There where a few things ponies knew not to do. Many of those things were commonplace such as; don’t fart in an elevator, don’t prank a dragon, and importantly don’t forget to return your books on time.
Anon however was not a pony. Surprisingly enough he was not at fault this time. At the behest of Princess Luna, Anon was in the Everfree forest…
At night, where one didn’t belong.
While he was concerned he had Luna with him and a pair of guards, likely more dangerous than the forest he found himself in.
“So Luna, your idea of a good place to practice singing is the Everfree forest?”
The Lunar diarch hummed to herself.
“Our old castle is not far Anon. There you can sing in peace and save me the trouble of killing you. Jests aside there is something else we are on a quest to accomplish.”
There was a time and place for snark and being in a deadly forest seemed like an appropriate time.
“Quest? Are we out here to banish an angry relative? As long as I don’t die I’ll be fine.
A Whap echoed through the forest as an astral tail struct a corporeal moron.
“ Pray thee, have no fear of death Anon, I am here and can resurrect you. Over and over and over again.”
Anon glared at the shapely ass in front of him, her rear was nice too.
“It’s more the pain of being viciously mauled by a creature that concerns me. By the way is all this returning me from the dead a normal thing for ponies?”
It had been puzzling for a while. Yes, Equestria was a peaceful society, but Anon couldn’t help but wonder why the petitioner’s lines in court wouldn’t be overcrowded with requests to revive the dead. And how would a society function if no one ever died?
“I can say this only because my guards are sworn to secrecy. Nopony remembers we can revive the dead. We simply announced it as a human ability when you arrived.”
Huh, I guess that makes sense, though it is really freaky.
“Well is there anything else you’re not telling me?”
Shadow Shield turned to Anon. The rest of the party stopped as seriousness was written all over the sergeant’s face. Taking a few steps, he approached Anon not breaking eye contact. Anon, taken aback by the sudden tension couldn’t look anywhere but the nocturne’s fiery orange eyes. Shield waved a hoof conspiratorially for the larger human to come to eye level. After what felt like ages Shield finally whispered to Anon.
“Your Retarded.”
The erupting laughter from Luna and Clarity echoed in the forest. Tears streaming from her eyes Luna turned to Clarity.
“Doth thou have cream? For it seems Anon just got BURNED.”
At this Shield doubled over and joined in at laughing at Anon’s misfortune. Anon being a manly and mature man, didn’t let this childish prank bother him. He most certainly didn’t run into the forest, tears streaming from his face in shame, crying his eyes out on a fuzzy brown boulder with wings tha-
RRRROAAAARRR
High pitch girlyManly screams
There where claws, teeth, screams, and Anon was pretty sure that was his arm a couple of feet away. The Princess and the guards quickly came out of the brush to address the elephant in the room, or was it manticore in the forest?
“Pray thee stop chewing on Anon.”
The manticore growled in annoyance and grumbled as if it was speaking.
“I don’t care if he is delicious we have a schedule to keep.”
In the immortal language of interpretive gestures and grumbling the manticore’s words would be his last.
“HOW DARE THEE TALK OF OUR MOTHER!! UNFORGIVEABLE.”
Growing concerned Shadow Shield placed a wing on his Princess’s shoulder. “Now Princess, I’m sure he didn’t mean it that way. Maybe this would be a Clarity issue?”
Luna smiled.
Not a generous graceful or nice smile. She smiled the smile that made nightmares wet themselves. A smile that made the nightmare parasite hesitate before possessing her. She turned to Lacking Clarity, in a voice laden with honey she said.
“Clarity, he said Mommy abandoned you.”
-Scene cut due to violence-
After Anon was revived and stopped puking at the gory site that was the manticore, the group continued their journey. Clarity was laying on Luna’s back asleep as a little foal might.
If said foal was covered in blood.
“Luna, what the hell was that?”
A smile returned, this one teasing. “Whatever do you mean Anon?”
Anon struggled with words, he had witnessed the scene in the eleven seconds.
One would think being decapitated would have distracted him, but the things he saw…
It was much more terrifying.
“I thought ponies where peaceful and cuddly and the exact opposite of what will give me nightmares the rest of my days.”
“Anon what would you expect from my deadliest soldier. Despite her everyday clumsiness there is only one pony she has ever fought and not killed outright.”
It was Shield that broke the silence, “And now I’m her babysitter.” The frightened human turned to the nocturne guard and regarded him with near reverence and a newfound respect.
“Ah, seems we have arrived.”
Moonlight shone on the crumbling ruins that was the Palace of the Two Sisters. Luna led the group. A faraway look in her eyes as memories of the past flitted through her mind. Her musing being interrupted by a haunting sound.
Haunting not in the traditional sense, as it was more of a jaunty rockin’ tune.
It’s implications where haunting.
“Clarity, Shield, Say here in the courtyard and make sure Anon lives through this song. I don’t want to have to bring him back again. I will be back soon.”
Luna, not wanting to experience this event sauntered off to complete her objective. Something Anon didn’t question or notice. He was very oblivious when singing. Shield however noticed the growing number of eyes gathering in the shadows. The denizens of the Everfree where very grumpy, having been awoke too early.
Shadow Shield could feel his blood plumping, and as horrible as Anon’s singing was, the tune that echoed through the magic of harmony beat and spring in his step.
It was going to be a long night of battle.
And Shield loved every minute.d