//------------------------------// // Disorganized // Story: How to Disappear Completely // by shortskirtsandexplosions //------------------------------// "Please forgive me, Mr. Pants," Soarin stammered, trotting alongside Flash Sentry and the unicorn in question. "Could you... run these positions by us again?" "Absolutely, my good fellow." Fancy Pants and the two younger stallions trotted leisurely around a watery fountain in a park far from the inner ring of the Crystal Empire. The tower and its glimmering aurora loomed brightly overhead in the crisp northern air. "Let's see... there's the Imperial Overseer of Civil Relations, the Imperial State Magistrate, and—last but not least—the Crystal Ambassador." "All three of these ponies are needed for what you and your business partners are planning?" Flash asked. "It's a great deal more complicated than that, Brad. But—in answer to your question—essentially yes." Fancy Pants weathered an anxious sigh. "According to Crystal Imperial tradition, a board of democratically-appointed ponies manage both official and ceremonial functions within the political body of the state. The Overseer, the Magistrate, and the Ambassador are absolutely crucial to the Crystal Empire joining the Equestrian Union." "And these three super important ponies are..." Soarin craned his neck. "...missing?" "No! Goddess, no!" Fancy Pants cleared his throat. "Not missing! Simply... indisposed." "Indisposed? How?" "They are... currently conducting trade negotiations with the Yakyakistanians to the north." "The who?" Flash asked. Soarin waved him off. "Save it, Brad." "Who could possibly live more north than these ponies?" Flash Sentry cackled, gesturing at the aurora overhead. "Just where do these Yakyakistanians hang out? Ontario?" "If you must know, it's a nation of burly and most-often-disagreeable yaks who live up in the mountains," Fancy Pants gestured towards the erratic horizon in question. "Their patronage to Equestria was won solely by the good graces of Princess Twilight and her closest companions. Ever since then, the Crystal Imperialists have had greater ease with dealing with them... although the yaks still remain quite unpredictable. Heeding their impulsive nature takes the constant attention of the Crystal Empire's best negotiators." "Ah." Soarin nodded. "So that's why these three representatives are off in Yakyakistan." "Precisely," Fancy Pants said. "Well... that sucks!" Flash Sentry pouted. "All the work you and Mr. Rich and Prince Blueblood put into the diamond dogs! It's totally wasted!" "Oh no!" Fancy Pants chuckled breathily, shaking his head. "No no no no no no no..." "Wait... so..." Flash fidgeted. "...the Crystal Empire is... still going to join the Equestrian Union?" "Absolutely! It's just going to have to wait a bit longer than normal because these three chief politicans have their hooves full of dealing with the Yakyakistanians right now," Fancy Pants said. "Unification is not the problem. Prince Blueblood has spoken with the stewards, and the governing body of the Empire is already prepared to make arrangements now that the crystalline jewels are being supplied by High Paw. The trade deal was a complete success." "Well... cool then!" Flash nodded. "So what's the big problem?" "It's simply that..." Fancy Pants scuffled to a stop, sighing. He telekinetically dabbed his sweating forehead with a handkerchief. "...we all had our hopes set on everything transpiring without a hitch. There was to be a celebration enjoyed by both Imperialists and Equestrians alike..." "To ring in the latest addition to the Equestrian Union," Flash remarked. "The Crystal Empire—the newest state." "Precisely." Fancy Pants gulped. "But—on top of officiating the political sphere of unification—these three representatives are also tasked with organizing events within the communal sphere... so to speak." "Eh...?" "They're also in charge of making sure that the festivities transpire in ways that are 'culturally acceptable.' That is to say... they give the final say to the events that unfold... for whatever major public occasion." "They're also party organizers?" "To some extent. But it matters very little now. They are gone and... and..." Fancy Pants tucked the handkerchief away and bit his lip. "...I-I've already had Spitfire's spare wingmates fly off to send invites out to Equestria's finest and most elite." "Soooooooo..." Flash Sentry blinked. "...we've got a bunch of super big-deal ponies coming in from