//------------------------------// // Grief and Joy // Story: Lure of the Flower // by Impossible Numbers //------------------------------// Daisy moaned in the midst of darkness. She was aware of weight pressing into her back and sheer openness above her belly and face. Two of her legs had gone numb; where once they’d have spoken comfortably through her mind, now their sensations were utterly muffled. Still with her eyes closed, she twitched a few muscles across her face. A vague desire to wake up met the sheer smothering urge to stay where she was. Her name came to her from a distance. Over and over. Whispering softly. For a while, she was content to lie and listen first to Roseluck, and then to Lily, saying her name. Such was the sheer gravity of sleepiness that she only heard their voices as echoes in a cave of pillows, coming from afar to pat the fluffy thoughts piled on her mind. Daisy… Daisy… “Daisy!” Groaning, she forced herself to open an eye. Then the other. It was like prising open a gummy oyster. Someone was breathing on her mouth. Before the brown of the ceiling, the creamy blur resolved into Roseluck’s wide eyes. The eyes vanished briefly. “She’s waking up!” “Finally…” murmured Lily nearby. Daisy felt no pressing need to get up. Of course Roseluck would be there. Roseluck was always there for her… To her shock, she was gripped and half-lifted off the bed between strong forelimbs. She woke up. “Rose?” she croaked, and then coughed to clear a throat weak from underuse. From the shuffling weight pressing against her chest, she heard: “I thought you were gonna end up like Mister Greenhooves! I was so terrified! I didn’t… I couldn’t…” Daisy didn’t or couldn’t make out the rest; Roseluck’s voice quickly flailed about and broke into incoherent babbling. Two more forelimbs gripped hers, and Daisy jolted at the sight of Lily squeezing harder over the two of them as though afraid to let go. The mare had even clenched her own eyelids shut to hold herself back. What had finally woken up inside Daisy now collapsed. It was one thing to wander a swamp and think about them, but to see both of them together, here and now, like they’d never left the meadow, sapped her of the little energy she had. Her insides felt rotten and limp. Coughing again, she managed to say, “I’m sorry, girls.” Gently, they eased her back onto the bed – Roseluck more than Lily – and stepped a few inches away to give her some room. “It’s OK,” she continued from the pillow to their concerned stares. “I’ll make it up to you.” “Oh, Daisy!” wailed Roseluck. “Why did you leave us alone?” I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry. Do, don’t think. “Lily already told you what happened, didn’t she?” Lily nodded. “The short story version, at least.” To Roseluck, Daisy added, “I didn’t want to scare you. I swear! I just needed – I just wanted time to myself.” “Time to think?” said Roseluck. “I… I didn’t think.” “But how could you be so selfish as to –” Lily reached across and patted the shaking Roseluck by the shoulder. “Not right now, Rose? Trust me, she’s been through enough.” She braved a smile. “It’s good to have you back, Daisy.” “Yeah,” croaked Roseluck, wiping her eyes. “It is. Please don’t scare me like that again! I really thought you were gonna… I thought you were…” It was as if she’d never left. She’d never left…? The shop! Daisy made to get up, and to her horror nothing moved. Her intentions rose like ghosts out of a body suddenly as dead and unmoving as a slab. Or paralyzed with fear: her heartbeat flurried inside her like a trapped canary in a box. She felt prickles of sweat crawling up her back. “What’s going on!?” she said. Neither forelimb moved, force them though she might. “I can’t get up!” At once, Roseluck rushed to her side and gripped the back of her head – Daisy felt the burrowing hoof under her curls – and her chest, easing her upright. “You’ve been asleep for days,” said Lily. “What, did you think your muscles were gonna take it lying down?” “You’re just a little weak,” said Roseluck gently. “We’ll get you back on your hooves in no time.” “But I’ve got to get up by myself!” Daisy failed utterly to struggle out of the grip levering her up. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I’ve changed, I – I swear I’ve changed. I can’t just wake up and find I can’t do anything!” “Daisy…” Lily reached across, edging Roseluck out of the way and replacing her. “I’m not hiding anymore! I swear! I’ll go out and… and… and I’ll do something to get the business back again! I have to!” “You will.” With glass-handling care, Lily lowered Daisy back onto the pillow. “Rest first, then do.” “But I can’t rest now.” “You’ll have to. Sorry. It’s just sense, right? Let’s be sensible about this, right?” Daisy stared at her, a tricky thing to do lying down without looking like she was squinting up her own nose. Cursing, she forced her neck to come to life, raising her head and turning it to them. Even Roseluck goggled at Lily. “‘Let’s be sensible’? You,” said Roseluck, “have no idea how weird it is hearing that from your mouth.” Lily grimaced. “You have no idea how weird it is saying it.” A door slammed downstairs. Hoofsteps thumped. They rose up the stairs in a torrent of noise until the bedroom door swung back. All three of them stared. First through was – “Doc,” Roseluck muttered. Such was the thorn in her voice that Daisy almost wished she could draw away from it. Doc gave them one uncertain look, and then he turned away, making room for a horn, a serious scowl, four striding hooves, and a royal pair of wings. “I came here as fast as I could,” said Princess Twilight. After no one endeavoured to explain anything, Daisy broke the silence. “What’s going on exactly?” “Over to you, Rose!” said Lily with indecent haste, backing away. Yet Rose fell prey to her own stunned silence, and merely shuffled aside as Twilight made for the bed and the third pony rushed into the room. “Daisy…” said Twilight, commendably doctor-like. “Daisy!” The third pony shoved her aside. “You’re awake!” It was Goldengrape. Even being unable to move, Daisy felt the impulse to freeze ooze down her limbs, scouring the sides. Unremarkable as he looked next to Princess Twilight or Doc with his tie and collar, in that instant he was a sudden storm blowing across days and weeks of her mind, as though his absence had been just a chance to swing round and build up momentum. Cold winds blew away everything but naked shame. Lowering her gaze, she opened her mouth. “Goldengrape, I’m so sor–” A grunt; she’d been snatched up and squeezed against his chest, caught in an earthquake of blubbering, laughing, emotion-shaking attempts at tears and joy and words too loud to make out. Her forelimbs chafed. She tried and failed to draw back, despite the fact that this was like brushing off an earth tremor. Besides, everyone was watching. Or not watching, but in ways that made it very clear they’d like the show to stop, please. “G-Goldengrape?” she whispered. Too soon, he let her go. She flopped back onto the bed. “Daisy!” he said through sheer horror. Fortunately, Lily stepped in at this juncture. “It’s all right. She’s not hurt. She’s just… tired, that’s all. Yeah, tired.” Goldengrape wiped his cheeks, which still gleamed, and braved a smile. “Sleeps for three days, then wakes up tired. That’s Daisy, all right. Once she gets a hold of something, she never lets go.” Of course, he tried a begging grin. He always did. Completely ignorant of the blushes and coughs breaking out behind him, Goldengrape – her Goldengrape, who’d come with a Princess in tow – sidled along the bed and gripped her hoof between two of his own. “This is just like Sleeping Beauty,” he said. The coughs took on a more urgent tone. “Oh, Goldengrape,” said Daisy. “Oh, Daisy,” said Goldengrape. After a soulful second, he added, “My other suit of armour is also shining.” “Oh, Goldengrape!” If she hadn’t been too weak, she would’ve hit him with the pillow. “I am sorry I broke my promise, though,” he said, settling down to an infuriating calm. Spluttering, Daisy tried and failed to rise off the bed. The nerve of him! “I’m sorry I made you take that promise! I was a fool –” “And I was a clot. See, my darling? We’re perfectly matched.” “Don’t you give me that claptrap! It was stupid and cruel, and I wish I’d never done it.” “See? I breathe life into her already! A moment ago, she could barely rise, and now she’s rearing to get up. How about a kiss to break the spell?” “You, you, you utter, simple-minded foal!” Through Daisy’s prickling eyes, the room began to blur and moisten. “No matter how much you change, you always stay the same!” Not allowing herself to see his own eyes watering right next to her too, she turned to the purple blob of Twilight, and to the moving brown blob of Doc in the corner. Now that she was paying attention, she realized they’d been talking in the background the whole time. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” said Twilight. “This is obviously a magical malady. If I’d gotten here sooner, I could have dealt with this in a matter of minutes.” Hooves scuffed the floorboards as the brown blob shifted closer. “Oh yes, Your Majesty?” said Doc. “And since when have princesses been that easily approached, once you rule out the throngs of well-wishers, supplicants, and general celebrity-hunting paparazzi? Do you know how hard it was to persuade the Royal Guard to at least pass on my message? Extremely!” Twilight growled. “It wouldn’t have been an issue if you’d told them three days ago! Or once it was clear this was no ordinary sleeping sickness. Look –” “Ah. Therein lies the proverbial rub, not to mention the backscratcher and the full dandy brush treatment. Three days ago, this was just another illness for the attentions of us lesser mortals who have to settle for non-magical medicine.” A few awkward coughs from the others met these words. It sounded like Roseluck, Lily, and Goldengrape were pretending not to be there, and not e.g. hearing voices loud enough to echo in the narrow space. “Look, it’s still me.” Twilight’s voice took on a pleading tone. “I’m still the same Twilight Sparkle. If you ever need my services, I’m more than happy to –” “Oh yes?” said Doc, pouring on enough withering scorn to leave a lawn barren and grey. “I’m sure the Royal Guard would have been quicker than whips if we’d said, ‘Excuse me, could you send the princess down to do a Nurse Redheart, much obliged to you, my good chap’?” “But –” “And we’re just to assume ‘Princess’ is only an honorific you slap on your door like a PhD –” “DOC!” Roseluck’s voice snapped. Both blobs jumped at this. Someone’s hoof wiped across Daisy’s face. When she opened her eyes again, her eyes felt less damp and both Twilight and Doc were revealed in full detail, both looking down, both scuffing their hooves under Roseluck’s scowl. Although she couldn’t exactly see Roseluck’s full expression from the bed, Daisy almost felt the air shimmer under its heat. Lily wiped her eyes again. Blinking furiously, Daisy tried to bat her off. Not one muscle twitched in her leg. “I apologize,” said Doc. “Anyway, I’m here now,” said Twilight. “I suppose I was a tad quick to judge…” “Sometimes, it’s hard to take in how much has changed…” “I’m sure you meant well, of course.” “I can understand your frustration –” “Ahem,” said Roseluck, more gently this time. “Oh. Right.” Twilight hurried over to take Goldengrape’s place while he graciously stepped back. Up ahead, Daisy saw Doc step towards Roseluck’s scowl as a lion-tamer might approach a less-than-cooperative pride. He groaned, looked about for something to say, scratched the back of his neck, coughed pompously, tried a smile, quickly killed it, and finally said, “My apologies, Rose, to you in particu–” “Hm!” Roseluck snorted and averted her gaze. It was impossible to see her expression from the bed, but Daisy recognized the “hm”. She wanted very much to know what on earth Doc had done to get her to that stage. Last time Daisy ever heard that “hm”, she’d accidentally destroyed one of Roseluck’s would-be prize-winning rhododendrons. Twilight moved next to the foot of the bed with a clatter of hooves, and instantly she set to work. Magic sparkled along her horn. Lights danced over Daisy’s head – she shut her eyes at once – while tingles tickled her ears, sparks zipped through her mind like apologetic mail ponies, images briefly flashed up: the starry blackness, endless swamp, green water sloshing, foals laughing… There was, back in the real world, a clearing of the throat from Doc. It could have meant anything. All spells stopped. Daisy opened her eyes as the images faded away, revealing Goldengrape leaning over her, Lily about to reach across, Roseluck