//------------------------------// // 6) I Can't Fight this Peeling // Story: Learning ABCs - Aristocracy, Bureaucracy, Chaos // by Isopod //------------------------------// Though she had expected the Spirit to appear back in the library by the next morning, Twilight decided not to think too much of it when it didn't happen. She knew it wasn't the first, and it definitely wouldn't be the last time he'd disappeared for whatever reasons he had on mind; reasons which were sometimes as important as the contents of her fridge and sometimes a bit more significant, like they were right now. If Spike were any right at all, the Spirit had plenty to think about and, whether he knew it or not, he probably needed to talk to someone, as well. It was with a positive mindset that she first descended down the stairs, thinking about whatever it was she was going to have for breakfast and low-key trying to think about all the things she could tell Discord in an attempt to get him to open up when she, oddly enough, heard his voice calling out to her. It took a second time for him to call her name to realize that no, she wasn't just hearing his playful voice in her head - wherever he was, he was near. "Discord?" "Hey, Twilight! Can't you see me?" The unicorn knew that tone well - she couldn't see him, and yes, he did know it, and he loved it. She rolled her eyes, and a small smile escaped her. "If I had a bit for every time you hid from me in plain sight, Discord, I'd have my own castle." "Everything in time dear but never mind that - I thought this through and it's perfect! Not only is it funny, it's the perfect solution to our problems!" Twilight made a face but kept her composure, managing a soft, understanding voice. "I'm not sure which of the problems it is you're talking about but if you think turning invisible so as to hide from any problem life throws at you - or us - is the key to everything, I think you'll find it pretty inconvenient." "How so?" She sighed. "... Do I really need to explain that?" "Well of course not but I'd love to hear you try." She heard him snicker and it promptly annoyed her. "Then again, turning invisible is not my forte, not nearly creative enough if you will. So there's truly no need to waste your breath on the inconvenience of invisibility. No, the root of my kind of problem demanded a different solution." "I'll be sure to remember that. So, where are you?" "Take a few steps forward~," she heard him sing playfully and listened, knowing it would be the literal only way to end the silly game, "now turn to the right and take a few more," she did, "aaand stop," she stopped, "now, to your left!" and to her left she looked, and there was her couch and oh good celestial goodness what- "...Discord." "Yes?" "Discord-- I-- what?" "Go on now!" "What, you'll have me ask you?" "I would very much prefer it!" Twilight Sparkle gritted her teeth. "Discord, why are you like this?" "Like what?" She rolled her eyes as hard as she could before producing the question with a hard-to-ignore amount of inner pain. "Why are you a potato, Discord?" "I'm a couch potato, mind you! I guess it's because I can be, Twilight Sparkle!" The tiny Discord, in his newly founded form of a tasty veggie, chirped happily from his spot on the couch. At any other time, she'd be able and willing to appreciate the tiny, large eyed, bearded face on the uneven surface of the muddy potato but she had a feeling she was being mocked in one way or another rather than being a part of this... ordeal. "I have a distinct feeling I'm not in on the entire joke about you being a potato. Aside from a terrible pun, of course." "It's a brilliant reference to a much more entertaining universe and a much more intriguing character of the chaotic neutral persona, such as myself, not that you would know anything about any of it. Also, I can make puns out of it." "... What?" "Superficial pop culture references aside, a couch potato is indeed the perfect profession for me! Aren't you glad I found my calling?" "... What do you mean, your calling?" Twilight asked briefly, mostly too shocked to manage a more comprehensive question. Impossibly, the potato shrugged. "You and your friends have made it quite perfectly clear to me yesterday that I can't really do much of anything aside from being an utter bag of rotten carrots to anypony else, so here I am, literally doing the job for every single pony in town who had ever decided it would be nice to just sit down and unwind for a change! How's that for useful?" He ended triumphantly. Still processing the questionable origin of the phrase "rotten carrots", Twilight Sparkle finally got her wits together and firmly replied: "That is not like anything we had said yesterday." "One pony's trash is another pony's treasure as they say! Or, as is with this case, one pony's joke is another draconequus' insult!" "There is no such idiom!" "Stop me from making one, I'd love to see you try!" Potato Discord exclaimed, and in its excitement, toppled over to its side. "As a newly appointed couch potato, I have all the time of the world to make up some more!" Truly, there were few words to describe Twilight's mood at that very point; which was oddly appropriate because Spike suddenly came rushing down the stairs, looking more frantic than ever with at least a dozen of what looked like her various researches from over the years and mumbling something under his breath, only confusing her further. "Spike? What are you-" Hardly could Twilight Sparkle finish her question when in came Rainbow Dash, narrowly breaking down the door, followed closely by Pinkie Pie who masterfully balanced a ludicrous tower of cupcake boxes on her back. Both seemed to have been at whatever they were doing for a while, for Pinkie looked distinctly worn out by both the cupcakes on her back and even Twilight herself, whereas Rainbow Dash barely managed to catch any breath before speaking. "TwiIneedthebookquick!" "What?" "There's no time to explain!