//------------------------------// // Operation 2: Don't Fall in Love with the Farmer's Daughter // Story: The Tryst // by Hooves Like Jagger //------------------------------// Planet Diver woke up. He had been having a dream where he was on a large boat sailing across a starlit sea. The images were still fresh in his mind, and they were all magnificent. As he looked down at his chest, he was happy that it had only been a dream. As far as morning afters went for Planet Diver, this one was a whole new experience. First off, he usually had them inside on a nice, warm bed, not outside on the chilly ground. Secondly, he wasn't trying to tip-toe out of the room without waking the poor mare up. He was quite content where he was, so leaving was the very last thing he wanted to do. Third, he wasn't hung over and his partner didn't reek of alcohol, either. That was a definite plus. Last but certainly not least, Planet Diver had never just laid and watched his partner sleep. Pippin slept on with the serenity of a foal with her face buried in Planet Diver's chest. She had one hoof around his belly and he had one hoof resting around her shoulders. This was not the kind of bliss a criminal should get to experience. Even when Pippin's eyes flitted open, the scene remained just as peaceful. She smiled and sighed as she traced a circle in Planet Diver's coat with her hoof. The only sounds were soft breathing, a slight breeze rustling the leaves on the trees, and birds singing somewhere in the distance. The sun was hardly up, so the trees cast long shadows that kept the couple shrouded in cool shadow. Life stood still for the two ponies as they lay in the orchard, but they couldn't stop it from moving along. "We can't stay here forever," Pippin whispered. Planet Diver cursed his luck. He did, in fact, have somewhere he needed to be this morning. The original plan had been for him to go to Rainbow Dash's house in Ponyville and stay there, but it didn't take a genius to see that hadn't happened. From there, his sister was supposed to show him to the Ponyville Weather Station where he'd be working. He didn't want to go to work, though. "We can try," he offered, hugging Pippin a little closer. Pippin squeezed him back, but she looked up at him and shook her head. "I've got work to do. What do you have to go do?" "... Weather," Planet Diver admitted. "Well then, you better hop to it. We need today's rain for the crops." Pippin managed to wriggle free from Planet Diver and stand up. He followed in suite, not wanting to remain on the ground if nopony was going to cuddle with him. "Fine, but you're going to have to point me in the right direction first." He wrapped a wing around her and stole her lips. Pippin broke free and nuzzled his neck. "I'll tell you where to go, but you have to do something for me first." Pippin's tone was ever so playful, causing Planet Diver to agree unconditionally. "When y'all are done with the weather, come back 'round here for lunch. I reckon a fella like you doesn't have plans anyway." "Ha. What's that supposed to mean?" "It means y'all are new here and don't know nopony," Pippin clarified. "And if we're gonna carry on like this, mah family is gonna want to get to know ya." "Does your family read the paper?" Planet Diver asked. Pippin nodded, keeping a cheerful enough look on her face to ease his worries slightly. Still, he knew the chances her whole family being on board with their daughter seeing a known criminal were slim. The best approach would be to break the news to them in easy doses. Bonding over a bit of food might actually be a good idea. "Should I swing by around noon, then?" Pippin grinned and gave Planet Diver a peck on the nose. "Go into town and look for the building with a giant cupcake on the roof. From there, go west until you see a building with a cloud for a signpost. That'll be the weather station. Now git, an' don't be late." He had no choice but to comply, taking to the air with one final good-bye smooch. Now that the world was bathed in light, Planet Diver got a much better look at Sweet Apple Acres. If it weren't for the barn and two farmhouses on the property, a pony could easily mistake it for a forest. The fields filled with other various plants out front helped dispel the notion, however, that the area was a forest. With so much property to look after, Planet Diver wondered how the ponies who ran the place managed it all. Ponyville itself wasn't the little tank town he remembered from his younger years, either. The town was larger, taller, and buzzing with more ponies than he recalled, even at this early hour. The sound of engines puttering along filled the air as smokestacks began to smoke and laundry began making its way onto lines above the streets. Planet