In shock, Rainbow Dash slipped and fell on her bottom. She brought her hand to her temple and felt like it was pulsating, saturated with blood. Unable to move during the seconds which followed the hit, she didn’t have any other choice than looking up to see her father, which fury distorted his features.
“You’ve promised you’d never slap me again!”
“Do you know how late is it? It’s three in the morning! Where were you?”
She didn’t answer and only walked to the living-room’s wide table, against which she leaned, shaky. Her lack of reply didn’t alter her father’s bad mood.
“Answer me, Rainbow Dash!”
“It was my Prom Ball, got it?! F*ck, you’re insane, you’ve hit my right eye!”
“Couldn’t you have warned me?”
“I’ve warned you a thousand times! I’ve left a message on your smartphone, on the Company’s landline number, to your secretary, I even sent one to your office! She’s the one who told me you would be home in the morning.”
“All flights are cancelled because of that damn hurricane.”
Now she had found back a bit of strength and her head was spinning less, Rainbow Dash took a few steps in direction of the kitchen. On the counter was an empty whisky bottle, but also, as she discovered by moving barefooted on the wooden floor, there laid splinters of a champagne bottle.
She could easily guess what had happened here. Like often, her father had gone home and emptied his personal wine cellar a bit more, on his own, until he was drunk enough not to have a clear mind but not enough to fall asleep. And like often, all the anger accumulated was going to crumble upon her.
Most of the time, he only screamed things at her, sometimes horrible things, according to his mood, but it also happened he would lay a hand on her. Oh, he never gave her anything more than a good slap in the face, but when they fell, they rarely were merciful.
Immediately, she beat in retreat and too bad for the ice. If she took part in it, she knew the argument wasn’t about to be over.
Her problem was that, in order to double back, she was obliged to pass her father by, and he was following her closely.
“Where the hell are you going now?”
“In my room. I’m tired.”
“You won’t go anywhere; we need to talk!”
Walking the walk, he tried to grab her wrist but skipped it and instead, gripped a piece of her white dress. He pulled it so hard the fabric got torn, and Rainbow Dash was obliged to go backwards, her back bumping into the wall near the stairs.
She couldn’t help the shriek of ache that went through her lips. It felt as if the pain was traveling from her small of the back to her eye, linked by a swollen thread beating at the messy rhythm of her own heart.
“You’re completely nuts!”
“Don’t talk to me like that!”
“Did you see how you pulled me? You’ve ruined the dress Rarity created for me!”
“How many times did I tell you to stop acting to insolently with me?! You’d better not forget about something… I AM the adult here! It’s thanks to me there’s a roof over your head, you’re eating your fill, thanks to me you can buy gadgets, your stupid pairs of sneakers and all that food for that f*cking tortoise of yours! You owe me everything you have, Rainbow Dash! And as long as you’ll be living in my house, you’ll do what I want you to!”
Although she was in pain, the rage of his words gave her a renewal of vehement energy. She leaped on her feet, her eyes burning with anger, nostrils dilated.
“I’m not your doll and I’m not your puppet. Do you take me for one of your high-class hookers? Just look at yourself… You’re stinking alcohol, and cheap female perfume, you didn’t even bother to shave. What’s the use of your dough, uh? Not to help you behaving as a decent human being, that’s for sure. You can make a bonfire out of it and dance around it if you like, but it won’t change anything to your reality: you’re alone. All alone.”
She knew the repercussions of her words wouldn’t leave her father indifferent, and decided this was her chance. While he registered the shock of what she had just said, the coarse reality, which hurt, which was ugly and hard to look in the eyes, she had enough time to reach the stairs next to her, and maybe even her bedroom, where she would lock herself until he would have calmed down his fury.
Like often, he would probably apologize in the morning, buying her a very expensive gift. It always was his method, no matter what. The reason why he accepted her to buy a pet, the reason why she finally got that scooter, but also her favorite 35 mm camera, her guitar, and many other things.
But this time, it wouldn’t work. She didn’t need his approval anymore if she wanted a job, and thanks to her scholarship, she already didn’t depend on him anymore for college. Tomorrow, she would take her tortoise, would pack her most necessary things and some clothes, and would go at Soarin’s apartment, or at Applejack’s, until she could get the money she was expecting.
Not really seeing him, Rainbow Dash heard her father turn his anger against some item made of glass or of China which was close to him, and she decided not to turn around to check out whether it was her mother’s precious collection of plates, although it broke her heart just to think about it.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to draw Mr. Rainbow Blaze’s attention away long enough. When he saw her climbing the stairs, he yelled at her to come back, since he wasn’t done with her yet. Usually, these were threats working their magic on her, but not this time.
He was losing his ascendancy on her, and tonight, for a reason he couldn’t completely grasp, it put him into a blinding rage. Although, in fact, he could grasp that. It was what she had said to him. If she left, he would be alone. For good. If she left, he would have nothing left to remind him of his deceased wife. Though remembering who she was through his arguments with Rainbow Dash had a little something quite self-destructive.
