Nightmare Moon made her way down to join her sister for breakfast. The memories of her dream still sent shivers down her spine, and she was doing her best to ignore it. Having spent hundreds of years helping others with their night terrors, she easily figured out where her own came from. She was still scared of who she had been, she knew that. Considering the cruelty she had visited upon others, her fear wasn’t entirely unfounded.
What concerned her more was the fact she had dreamt at all. For thousands of years, Luna had had nothing but lucid dreams. Even in her comparatively brief time, Nightmare had never had anything but a lucid dream either. She couldn’t shake a deep sense of foreboding.
“Luna! Did you sleep alright?” Celestia’s voice was bright and cheerful, only the slightest hints of concern slipping through. “The guards reported they heard a disturbance earlier?”
Nightmare considered lying to her. She briefly cast her mind around, wondering what to say. Then she met her sister’s eyes. They were filled with the genuine concern that had been missing from her voice. Nightmare let her head hang. “I had a nightmare last night,” she whispered.
Celestia gasped. “I thought you didn’t dream! How could-” Her voice was now full of concern and panic.
“Please, Tia. I’m working through that on my own.” Nightmare slumped down into her chair, suddenly exhausted. Her voice was quiet and weak. “I don’t want you to worry about this.”
Celestia scooted her chair over and wrapped a leg around her sister, giving her a gentle hug. “Lulu, I’m here for you. I’m always here to talk.” Pulling back slightly, Celestia lifted Nightmare’s chin up to look into her eyes. “And don’t tell me not to worry. I’m always going to worry about you.
With a soft chuckle, Nightmare met her sister’s gaze. “I know. Still.”
Celestia gave Nightmare a warm smile before sitting back. She ignored her meal, entirely focussed on her sister. “So, what was it about? If you don’t mind me asking.”
Nightmare looked down into her bowl. As much as she wanted to say she didn’t remember, to come up with some excuse to get Celestia to back off, she couldn’t bring herself too. It wasn’t about deceiving her sister, she was doing that on a daily basis; It was about lying to herself. She knew she had to face her fears if she was to overcome them. She could hardly counsel others to do so if she wouldn’t even talk about her own.
“I was Nightmare again. I had defeated you and was defeating Twilight. I took a perverse glee in tormenting her.” She let out a shuddering breath she hadn’t realized she was holding back. A few tears slid down her cheek. “I’m afraid I’ll never be more than who I was.”
Celestia leaned over and wrapped both her forelegs around Nightmare. “You will always be my sister, Luna. I failed you once, I won’t do so again.” A shudder ran through the younger mare as she recalled her dream saying almost those exact words. “You’ll always have me.”
Nuzzling closer, Nightmare buried her face in Celestia shoulder. “I know. I worry it won’t be enough.” The two held each other silently for a minute. They didn’t need to speak to share their love for each other. When they broke apart the younger alicorn was visibly relaxed. “Tia,” she started hesitantly. “I’ve some questions for you.”
Celestia sat back and took a bite of her meal. “Certainly,” she said through a mouthful of food.
“So, I noticed Twilight is still here in the castle.” Celestia nodded. “Well, why? She mentioned something about you asking something of her?”
Slowly chewing her food, Celestia pondered. After swallowing she made a face of puzzlement. “She staying because she wanted to visit her parents. I assume she’s over there now.” Celestia looked off, straining her memory. “As for me asking anything of her... I can’t say. I’m not sure what she’s talking about.”
“She mentioned something about the history of psychology? Does that ring a bell?”
At that, Celestia pulled a face and groaned. “I love her. But sometimes...” Celestia shook her head and gave Nightmare a small smile. “I mentioned that I was looking up some info regarding when I pushed to start the field. I wanted to give you something. I know how much dreamwalking means to you, and I wanted to assure you that even during your, vacation, the ponies were still being taken care of.” A small blush graced Celestia’s cheeks. “I pushed for it to be created, because I knew that, until your return, I’d be dealing with problems I can’t even understand.”
Nightmare was torn. On the one hoof, she was a little insulted. Knowing that hundreds, if not thousands, of ponies now did the very work she prided herself on stung a little. It felt as if she had been slowly replaced. On the other hoof, it reminded her of just how important she was to Equestria. And having Celestia recognize that meant a lot to her. “Thank you,” she settled on. Nightmare looked up and smiled. At least she recognizes how important Luna is. “I do have one other question, if you don’t mind.”