all parts of the continent for a party that's no longer happening." "That... would seem to be the case at the moment." "Mr. Pants, with all due respect." Soarin smirked glibly. "I do think you and your fellow partners went a little ahead of yourselves." "Alas!" Fancy Pants wheezed through a bittersweet smile. "Someday my optimism will be the ruin of me!" "Could... those messengers..." Flash turned to look at Soarin. "...be stopped and made to come back?" "Pffft. You mean pegasi from Spitfire's team?" Soarin shook his head. "They would have reached their destinations from now. Fancy Pants is right to be worried. Dignitaries from abroad are likely packing their bags as we speak." "This would not have been a problem had the three representatives been present and accounted for instead of off in Yakyakistan!" Fancy Pants grumbled. "We had all dreamt that this week's festivities would bring much-needed hope and enthusiasm to hundreds of thousands of citizens terribly longing for the long-belated union of Equestria and the Crystal Empire. Now they'll arrive only to... twiddle their fetlocks and do nothing. Not that it's such a terrible thing, really. This kingdom is positively radiant to all visitors..." "Still, this is... kind of embarrassing," Soarin muttered. "Yes. Quite." Fancy Pants adjusted his collar while staring into the fountain. "There's no escaping the fact." "Isn't there, though?" Flash trotted around to face Fancy Pants directly. "The Crystal Imperialists have so much to gain from this union! Surely they can make an exception in this case!" "Brad's right," Soarin said. "The stewards—Shining Armor and Princess Cadance—are on our side with this. Right?" "I would certainly say so—!" "Then get them to work with us!" Soarin gestured. "Have them assign a new group of party planners to work in the three representatives' stead! I'm sure nopony will mind if the festivities precede the actual unification!" "There's gotta be somepony up to the task!" Flash added. "Oh, there are! There truly are!" Fancy Pants fidgeted. "And... sadly... that is where the problem mostly lies." "How so...?" Soarin remarked. Flash Sentry blinked. "You three," he finally stated. "You... Mr. Rich... Prince Blueblood... you all want to be the new organizers." He gulped. "Only... you can't seem to agree on how to arrange things, can you?" Fancy Pants hung his head shamefully. "Really?" Soarin suppressed the urge to chuckle. "This is the impasse?" "We all have very different... opinions." Fancy Pants cleared his throat. "I feel that—since this deals with the Equestrian government—then we should have the finest hosts from Equestria's capital—Canterlot—appear in full regalia! Mr. Rich thinks differently. I must admit that his idea is most noble—to reel in musicians, artists, and culinary specialists from all across Equestria proper. But it's a tad bit too ambitious for the narrow space of time we have to work with. And Prince Blueblood—Goddess love him—wants only to utilize the servants from his and other royal houses." "Well, compromise!" Flash exclaimed. "Somepony's gotta make a compromise!" "And I have," Fancy Pants said, standing tall and proud. "I've conceded to Mr. Rich's plan... which still may be feasible if we get all concerned participants to work together! Only... there remains one chief problem..." Flash's brow furrowed. "Blueblood." "Stubborn to the very end," Fancy Pants muttered. "I certainly learned a lesson or two in humility from our recent venture. A pity that he hasn't..." "So..." Soarin leaned back, rubbing his chin in thought. "...you and Filthy Rich have agreed to the same idea as to how to run the festivities. But Blueblood's holding out on his own concept." "Indeed. And—ironically, like the denizens of High Paw—we simply cannot do this any way but unanimously. Or else all of our resources will be splintered and we'll end up shaming the Crystal Empire with a half-arsed function for those visiting from abroad!" "Hmmmm..." Flash paced back and forth beside the fountain. "... ... ...Mr. Pants, you said that the stewards would be willing to assign party organizers in place of the usual representatives?" "Yes. With their blessing. But—splintered pathetically as we currently are—I doubt we will be able to honor their most noble appointment." "Then maybe the answer..." Flash turned around with a dumb grin. "...is to appoint another group altogether!" Fancy Pants blinked. "Braddddd..." Soarin squinted. "...just what do you have in mind?"