And so, before he could even control his own thoughts, he said those words, which he was sure they would have the right impact.
“I swear if your mother hadn’t choked on smoke and died, things wouldn’t happen this way!”
As he had planned, Rainbow Dash immediately stopped climbing the stairs, her hand grabbing the banister with all her strength. There was no way she would take refuge in her bedroom after such a revelation.
Suddenly, he regretted the words which had just crossed his lips, and at the same time, when the teenage girl slowly turned around to face him, he lifted his chin and displayed his proudest face.
“What did you… what did you just say?”
Her voice was quavering, breathing short, wheezing. She had risen to the bait. Now all he had to do was to get her out of the lake.
Rainbow Blaze shortened the gap between him and the stairs and started to slowly climb her way.
“Mommy hadn’t choked on smoke, her plane crashed, right under my eyes. She died instantly.”
In the way she shut her eyes, shook her head, he knew the images of the accident were trying to find a way through her brain, and that she was trying to push them back in order to keep control over her emotions.
It was perfect. Exactly what he needed.
“This is what you’ve always thought. With your PTSD, your memories had been distorted and Dr. Horse knew that restoring them had the risk to impact your mental health, so we lied to you. During all those years. Everyone lied to you. Even your precious best friends.”
Now, he was right in front of her, on the same step than her, once again towering her like when she arrived home. It was impossible not to see her magenta eyes filled with tears, the way she was trying to keep her hold on the banister, how her pulse had accelerated and how she couldn’t stop shaking her head, whispering a litany which started with her name, her age, her address…
“In reality, the crash didn’t kill her, but paralyzed her backbone. Since she couldn’t move at all, she started to swallow the toxic smoke coming from the burning engine. The doctors did their best trying to save her, but she had swallowed too much smoke and eventually died in the ambulance…”
Now, Rainbow Dash’s breathing was extremely jerky, wheezing, and she had no choice but to let go of the banister. Her hand gripped her father’s crumpled shirt in front of her, her legs trembling like never. Her eyes widened when a piercing sound escaped from her throat, on which she wrapped her other hand around, as if it would be enough to help the attack calm down.
Hyperventilation. One of the first signs of a seizure. It was time to stop this massacre, before things would go too far…
Yet, Rainbow Blaze, his mind clouded by alcohol, added one last thing. The only thing able to catch fire on an erupting volcano.
He had to live with this horror weighing on his conscious for years, after all, there was no reason why he would be the only one to suffer from it. He also had lost someone dear: the love of his life, the one woman for who he even went against his own family so he could marry her, and who also had given up on him during this October afternoon.
“Dying instantly? It wasn’t tragic enough, heroic enough for the great Firefly. No, she died agonizing. For a very long time. Horribly.”
He saw Rainbow Dash opening her mouth, but no words crossed her lips, only a quavering sob, right before the attack started. The attack he had provoked.
All her limbs started to shake as well, and in barely a few seconds, the convulsions were so powerful she couldn’t even stand on her legs.
As if not fully realizing what was happening, Rainbow Blaze looked at his daughter, which look now seemed to be vacant, falling backwards, the spasms making her body hurtle down the stairs barrel-roll, like a car in a ravine. But these spasms didn’t stop when she reached the floor, conversely, they doubled their force.
There were no more screams, no more sound resounding, except these her limbs hitting the wooden floor. It was a nightmarish vision, an angel dressed in white convulsating against the floor, her head thrown back, and her back suddenly bending to form a perfect arch. It always was impressive and scary.
It was only when this happened that the man completely realized what he had just done. His daughter. His own flesh and blood. Everything he had left in the world. He had seized her greatest weakness and had crushed it between his fingers to smash it into pieces. He had tried to destroy her just like he was destroying himself, and why? Because he couldn’t stand the fact she had learned how to live with her loss while he was unable of such a thing.
So, he dashed down the stairs. The distinctive sound of a deglutition let him understand he was right on time, and he less or more was able to make Rainbow Dash lie on the side so she wouldn’t choke by swallowing her own tongue.
After minutes long like an eternity, her convulsions finally stopped. But his daughter didn’t regain consciousness for all that. Her eyes open but her look still vacant, her arms, her hands and her legs, injured because of the fall and spams, collapsed along her body.
The only sign that she still was alive was her breathing, wheezing through her throat.
------------------------------------------
It was the middle of the night. He was back from a ten-hours flight and only wanted one thing, a good glass of whisky before going to bed. The house was silent and apparently plunged in darkness.
With slow and tired steps, he climbed on top of the first set of stairs, towards his office, which was the first door on the right. It surprised him to see it ajar, light turned on. When he stepped inside, his eyes widened. His office was in disarray, as if a storm had come along and devastated everything. And his wall safe, where he hid some of his bottles, was wide open.
Something told him he knew exactly who was to blame for this mess. Surprise let way to anger. Enough was enough! She couldn’t keep on being out of control like this just because she was traumatized.
With now determined steps, he rushed in Rainbow Dash’s bedroom, which door he opened by slamming it. But when he turned on the light, he discovered her bed undone yet empty.
