Know your Mare

by overlord-flinx


FINAL BATTLE: Princess Celestia

Know your mare, know your mare, know your mare...

"Unison for the entire opening?" Celestia scoffed with a jostling smile as she stood in the newly made center stage.

Yes Celest...!

We are no long Cap'n, Blank, or Queen...!

We are the being that will destroy you!

"Really? Well I should be afraid then."

Yes...

...You should...

Princess Celestia...

...rates skyrocket over Twilight's by at least forty bits per act...

"My ra--How DARE you!? Not only have to slandered my name with that comment, but also that of my student and my kingdom for even implying we condone prostitution!"

Princess Celestia...

...sends people to the dungeon for two hours for frivolousness things...

"Canterlot doesn't even have a dungeon for your information."

Oh yeah...?

...Then where does Luna sleep...?

"I would never keep my sister in a dungeon! She has suffered for enough as it were."

I would say so...

...She gotta look at yo' ugly flank e'ery day...

"Excuse me? I am not ugly. And that was just... rude."

Princess Celestia...

...is so vain she calls herself beautiful when others won't...

"I never call myself anything, I just am aware that I'm not--"

QUESTION!

"W-What?"

I have a question...

"...I don't think I should answer any question you ask... But go on."

Do you like...

...dancing...?

"I... Do. Yes."

Really...?

"Against my better judgement I will say yes."

Good...

Princess Celestia...

"Wait a moment. You're not going to do anything with that?"

No...

"Oh..."

What...?

Did you expect us to...?

"Well, I was hoping you wouldn't--"

Oh..!

So you just expect the worse from us...!?

"Well your track--"

Princess Celestia...

...Always thinks the worst of everyone..!

"I didn't exactly say that..."

But you meant it...!

"I'm sorry if I said something that--"

No...

...The damage is done...

...I just need a moment...

Sniffle...

...sniffle sniffle...

...

Alright I'm better...

Princess Celestia...

...loves da' voodoo...

"The voodoo? Well, I've studied it when I was younger, but I wouldn't say I love it. It is rather interesting though."

Princess Celestia...

...never forgets and never dies...

"I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm an immortal--"

And if you try to take her land...

...She gonna bury you there...

"That's very morbid. I would never do something so ruthless."

Princess Celestia...

...hates elves...

"Why would I hate elves? Honestly, I want to hear this one. Why in the name of the makers would I ever hate elves?"

...They took ya' eye...

"Bu--grah! I have both my eyes, see?! How can they take something I never lost and still have?"

Woah...

Touchy...

It's true what they say...

...Don't poke the trolls...

"Are you calling me a troll!? How dare you!?"

Geez...

...Calm down...

...Look...

...I'm sorry...

"Hm... Fine... I accept your--"

Let me just call your other molesting friends so they can pick you up...

"Why you little--!"

Now you know...

Princess Cel--

"No! This show ends now!" Celestia snarled, her face twisting into a great anger.

Nooo...

...This episode--

"I've had enough of your lies, slandering, cruelty, and treachery." the princess's wings flapped and propelled her into the air above the stage, her horn starting to spark with power. "This entire crime against pony kind ends now!"

...Yeah...

...No it doesn't...

"How do you draw to that conclusion?"

Because I can do this...

...Fire...

Though it was faint and was very much muffled out, Celestia could've sworn in that last moment she heard "firing main cannon" from the roofed sky above. Just after that noise, the roof shattered as a blinding plasma-esque beam show down and crushed up against Celestia, smashing her through the stage floor itself with a stupefied expression glued on her face.

It's like they say...

Creativity is the mother of invention...

...

Can we stop talking like this now...?

DANG IT BLANK!