//------------------------------// // 78. Forked Destiny - Part Six // Story: Letters From a Little Princess Monster // by Georg //------------------------------// Letters From a Little Princess Monster Forked Destiny - Part Six ~ ~ ✶ ~ ~ Baroness Milk. Lady of the Green. None of the titles really sang to Spoiled Milk’s ears like Spoiled Rich would have. Maybe if she purchased a tiara with the proceeds of… Well, there were no real proceeds that came out of the Everfree Forest, other than Zecora’s potions and weird monsters, of course. Personally, Spoiled preferred traditional, pre-packaged, EDA-approved potions found in the Bargain Barn’s Thaumaturgical section. The zebra was competition for the safe, reliable, and mostly effective products, and her introduction into the safe town of Ponyville upset a number of metaphorical apple carts that Spoiled Milk had been quick to take advantage of. It was not enough for Spoiled to get away from her horrible cheese-making relatives, she had to make something out of her life that they would burn with jealousy over. It was the destiny her cutie mark pointed to, the diamond ring in the middle of cheese curds and whey, and Ponyville had seemed to be the perfect place to put that ring on a wealthy stallion worthy of being shaped into what she wanted. She had been so close before that dyed hussy Filigree had waddled into town, spewed out a bat-winged abomination from her loins, and managed to get her slimy hooves on Spoiled’s target. Diamond Tiara and Filthy Rich had soaked up a lot of her investment of time and effort, and trading that for a meaningless title just stuck in her craw like a dry pinecone. At least Spoiled still had some leverage with Diamond Tiara. “I’m very glad you accompanied us to the train station, Miss Milk.” Diamond’s voice was flawless, the product of many hours of Spoiled Milk’s lectures on enunciation and poise. “I’m looking forward to finding out what my other friends talked to Princess Luna about.” It should have been Spoiled Milk standing with Diamond Tiara when they talked to royalty. Princess Luna displayed all the signs of needing a wise advisor to help guide her through this new world with all of its pitfalls and snares. It had been a considerable surprise to find out that the timid little pony who ran around with those ruffians was actually a princess too, and that her adopted mother was the disreputable zebra from the terrifying forest. Still, the little purple alicorn had a way of looking straight through Spoiled Milk, as if Twilight considered her as a an obstacle in her way, and was trying to find some sort of path around, over, or through her. “Me too! I bet they’re going to have to use the Elements of Harmony on some big giant monster,” said Silver Spoon, who had gravitated back to Diamond’s side where she belonged. The two of them were a much more appropriate pairing than the muddy and stick-covered ‘friends’ that Diamond had recently acquired. Worse, their thuggish behavior was rubbing off on both of the tasteful little fillies. “I don’t think so. I bet they’re finding out how long it will be before Wyrmie can fly.” Diamond looked up at Spoiled and smiled. “You should see him, Miss Milk. He’s like a tiny little dragon who looks just like a rock when he curls up, but sparkles like gemstones under his tummy.” “A violent dragon for a pet.” Spoiled Milk sniffed and looked at the approaching train. “How absolutely terrifying. Scrambling all over your property and eating anything that sparkles. A proper young pony has a more distinguished tastes in their animals, like a kitten, or perhaps a small dog.” Spoiled held her tongue after that bit of wise advice. As a pillar of the community and a new member of the aristocracy, it would be more practical to apply her assistance to shaping and moulding the young princess, since doing the same for Filthy Rich was going to be so much more difficult. ~ ~ ✶ ~ ~ A little over an hour later, Baroness Milk was beginning to realize how difficult moulding Twilight Sparkle was going to be. “That’s… a castle,” she said under her breath, looking at the decaying towers and crumbling walls of a huge structure on her barony. “We’re not going there.” Twilight Sparkle took a sharp turn off the main trail and headed down a smaller, more twisty path that led down into the ragged chasm that surrounded the castle. The young alicorn had changed when she and her friends had passed into the Everfree Forest, looking more confident and poised. In fact, Twilight looked predatory for some reason, and had brought Spoiled Milk along as almost an afterthought. The rest of her young friends hopped, skipped, and fluttered down the path right behind their smaller leader, leaving the much taller earth pony in the awkward position of having to hustle along in order