Didn't your mom once punch you down even though you can break a hole in the wall while she can't? ... I thought we agreed to never speak of that again. Oh, I crossed my fingers behind my back when we shook on it. Ugh, you would. While Rarity is strongest when exemplifying her element of generosity, her true strength is most likely that of inspiration, the trait that enables her to create an outfit that suits the pony rather than trying to make it the other way around. Similarly, she can also recognize when someone is experiencing a negative emotion just by looking at them. Yeah, but she can't always recognize when she should stop talking, like when she slipped up and told a red dragon that she intended to take his entire stash. Whoops! And her state of priorities is sometimes inconvenient to those around her, like when she admitted to wearing false eyelashes and added the confession to stealing of some of Pinkie Pie's cake creation as an afterthought. Still, she's not someone I'd want to piss off by hurting her friends or messing up her mane. "But I thought you wanted whining!" ///Death Battle\\\ Alright, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all. It's time for a sweatshop battle! ... I mean Death Battle! ///Death Battle\\\ Another replica of Canterlot is recently finished and running like its alternate universe versions. Within what seems like barely a few seconds to the audience, several stores ring their welcome bells. A pretty, light gray unicorn trots along. Her long purple curls shift a little as her horn levitates several colorful shopping bags at once. She hums a tune reminiscent to the chorus to "We're Not Flawless". Meanwhile, a lady with long blue hair and an orange silk outfit runs around. She frantically looks this way and that way. Her hands grip the spear by her side. She groans as she looks up one alley and sees nothing. "How did I let Hinata talk Lord Takumi into going to see yet another sword-fighting competition?" She pulls out a map and her eyes skim over the illustration. "He didn't even say where it was before he bolted." The woman keeps running along. Trotting along the opposite direction, the unicorn brings the bags up to her sight one at a time. She checks to make sure she has everything she needs. At just the instant that neither of their eyes are watching where they are going, there is a collision. Both of them gasp while bags, their contents, and the map scatter along the street. "Oh my!" The unicorn shakes her head before standing back up. "I'm dreadfully sorry about that, darling. I wasn't paying attention." "No, no... I was the one who wasn't..." The lady brushes some loose dirt off her dress before taking a look at the source of the other voice. "... watching." The purple curl in the pony's mane catches the woman's attention. Her eyes widen as we get treated to a brief flashback. Purple hair flows down another lady's head. The... um... perhaps too healthy size of body parts on the chest jiggle, barely contained by the dark outfit. A soft, yet deep giggle echoes as an axe slams into the dirt under a bowman's feet. Back in the present, the woman grips her spear tightly. Her frown turns into a snarl. Despite her hair not quite covering her eyes, the light still manages to leave her forehead. Her eyes stare ahead, as if trying to ignite something on fire with her mind. It doesn't actually set anything ablaze, but it's still a rather intimidating attempt. "Nohrian scum!" The woman yells as she whirls her weapon around. The unicorn jumps back, narrowly avoiding the weapon's point. "That's an awfully barbaric response to an accident, don't you think?!" "FIGHT!" Oboro runs forward and jerks her spear ahead of her. Rarity quickly puts up a small defensive barrier. It's enough to deflect the tip of the spear. Oboro spins her pole around to try and get a whacking hit in. Rarity shifts her small barrier spell around and blocks the next two incoming slashes. However, the shield seems to be shrinking without Rarity's input. She gasps and ducks out of the way of the next spear strike. She jumps up and kicks Oboro right in the face. She then lets loose a few more kicks, forcing Oboro on the defensive. Oboro attempts to push out with both arms. The horizontal push is enough to sent Rarity sliding on her hooves. Oboro's face appears briefly in a flashy illustration across the screen. "You're going to need stitches!" As she twirls her spear around for a hard-hitting strike, Rarity's magic focuses on one of her shopping bags. A sky blue roll of silk flies out of it and wraps around Oboro's legs. Predictably, Oboro falls over as Rarity gallops out of the falling spear's way. Oboro growls as her feet struggle to separate. "Hey! You're wasting perfectly good fabric!" "You're right, aqua is a terrible color for you." Rarity pulls another roll out of the bag. "Try some cinnamon!" A shade of red flies out and wraps around Oboro's midsection, ensnaring one of her arms in the process. Oboro grunts and wiggles, trying to get out of the impromptu bindings. Rarity humphs to herself and starts collecting her belongings. She stumbles upon an unfamiliar map. She stares at the detailed illustration in silent contemplation. Little x's are drawn on various points of the map. At the same time, Oboro manages to start moving her spear back and forth along the fabric binding her legs. Once she frees that up, she reaches up and works on sawing through the red fabric. In seconds, she's out of her trap and runs toward the unicorn. Rarity closes her eyes and magic twinkles in another bag. Several pins and sewing needles fly out and aim their points directly at Oboro. Oboro yells out as she brings her spear around, when she suddenly feels several sharp pains in her back at once. It's difficult to see the pins and needles hurting her, but she turns around all the same. Rarity nods and rolls up the map for further use. For now, she levitates a couple pairs of scissors and a bottle of wonder glue at her opponent. Despite the pricks in her back, Oboro manages to swing her spear around to deflect the incoming projectiles. Rarity's magic pulls out from the third shopping bag. A pound of fake feathers fly around. Oboro swings her spear around, trying to keep them away. However, some of the feathers' tips manage to dart around and poke her. "Augh! My eyes!" She drops what she's doing to reach up with both hands to remove the obtrusive sharp objects. Oboro blinks through bleary vision to find that the swarm of crafting objects is no longer trying to attack her. She exhales out of bittersweet relief. She gasps while patting her sides. Her spear is absent from the position she normally carries it. "You can have this back, darling!" Oboro's eyes go wide as something pierces her spine and goes all the way through. She shakes as she looks down... at the bloody spear tip sticking out of her chest. She reaches a hand toward her chest as she struggles to voice a last breath. "Mother... Father... Lord Takumi... I'm sorry..." Oboro crumples into a horizontal heap along the ground. K.O.! ///Death Battle\\\ Heh heh. The backstab: one of my favorite ways to watch someone die. Normally, neither of these two characters would be the first ones out on a battlefield. They are fashionistas at heart and prefer form over function. However, they have both been in instances where they have had to fight. Most of the Fire Emblem cast has more battle experience than the My Little Pony cast. But knowing what's coming doesn't necessarily prepare you to stop it. Oboro's weapon is perfect for deflecting swords and poking holes in someone's magic tome. That's great! But Rarity doesn't rely on ancient books. She's just got magic for days. With such a low resistance against enemy magic attacks, there wasn't a whole lot Oboro could do to protect herself against Rarity's magic. This is especially true in the sense that Rarity's arsenal isn't very orthodox for a combat setting, adding a layer of unpredictability that Oboro's headstrong approach couldn't work against. Rarity may have more girly emotions than her peers, but so does Oboro. Neither of them was going to get any edge in terms of keeping her cool. Plus, Rarity can adapt her magical use to materials in the environment when her shop's tools aren't available. Oboro's best with a spear... and that's about it. Just magically yank that out of her grip and she's pretty much stumped for an attack plan. With Rarity capable of using magic on objects even when her eyes aren't directly on them, Oboro wasn't going to get much advantage even if she got the first attack. Oboro's blind rage and Rarity's slight unpredictability were what decided the end result. Oboro wasn't dressed for success. The winner is Rarity. ///Death Battle\\\ ---