Celestia smiled. “Certainly. If you’all permit one of my own.”
Nightmare chuckled. “Of course. Mine is quite simple. Why does Twilight have her own tower in the castle?”
Celestia’s looked sheepish for a moment. “Two reasons, really. One, as my personal student she is given a tower to reside in. All of my students for decades now have resided in that tower.” Nightmare waited for Celestia to continue. “And, because she’s like a daughter to me. More so than any other student I’ve taught.” A content smile spread across Celestia’s face. “I love her.”
Ohh, great. Now we’ll have to ask Tia before we rut Sparkle senseless.
A look of horror and anger spread across Nightmare’s face. WHAT???? Shaking her head to clear her mind, Nightmare was glad to see Celestia didn’t seem to have noticed. Forcing a smile onto her face, Nightmare said “I have missed having family beyond just you. A sister is always welcome, but sometimes the love of a child is needed.”
Or that of a lover.
Will you shut it?! Nightmare had to fight to keep the smile on her face. “So, your question?” she asked quickly, trying to move to conversation back to less risky topics.
“Well, how have you been holding up?” Turning to her sister, Celestia’s smile was full of love and care.
Nightmare didn’t return it. She looked down at her plate. “Tis hard, some days.” Her voice was slow and measured, devoid of emotion. “Ms. Thoughts has pointed out I have anger issues, and has given me tasks for how to begin to handle it. I have also been lonely. The castle is empty and quiet at night. While I am glad to avoid the cacophony I have witnessed on the rare occasion I am awake during the day, I would like somepony to talk to.” Feeling a little better having spoken her thoughts aloud, Nightmare gave a small shrug. “But, I am content most nights.”
Celestia’s face fell slightly. “I’m sorry to hear that...” She looked down at her clean plate, then glanced at Nightmare’s mostly uneaten meal. She rose. “Well, it is time I turned in for the night. Nightmare gave a curt nod, returning to her food. Celestia opened the door to leave, and stopped. “Oh, hello Twilight.”
Nightmare’s ear’s perked up instinctively. She couldn’t make out what Twilight was saying, Celestia’s body was blocking most of the doorway.
“Well, she’s here, having her breakfast. Why?”
Nightmare could see Celestia’s shoulders slump. Twilight must have said something she didn’t like. It was only for an instant, though.
Turning, Celestia looked back at Nightmare. “Luna, would you permit Twilight to join you?”
Yes. Bring that sexy flank in here.
Again, Nightmare barely kept her anger in check. You will stay silent while we dine. “Gladly.”
Celestia stepped aside and let Twilight in past her. “Well, I hope you to have a wonderful evening together.” With a spring in her step, Celestia left, closing the door behind Twilight.
Nightmare gestured to Celestia’s vacated seat. “Please, sit. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”
Nervously fidgeting, Twilight sat down.
Ohh, she’s adorable when she’s nervous. Imagine her face when we go down on her for the first time. Nightmare’s cheek twitched.
“Well, I was hoping to spend more time with you.” Twilight looked up, smiling nervously. “One of my books on friendship said that I should take the time to understand my friends life. I made it a point to spend a day with each of my friends in Ponyville to get to know them better. Since I’d like to think of you as a friend, I thought I should do the same with you.” Twilight gave a sheepish smile.
Ohh, she wants to spend the night with us?
A shudder ran through Nightmare. The tone the voice spoke with chilled her to the bone. I told you to be quiet! “Well, thank you for the offer, Twilight. But I believe I asked you last night to make sure you got good sleep?”
Twilight blushed and looked down at the plate. “I know, but, well, when else am I going to get to spend time with you?”
She can spend all the time she-
YOU WILL BE SILENT! Her smile faltered long enough for a grimace of anger to slip through. Long enough for Twilight to notice. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to... I’ll go now.” Twilight rose from her seat and made to leave.
Now look at what-
“Stop!” Nightmare’s voice shook with anger. She wasn’t sure if she was talking to Twilight or the voice more. This anger is not for Twilight. Maybe for that nympho, but not Twilight. With a deep breath, Nightmare was able to calm down. “I apologize, Twilight. I-” Nightmare searched around for the best explanation. “I’m afraid a thousand years of isolation has left me worse for wear. Some impulses are harder to control than others. Specifically, my anger. I am working on it, but I fear that now is not a good time for me.”