not to be left behind the group she was nominally in charge of leading. The path continued down the chasm with occasional twists until it passed by a huge crystal cave, filled partially by a huge crystal tree and the rest filled by a stunning array of crystal growths and sculpted patterns that left Spoiled Milk with her jaw hanging open. There was more precious crystal in this cave than a mining operation could harvest in a decade. Most of it was in the form of the immense tree towering along the back wall, with thick roots and branches that thinned as they rose all the way up to a canopy of delicate colorful leaves. The whole area, with massive tree and surrounding crystal structures, was a work of art beyond anything she had seen before. It deserved to be shown in a major city by an up and coming baroness. How it got here was beyond Spoiled, and how to get it out of here was beyond her too. In fact, the tree might even be some sort of secret national treasure which Princess Luna would not appreciate being chopped into pieces and moved. Just standing and looking at the crystalline tree made Spoiled intensely protective of her barony’s priceless property too, although there might be some way to make money off this. Baroness Milk’s Crystal Tree Tours - Most Visitors Return Alive No, that was foolish. Besides, she got the strange feeling that Twilight Sparkle had the first say on this particular structure, mostly by the way she was staring up at the crystal tree. The young alicorn’s eyes traced across the branches, down to the cold white star that matched her cutie mark, then down the trunk to Princess Luna and Celestia’s cutie marks. The rest of the young ponies did not seem nearly as reverent as Twilight, but spilled out into the beautiful cave as if they had reached a school playground in the depths of this wilderness. They jumped and played, leaping from priceless crystal tree limb to crystal outcropping with no regard at all for how much it was all worth, or how dangerous the sharp edges might be. It left Spoiled Milk standing at the cave entrance with Twilight, which is the only way she heard it when the little alicorn whispered, “We’re in time.” “What?” Spoiled Milk looked down at Twilight, but was cut off when the alicorn raised her voice and all of the young ponies, including Diamond Tiara, promptly gave her their full attention. “We have to give the Elements back to the Tree of Harmony.” “But what if we have to fight a giant monster?” asked Featherweight. “Or two giant monsters?” asked Scootaloo. “Or let that poor dracoethetheth… draconotheth… Discord out of his thatue?” said Twist. “They brought us together,” said Apple Bloom. “We never would have been able to save Princess Luna without them.” Twilight Sparkle sat down and took off her toy tiara, turning it around in her hooves instead of with her magic as Spoiled expected. “We all saved Luna as friends. Big friends. Small friends. Rocks are just rocks. Elements were in the stones. Now they’re in us too.” “I hatched a dragon,” said Sweetie Belle under her breath. “And a phoenix,” said Twist. “I flew,” said Scootaloo. “Just for a little bit, but I did.” “We’re all friends. We’ll always be friends.” Twilight let go of the plastic tiara and the pink gem floated free, lifting into the air while the gems from her friends’ toys did likewise. Wait. Those aren’t toys. They’re real. How in Equestria the little earth pony and pegasus ponies managed to make their gems float up to the tree’s branches was beyond her, and just why they would give up such valuable magical artifacts boggled Spoiled’s mind. What she did understand was that the Elements of Harmony were being stored in her barony, so in a way, they were hers. It was a nice, warm thought that occupied her mind while the tree glowed with power, then the warm thought went away rather abruptly when the glow only grew brighter and brighter into a blinding— “Shh!” admonished Twilight Sparkle, looking sternly at the tree. “Quiet!” —and then dimmed back down to the level it was before, although the cave fairly sang around Spoiled Milk in a chorus of subdued angelic voices that rose from the ground and every branch on the tree. It built up, then ebbed back down at a particularly sharp glance from Twilight, finally simmering long and sweet in a melody without words that just fairly begged a pony to sing along. Even the lumpy little rock-dragon perched on Sweetie Belle’s head stretched up and began to croon in teeny squeaks like some reptilian cricket while the music faded lower and lower, until finally it was gone, and all Spoiled could hear was an echo in the back of her head that shifted whenever she moved her head. And something she had not noticed before. A flower had grown up right in the middle of the cave floor, a huge thing with