Diver would have been hard-pressed to miss the building Pippin had told him to look for first. The sculpture of a pink pastry was easy to spot against the beiges and greys of the other buildings. He turned his back to the sun and swooped down, spotting the signpost that looked like a fluffy, white cloud. He landed before the edifice and strode on in. Upon entering, every pegasus in the place turned to look up at him. Planet Diver was used to getting looks in public by now, but not the kind he was getting right now. If he could see the ridiculous grin plastered across his face, he might have understood why everypony was avoiding eye contact a little more proactively. He meandered up to the counter, still flying first class on cloud nine. "Hi, I'm Planet Diver. It's my first day here and I'm supposed to report... to," Planet Diver struggled to recall the name Rainbow Dash reminded him several times to remember. He wondered if maybe he should have listened. "Uh... Ms. Flow is waiting for you... in the back," the receptionist whimpered. He didn't bother thanking her, he just winged his way over to the desk and into the area only employees were allowed into. He poked his head in the first small room in the back and looked for the mare who was going to be training him. He found no mare, but he did finally find a sight that wiped the smile off his face. "Um... I'm looking for Ms. Flow..." "Honey, you're looking at her." Planet Diver blinked. "I recognize you from the papers, Mr. Dash." "Ah... uh," Planet Diver was at a loss for words, but the saucy stallion in the little back room had plenty to spare. "It's funny, your sister came and told me you'd disappeared and not to expect you, but I told her, 'that colt will show up, I just know he will'. You see, I worked for your big sister long enough back when she was weather captain to know anypony who'd been raised in the same household as her wouldn't shirk his duties, but your sister was skeptical. Oh boy, was she skeptical. Here you are though, full of defiance and wide-eyed terror. So tell me, Mr. Dash, are you ready to make a rainstorm?" Planet Diver was a bit too distracted by the stallion's massive, pink beehive hairdo and gaudy make-up to process too much information. "Uh... I'm ready to make rain, sure." "Sure what? This isn't no preschool, Mr. Dash. Sure what?" "Sure... ma'am?" "What's wrong with you colt? You come up on in here after disappearing and causing your sister all kinds of trouble, and the best you can give me is a 'sure'? I'm not all too happy about having to take in a pretty seriously convicted felon, Mr. Dash. If your sister wasn't Rainbow Dash, I would have punted you to the streets if you'd asked for a job." The stallion now had Planet Diver's full attention. "You can kick me out if you want. I didn't want to be put here." "Put here... what?" "Look dude, you can't make me say ma'am after everything I say. You're a weather pony, not a royal guard." Ms. Flow didn't take too kindly to her authority being questioned. The stallion trotted up, flaring his wings in order to fill Planet Diver's vision with nothing but light blue. "I am not your 'dude', Mr. Dash. I am either Ms. Drag Flow, Ms. Drag, Ms. Flow, or just plain 'ol ma'am. Don't you get fresh with me, or I will send you back to Cloudsdale on one wing begging for jail time." Planet Diver was now aware of how much bigger Drag Flow was; not big in a muscular sense, but big in a time-for-a-diet sense. He wasn't about to be intimidated by a little flab. "Can we just make some weather, sir?" Unfortunately, that was the one line Planet Diver was not allowed to cross. Planet Diver was grateful for the rain that saturated his coat. Nopony would be able to tell how sweaty he was, unless they took a deep breath too close to him. He never knew rainclouds were so heavy and he never considered how many of the grey clouds would be required to cover the whole of Ponyville. Drag Flow hadn't given him a moment's respite either. The stallion didn't even help with the labor, he just barked orders at Planet while lounging on the clouds. Planet Diver swore he was doing it just to spite him. The job had left Planet Diver's wings aching. He didn't have it in him to fly back to Sweet Apple Acres, so he'd settled for trotting along through the rain. The only problem was he only knew how to get to his destination by the air. On the ground, the towering structures around him prevented him from seeing beyond a single block. He tried to ask for directions once, but it hadn't ended well. Everypony became wary as he passed by, but approaching them threw them into full-on panic. He'd have to be careful in the future. Even an accusation of trying to mug somepony could mean going into the clink. "Yo! Planet!" Planet