I want to write a song. I want to create meaningful lyrics with an accompaniment so beautiful that the notes themselves bring emotions to life. I want to write about the world. Other ponies. Life. Love….you. You are the only pony worth writing a song about. I could write a million songs about a million things that only we would understand. I could write a million other songs that all equestria would stop and say,
“That song is about Applejack.”
And they’d be right.
As I sit here quietly considering topics that would retold better as a lyrical tale, I think of you. I am reminded that in a few short months our paths are going to split. In a few short months our daily conversations will turn into monthly and the laughs we share together will diminish into almost nothing. I think about how to you will return to your greatest passion while I will continue on to learn more about mine. You will return to a lover and a family that you left behind. I will continue the search for mine.
Sometimes I envy you. You are happy. You’ve got everything going for you. I wish I could be as happy and as confident as you are, AJ. I wish I could go home, instead of spending another 6 years in college. I wish I had a lover waiting for me. I wish I had someone wanting me to come home and settle down. I know you will.
You tell me that he asked for your hoof size and that he told you he went and bought a ring for you. You say that you know where he is going to propose and when because he just can’t keep a secret. I’m happy for you….but I’m not. I can’t explain it! I want to say so many things about it…how he is stealing you away and you are only leaving me because he stole your heart and your compassion. Did he need both? I know I am getting ahead of myself. I know that you both are in a state of true blissful love. Almost more than Shining Armor and Cadence! That makes me happy. You are going to be happy and loved. You are going back to your farm. Going back to who and what you love.
I wish I could be loved. I wish I wasn’t so shy! If I wasn’t so shy I would have more friends that just you six. None of you are going to university with me. I’ll be alone in a whole new place. If I wasn’t so shy, perhaps I would have a coltfriend back in Ponyville waiting for me. Perhaps I would be happy.
You know what I’m going to miss Applejack? The laughs we shared. The times where we were so happy we could barely hold back giggles.
I’m going to miss the sentimental times. The times where you would just get up and hug me. You didn’t usually say anything. You’d press your muzzle into my mane and stand there. You’d give me all the time you could to help me feel better. I liked that. I liked being reminded that I mattered and that you were always going to be there.
I pray to Celestia that you still will be in a couple of years.
The more I think about you, AJ, the more I want to put my thoughts and feeling to music. Just for you.
I suppose that I have written several topics here. I could write about wanting being just like you or how this isn’t a true goodbye. That we’ll meet again.
None of those sound good enough. None of them would make you miss me. None of them would make you smile and remember.
Truth be told, I want you to miss me. I want you write to me one day and say,
“Fluttershy, I miss you. When will you be in Ponyville again?”
Honestly, I doubt that will happen. Remember your old friend Ra Ra? You said she was your best friend but you never wrote her. It was years until you saw her again. When you did you said you would keep in touch but I have only seen you write to her once this whole time. What I find interesting though is that you still consider her your best and closest friend. If we lose touch will you still consider me a close friend? Will you still wait for me or will you forget?
It hurts just even considering it.
I will always make time for you, Applejack. Always. I Pink Pie promise.
I could write a song about that. Maybe. A song about to friends who are separated yet so close that they know in their hearts that they’ll soon meet again.
I know. It sounds cliché. Stupid even.
I don’t know why my every thought is running with you. I wish it would switched gears. I want to write about a scary yet hopeful future as a vet student but my mind drifts to you and how certain and bright your future is.
I do know that I am repeating myself. Over and over.
I guess that I’m just really scared, Applejack.
I don’t know what my future holds. I don’t know if I’ll stay in vet school. I don’t know if I’ll find a special somepony. I don’t know if our friendship is strong enough to conquer time. I don’t know anything. All I know is that you will be leaving in three months and when that day comes I’ll be alone.
I don’t want to be alone.
I just want to be happy.
I want to write a song to right now but that’s beside the point, I guess.
You know, the time I have spent writing has given me an idea. I’m not going to write about love, friendship, or about specific things that ponies could pick you out with.
I am going to write about a green-eyed mare with a mane the color of desert sand.