giant pink petals. It felt warm and heavy, but would not open up so she could see inside. There was obviously something valuable in there, and when Twilight Sparkle touched it with one hoof, the thick pink petals opened to reveal a blue six-sided gem the size of a chest. “Six sides, six keys.” Twilight Sparkle was jostled by her friends as they gathered around and peered into the keyholes. “Six new friends. Lessons.” “School?” wailed Scootaloo. “In time,” said Twilight. “Going too fast. No time to be young. Like Miss Milk.” “Me?” Spoiled Milk was set back by all the young eyes looking at her, including Diamond Tiara. “Yes.” The little alicorn patted her on the hoof. “Don’t worry. We’ll teach you. Watch.” It was about all she could do anyway, so Spoiled Milk watched the young ponies play their foolish games in the crystal cave, darting around with tag and hiding behind the tree’s translucent trunk. It reminded her of the wasted days of her youth, or at least until Spoiled had gotten her cutie mark and was set on the right path. She was far too old now to do silly things like climbing the tree to remove one of the Elements of Harmony just sitting there, waiting for her. It would have to wait until later, and with a ladder. Of course, she was not so foolish as to go into the Everfree Forest at night to retrieve them, but some day when she was feeling particularly brave, and could remember the path to get here, and had some purpose to actually use the powerful artifacts to… fight some evil monstrosity. Maybe they can just stay here. After the young ponies were done playing and the group was most of the way back to Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle slid up next to Spoiled Milk with a peculiar question, spoken in her slow but very measured voice, one word at a time. “Miss Milk. If you had to fight a monster who could absorb the magic you used against him to become stronger, how would you?” “Well, I wouldn’t use magic against it,” she answered reflexively, looking around the forest with wide eyes. “Where is it?” “Not here,” said Twilight, frowning and slowing her pace. “Close. Soon.” “Oh.” Spoiled Milk swallowed hard, but did not quit looking around the rich green of the… that is her forest. “I’m not the one to ask about fighting monsters. Can’t you talk to it?” “No. Don’t talk good. Well.” The little alicorn’s neck hunched more, and she watched the ground while they walked. “Want to talk. Sometimes, fighting is worst choice. Sometimes, you have to. Don’t like it. Used to. Not that pony anymore. Don’t want to be again.” “Can you get somepony else to fight it? Somepony big and strong like an earth pony who could beat it up without using magic?” Little Twilight brightened for a moment, then her ears drooped and she looked at the forest path again. “Rockhoof. Still trapped in Limbo, I think. Not enough time to free him. Everything coming so fast lately.” Spoiled Milk could not help but let out a little sigh of adoration. “Yes, I’ve heard the stories about that legend. He could shovel my—” Spoiled blinked once. “Trapped in Limbo?” A sideways glance at the drooping little alicorn made her bite back any further words. Twilight supposedly had brain damage from her ordeal, so it would take a gentle hoof to deal with her, particularly if she believed that ancient myths and legends were real. Thankfully, the trip to the strange crystal tree and back had been without any violence to spook the poor thing. If she was worried about some thug, it would be best to pass the distasteful physical conflict off to a burly brute of sorts. “Don’t worry,” purred Spoiled Milk. “I’ll have a talk with Big McIntosh, and if this creature is threatening you, he can hit it with a shovel, better than Rockhoof. Big Mac’s shovel isn’t magical, so the creature can’t absorb its magic, and then it can be put into jail where it can’t hurt anypony.” Twilight stopped dead in her tracks, then abruptly changed directions, heading down a different path than the one Spoiled felt sure headed back to Ponyville. The rest of the happy young ponies followed, chattering away about another adventure with Spoiled Milk trailing along behind. For some reason, Twilight Sparkle lit her horn up and tapped her magic against every tree they passed along the path, and kept up her rapid pace and odd behavior for quite some time until she skidded to a halt in front of a stubby tree, barely the height of a house. “That’s a rowan tree,” said Spoiled once she had caught her breath. “The berries are mostly picked off by birds, so it’s not a good place to get lunch.” “Not lunch.” Twilight seemed nearly spastic with nerves, darting around the area before vanishing into the bushes while calling over her shoulder, “Find vines. Lots of vines.” “Found some,” said Apple Bloom, tugging on a sticky