“Ohh...” Twilight bit her lip. “Would you like to talk? Friendship Weekly says that talking about your problems with friends is a great way to work through them, and bond.”
Nightmare turned to the unicorn. Did she say- She can’t actually- Did somepony really- “Friendship Weekly?”
Her cheeks turning a bright red, Twilight quickly began inspecting the floor. “It’s a magazine.” she said meekly.
Nightmare chuckled. “I’m sorry. I truly am. But this is not something I feel comfortable discussing with you. And while I would love to spend time with thee, you really must maintain a good sleep schedule. Not doing so can have disastrous effects on your waking health.”
Twilight’s ears drooped. “Okay. Can I still come meet with you to talk about the stars next week?”
A gentle chuckle escaped Nightmare’s lips. “Certainly. I look forward to it.” As much as I worry about spending time with her, I don't think I could survive without some interaction with, well, anypony. Having finished her oatmeal, Nightmare stood. “Now, I would like to accompany you back to your room.”
Confused, Twilight looked up. “Why?”
“I have heard a great deal about you from my sister. And about your penchant for sneaking off to the library when you should be sleeping.”
Giggling, Twilight bit her lip, the blood returning to her cheeks in force. “Ohh. Right. Okay.”
A few nights later, Nightmare wandered back to the library. Without her court to keep her occupied, she had turned, heavily, to reading. It was quickly becoming her way of passing the time. She would pick a book, mostly at random, pop in a few pillows and blankets from her bed and nest in them, curled up to read. During the last few nights, she had passed hours like that, losing herself in some book.
It wasn’t that she had any great desire to read, or that she got any enjoyment from doing so. Her drive to read was purely to pass the time. She didn’t have much else to do. Her nights were lonely, with only the night shift of guards awake, and a dozen or so staff. There were no royal duties that were needed of her, beyond raising and lowering the moon, and the errant minor royal decree. She only broke from her book a few times, twice to check on the dreamscape, once in between to eat, and as needed when nature called. Otherwise, she just sat and read.
Tonight was going to be no different. Nightmare let her hooves wander until she was deep in the fiction section of the massive library. It hadn’t taken her long to read through the non-fiction books she had too; Taxes had just been the latest. If some matter came up that required more knowledge from her, she had planned to spend her long nights reading up on that. Not much else to do anyways.
Running a hoof down the spines, Nightmare paid little attention to the books, letting her subconscious guide her. Countless books went by as she strode deeper and deeper into the stacks. She didn’t stop until a large brown book, sticking out slightly, caught her hoof. Nightmare turned to stare at it. There was no title on the spine, not one she could make out anyways. Pulling the tome off the shelf, she flipped it around to appraise its cover. I know better than to judge a book by its cover, but this book is… odd. The cover was adorned with only a stylized image of a green unicorn with a gold lyre cutie mark, wearing some form of dark jacket.
Shrugging, Nightmare took the book with her and returned to her blanket nest. No reason to not read it at least. Settling in, she began to read.
The hours passed in a blur. The story was certainly a sad one. Unintentionally, she delayed her first break, the story simply demanded that much of her attention. By the time she did break, it was almost time for her to eat.
Her foray into the dreamscape was the same as it had been. Equestria was largely a worry free country, and so produced few nightmares for her to calm. There was a dreamer in trouble tonight; However, this one was caused by the hate she had poured in herself. With a small sigh she withdrew the corruption into herself. Same as last time… she muttered to herself.
Her trip to the kitchen was short. Her meal consisted of a small sandwich she made herself. She wasn’t that hungry. With a poof she went back to the library, munching lazily as she returned to her book.
The rest of the night passed in similar fashion. The breaks she took were uneventful. She was only halfway through the story when morning began to approached. Not in the mood to face Celestia, she slipped into the kitchen and had a quick meal before her sister arose. She had another small sandwich, declining the grander meal the staff had prepared for her. She did thank them for their effort, however. I do appreciate the effort they put into it.
Slinking through the castle, Nightmare avoided Celestia before quietly entering her room. She took a few minutes to do some yoga, she was finding it as relaxing as Quiet had indicated. She was also quietly dreading the nightmare she expected, and wished to put off sleeping as long as possible. She hadn’t had one since the first, but she reasoned that collecting the corruption would trigger another.
