Not gonna lie, this took longer to update than I'd have liked. But, better late than never, right?
Also, not the biggest update, but at least I'm back in the saddle.
Unedited because I finished it at 3 a.m., uploaded at 5:20 a.m.
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Have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of travel? Well, I'm not. But, a train to Canterlot is kind of a long trip, and I really don't want to be here. I was just about to do something important, too, but no Celestia needs me for something important.
Wait, you're confused, aren't you?
Thought so. Let me start where I left off, shall I?
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To start things off, we've been in Equestria for about two months, now.
After Lyra became human for a day, things pretty much mellowed out for Jay and myself. We still hadn't found the FTL gun, even with constant searching and a number of Royal Guards scouring the Everfree Forest for any sign of it, we still had nothing. By then, the two of us weren't really concerned with getting home, Equestria was nice enough, even if we were considered strange to this peaceful world. Actually, I think that's it's good enough to permanently immigrate to, which Celestia fully supported.
Jay actually had a steady job, and housing for the foreseeable future. He was bunking with the Rarity, oddly enough, but still worked at Sweet Apple Acres. I'm actually living with Lyra and Bon-Bon, that had been an awkward dinner. I work as a handyman around town, or whenever Twilight needs me for something. My truck's out of gas, by the way, she's pretty much just sitting in the alley behind Lyra's house. Oh, before I forget, Trixie's still around, we hang out a lot, mostly so other ponies don't mess with her. There are some real bitches in Ponyville, just saying.
Things seemed pretty normal, until Lyra got a letter in the mail, from someone in Canterlot.
It was from somepony she knew, apparently, the human-loving mare was going to be a bridesmaid at Equestria's royal wedding. Pretty sweet, if you ask me. I cared for it about as much I did for Britain’s recent shebang, which is to say, not at all. Well, I didn't care until we sorted though our communal mail pile.
Jay received the same letter as me, Princess Celestia was commissioning us to work security.
Which is why I'm riding a goddamned train right now.
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“This can only end well.” Jay wasn't in the mood to ride a locomotive, can't say I blame him. The two of us had to leave a day before the Elements, for security reasons, of course. The only good thing that has come out this entire situation is the fact that Celestia is leaving me alone, she finally isn't talking to me in my head.
“Oh, you see the forcefield, too?” While we may have missed the wedding episode, the two of us knew something was going down, advertisements had assured us. This strange, purplish bubble may be what's keeping Celestia from contacting me, might be a magic jammer. Maybe it stops things from absorbing magical energy, then going through might hurt slightly. “This is gonna suck.”
We didn't know how close we were until a bubbling, pinkish wall began to ghost through the passenger car.
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Princess Celestia had seen better days. With the upcoming wedding, and the threats of an attack on Canterlot, security had been upped tenfold, even the two alicorns were constantly watched. That was part of the reason she had turned to Equestria's newest inhabitants, really, it made sense. Hiring a creature that existed only in myth was great for intimidating one's enemies, and it helped that they were from a species that had warfare in its blood.
“Well, captain, here come your newest security chiefs.” At least Jay and Taylor would lighten the workload, and the Solar Princess had a surprise for them. The train pulled into the station, and the car reserved for the humans stopped directly in front of the royal alicorn. The doors opened...
… and revealed Jay and Taylor, twitching on the floor.
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Ever been hit by a TASER? For those that have, you know my pain right now. Humans possess an innate resistance to magic, and many things in Equestria react abnormally to our presence. I've seen Twilight misfire a few spells because I was too close to her, Trixie's tricks go haywire, and Lyra loses all ability to play her lyre, all because of proximity. Needless to say, passing through a magical barrier felt like being shocked by Colonel Volgin.
“Fucking hate you, Tia.” I rolled around as much as I could, trying to to correct my muscles, stop the twitching. I'm surprised that Celestia wasn't mad at me for calling her by that name.
“Are you two alright?” The Princess and a stallion that I didn't recognize rushed into the car. I didn't give a response, the royal pony knew that I would be just fine, but Jay was making a weird, gurgling noise. He might need medical attention.
“Don't use magic to move us, just get a couple of stretchers.”
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“Well, I suppose I should have sent for you before Shining Armor erected the barrier.” Celestia at least knew how to apologize when she was wrong.
“I'm sorry, who?” I sipped on my drink, cold lemonade always calms people down after being inadvertently tortured by magic.
“Me.” The white stallion seated next to Celestia raised a hoof. My first impression of him wasn't very flattering, quite the opposite, really. “You might know my sister, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Yeah we know her.” Jay's reaction to the barrier had been far worse than mine, but he was coping just fine. Probably has something to do with my more constant exposure to magic, might make me more resistant to the stuff.
“I wonder why she never mentioned you.” I wasn't being mean, it was a genuine curiosity of mine.
“Probably just never came up.” Armor shrugged his shoulders and dismissed the thought. He was right though, we never really discussed family and friends, mostly because Jay and myself were currently separated from ours, with no foreseeable reunion. I took a big gulp of my drink before I moved the conversation along.
“So, Princess, who's getting hitched?” Celestia blinked in response.
“That's a bit blunt, but you're not one for pleasantries.” The alabaster alicorn huffed in annoyance, but still acted as though she would tell me. Probably would have, too, but she was denied the privilege.
“Me, again.” The white stallion developed a wistful haze in his eyes. “She's the nicest, most wonderful mare in Equestria.”
“And I couldn't care less.” I've been hired for a security job, the second one I've worked in my life. I am both unwilling and incapable when it comes to dealing with people in a respectful manner, barring military personnel and the elderly. “Just let me know who I don't need to beat down.”
“I thought stay with my little ponies would have mellowed you out a little.” Celestia was joking, a feeling in my gut told me so. Spending so much time telepathically communicating with the monarch had taught me two things: That I can understand the immortal mare, and that ruling over a court was very, very boring.
“You should have known better, Tia.”
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SNEAK PEAK
“Jay, Taylor, welcome to [REDACTED].”
“I think you just killed half of my brain cells.”
“Oh come on, I've been wanting to make that joke since I met you two.”