Spring days could not be more perfect. Twilight Sparkle sat in the grass, huggling Sumac, who struggled to be free of her embrace. Her sorcery-enhanced intelligence allowed for her to think deep, profound thoughts, such marvellous thoughts, such as the fact that looking after Sumac gave her practical hooves-on motherhood experience, and one day, she would be a perfect, flawless mother that made no mistakes, because all of the trial-and-error with Sumac was sorting everything out now.
Twilight looked forward to a perfect state of motherhood—when—and if the time came.
A butterfly went fluttering past and Twilight watched it, her head turning to follow its flight path. Bees buzzed about, tending to the blossoms of clover that poked up from the lush, green grass. Nearby, Starlight, Sunburst, and Olive were all blowing dandelion fluff into the breeze, while Moondancer and Pebble were having a quiet conversation amongst themselves. Even Spike seemed to be enjoying himself and was basking in the sun with his eyes closed.
Not much was getting done.
“Twilight?”
“Yes, Sumac?”
“You’re my aunt, Twilight.”
“Yes I am, Sumac. Always and forever.”
“And you are a princess as well...”
Wondering what the colt was up to, Twilight’s eyebrow arched and she waited.
“Does that make you Auntie Establishment?”
“Oh…” Twilight sighed, shaking her head while her heart welled with regret because her dear foalhood friend had clearly turned to evil. “Sumac, what has Twinkleshine done to you?”
“Mama Twinkle still gets raisin toast thrown at her.” Sumac’s struggles ceased and he settled against Twilight, smiling. “Like when Twinkle and Trixie play cards, thrown raisin toast is how I know that everything is normal.”
“My parents had rules… no throwing food at the table.” Twilight gave the colt a squeeze and hoped that he would get the message.
“We have rules too—”
“You do?” Twilight’s voice sounded far more shocked and incredulous than she intended.
“Yeah!” Sumac wiggled and when he tilted his head back to look upwards, his horn poked Twilight in the neck, but did not injure her. “Never be raisin your toast in anger—”
“Eeeeugh!” Rolling her eyes, Twilight groaned while the awful pun percolated through her grey matter, and left behind an unpleasant mental sludge. It was awful, just awful, and the colt seemed to have no shame. The spectre of doubt manifested in Twilight’s mind and faint concerns arose, worries about how his mothers were raisin him.
Too late, Twilight realised that she was now thinking in puns, and therefore, she was DOOMED. Oh, this went way beyond being mildly inconvenienced, and she wondered if Sumac was aware of the evil he had perpetrated. Probably. Maybe. It was possible. Sumac had a knack for evil that lingered, that persisted in spite of all of her attempts to weed it out. Causing others to think in puns left Twilight raisin a flag of warning.
“Vinyl and I are still trying to combine burro music with other genres,” Sumac said in a matter-of-fact sort of way.
“Oh?” Twilight had some faint hope now that Sumac had changed the subject.
“There’s a promising one that we call guac ‘n’ roll—”
“AAAAAAAAARGH! Sumac Apple!”
“Yeah, the guac joke was the pits, wasn’t—”
“Sumac, stop!”
“Or what?”
“Just stop!”
“I told Applejack that I could inflict invisible insults upon our enemies—”
“Sumac, no, no, no, please!”
“I told her watch this, I can dis-a-pear!”
“SUMAC! That’s horrible! Is that how you ended up thrown into the lake?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, you deserved it!”
“You should have heard the one about living on a pear—”
“Okay, that’s it! Everypony back to work!”
“Or the time I told Big Mac to pony up and grow a pear—”
“UGH! NO!”
“—but he just snorted at me and I guess he wouldn’t give into pear pressure.”
Shrieking, Twilight let go of the colt and allowed him to run away, unable to bear another moment. She watched as he pronked away, springing about and gamboling, and she hated him just a tiny, tiny bit. The others had gone silent, stunned by puns, and Spike, poor Spike, the little dragon had the most dreadful look upon his face—he was discombobulated for sure.
“Ladies and gentlecolts,” Olive said, borrowing Pebble’s deadpan, “the heir ap-pear-ent to Lulamoon Hollow!”
“Why me?” Olive whined while shaking her head from side to side. “Why—”
“Because you punned!” Twilight hollered. “Now pair up with Sumac—”
“Twilight, was that a—”
“No, Moonie, it wasn’t!”
“It sure sounded like it—”
“It wasn’t!” Twilight stomped her hoof in the most unprincessly of ways. “Olive, let’s see what happens when you and Sumac have symbiosis!”
“But… he smells!”
Exasperated, Twilight took a deep breath to summon her patience and tried to think Celestial thoughts. Her teacher, the alicorn known as Celestia, was unflappable. Biting her lip, Twilight tried not to think of the self-harm she had just inflicted upon herself. Her own folded wings flapped once against her sides and she was overcome by the powerful desire to cluck in frustration.
“Olive, really… colt cooties?” Twilight’s voice was calm now, and collected, but she still felt disturbed.
“But he does smell… and I’ll be trapped in a bubble with him. There’s no telling what he might do, Twilight.” Olive turned a pleading stare upon Twilight while her lower lip protruded. “Stinky colt smell is the worst.”