pawing the floorboards in apprehension, Doc fiddling with his suitcase and looking far more interested in it than seemed genuine, and Twilight shutting off the last glittering lights on her horn. “Diagnosis?” said Goldengrape, looking wary. A book popped into existence before Twilight. Someone reading a book, even a hovering one, wasn’t ordinarily the centre of so much attention, but now the air itself distorted and compressed under the sheer gravity of their impatient patience. The book popped back out of existence. “It’s not a Tantabus,” said Twilight finally. Roseluck squeaked in shock. “But I saw –” “Something like a Tantabus. A basal form.” “I’m sorry?” said Daisy. Twilight licked her lips in delight for the delicious lecture she was privileged to give. “Luna didn’t create the Tantabus from nothing. Its basal form was a Baku, an eastern dream spirit. I remember her explaining its modifications to me after the incident.” “Well,” said Doc, dropping his suitcase and looking about as though struggling for cues. “It is… fascinating, I suppose.” “Exactly.” “But Luna absorbed it,” insisted Lily. “Yes. Although this recent evidence –” Twilight nodded to Daisy on the bed “– proves that something did cross over. When Luna organized the shared dream to hunt down the Tantabus, she connected to every mind in Ponyville, but she herself remained the base from which to build that shared dream. Its foundations.” “What does that mean?” Daisy grimaced at the weakness in her voice. If only she could sit up… Twilight’s eyes lit up with the sunrise of discovery. “Of course! If Luna was the foundation, then so was the environment where the Tantabus came from. Everyone’s dream became part of its environment. Perhaps it was a necessary modification of Luna’s to make sure she had a measure of control over the Tantabus, or to ensure she and it were still compatible when she absorbed its evolved forms –” “But she absorbed it,” insisted Lily. “Anyway, how did Greenhooves and Daisy get infected?” “And me,” said Roseluck. “Wait,” said Daisy, alarm shooting through her spine. “When were you –?” “Possibly you,” corrected Doc. “That might have just been an actual dream.” Roseluck rounded on him. “How dare you suggest –” “Allow me to explain, I meant no insult by it!” Doc waved her down hastily. “Roseluck! I just meant you haven’t shown the same symptoms as the other two. It could have been a coincidence.” Looking thoughtfully at Roseluck, Twilight hummed and tapped her chin. “Soooooooo?” said Lily, with the air of one trying to tiptoe over a minefield. “So,” said Twilight, “it wasn’t the Tantabus itself that spread. When the original Tantabus was corrupted beyond Luna’s control, back then we assumed it was the Tantabus which had changed. But supposing it was the original dream environment which had changed instead? Supposing it had responded to Luna’s changing emotions? That would have influenced the Tantabus’ behaviour. Then when she modified the other Ponyville dreams to accommodate her own…” “Wait a minute,” said Daisy. “Are you saying I was… dreaming like Luna the whole time?” “Well,” said Goldengrape, grinning. “I’ve always said you were my dream princess, eh?” Even Twilight blushed and looked away at that. Everyone else suddenly pretended they didn’t know this stallion, and did someone speak, ‘cause I didn’t hear anything, my the ceiling is interesting all of a sudden… “Goldengrape,” Daisy groaned. “Aheh, just trying to lighten the mood,” he said. “I’d say that’s a definite ‘yes’,” said Doc. “Interesting. I wonder if that means you could’ve visited other dreams the whole time –” “So how did Greenhooves and Daisy get infected?” Lily flapped her forelimbs in sheer exasperation. “Lily, please,” said Roseluck. “Everyone keeps ignoring my questions!” “I don’t know,” said Twilight. “An increasingly depressive mood…” murmured Doc. “Something on your mind, Doc?” “I remember that book Roseluck found. Baku victims develop an increasingly depressive mood. And Luna wasn’t exactly Princess Perky at the time, now was she?” “Emotions influencing dreams. I suppose it’s plausible…” “Ah!” Lily waved a hoof for attention. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I was right the whole time! It’s –” “An emotion eater,” said Twilight. “Of course!” Lily’s forelimb flopped. “Hey, I was gonna say that.” “You mean it feeds on depression too?” said Doc. “I had one smart thing to say, one smart thing, and I was totally gonna say that,” muttered Lily. “Till you interrupted…” Twilight nodded. “That’s how it consumes dreams. Dream-eating is actually quite rare in the supernatural world, but emotion-eating is common. If something evolved from one to the other… And dreams and emotions are closely tied together. If a spirit was designed to consume one, it could learn to consume the other. After encouraging the emotions to grow first. But it’d take time. All those complications and chaos it’d have to navigate to invade a dream, not to mention Luna’s constant watch…” It was Daisy who looked away. Looked at Roseluck, looked at Lily – both watching Twilight talk it out – at Goldengrape who merely tried to keep up with the conversation, at the sparse books and wardrobe, at the ceiling and its patches of damp where the rain had invaded. She’d let it in. She’d wallowed in her own self-pity, and she’d let it in. How could she have missed the signs? How stupid was she to believe this was normal, even right? Now that she saw her last few days so clearly, how had it not been obvious from the start something was seriously wrong with her sleeping? But she’d wanted it. She’d wanted it so bad that she’d convinced herself it wasn’t so bad after all. Where had that attitude gotten them? Inside her chest, something pulsed. Like an alien being, roosting deep inside, had shifted slightly. She remembered the thing entering her chest. Hot irons rushing through to her heart while Lily had stood there and screamed… No. Stop pitying yourself! “What can we do about it?” she said at once. The discussion stopped. Still, she didn’t look down. “We have to stop this. Isn’t there something I can do?” “Thattagirl,” whispered Lily nearby. And still, Daisy refused to look at anyone. Concentrating, the weight on her chest became more alien, more unnerving. “Don’t worry!” said Twilight from the foot of the bed. “I’ll inform Luna immediately. Once she’s aware of what’s been happening, I’m sure she’ll check and purge all remaining traces of the Baku, and its environment. You’re going to be fine.” “Anything I can do?” The weight on Daisy’s chest shifted again. Doc cleared his throat. “I’d recommend resting until your strength is restored. After that… Uh…” “We’ll see what there is to do,” said Lily at once. In her mind, Daisy thanked her over and over. The thought of going through all that, only to lie here doing nothing: it couldn’t be how it ended. It shouldn’t be. She’d promised she’d do more. She’d outright sworn on it. There had to be some way she could contribute – “Wait!” She looked down, seeing them jump. “Twilight! There’s something else. There were plants in my dreams. Carnivorous ones. They attacked Lily, and then they tried to stop the Tanta– I mean, the Baku, or whatever. Does that mean anything?” Twilight glanced at Lily, who shuffled her hooves uncomfortably. “Yeah,” said Roseluck, nodding. “Something like that happened in mine too. One of my dream roses… er, ate the Baku thing.” Despite Roseluck’s rosy blush, Twilight returned the nod in a business-like manner. “Don’t worry about that, girls. Luna told me about those. They’re what happens if a mind detects an intrusion. A built-in mechanism.” “You mean there are guards in pony brains?” said Lily, shivering. “Ew.” “Yes, in a way. Luna always has to make sure she’s welcome before she can just dive in among them, otherwise they’ll treat her as a threat and attack.” “But if feelings shape dreams, then when the dreams attack, that means the feelings –” In the pause that followed, realization struck. Daisy took a deep breath. “Oh,” Lily said. Daisy had the grace to look away again. There was so much damp on the ceiling. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “It was only a temporary thing, I swear.” “Right,” said Lily shakily. “Er. Right.” A squeak: they turned back to see all eyes on Roseluck. After a while, she shook her head, eyes closed, and waved them off. “It’s nothing. Forget about it.” “But Rose –” said Doc, reaching for her. “I said forget about it!” She batted him off and turned her back on his slump. “Please,” she added. Put-out like a child suddenly denied sweets, Doc gave Daisy a pleading look. “What about you?” he said. Daisy would never fancy herself as a fortune-teller, but in an instant, she heard what he was going to say before he even moved his lips to say it. It had been tugging at the back of her mind for so long, she’d barely noticed it. Now it no longer had any cover to hide behind. “I’ll be fine!” she said in a rush. “We’ll be fine.” “By ‘we’, you mean the busi– OW!” Doc rubbed his hoof while Roseluck massaged her own leg. Daisy almost laughed. Funny, in a way. To think: he’d been so narrow as to assume “we” meant just the business. “And before you say anything,” she continued, seeing Twilight open her mouth, “I don’t need or want any help, or any pity! I can do this on my own. It’s OK. Really.” Just as she’d suspected: Lily and Roseluck exchanged sidelong glances. Fortunately, Twilight backed off a couple of steps, floorboards creaking underfoot. “Then I’ll respect your wishes. Of course I will. You should be safe so long as you’re awake, if that’s what’s worrying you.” The weight shifted again in Daisy. She wished she could put a hoof to it, for all the good that’d do. Not lie here, just accepting it. “I’ll contact Princess Luna. Once she’s aware of the situation, she can do whatever’s necessary to clean up the remaining traces.” Twilight nodded to the others. In turn, Goldengrape, Lily, and a tight-lipped Roseluck nodded to her. Thankful for her tact, Daisy settled into a seeping relief to watch Twilight back out and slip out of the room. The door shut. Then… “I’ll help,” said Roseluck at once. “Whatever’s on your mind.” “Me too.” Lily patted Daisy on the shoulder. All right, thought Daisy, now for the hard part. Don’t apologize, don’t feel sorry, don’t start that self-pitying stuff again. “Erm,” she said, forcing herself to look each girl in the eye, “actually, I wanted to talk to Goldengrape. For a while. Just a little bit.” “Of course,” said Lily, while beside her Roseluck grew taller and her eyes grew wider at the realization spreading like weeds over her. “Feel free, he’s right there, but whatever happens, I want you to know that you can rely on me. On us, sorry. Me and Roseluck.” Grimacing, Daisy tapped her teeth together. The apology she didn’t want to say instead pulled at her face, trying to draw her away. Lily’s gasp did it. “It’s nothing personal –” said Daisy. “Nothing personal!?” spluttered Lily. “I’ve been running around in your head, and suddenly you don’t want this to be nothing personal?” “But we’re your friends,” said Roseluck. “We want to help.” No more crying, no more crying, no more sadness or feeling down, no. More. Crying. Daisy fought against the squirm amid her own insides. “This is different,” she said to the ceiling. Someone shuffled over, and then she heard Doc say gently, “Roseluck, ma chérie. Let her be, just for the moment. After what she’s been through, I expect it’s a triumph to get her to open up at all.” “I’ll explain later.” Daisy had no actual plans either way, but anything was better than hearing the hurt in their voices again. “See? She’ll let you know when she’s ready. Indulge a special friend, will you not?” “Doc?” Even Roseluck had lost the edge in her voice when she spoke to him. “I believe I’ve heard of this phenomenon before. It’s said a pony can sometimes be more forthcoming towards a complete stranger than towards their nearest and dearest. A sort of stranger effect, I call it.” “Excuse me, I’m her coltfriend!” said Goldengrape. “A hair’s breadth of difference, I assure you. A moment of discretion, may I preach?” Daisy risked a peek; both girls struggled to keep words behind their lips, Lily nearly blowing up her cheeks under the bile. A gentle tap from Doc on the leg, and Roseluck swallowed, nodded, and elbowed Lily to follow her. On her way out, Lily eased the door shut, and in that shrinking gap she caught Daisy by the eyes. It was a lifetime between two seconds. Lifetime enough for the angry edges to smooth over, tremble with worry or pain, to wonder what was really happening. The door closed so gently that no noise echoed. Yet it filled the following silence like the tolling of a bell.