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, incorrectly perceiving Twilight's confused face for that of a questioning one. "The book, the one you've been yammering about for month on the formation and density of cloud, whatsitsname-" " 'The Formation and Density of Clouds' is exactly what it's called." "Good, hand it ov-" Spike, in a very Pinkie-like fashion, popped seemingly out of nowhere, and in a very Twilight-like fashion handed over the book; and just like that Rainbow Dash was gone before Twilight could properly register any of the happenings. To add insult to the proverbial injury, she didn't even manage to utter a sound so as to question the madness around her, because her mouth was suddenly filled with sugary delight of Pinkie's cupcakes, and so was Spikes', who didn't seem to mind it as he, much to the Princess' horror, started correcting her researches, by the looks of it. Somewhere in the back, Pinkie Pie made a groaning sound upon realizing she failed to bake a cupcake of an appropriate size for the Potato-Couch-sized Discord. "What is with-" Twilight didn't manage to end that one either before Pinkie Pie let out a frighteningly loud bellow. "YES FINE I'VE BEEN SLACKING ON THE CUPCAKES I'M SORRY YOU'LL ALL GET YOUR SHARE," she found it important to exclaim far louder than necessary and bolted out, presumably to bake more, and along with her out went- Ditzy Do? When did she come in? And where was she taking those books?! She looked over to Spike, ready to question it, only to catch him correcting her researches with one hand while using the other to checking out one of the books to Berry Punch, who was out just as quickly when in came more ponies-- Just what in Celestia's name was going on around here-- From somewhere outside, from an old Megaphone, the Mayor's voice echoed through the Ponyville, and along with it, many other voice altogether slowly filled out the otherwise quiet air of the village: "Hello citizens of Ponyville, this is your Mayor speaking, letting you know that this weekend's activities of the city hall will include re-establishing of Ponyville council, so if you'd please-" "What in tarnation is she babbling on about at this time of day?! I can hardly sell anythin' with all this racket goin' on-" "You know very well we can't put this off anymore Lyra, if you don't tell them, I sure as heck will!" "Hello, I'm here to deliver your fun fact for the day-" "Not now, can't you see I'm terribly busy?!" "But- it's the only thing I do in this town! It's what I was born for! What am I to do if you're not willing to-" Such and much worse racket had been going on outside and Twilight Sparkle was certain it would turn into a civil war at any moment should it continue but she simply didn't know how to go about even trying to fix the suddenly crazed ponies who seemed both eager and stressed in their attempts to get whatever work they had done as soon as physically possible. "SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON!" The Princess screamed, hooves in her hair and eyes twitching - and as if hearing her desperate plea, the potato 'poofed' on her back like a small, weirdly shaped, muddy cowboy, snarky and cool looking but otherwise unwilling to provide a satisfying explanation. "My oh my, Ponyville is in full working force right now! I don't suppose you have much to do with all this work being done. You and I could simply unwind!" "Discord, now is really not the--," a single poof later, they were both on a couch, watching television... in another dimension, as empty and as white as the inside of an egg - wait, is that yolk down there? "--time." "You're right, it's not time and it most definitely isn't space; it's a dimension of mine! As for the time, we have the entirety of it for ourselves!" The TV turned on. For some reason, it broadcast Celestia, in the middle of finishing her lunch in the solitude of her chambers. "There! You won't find entertainment like this anywhere!" The potato rolled off her back and plopped onto the couch, speckling it with dried up mud and dirt. Twilight was not happy for many reasons at that moment but to see her couch messed up even further was the last bit that finally made her utter something other than 'what'. "Discord, you are the most immature, roundabout, inconsiderate somepony I've every seen." "For the love of everything, you're about to make me blush and I haven't even turned into a yam." "I am not amused, Discord!" As if on cue, the Celestia on the television burped quietly to herself and promptly made