Then only did he realize he also had a glimpse at a beam of light from under the bathroom’s door, a few inches away. His feet were going there before he could even understand what he was doing.
The door seemed to be blocked by something, and he had to struggle to open it. Immediately, he noticed the blood, from her shoulder to the tiled floor, and under her head, then Rainbow Dash’s body, lying on the floor, unconscious. Broken glass was spread everywhere, mixing to brownish and crimson liquids, and the whole medicine chest, spilled all over the floor.
What might have happened was clear.
He leaned over his daughter, called out her name, but she didn’t react. To make sure she was still alive, he had to stick his ear against her chest. The beating was really slow, but a beating there was. It wasn’t too late.
The scene that lied under his eyes during this dark December night maybe was more terrifying than what he was seeing now, for all that, Mr. Rainbow Blaze couldn’t help the images to come in superposition on those. She wasn’t bleeding, and her eyes were wide opened, but in the same way, she wasn’t reacting when her name was called out, and she wasn’t moving neither.
State of sideration. It would probably not last, but he was unable to handle such a state on his own. It was a safe bet that, as long as she would be in front of him, she wouldn’t get out of her unconsciousness.
His eyes scaned the room, and fell on the small black velvet drawstring pouch she wore around one of her wrists when she had stepped through the door, and which had fell on the floor when he slapped her. It had partially opened and Rainbow Dash’s smartphone poked out of it.
As quickly as his legs and feet brought him, he ran towards the item, despite his vision distorted by alcohol. Then, his hands shaking, her pulled the phone of the pouch and made the emergency number.
Just like a few years before, a female voice answered him, and just like a few years before, all he was able to do was to yell in a panicked way:
“My daughter! It’s my daughter! You got to help me!”
“Please, calm down, sir and explain what’s your emergency…”
“I don’t know, she… There are pills everywhere around, and blood… She doesn’t answer! She doesn’t answer!”
“Sir? Sir? Are you there, sir?”
Rainbow Blaze shook his head, and went back to the present. Behind him, Rainbow Dash was still lying in front of the stairs, such as an abandoned ragdoll. The weight of guilt suddenly leaned heavily upon his shoulders. He was scared she would leave him, scared to lose the little he still had, and just like he always did, had chosen instead to make her stay by pressing against her healing wounds in order to make them bleed again. Except he had pressed them too hard this time and the scar had reopened.
She would never put up with another passage in psychiatry. And this wound he inflicted her, he knew it would never heal.
“Yes, I’m sorry. She… She fell off the stairs and now she doesn’t move anymore. You got to help me, I beg of you.”
“Is she still breathing?”
“Yes, but… She’s unconscious! Help me.”
“Give me your address, sir, I’m sending you an ambulance in the shortest delays.”
Unable to let go of the phone, which he kept studden with all his strength between his fingers, he once again rushed towards Rainbow Dash, and although he knew the emergencies staff would want to have a whole view of the scene such as it had happened, he sat in front of her and slipped a part of her body on his laps, her head against his chest.
He stayed this way, rocking her against him, telling her how sorry he was, without her state changing at all, until the ambulance rang at his door.
Almost five years ago, the emergency staff had immediately sidelined him in order to make a quick diagnosis of his daughter’s general state. He had stayed in the background, unsure of what exactly they were doing though he had seen a lot of restlessness.
This time, the scene was a little less tragic, but the restlessness subsided. Several nurses asked him to step back, while they were going around her, trying to determine what had happened to her. Because they drew the conclusion this was the responsibility of hospital’s psychiatric service, they decided to drive them there quickly.
When he climbed into the ambulance with the stretcher, just like a few years ago, Mr. Rainbow Blaze could do nothing else than being a spectator. The staff hooked up a drip to her, and linked her to a cardiograph. Her pulses were still high.
Once again, in his mind images from the past were added to these ones. An ambulance. A nurse staff. Except back then, her pulses were low, very low. Too low. The defibrillator even been envisioned for a short while. After that, they had put a pipe into her throat, thus launching uncontrolled spasms, and a whitish liquid had come out of it.
Although this kind of things weren’t happening tonight, the sensation was unbearable, if not worse. Because she hadn’t been the one who had chosen this to happen to her. It was him. He had insisted, and insisted again. Even when he saw the first signs of the seizure appear, he had insisted.
The closest hospital with a psychiatric department wasn’t the same she had been sent after she tried to kill herself, which never stopped memories from straddling reality.
While he was running behind the stretcher towards the entrance, then inside, where the team was completed with other doctors, the phone he kept studded in his hands started to vibrate and the first notes of a pop song resounded.
He was told he couldn’t follow the medical team any further, especially not with this phone, and he looked down the illuminated screen, with a name written on it. Applejack.
He picked up the phone.
“Rainbow? Ya said ya’d beep me as soon as ya’d get home and ya haven’t yet! Ah can’t get to sleep because of it, Holy Apples!”
“Rainbow Dash cannot answer, Applejack. She has fallen. She’s in the hospital right now.”