She was not disappointed.
“So, Luna, how was your week?”
Nightmare stared up at her ceiling. Quiet had decided to come to her room for their meeting again. Fitting, since she wasn’t in much of a mood to leave her room. Casting her thoughts back over the week, Nightmare mused over the question. “I suppose I’ve had worse weeks. In fact, I’ve done a lot of reading this week. Not having any of my usual work left me with quite a lot of time. It was relaxing.”
Quiet smiled. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. How’s your anger been?”
Shrugging, Nightmare turned to the psychologist. “I’m still quick to anger. I’ve done my best to keep from yelling at ponies, but it’s hard.”
“Alright. Did you get a chance to try some yoga?” Her voice was calm and relaxed, simply curious.
Nightmare’s head bobbed back and forth, neither yes nor no. “Well, kinda. I missed the first two days as I was unable to find any information on it, but Celestia quickly pointed me in the right direction. I must admit, it has been relaxing.”
Nodding, Quiet moved on. “Alright, well as we learned last time, a large portion of your anger is directed at yourself.” A sad nod from Nightmare prompted her to keep going. “You feel the blame for your actions a thousand years ago lies with you. You’ve said that there was no dark spirit or force which corrupted you.”
“It was all me.” Nightmare eyes blanked over as she stared ahead. “Every pony killed was killed by my hoof. I was fully prepared to destroy all life in Equestria out of anger.”
“Right, well, I have some more questions for you, if you don’t mind.” Quiet sat with a quill and a few pieces of parchment.
“More questions?” This anger is not for her. Taking a deep breath, she continued. “What more do you wish to know?”
“Well, you said that there was no external force influencing your actions. So, that leaves me with one pressing question, which I’m sure will lead us to more. Who, exactly, was Nightmare Moon?”
A shock ran through her. Nightmare had no idea how to answer that, even truthfully. “I’m sorry, what?” was all she could sputter out.
“Again, I recognize that the commonly held histories could be wildly inaccurate, so I am trying to form a more complete picture.” Quiet was calm and collected. She had brought her hooves together and was looking at Nightmare over them. “Many of our stories and tales talk of Nightmare Moon. She is oft depicted as an evil corrupting force that took you over and/or drove you to madness. Upon your return, what small scattered stories I have heard speak of this Nightmare Moon doing something to your sister before-”
Quiet stopped speaking at Nightmare’s raised hoof. Her horn glowing, she locked the doors, pulled the curtains, and fully soundproofed the room. “Tell me again the privacy rules for these meetings. Under what circumstances will you divulge anything that I say in confidence?”
Very confused, Quiet looked up pensively. “Um... If you’re planning to harm somepony else, or if you’re planning to harm yourself. And then, only if I feel the threat is credible.” Quiet cast around for a moment. “Also, there are certain laws, none of which I think are going to apply, that allow the government to require I hand all records over.”
“Which laws?”
“Oh, um... There’s one pertaining to ponies looking to be employed in certain parts of government, another pertaining to guards and the standing military. It’s mostly related to government work in some way. I don’t think any could be used against you, and not without a serious stretch of precedent.”
“Okay. I recall you mentioning something about threats to national security?”
Quiet’s mouth fell open. “Yes. You’re not planning to tell me about any plots you have to overthrow your sister, are you?” She asked, quite incredulously. “Because, that I’d have to-”
“Nightmare Moon is a part of my mind.”
Quiet blinked. “I’m sorry?”
“She was not some force invading my mind. She was completely internal.” Nightmare shook herself, preparing for a spiel. “I cannot explain to you what happened. You’re the psychologist. I can tell you that one day, she began to talk to me. She started off as just a voice in my head with which I argued sometimes. I’m sure you’ve argued with yourself. I thought it nothing more than that.
“She wanted me to be happy. I wasn’t that happy at the time. I was a churning ball of emotion, but mostly sadness. She kept pushing for me to do something, anything, to get the citizens to like me again. Parades, national holidays, anything. For years I mostly ignored her. When she gave good advice I took it, but that was pretty rare.