green tendril, followed by the rest of the little ponies rooting around the area and collecting the filthy things. In short order, Twilight Sparkle came bounding back out of the bushes, with all of the nervousness she had displayed earlier gone. She helped her friends wrap the bottom half of the tree in sticky vines, then did something Spoiled Milk had not expected. She ripped the tree right out of the ground as if it were a blade of grass, and carried it bobbing behind them in her magic while trotting down the path again. “Tree doesn’t have magic,” she bubbled, “so wrapping it in vines make it grabby. Stop up here.” The path opened up by a large bed of pale blue flowers, which Twilight promptly jammed the crown of the tree into, then spun it around until all the flowers were wound into the branches. “Almost there,” she added while skipping down the path this time. Not more than ten minutes later, she turned off the path to where a huge cave entrance loomed and placed the blossom-festooned and vine-wrapped tree to one side of the entrance. “Need a ball,” she announced, looking just the least bit unsure. “Got one!” declared Featherweight. He dug around in his saddlebag, scattering photographic tools until he emerged with a deflated bright red rubber ball. “I thought we might go swimming over in the grotto, so I wanted to be prepared.” Once the ball was inflated, Twilight held it in her magic and whistled, a sharp retort that hurt ears and echoed into the cave in a series of deeper reverberations. “One of my first friends,” said Twilight slowly. “He’s big. Slobbery. Very nice.” A deep bark sounded from inside the cave, and Twist began scrabbling in her saddlebag. “A doggie! I’ve got thome treatth!” The ground shook in a rhythmic pattern, shaking the nearby foliage and making Spoiled Milk take a startled step back. “Don’t look afraid,” added Twilight. “He’s not scary. Monster, but not scary.” When the huge, three-headed dog burst out of the cave and squinted in the sunlight, Spoiled Milk was so terrified that she thought she was going to pee. It towered over the young ponies just like it would have towered over many of the houses in Ponyville, with long white teeth and burning red eyes that locked onto Spoiled Milk as if she were some sort of tasty dog treat. Then one of the heads got a glimpse of the red ball that Twilight was bouncing in front of her, and the chase was on. All Spoiled Milk could see was huge paws and a giant tail that swept around at chest-height whenever the monster dog switched directions. To make matters worse, the children kept throwing the ball in Spoiled’s direction, making her frantically swat it away before being dog-trampled and covered in splatters of drool. It took several times of being knocked on her rump before Spoiled realized that Twilight Sparkle and her odd tree had vanished, and nearly until she had been beaten into unconsciousness before the small alicorn re-emerged from the cave with a short length of tree still floating behind her. “Done,” she declared right before the huge three-headed dog jumped her and wrestled for the stick. “Geroff! Arrgh!” It took several tosses of the mangled tree trunk before Twilight could get her legs under her and a little more wrestling until each of the little ponies found a massive ear to scratch and the tables were turned. If anything, the dog was bigger all sprawled out across the ground and panting. “That’s… Cerberus.” Spoiled Milk just kept staring at the huge creature of myth and legend. “Guardian of the Gates of Tartarus, the Immortal Protector.” “Hey, his back legs waves just like Winona when you rub his tummy,” declared Apple Bloom. “Who’s a good doggie? Yes, you are!” “Not a good doggie,” said Twilight in a stern tone of voice. “Let a prisoner out. Bad doggie.” The ear-scritches stopped. Cerberus whined and looked up, his big red eyes filling with tears. “I put the prisoner back,” said Twilight loudly. “Go guard. Good doggies guard. Go.” The huge dog bounded to his paws, but skidded to a halt at the cave door in order to look back and whine some more. “I’ll come back,” promised Twilight. “If I can’t, Miss Milk will come play with you. Won’t you, Miss Milk?” Spoiled Milk nodded reflexively before she could stop herself. The concept of being Baroness Milk was losing a lot of appeal. All the power she had thought came with the position turned out to have far too many responsibilities. ~ ~ ✶ ~ ~ The wisp had been very quiet for some time. It was used to being quiet and restraining its power. Quiet was good. When it had been first trapped inside Monster, it had panicked, and broken far too many things. Monster’s mind had been much like a library with pulled-down bookshelves and piles of burning books in the hallways, and it was all the wisp’s fault. Celestia’s mind was