Diver looked up just before his sibling touched down right next to him. Sunny was wearing some strange sort of umbrella hat to keep his meticulously maintained mane in a fluffy ball. "Looks like you didn't skip town!" "You're still here?" Planet Diver grunted, continuing on his way to where he thought Sweet Apple Acres was located. "Of course I am, bro! Rainy has Wonderbolt stuff to do, but Pops said it wouldn't hurt if I stuck around for a while. Besides, somepony had to see if you actually went on the lam." "Nope, still here. I even went to work." "Did you now? And here I was, pondering the mystery of how they made it rain without their star weather pony, Planet Diver Dash," Sunny joked. Considering how much work he'd done, Planet Diver seriously considered how they would have fared without him. "So where did you go, bro? It was like, twenty minutes into the party when me and Rainy noticed you were nowhere to be found." Planet Diver came to a stop. "Yeah... you're not going to believe me." Seeing his brother's spirits lighten, Sunny resolved to get the truth out of him. "Let's worry about my believing it later, just tell me." Planet Diver tried to keep from smirking, but he was happily torn between keeping last night's events his little secret or sharing his exploits with his brother. Planet Diver wasn't one to kiss and tell, but Sunny just looked too eager to hear the story. "Alright, I'll tell you," Planet Diver decided. The two resumed walking as Planet Diver started his explanation. "Did you ever remember what happened when we came here as kids?" "Pfft, no." Sunny laughed a good hearty guffaw. "C'mon bro, just tell me." "I'm getting there, I'm getting there. So, when we came here as kids I met this filly, Pippin. You probably don't remember her, but you remember what she did to me." "Oh, wait, lightbulb going off over here! She kissed you, right?" "See, I knew you'd remember." "Alright, alright, I see. What's this gotta do with last night?" Sunny asked, getting right at the heart of the matter. "Well, that filly was there, but she's not a filly anymore, right?" Sunny lit up again, letting his award-winning smile blossom. "Oh... oh this is too rich. What's she look like? Is she hot?" "C'mon Sunny, just let me tell my story," Planet Diver chuckled. "Okay, okay. What happened next?" "So we're talking, right? Things are going well and are normal enough, but then she tells me to meet her out away from the party in five minutes." "Ooh hay boy! She wants you!" "Hold on, there's still more." "Oh, this is gonna be good." Sunny was bouncing as he went along, entranced by his brother's story. "So we meet up and she takes me out into the orchard. We get to the place she kissed me when we were kids, and... well... to keep from saying too much, things escalated beyond a kiss on the nose." "Aaaaw Yeah! Atta boy! That's my brother, yo!" Sunny cheered at a passing stranger as he put Planet Diver into a brotherly headlock. "Look at you Casanova! Look. At. You! You were all mopey when you got here, but then you go out and get some! That's more like the Planet Diver I know!" "Yeah... well." Planet Diver ate up the praise, even if he didn't show it on the outside. "So what's next for you? You on your way to find another heart to break?" Sunny questioned. "Ah... no. She told me to come to her place for lunch, so I'm headed back to that farm now." This time Sunny brought the pair to a halt. He tipped his shades down and peered at Planet Diver with his intense, red eyes. "What?" "Now that's out of character, bro. Don Juan Diver loves then leaves, not loves then comes by for lunch. What's the story? Is she that hot or is her oven really warm, so to speak?" "No, Sunny. I like her," Planet Diver explained. Sunny hung on the last phrase, patiently waiting for his brother to add on or at least make an amendment. "I don't believe you. I'm coming with so I can get to the bottom of this." "Feel free. Just do me one favor." "Yeah, what?" "Make sure I'm going the right way." After a little readjustment in their course and a lot more walking, the two brothers arrived back at Sweet Apple Acres. Even in the rain, several large stallions were out doing various chores in bright, yellow raincoats. Recognizing one of the stallions as the big green one who confronted him last night, Planet Diver kept his head low so they wouldn't notice him entering the property. "Well howdy there Planet Diver!" Pippin blew Planet Diver's cover not even two steps from the front gate. "Who's this?" "Pippin, this is my brother Sunny. Sunny, this is Pippin," Diver introduced the two. "Howdy there! Nice to meet ya!" Pippin took Sunny's hoof and shook it with gusto. "The pleasure is all mine!" Sunny assured her, giving a little bow