“Stinky filly stink is worser,” Sumac remarked with casual disregard, having already unsettled Twilight with puns.
Twilight started to correct him, but saw the ruse. If she was distracted now, she’d lose. All would be lost. These foals—these students—were clever, horrible, wonderful little goofballs, but Twilight was certain that she could wrangle them. She took a deep breath, saw that Starlight was smiling, and let it all out in a huff. Was Starlight enjoying this?
“Starlight, tell me—”
“What’s that, Twilight?”
“Did Sunburst have a stinky colt smell when he was little?”
Starlight’s eyes rolled upwards, almost all the way back into her head, and she began to rub her chin as she traveled back in time. “Yeah… yeah… now that I think about it, he was super-gross—”
Alas, poor Sunburst was indignant. “Starlight!”
Distracted, Twilight’s eyes darted from Olive, Sumac, Starlight, and Sunburst.
“You were stinky—”
“And you weren’t? Little Miss I Eat Three Meals of Boiled Cabbage a Day?”
“I was a picky eater back then! Cabbage was delicious!”
“You were the stinkiest of fillies!” Sunburst said, raising his voice. “You made the curl fall out of Ginger Candy’s mane—”
To this, Starlight went stiff legged, her tail flicked in a manner not suitable for foals, and her eyes narrowed. “I DID NOT!”
“Did so!” Sunburst stuck out his tongue, a shocking display of behaviour for the gentle orange pony. “The choir director called you Brassica Wind—”
“He never recognised my potential as a vocalist—”
“Because you belonged in the horn section!”
Moondancer, shuffling on her hooves, shook her head from side to side while letting out a sad sigh. “I never noticed the smell of stinky colts… I was a lonely filly, with only my eyebrow to keep me company.”
“Moondancer, I was your friend!” Twilight cried, unable to believe what she was hearing from her foalhood friend. “Your best friend! We were like sisters!”
“Some friend you turned out to be! You abandoned me!”
Mouth agape, Twilight’s ears rang with the sound of too many angry words to keep track of and everything around her devolved into chaos. Sunburst and Starlight were fighting. Olive and Sumac were insulting one another and making mean comments about stink. Moondancer said something about how her eyebrow was a better, more reliable friend. Only Pebble seemed calm, and she sat some distance away, shaking her head in disgust. Spike stood behind his camera, catching everything on film.
All of you! That is enough!
The voice was like a deafening thunderclap and Twilight Sparkle found herself very nearly bowled over. Her first instinct was to bow, to kneel down and lie prostrate upon the ground, but she reminded herself of her princesshood at the last second before she embarrassed herself. Everypony else though, dropped down and became acquainted with the green grass carpeting the ground.
Princess Celestia stood in radiant glory, her head high, her eyes wide, her jaw set in the manner of a stern schoolmarm. The earth itself trembled, as if it too feared the wrath of the one who stood upon it. Silence descended like a storm and Twilight noticed an odd fluctuation in gravity, because she still felt the need to bow down.
In a sheepish voice, Twilight dared to break the silence to offer greeting: “Hello Princess Celestia, what brings you here?”
“I felt a curious connection to my sun, as if somepony was draining some of its power away, and then I felt a most curious and disturbing connection to one of my most vital, most important, most necessary magics. I thought that the Great Enemy was trying to tamper with my sun again, perhaps in the hope of disrupting life. Disturbed and alarmed, I sought out the source of the phenomenon, and lo and behold, I find all of you here, fighting amongst yourselves.”
“I think we’re all a little stressed…” Twilight’s words faded away when she saw the disappointment in her former teacher’s eyes and she stood there, disheartened while licking her now-dry lips. It had been a while since she’d seen Celestia this angry or disappointed, and an irrational fear arose in Twilight’s mind about Magic Kindergarten.
From behind Twilight, Moondancer whimpered, “I told Sunburst not to tamper with the magic that would make mares go into heat. I told him, I told him.”
With that power I control the ebb and flow of life.
Twilight gulped while her ears buzzed from the strange, almost unlistenable words.
“What has been going on here?” Princess Celestia demanded. “What strange, reckless magical experimentation has been going on? Dimensional rifts from here to our west coast have been torn open and there are monsters everywhere! Everywhere! Odd magical disturbances have been popping up everywhere from here to there and all of them bear Sumac’s peculiar magical signature! My sun has been tampered with, and worst of all… worst of all… I arrive and all of you have fallen prey to sorcerous greed! How long until one of you might have tried to snatch poor Sumac and run away?”
“I fought against it, unlike these other weaklings who fell—”
Shut up, Pebble Pie!
With a wounded whimper, Pebble’s ears pinned back and she fell silent.
“Twilight… I told you, power comes with a price. Such is the way of harmony. Sumac’s talent is such that it seems to offer power without consequences, but there is always a price. What happened here, that brought this about?”