both different and the same. It still bore a resemblance to a library, but the reams and volumes of her experiences stretched into infinity. The jolt of being sealed into the bronze (See Early Bronze Age, Era 748 Before Unification) chamber had startled the wisp, not nearly to the destructive extent as Monster’s first introduction. It called for many cycles (See Years, transition of Sun and Moon through seasonal periods) of exploration, far more than would be healthy to the wisp’s alicorn host, despite her extraordinary physique. The wisp did not have years. It had at most several months until Celestia put it back into the sun with the rest of the innumerable wisps there. At the moment, it was quietly watching Celestia gently converse with Cadence and Shiny, staying deep enough that it could not be detected even by the alicorn’s twitchy nerves. Celestia’s whole body was a sea of boiling hormones (See Heat, treatment in Pegasus, Earth Pony, and Unicorn ponies) with all kinds of cellular activity that was positively fascinating and terrifying at the same time. Beings made of cold matter were complicated creatures. How could they live on the edge of death at every moment, unable to shift their forms, to rise on the wings of plasma vortices and spin in the magnetic eddy currents with their fellows? But that complication and restriction came with wonderful and fascinating bonuses. Carnival games. Kisses. Big Mac. Sisters. Sex. No, sex was weird. The gift the wisp had given to Philomena, She Bites was simple. Her egg had been made whole (See parthenogenesis, triggered in avians) and turned into an egg, which turned into a chick, which was going to turn into another Philomena. Life was an explosion of information, woven into beautiful patterns of friends and sisters and unicorns. The wisp could not think of how it could get better. Then Celestia crossed horns with Cadence, and the wisp found itself in a new home. With an existing resident. There was an alicorn inside the alicorn. The concept baffled the wisp. A tiny, living, heart-beating, feeling, thinking creature made of cold matter inside another creature made of cold matter. The wisp could feel her emotions, and the emotions of hundreds of other creatures — similar but different — who shared a connection with her. What was more, it could vaguely sense the love that coursed through those connections, a degree of specialness between them all that was dwarfed by the love they exchanged between mother and child. An enormous love that the wisp would never be able to feel itself. Or maybe it could. ~ ~ ☽ ~ ~ There was no avoiding it. Luna had been so adamant about not setting hoof inside the infernal bronze chamber of the Evile Doctor Horsenpfeffer, and to see her sister in the chamber with the testing equipment in full array was a certain indication that Luna would have to follow. Her order in the line for examinations did have some advantages, because the flashing lights and colorful screens were fascinating, particularly the way they were able to somehow look through Celestia and shade her alicorn magic in blues and reds. “What are… those?” Luna poked a hesitant bare hoof at the screen and the two reddish smears that stood out against Celestia’s silhouette. “Ovaries. Functional ones, too.” Doctor Horsenpfeffer hummed happily to herself while flipping switches and adjusting the display. “Look at all those happy eggs. And here you can see the contraceptive spell holding them back, and the six-lane highway under construction to take them to the incubator.” “Doctor,” announced Celestia over the intercom in a tense tone that Luna recognized as disguised irritation. “Are you quite done commenting on my insides?” “Yes, yes.” Horsenpfeffer’s pale periwinkle hoof tapped the display to settle out a few specks of dust, then swept over to the power switch and firmly turned it off. “Not a single thaum out of place, but you’re going to be a Fertile Myrtle for a few days. If you don’t want to wind up being the second pregnant alicorn in history, I’m going to prescribe a week restricted to your rooms without male companionship until your symptoms settle down, then the medication should be able to handle your hormonal surges in any months to follow. The first cycle always has quite a kick to it, and at your age, too. Very impressive.” “What if—” Celestia’s voice cut off as the door began to cycle open, but Luna managed to finish her sentence before she emerged. “What if my sister had a brief dalliance with a fertile young stallion a few days ago?” “A few days?” The doctor consulted her scrolls of paper before asking very hesitantly, “Was she attempting to get pregnant?” Neither alicorn responded, although Cadence sitting nearby went into a giggling fit. “Well. Um. Based on my professional opinion, and since your