when Pippin released his hoof. "Well, let's not stand 'round in the rain. C'mon in, everypony should be sittin' down to eat right 'bout now." Pippin turned to the stallions who were out working. "C'mon y'all. It's time fer some vittles!" she shouted, rousing them to halt their progress and make towards the farmhouse. Planet Diver and Sunny followed in suit, but not before Sunny gave his brother a silent nod and smile of approval. They were glad to be able to come in out of the rain, but the sight that greeted them in the kitchen gave them pause. There must have been over a dozen ponies pulling up chairs from all parts of the house to sit around the table. Stimulated by having worked up an appetite and the smell of cooking wafting through the room, they chatted and laughed with one another. Planet Diver, having worked hard and feeling hungry himself, felt like he was in the right place. "C'mon, sit on down." Pippin gestured to a chair that was already at the table. Planet Diver got into it while Pippin took a seat right next to him. Sunny plopped down on the other side of his brother. Diver swore he'd imagined it, but the other ponies appeared to take heed of him when he sat down. It was only a brief lull though, so Planet Diver shook it off while everypony else sat down. "Daaaang... look at this spread, man," Sunny whispered to Diver. The repast put out on the table was impressive. Planet Diver hadn't even known there were so many ways to prepare apples. His culinary prowess only allowed him to identify apple pie, apple fritters, and apple sauce. The rest was foreign, but all of it appeared delectable. Sunny and Planet Diver were practically drooling over the sight, but refrained from being the first ponies to tuck in. "Alright everypony, who wants to say grace?" the final pony to arrive announced as she sat down. She pulled off her brown stetson and placed it on the table before her. Planet Diver recognized her as one of Rainbow Dash's friends. One hoof went up from the smallest colt at the table, the blonde and dingy orange colt that Diver recognized as Cogwheel from the party. "Alright, let's hear it." Cogwheel stood up and cleared his throat while two ponies placed a stocking cap and a flat cap on the table. "I'd just like to thank Celestia for our health and our livelihood. We're all thankful for the comin' union of my cousin Apple Barrel and soon-to-be cousin Swansong. We know they'll be happy, so all we ask is that they produce that great-great-grandchild Great-Granny Smith always wanted, bless her soul." Everypony chimed in with a "bless her soul" before Cogwheel continued his speech. "We all also ask that Tinker doesn't wind up dead." "Hey!" "Shush, Tinker! Where was I? Oh yeah, I was gonna say I hope we can keep gettin' on just fine and we thank ya." With one final "thank you" from everypony, Planet Diver and Sunny assumed the meal would start. Turns out they were wrong. "So, Pippin, who're your friends here?" the apparent matriarch of the table asked as she returned her hat to her head. Everypony who wasn't named Dash turned and looked at the ones who were. "Everypony, this here is Planet Diver Dash and his brother Sunny," Pippin introduced the two. "Fellas, let me introduce you to everypony." "We're never going to eat," Sunny whispered into Planet Diver's ear. "This here is Cogwheel an' Tinker. They're my little brothers." Pippin indicated toward the two younger colts who were seated next to Sunny. "Next to Cogwheel ,there, is my little cousin Honeycrisp." The little red pegasus ducked under the table until all either brother could see was the top of her orange mane. "Now, she's the daughter of Auntie Fluttershy and Uncle Macintosh over yonder. Apple Barrel right over here is also their kid." Even while sitting, the brothers were astonished by the sheer size of the pony called Apple Barrel. Bigger by at least a few hands than anypony else at the table, of which there were some pretty big ones, the pinkish stallion's body was a mountain of muscle capped by a pile of orange hair. "His fiancee is my good friend Swansong, here," Pippin introduced the unicorn mare as she slung a foreleg around her. "That's a shame," Planet Diver heard Sunny mutter under his breath, and it was obvious why. The aqua unicorn was a fair sight, with her slender body and carefully curled mane. "Her parents are Rarity and Gibson over yonder, but Gibson don't talk on account of his condition. The other unicorn next to Rarity is Miss Twilight Sparkle. She runs a school for unicorns down in Ponyville and is Princess Celestia's own student. The feller next to her is Spike, her assistant." Planet Diver and Sunny wondered how they failed to notice the dragon seated at the table. Spike was about the size of Twilight, with