“But, as things got worse, I started listening to her more, just as she started getting more and more angry. It was like all of my anger was being pushed into her. The actions she suggested, and which I started considering, got worse and worse. But I couldn’t act on anything, I was too scared, to upset. Eventually, she asked to be put in charge. It was the perfect out for me, she explained. She had an idea, and if it worked, great. If not, I could always blame it on some madness that had taken hold.”
Nightmare cast her mind back to the months she spent convincing Luna to let her out. To allow her anger and rage free reign. Her eyes glazed over before she continued, not fully paying attention to her words. “It didn’t work. I took over and let out my rage at Celestia. It was morning. I brought the moon up and blocked the sun.
“Of course, she tried to reason with me. I didn’t listen. I declared war on her. I told her that if she wasn’t going to stand with me, she was against me. And that I’d take her down. We fought. I was trying to kill her. Not defeat her, kill her. We fought. Rather, I fought. She ran. I chased her through the city around our old castle, destroying large parts of it. Eventually, I knocked her down. A dozen of her guards came, trying to stop me.” A shudder ran through Nightmare as images of what she did surfaced in her mind. “I tore them apart. Literally. I’m sure around then is when Celestia gathered the elements. She defeated me, and I spent the next thousand years on the moon.”
Nightmare let out a deep sigh. “I am Nightmare Moon,” she whispered, mostly to herself.
Quiet listened intently through the princess’s speech. She nodded along, taking notes. She paused briefly when her pronoun use changed, but otherwise kept writing. Once Nightmare had finished, Quiet read back over her notes. Nightmare looked at the ground, her shoulders slumped.
“I think I see.” Quiet looked up and gave Nightmare a warm smile. “You don’t blame yourself for someone else’s actions. You see them as your own actions.” Nightmare nodded slowly. Letting out a deep breath through her nose, Quiet approached the princess. She wrapped her forelegs around the alicorn and held her. “You’re also afraid you’re going to relapse back into that. That that will always define you.” Nightmare pushed her head into Quiet’s shoulder and nodded.
“I don’t want to be who I was again. I want to move on. I want to be better…” Nightmare broke down, shaking as tears started pouring down her cheeks. Quiet held her, gently patting her on the back. She whispered words of calm while Nightmare shook, the tears cascading down and soaking her shoulder.
Eventually, Nightmare was able to stop crying. Once she did, she pulled back from Quiet’s hug. “Thank you,” she whispered. Calming down, Nightmare sat back. She turned to look out her window, staring off at her night sky.
“That is what I’m here for, Princess,” Quiet replied. She shifted so she was sitting with Nightmare, looking out the window with her. “The stars are quite pretty.”
Ohh, let’s rut her too.
THAT’S ALL IT TAKES FOR YOU?!?!
Nightmare breathed deeply through her nose. “Thank you. There is something else I’d like to talk with you about.”
“Of course, fire away.”
“I’ve been hearing a voice as of late.” Quiet turned to stare quizzically at the princess. “It…” Nightmare paused, unsure of the right words to use. “Well, it is very focused on sex.”
Quiet blinked. She blinked again. “Really?” Nightmare nodded. “In general, or is there a specific act or pony it’s focused on?”
Nightmare blushed and looked away. Twilight…
Mmm, Twilight…
The color drained from Nightmare’s face. Again, the voice was full of lust. Quiet noticed and raised an eyebrow. Nightmare let out a long breath through her nose. “Yes. Twilight Sparkle.” Her voice was flat as she tried to keep all emotion out of it.
Quiet smiled. “Well, I guess there are two things I need to ask. First, How does this voice differ from Nightmare?”
“This one doesn’t talk to me, not as much at least,” Nightmare explained. Emotion had slipped back into her voice; She sounded exhausted. Defeated. “It just says things relevant to the current situation. Which I guess is better, but it’s really getting annoying.”
Quiet nodded along as Nightmare spoke, taking a few more notes. “So, I know you have been seeing Ms. Sparkle weekly. My next few questions all tie together so I’m going to ask them together and let you answer them all as you see fit.
“Is this voice straining your relationship with Twilight? What is your relationship with Twilight? What do you want your relationship to be? Are you attracted to Twilight? Do you think it’s safe for you to be near her?” Quiet paused for a second, bobbing her head back and forth. “Ya, that’s it.”