contraceptive spell is still intact and your hormone factory is still in full production, Your Highness, I’d say you’re still…” “Unpregnant,” said Cadence with an additional giggle. “I’m sorry, aunties. It’s just that your wisp and my foal are having what feels like a tickle fight in my tummy. Do you want him back now?” “Yes, please.” Celestia crossed horns with Cadence and allowed the surge of stellar energy to flow back into her body, then let out a brief giggle of her own. “I can see what you mean. I think it’s recovering nicely, from as much energy as it has. Maybe next month when things calm down, I can take it back to the sun where it belongs.” “Him,” stated Cadence authoritatively. “Um, yes. In any case, Luna, if you would please step inside?” Luna would have preferred to have her intestines dragged out for inspection by griffons, but she had to admit to an itch of curiosity about this new wonder in the world. Well, a small itch on top of her full-body itch of nervous hives. Fear was the enemy, and every night she vanquished fears of all sorts who hunted her precious subjects with imaginary claws and slashing illusionary fangs, so she pictured trampling the same nightmares underhoof as she proceeded into the vault and turned around. Three eager faces looked back, with Shining Armor (thankfully) remaining outside the doctor’s office to guard the process against any interruptions. Rather than speak and expose the way her gut was churning into a torrent of nerves, Luna nodded once and tried to hold still for the waves of thaumaturgic energy to probe her inner recesses. After a few centuries, she nodded again, trying not to frown at the way all of her unwelcome observers had stopped looking back, preferring to watch the colorful displays instead. Still, no discomforts swept over herself, and Luna pawed the glossy tile floor of the room before steeling her nerves and asking, “When will you start?” “We’ve been scanning for a while, Princess Luna,” came Doctor Horsenpfeffer’s voice in reply, turned into a tinny, emotionless thing by the crude intercom. “There’s… um…” Luna winced and flattened her ears to the sides of her head, torn between nervous anticipation and irritation. “Doctor, will you please turn off that horrid feedback squeal and tell me what you see.” “That’s Cadence,” said Celestia’s dulcet tones which even the intercom was unable to distort. “You’ve got… uh… It’s not Nightmare Moon,” she finished. “It’s a foal!” squealed Cadence in a voice that did not need the intercom to reach Luna’s ears. The bronze door to the chamber turned out to be remarkably easy for Luna to cast aside, and moments later, she was looking over Doctor Horsenpfeffer’s shoulder at the instrumentation. Which, of course, showed nothing because Luna was no longer in the chamber. “We are most certainly not pregnant,” said Luna with a sudden sinking sensation in her gut. “We sure are!” bubble Cadence with an enthusiastic hug. “Oooo! This is going to be so much fun! Who’s the father? How did you meet? Why haven’t you introduced us? Have you thought about names? Shiny and I must have a hundred baby name books we can look through…” To be honest, Luna’s mind had slipped a tiny bit when the word ‘father’ was mentioned, and did not manage to get a grip while Cadence was chattering in her ear and Celestia was quite obviously considering the exact mechanics of the geopolitical situation. And to still continue being honest, she had been considering foals a lot lately, although she had excused it due to the rotund bulk of Cadence and the happy burbling of the castle servants when discussing the upcoming Blessed Event (in capital letters, with calligryphony, and a brisk over/under on betting about the upcoming prince/princess gender). Since Cadence had been pregnant when Luna had been freed from Nightmare Moon (who suddenly seemed to be a much smaller problem), the Royal Sisters had been treating the pregnancy as something that only happened to ‘ascended’ alicorns instead of themselves. In fact, the first time Luna had even thought they could get pregnant was a few minutes ago when Doctor Horsenpfeffer had been gleefully pointing out Celestia’s private inner bits on the screen, and even then the concept had seemed so far away and distant. “Celly, can I borrow your hammer?” murmured Luna while still staring rather unfocused into the distance. “I need to give our guest out in the gardens a few taps.” “Calm down, Luna. This really does not seem like Discord’s style, or you would have laid a nest of colorful eggs by now.” Celestia took a deep breath and held a hoof over Cadence’s mouth, which reduced her rapid chatter into a muffled noise that was more easily spoken over. “We can get through this without further incident if we just stay calm.” A faint twitch under one eye