a pair of leathery wings that would look more at home on a pigeon. "Right next to him is Sweetie Belle, who is Rarity's sister." "Holy crap. Does 'hot' just run in that family or what?" Sunny mumbled to Planet Diver. "Ow! You kicked me!" Diver grinned. "Right next to her is Auntie Applebloom and Snails." Planet Diver noted the omission of the word "uncle" when the mustard colored unicorn was mentioned. He wasn't a big stallion, but his tall, thinner frame still looked well built. The mare next to him looked pretty typical for a farmpony. Sweet and quiet on the outside, but probably a regular fireball inside. "Last but not least, let me introduce you to my Ma and Pa." Pippin gestured to the two opposite end of the table. From where Planet Diver was sitting he could see Applejack smiling at him, but he had to crane his neck to look around the food and see the father. "Oh boy," he cursed under his breath. "Good to see you again so soon. The name's Big Lugnut and this here is my wife, Applejack," Big Lugnut introduced himself and his spouse, deadpanning his eyes at Planet Diver. Planet Diver knew his reputation would cause trouble no matter who Pippin's father was, but of all the ponies in the room why did it have to be Big Lugnut? The stallion, for some odd reason, was giving Diver an unpleasant vibe. Even back at the party, Lugnut had gone out of his way to confront him "It's good to meet everypony!" Sunny D shouted, making Big Lugnut break eye contact with Planet Diver, who promptly ducked back behind the food. "Yeah, good to meet all of you," he added. Eating instantly began. The Dash brothers had to jump into action quickly to get anything before the other fifteen mouths cleared out the table. After a few moments of silent eating, conversation started back up. "So, Sunny, what is it you do?" Big Lugnut asked. Being put in the spotlight surprised Sunny, but he was in no way opposed to it. "I'm just the most up and coming-est recording artist in Cloudsdale right now. Sunny D is the name on everypony's lips and the voice on everypony's radio," Sunny bragged. Everypony nodded, and only nodded much to Sunny's disappointment. Normally when ponies find out he's Sunny D he gets covered in mares. "Yup, y'all are related to Rainbow Dash alright," Applejack chuckled. "Because we're all famous?" The question earned a glare from Planet Diver. "Uh, sorry." Planet Diver knew he meant no harm, but he'd appreciate it if Sunny avoided drawing attention to his reputation. It's the least he could do. "Don't y'all have another sister?" Applejack questioned. Planet Diver nodded. "Jenday Conure is her name, ma'am. We all call her JC." He tried to be as respectful as possible. It might help soften things up. "Rainbow Dash doesn't talk about her too much," Fluttershy pointed out. "I heard that, uhm, she's sick?" Both brothers nodded solemnly. JC had never been very healthy. Aesthetically she was vibrant and colorful like the other mares in their family, but her body was weak and frail. Most of her time was spent at the hospital in Cloudsdale. Even when she wasn't in the hospital she lead a very sedentary life, whiling the hours away playing violin. She was a sensitive subject for all the Dash siblings, especially her two, perfectly healthy, triplet brothers. "Yeah, she's in and out of the hospital. Her health is pretty fragile," Planet Diver confessed. "Sounds like somepony you shouldn't be causing grief," Big Lugnut rumbled from across the table. Both Planet Diver and Sunny craned their necks to look at the stallion. Even the more easygoing of the two brothers did not tolerate anypony talking about JC that way. Neither brother would do anything to upset their littlest sister on purpose, and if one did he would feel obligated to have the other kill him. "So... Snails, how are things at the plant?" Spike asked in order to change the subject and shift things over to the less awkward. "Things are going well, eh," Snails answered, glad to steer the conversation away from a sensitive subject. "We're still working on the design for our next model. We want to see if we can't make it a bit safer, eh." "C'mon Snails, I told you a million times you should throw those blueprints out," Tinker cut in. For whatever reason, he turned and made eye contact with Planet Diver. "This guy keeps pushing for safety and fuel efficiency on the newer models, but he should be pushing to make the darn things go faster, right?" "I... I don't know." Based on his previous conversation with Tinker, Diver had a sneaking suspicion as to why Tinker might think he'd like faster automobiles. "Snails, are you ever going to make those adjustments I showed you?" Tinker asked as he turned back to the unicorn. "That'll make the next model a real road