It took Nightmare a moment to process all the questions. With a deep breath, she began. “I have no idea what our relationship is. Nor do I know what I want it to be. I’ve found myself thinking of the two of us in, well… very lewd acts.” The blood returned to her cheeks. “I can’t say that no part of me is attracted to her, she is a beautiful mare. But I don’t know how attracted to her I am. If I could jump forward to a time when the two of us are in that kind of relationship, I wouldn’t object. Part of that is because I’m in need of release, part is because I like her. I don’t know how much is each. But I’m not sure if we’re even friends yet. And I do know that approaching her about that right now would likely ruin whatever it is we have.
“And,” Nightmare paused. She pointedly looked out the window at her moon. “I am afraid of what I’d do to her. She has already asked to spend more time with me, and I told her no. I didn’t tell her why, just that I’m not doing well right now. I didn’t want to tell her that I’m worried I might rape her. I mean, how would she take that?” Nightmare was rambling at this point, the words tumbling out of her mouth. “I don’t want to scare her. I’m scared enough as it is. Early this week I had a nightmare where I had returned to who I was. Two nights ago I had another, a follow up almost, where I had taken Twilight as a kind of personal sex slave. And I woke up soaked! As much as the thought of doing that to her terrifies me, the thought of her wanting it turns me on so much.
“Yes, I want her body. But, no, I don't. I want her love. I think I love her. I don't know! How could I not? She's kind, a good friend, loves my nights, loves to stargaze, has listened intently to everything I've taught her about the stars. She treats me like a pony. She doesn't put me up on a pedestal, she doesn't see me as some unknowable, untouchable goddess, just as a pony. I can't begin to explain how much that means to me. And I'd rather watch her be with somepony else, watch her grown old and die, than lose her friendship. But I want so much more from her, I-”
“Princess!” Quiet had to yell to get Nightmare to hear her. The dark alicorn turned to her therapist, biting her lip and blushing. “It's okay. I believe I understand.”
Her cheeks still flushed, Nightmare hung her head. “I apologise, I don’t often ramble.”
“You have nothing to apologize for, Princess,” replied the therapist. “In fact, your rambling is good; it helps me to understand you better.” With a calm smile she reached out and placed a hoff on Nightmare’s shoulder. “But, tell me if I’m wrong, but I’m willing to bet you don’t think you’re deserving of her.”
Nightmare blinked. She hadn’t thought that far, and yet Quiet’s words rang true. “I hadn’t thought about it, but ya, I guess I don’t.”
“Princess, I believe it’s time for me to go.” Nightmare sighed. “I know, I know. I enjoy talking with you too. But I can’t give you all of my time.” At that, a small, understanding smile crossed the alicorn’s face. “Before I go, I want to share some observations I’ve had.”
Nightmare cocked an eyebrow and turned to her therapist. “You’ve talked with me for a few hours and you’re prepared to diagnose me already?”
Shaking her head, Quiet rose. “No, not yet, though I do have some strong theories. No, right now I just want to share some thoughts I’ve had, and have you think over them. Often times it takes somepony else pointing something out, especially about ourselves, for us to actually see it.
“You’re angry at yourself for what you did a thousand years ago. You’re scared you’re going to repeat those mistakes.” Nightmare nodded, she already knew that. “Furthermore, you don’t know where you belong. When you returned you weren’t sure where you fit in, and now with so little to do, that feeling of not belonging has only grown worse. There’s a part of you, I’m guessing a pretty large part, that says you don’t deserve to be happy, because of what you did. You still think you need to serve penance for what you did.”
Nightmare hung her head. As much as she reflexively wanted to deny it, to say she was fine, she knew the truth in those words.
“I don’t expect to change your thinking with a few words, but I want you to start thinking about this.” Quiet stood up and placed a hoof on Nightmare’s shoulder. “The past does not define us. It shapes who we are, yes, but we can always decide to change. We are never so set in our ways that we cannot choose to be different. As with anything, it will take time, but you have started down that path.” Taking her hoof from Nightmare’s shoulder, she strode towards the door, which Nightmare unlocked for her.
“Oh, and one last thing.” Nightmare turned to face the pegasus, who was mostly outside the door, speaking over her shoulder. “I know it’s hard to believe, but you can trust me, Nightmare.” With that, Quiet let the door close and left, leaving a confused and scared Nightmare behind.