Twilight Sparkle’s mouth picked the worst time to go dry and not a single drop of saliva was left. Her tongue felt shriveled and now that she was aware of it, she sensed the disturbing sense of greed lurking in the back of her mind. Sorcerers had their own natural attraction, and others kept trying to take little Sumac. It seemed that the best, the brightest, and even those with nothing but good intentions for Sumac were not immune—Pebble included.
Her voice muffled because her muzzle was planted in the grass, Olive attempted to explain what was going on, and Twilight felt an immense swell of pride for her student.
“We found a new application for Sumac’s sorcery,” she began. “Sorcerous Symbiosis. Our powers can merge with Sumac’s sorcery with weird, unexpected results. Rainbow Dash transformed into something supernatural. She flew to the west coast and back in like six minutes. Then Sunburst tapped into the sun and he became a miniature walking sun with real sunlight… complete with ultraviolet rays. Twilight wanted me to link up with him next, and I… well, to be honest, I don’t know what came over me but it felt wrong and so I tried to find a way out of it and then everypony started fighting.”
Princess Celestia said nothing and Twilight felt her heart leap up into her throat. There was real terror in this moment, and Twilight did not feel like a good aunt, not at all, nor did she feel like a good princess. As for friendship? She had failed. She would have to chalk this up as a learning experience and find a way to avoid these mistakes in the future.
With a turn of her head, Princess Celestia did say something. “Spike, how are you holding up? Do not be ashamed, I only ask because I worry about you. You face unique challenges.”
Lifting his head from the grass, Spike then pulled himself up into a sitting position and looked up at Princess Celestia. Spike scratched his cheek scales, gave his frills a shake, and shrugged. “I’ve gotten so used to ignoring and shutting out my sense of greed that I can’t be sure of what I felt. Maybe I did? Maybe I didn’t? Hard to say.” He shrugged again, but no more words seemed forthcoming.
There was a sigh of relief that came from deep within the mare when Princess Celestia nodded. “This could have been much worse, I suppose. Perhaps we have the magic of friendship protecting us. I can only assume that Olive’s hesitation must be because of her deep and abiding friendship with Sumac… or her fear of cooties.”
Nopony laughed, nopony dared.
“This experimentation is over,” Princess Celestia announced. “I am going to escort Sumac home and then he and I are going to have tea. As for the rest of you, I suggest that you all try to sort yourselves out, and see what you can learn from this. Think upon what has happened this day.”
Twilight’s fears of Magic Kindergarten began to subside and she let out a shivery sigh.
“Oh and Twilight… a word with you…”
Like a phoenix, Twilight’s phobia of Magic Kindergarten arose from the ashes, blazing hot.
“Twilight Sparkle, I want your solemn oath.” Princess Celestia’s eyes blazed like the sun, and her ears were like spikes rising from her noble face. “You must never attempt this… Sorcerous Symbiosis. If Sumac’s powers are anything like the sorcerers of old, and they are similar so far, you must never, ever, under any circumstances attempt this connection… this symbiosis. I have seen the consequences, Twilight. This is a great power… one that should perhaps only be used in the most dire of emergencies, but never by you. Give me your word, Twilight Sparkle.”
The words were terrifying and turned Twilight’s blood into ice water. She stood, frozen, unmoving, her heart pounding in her throat and a great rushing sound in her ears. Everything that had just happened was still fresh in her mind, as well as the knowledge that Rainbow Dash’s trip to the coast had unleashed monsters. The fighting, the bickering, everything.
“I give you my word,” Twilight said to her once-teacher. “Not as a princess, but as Sumac’s aunt. I pledged to protect him from all harm—including me, if that becomes necessary. I’ll do what’s right.”
“Come, Sumac. We don’t want you covered in grass stains.” The big mare’s demeanour changed, going from schoolmarm to something warm and maternal. “It seems I had to rescue you again, Sumac. When will you cease resting upon your haunches so that you might go out and rescue yourself a princess? If I made Pebble a princess, do you think you could at least try to rescue a princess for once?”
Looking bewildered, Sumac rose up on wobbling legs while Princess Celestia adjusted his spectacles. She dusted him off with her wings, patted him on the head, and then cast one final stern glance at Twilight.
“Can I come for tea?” Pebble asked, timid and afraid. “May I please come for tea?”
“Yes you may. Turning her head, Princess Celestia offered up a warm smile and said to Twilight, “I shall hold you to your word, Twilight Sparkle. By the way, you really should take a day off once in a while. Perhaps you won’t be so frazzled.”
“Wait, can I come?” Olive scrambled to her hooves, stumbled, and was caught by the warm golden glow of Princess Celestia’s magic. “May I please come for tea? Pretty please?”
“Ooh, this approaches a tea party. Come along, young Olive. Escort me. Be my guard, will you? There are wastrels in the streets of Ponyville, like young Sumac here, and Twilight does nothing about them.”
In stupefied silence, Twilight watched them go, wishing that she too, could come and have tea, but she had an inkling as to why Celestia had lead the foals away. It was time for Twilight to clean up her own mess and for the adults to be held accountable, herself included. First and foremost, a round of apologies were in order, and then perhaps their own tea party so that the bickering could truly be laid to rest.
A short distance away, Princess Celestia waved, and Twilight Sparkle returned the affectionate gesture…