him giggle. It merely served to horrify Twilight herself, and to put an end to her patience. "Would you please explain already why we are inside of a freakin' egg?!" "Oh, that one was almost a good joke," Discord jovially began, "you see, my first intention was for both of us to settle in some nice little corner of your mind, which I then figured would have to be egg shaped, with you being an egghead and all that, and I ended up finding the whole idea so funny I accidentally put us inside of an actual egg." "... Wouldn't that make everything dark?" "Pardon?" "If we were literally inside of an egg, everything would be dark. Where's the light coming from?" "... Well, there goes the surprise!" Discord grumbled, and in an instant, the giant egg cracked and both them and the contents were spilled into dark, colourful, vast, faraway place among the stars. "Also, I lied; we absolutely and definitely are in space." As Twilight Sparkle helplessly floated around, temporarily marveling at the stars and her surroundings, and even managing a giggle at the way the sentient potato went spinning into space, she started thinking on how in the world did she manage to end up where she did before noon, and the more she backtracked, the clearer it became that this whole day made little to no sense, starting from the exact point where Discord decided being a potato would be a good idea, and it was from there, now that she finally had all the peace and quiet to think about it, that she finally understood the unusual behavior of the residents of Ponyville - and Twilight gasped. "Discord, you can't do that!" "I figured you'd be glad I did!" Discord replied, readily catching onto the meaning. "After all, now I can be lazy for everyone, which is apparently what I do best!" "That's pure insanity, and not how ponies work! Heck, that's not how anyone-" Her eyes met his, and she stopped herself. "... I mean, forget it." Twilight added as a final thought. She looked away and into what she believe was a faraway planet. Real or not, who knew? With Discord, it was never easy to tell these things... and, it would appear, it was for the best, if he were to be happy. ... Perhaps it was easier than it seems. "You know what's missing here?" She suddenly started, drawing a guffaw from him. "Missing? What could you possibly miss here? It's literally everything, cramped into your eyesight!" "Funny." Twilight rolled her eyes. "No, what we need is something different, like..." Needless to say, she never did anything like this, so it took her a little while to get creative, and once she finally thought it through, her horn emitted a spark and a light... and the stars moved and showered like tiny specks of shiny snow onto and all around them. Discord let out a small, excited yelp. "By Chaos, you learn! I love it!" "Oh, right?" Twilight encouraged, though having little to no idea what she was doing. "Well, wait until you see this!" She concentrated. The faraway planet suddenly came rushing at them, like a giant, wild beast ready to crush them, gaining size with every second. It suddenly had a mouth, opening at them like a giant cave, and the planet's core gaped at them with bright, blinding red light-- "Run!!" Discord, grinning from ear to ear, and suddenly back in his original Draconequusy form, grabbed the Princess and the two flew through space at an unimaginable speed that would in reality tear at both of them but no such thing happened here - her wings were as fast as his and her speed greater than any living thing she had seen, and there was suddenly a sun of white and without thinking much about it, they both flew straight into it-- There was light and a potato-sounding thud, and Twilight and Discord were back on the couch in the library, intertwined in way they didn't imagine they would be... with a dozen or so of Ponyville's residents, many of whom apparently had a lot of overdue books and a lot of books to lend, suddenly staring at them. Spike was mid correcting a word in the research and reprimanding someone about a book, when they suddenly flashed into existence, and he didn't notice a blotch of ink forming on Twilight's research. "Just in case you didn't figure it out yet, that was no space. I lied. Sorry." Ignored the completely out-of-nowhere and unnecessary explanation, Twilight addressed the room. "... Well, that was enough excitement for the morning, don't you think?" She loudly announced as she disentangled herself from Discord's tail with as much grace as the situation could provide. "You did so well today that I really think you should all just, like-- take a break or something?" She tried, hoping for the best. As if by a spell (and it was definitely by a spell of Discord's), the citizens of Ponyville, Spike included, so wrapped up in their own business up until then, suddenly deflated and relaxed and all went home one by one, already tired from the week's obligations pushed into a single morning, and ready to take it easy for the rest of the day. Twilight turned around. Spike, practically sprayed in ink, stood next to Discord, still covered in specks of dirt from his transformation. Her mane was a mess and all she wanted was to go back to bed. "Well... I guess you could say this was one mashed up morning, huh."