and a stiffening of her lower lip made her next words come out in a burst. “And find an ice block for me to sit on, because this is driving me mad!” Luna lit up her horn and conjured a thick chunk of ice, which Celestia settled down on with a sigh and a hiss. “Far better. Thank you, Luna. Now,” she added while sitting up straight, “there are several points which need to be addressed immediately.” Cadence managed to blurt out from under Celestia’s covering hoof, “Announcements.” “In due time.” Celestia wriggled down on her melting block of ice and took a breath. “First, Doctor Horsenpfeffer. Are you positive that my sister is pregnant, and that there is no sign of Nightmare Moon in her magical field?” “She’s pregnant,” said the doctor, still bent over her screen. “The replay doesn’t show any malicious magical entities, although I can’t be absolutely positive because of their polymorphic nature. For now, I’m pretty sure all Princess Luna is in danger of is vitamin deficiencies and morning sickness. We’ll know more as we trace your progress,” she added, switching her attention to Luna, although not her face which was still bent over the instrumentation. “I’ll want you in here weekly for checkups, and I’ll assign a nurse to be at your side every waking hour of the day. Err, night. It would help if we knew the date you became pregnant, of course. Do you keep a record of the times you’ve had intercourse?” While Luna blushed crimson, Cadence managed to get enough slack out of Celestia’s grip to speak up. “I kept a calendar with little stars on it and notes and temperature readings. And rankings.” “No,” managed Luna. “We do not see why our intimate history is to be displayed for your…” She took a deep breath, allowed Celestia to gently pat her on the back a few times, then continued, “We are aware of every time we have been intimate, doctor. We could scarcely be otherwise.” “And who is the father?” asked the doctor, finally turning away from her instruments with a clipboard full of notes that seemed to miss one valued data point. When Luna continued to remain silent for a time, Celestia spoke up. “You know, we’re going to have to tell Big Mac.” “Well…” started Luna, unwilling to finish her sentence. “Spill it,” said Celestia firmly. “It might be his,” admitted Luna. “It might not.” “What?” chorused Celestia and Cadence together. “Well, you remember the Right of First Night?” Cadence pinched the bridge of her nose while Celestia gained a look of pleasant reminiscence, wiped out by a serious face a few heartbeats later. “Ahem. Yes, but droit de seigneuse has not been practiced in centuries.” “Trixie’s husband,” stated Luna just as rapidly as she could get the words out. Celestia paused in thought. “You mean the skinny little green—” “Oh, he’s talented,” said Luna. “Nearly as skilled as his brother.” “Your language teacher?” Celestia’s face permitted a very brief frown to exist before it was blotted from existence by her ‘concerned’ expression. “I thought Lord Graphite was teaching you Modern Griffon?” “And… some other languages,” admitted Luna. “He’s quite a cunning linguist.” For some reason, Cadence burst out in giggles, while Celestia had a brief coughing fit. When she recovered, that familiar sarcastic bite⁽*⁾ that Luna appreciated so much was back in her words. “Any others? A guard or two?” (*) It only showed when Celestia was giving her full attention to a problem. Normally, Luna’s. Luna cocked her head to one side slightly. “Are you implying that we would bed our loyal protectors? Although not your husband,” she added to Cadence. “We understand your unbreakable bond with Prince Shining Armor.” “Because he didn’t accept your offer so long after our wedding?” Thankfully, Cadence looked more amused than angry, and gave Luna a brief kiss on the cheek. “Still, you did not answer Auntie Celestia’s question.” “No, I did not satiate my desires with any of our guard,” said Luna. “I gave the matter considerable thought, but I’m grateful now that I did not yield to temptation.” “Which one?” asked Celestia. “Beg pardon?” “Which one tempted you? No, never mind,” snapped Celestia, settling down more firmly on the melting chunk of ice and tucking her tail under her. “I don’t need that kind of temptation right now either. Focus!” “I am focusing, Celly,” protested Luna. “Not you,” snapped Celestia. “My eggs want out! If my concentration wavers, it will be like an avalanche. Quadruplets at the least from the first male I see. And by the way, Cadence probably should go pull Shining Armor out from under that vault door and move him further down the hallway before I lose it.” All eyes turned to the hole in the wall that the huge bronze door had made and the feebly waving legs under it, then Celestia took a deep breath and held a foreleg across her eyes. “Hurry.”