burner. Fuel efficiency and safety are pointless. Automobiles are safe as anything and it's not like we'll ever run out of gasoline." "Tinker, the adjustments you wanted me to make would turn the next model into a death trap. On top of that, it probably couldn't make it across Ponyville on a full tank of gas." "Then you just have to make it lighter." "That would make it even more dangerous, eh." "And faster, right?" Tinker turned to Planet Diver again. "Uh... I think Snails has a point," Planet Diver admitted. Tinker dropped what he was eating and let his jaw fall open, reacting as if Planet Diver had defiled a decade-long friendship with a single knife to the back. "Thank you Mr. Dash. Take it safe and slow, that's what I always say, eh." Planet Diver couldn't help but notice Applebloom rolling her eyes. "Swansong, remind me how Apple Barrel proposed to you," Applebloom asked, putting emphasis on "proposed" as she looked up at Snails. "Yeah, you should tell Mr. Dash and... Mr. Dash. It's a good story," Snails chipped in, completely missing the hint, or rather bomb, Applebloom had just dropped. "Oh, it wasn't anything special. He just popped the question all of a sudden after a picnic under the stars. I said yes, of course. Right, darling?" Swansong looked nearly straight up at her fiancee's hidden eyes. "Yes ma'am," he rumbled. "Have you two known each other long?" Sunny asked. Planet Diver felt like he could answer that question, recalling the little unicorn filly and the plump earth pony he'd seen at Sweet Apple Acres so many years ago. "Yessir," the giant chortled. "We've known each other since we were very young, practically our whole lives," Swansong elaborated. There were two knocks on the table. Everypony turned their attention to the source: Gibson. He began making a series of swift motions with his hooves, which concluded with one pointed at Apple Barrel. Planet Diver and Sunny jumped when everypony else burst into side splitting laughter, everyone but Apple Barrel, who looked terribly embarrassed. "No sir," Apple Barrel mumbled once the laughter subsided a bit. There were a few more swift movements from Gibson and then even more laughter. Gibson kept on going, slowing down his movements and giving a heartfelt smile. Everypony d'awwed when he concluded. "Oh stop it you, you're going to make me cry," Swansong sniffled. Apple Barrel put a massive hoof around her shoulders and leaned down to give her a quick kiss on the head. The table shared a touching moment, except for the brothers Dash. Both brothers huddled up and conversed in hushed tones. "Do you know sign language?" Planet Diver asked Sunny. "If I did, I'd be bawling my eyes out too." The brothers returned to their normal positions as the conversation moved along. "Can I see the ring again, Swansong?" Applebloom asked. Swansong happily obliged, levitating the diamond encrusted band in a azure aura. "Now, ain't that a purdy ring, Snails?" "I can't say, pudding. I haven't seen many rings." Planet Diver was amazed. Snails marched to the beat of his own drum, and it was a very, very slow rhythm. "Ugh... y'all are just as slow as when we met," Applebloom groaned. The comment went right over Snails's head, but all the mares with significant others began to nod. Although she hadn't started with them, Pippin began nodding vigorously when she saw it happen. Planet Diver noticed, and then he noticed that everypony else had noticed. All eyes were not on Pippin, not on Planet Diver, but on the pair of them. The ball was in their court, but he wanted it out. "So, Spike, you're a dragon," Planet Diver pointed out. Inside he knew that was a terrible attempt, but to his surprise everypony actually went for it. "Have been all my life," Spike announced as if it was a point of pride that he'd never been anything else. "I help out Twilight, mostly by delivering letters to Princess Celestia." "You deliver letters to the Princess?" Sunny asked, getting a nod in response from the dragon. "Are you going to send her that grace we said?" Ponies chuckled at the quip, satisfying Sunny's need for attention. "No, we don't send the grace," Twilight explained. "Most of our correspondence today has to do with my studies. Why, it was just yesterday that-" "Psst." Planet Diver and Sunny heard a soft voice from directly behind them. Twilight continued, but the brothers turned their attention to Honeycrisp, who had managed to sneak behind them. She cast a timid glance up to Planet Diver before focusing all her attention on Sunny. "I... I just wanted to say... that... that, uhm, I'm a big fan," Honeycrisp whimpered before sneaking back to her place at the table. "Aww, she's a cute kid," Sunny whispered to Planet Diver when they turned back around. "Sunny, she's a filly." The stallion had a record for having a one-track mind, so Diver wasn't going to even humor the statement. "No one is young forever." Planet Diver returned his attention to the conversation at hand, not wanting to know if his brother was joking or not. "-so they finally had to admit the idea had some merit," Twilight concluded what was probably an uninteresting story. "So, Pippin," Applejack turned her attention to her daughter. Planet Diver glanced over at her, noticing the innocent smile plastered across her face. He got a terrible feeling in the pit of his stomach. Everypony was staring at the two of them again. "Where were you last night?" Everypony leaned in. Planet Diver turned his head and looked at Pippin too, as if he were just as curious. Planet Diver knew he was royally screwed. Rainbow Dash had noticed Planet Diver had been gone, and he had it on good authority that she was steamed over it. When she gets mad, she tells ponies why she's mad. If everypony knew that neither he or Pippin had returned to their respective homes, they had probably already put two and two together. Planet Diver could only put his faith in the mare beaming confidently next to him. "I fell asleep in the orchard last night," Pippin explained. It wasn't a lie, but it sure as hay wasn't the entire truth. "Ya'll must have been tired if ya just plopped down and slept in the orchard," Applejack pointed out. Pippin continued beaming brightly as she nodded. "Mighty tired." That wasn't a lie either, but Planet Diver would not have called it the truth. "Were y'all walkin' or somethin'?" Applejack continued to probe. Pippin's expression changed to indicate she found the question odd. "Ya... that is how I get most places." The statement dispelled all the previous tension. Everypony got off the edge of their seats and resumed eating. Planet Diver could hardly believe it. Pippin had done the impossible and spared them from what could have been a potentially dangerous situation. He quietly sighed and took a victorious bite out of a piece of apple pie. "You must have been walking for a while to get so tired," Big Lugnut chuckled before stuffing his mouth full of an apple fritter. Pippin shook her head. "I reckon I was more tired from all the sex me an' Planet Diver had." Ponies eating food spat it out and ponies holding utensils dropped them. Planet Diver looked at Pippin in disbelief. The mare looked like she either had no idea what she'd just said or it hadn't struck her as completely inappropriate and incredibly sensitive. Knowing Pippin, there was a one hundred percent chance of the latter option. It didn't take long for the inevitable to happen. Big Lugnut reared up and jumped clear across the table to where Planet Diver was seated. The pegasus would have been crushed if it had not been for the unicorns in the room suspending Big Lugnut in mid-air on Applejack's command. Planet Diver stared up at the stallion's crazed eyes as he flailed about in protest. "I don't know how long we can hold him, AJ!" Twilight groaned under the stress of holding the heavy load. Even with Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Swansong, and Snails helping, Lugnut was not an easy load to bear. "C'mon Big Lug, we gotta talk this over civilly," Applejack attempted to reason with her husband as she rounded the table. Lugnut didn't break his gaze from Planet Diver. "C'mon Pa, don't be angry," Pippin pleaded, but it fell on deaf ears. Big Lugnut's whinnies of rage shook the entire house. "Maybe you should step out for a minute," Pippin advised Planet Diver. "Don't worry, I'll take care of him. C'mon," Tinker ordered as he hopped up and began ushering Planet Diver towards the exit. The pegasus complied, fearing for his health. Sunny followed along, fighting as best he could to keep from laughing. Tinker lead them out of the farmhouse and towards a barn close to the orchard. He was silent all the while, which bugged Planet Diver. "Aren't you... angry?" "Huh? Oh, I can't hold a grudge for long. I'll just have to show you that I'm right and Snails is wrong," Tinker answered, missing the point by a thousand miles. "No! I'm talking about me and your sister!" Planet Diver cleared up. Sunny couldn't hold back any longer and began laughing just as loud as he could. "This is too much! Best. Lunch. Ever!" Diver ignored him. "You and my sister? Why would I be angry? I think that's fantastic, congrats to the both of you. Now come on, I've got more important things to show you." After a few moments of standing in silent, dumbstruck confusion, Planet Diver gave in and decided to find out what this mixed up colt thought was more important than his sister's honor. If the past was any indication, it had everything to do with automobiles.