//------------------------------// // Resort: Hello Dorkness, My Old Fiend // Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) // by Barrobroadcaster //------------------------------// "Charles who?" "Charles Milton Porter," Chrys repeated. "That's who they said their leader was." "Uh-huh. And he's a god or something?" Dan asked. She shook her head. "No, he's the one that leads the sea ponies. Apparently, they live in some place called Rapture. None of the ones we talked to knew what Canterlantis was." "The ones we talked to did!" Blast Fuse exclaimed. She sat at the foot of the couch, her sister on the opposite side, clutching Phoenix's legs. "They said that Canterlantis used to be awesome, but then stuff happened and now the whole place is ruined. The sea ponies split into tribes and are now fighting each other for control of the seas. The weakest tribe- those are the ones that attacked us, lives in Rapture, another ruined city." "Ahh," Chrys nodded. "That explains a- hey, how were you two able to talk to the sea ponies?" "Through Fluffle Puff!" the Blasties exclaimed. They exclaim a lot and it's cute. "She spoke to the sea ponies and then she talked to us!" They all looked at Fluffle Puff, expecting her to do something, say something to confirm this. Chrys leaned forward, adorable suspicion in her eyes. A tactical mistake, however, as Fluffle Puff licked her. Chrys wiped it off and resumed listening. "Sea ponies apparently like all kinds of games, sports and challenges," Blast Powder mused. "None of them were very upset about losing to us in battle," she tapped her chin. "Maybe we could invite them to the Equestria Games. They're divided up into warring tribes right now, but if we could unite them... we might even be able to reintegrate them back into society. Make them new allies." "That's when we finally find the rest of them," Dan pointed out. "And they summoned a god to help them get control of the seas? That sounds like something a cult would do. No wait, that IS something a cult would do. This Charles-guy has a lot of explaining to do." "Charles... that's not a very pony-like name, from what I understand," Phoenix said. "Unless they're like the hippies and they use human-sounding names." Twilight shook her head, walking around the coffee table. "The hippies were the only group in Equestria to do that. Even then, they only did that temporarily- they could change their names to something else for any reason." "Hmm," Dan rubbed his chin. "I wonder if they take suggestions. Like Simon and Garfunk-yourself. Has-Ben and Jerry." "Dan-" "ShouldStop instead of Woodstock. Never-Learning Man." "Dan," Twilight insisted. "Hang on, I got one more," Dan thought for a moment. "The Ungrateful Deadbeats." "That's enough," Twilight said. "The hippies are fine and are helping us rebuild the town. George Washington seems to be leading them in a more peaceful and proactive direction than Flower Power and they've stopped playing that... um, what was it again? That giant log-thing?" "World's largest electric didgeridoo," Phoenix said. The whole room paused for a moment and the crew looked around, as if expecting something. Khan raised an eyebrow, his eyes casually darting side to side as he stood in his classic arms-folded pose, expectant. But nothing happened. Because while I will run some jokes into the ground, the didgeridoo isn't worth running into the ground. Standards; sometimes, I have them. "Like I said, they're not playing it constantly," Twilight continued. She briefly stopped to listen one last second just to be sure. Success. "But it does raise a question. Who are we going to get to stay behind while we're having our 'vacation?'" Dan stood. "No one is staying behind," he said triumphantly, as if the idea was a victory in and of itself. "We're all going on vacation. Everybody! The pirate griffons, the royal guard, Enclave and all of us! We said we'd leave the mayor in charge anyway, right? So this will be the chance to 'prove' herself. Because you know she will." Twilight, Chrys and Phoenix, collectively the smart trio, shook their heads. "Leaving the town completely defenseless isn't the best idea, Dan." "Also, leaving the town in charge of... well, a suspected turncoat," Spike pointed out. Smart quartet now. "Ahh, but that's exactly what they'd be expecting!" Dan said, devilishly pointing with a devilish finger and devilish grin. Despite that what he was suggesting was more counter-devilish. "Yes, they'll be EXPECTING us to leave someone responsible and smart behind." Phoenix nodded. "Which would be really responsible and smart for us to do and it's worked out really well for us in the past. So naturally, we want to put a stop to that." "Intelligence and practical decisions may work for some, but since when have they ever worked for us?" Chrys asked. "Right Twilight?" Twilight sighed heavily. "My head hurts and I need a vacation. AND INTELLIGENCE ALWAYS WORKS FOR US!!" She yelled. Princess rage-mode activated. "I support smart decisions! I'm yelling this because I'm smart!" "I HAVE ALWAYS SAID THE SMARTEST PEOPLE WERE THE LOUDEST!" Dan yelled, grinning massively. "You've literally never said that!" Phoenix said. (Though it does sound like something you'd say.) "But Phoenix, you're like the loudest guy we know. At least, when you yell objection and stuff. And you're pretty smart," Spike added. "Aww. Thanks, Spike, that... that's really nice, buddy," Phoenix remarked, patting the dragon's head. "Yeah, don't get too excited- I was only comparing you to the rest of this group. It's like saying you're the smartest chimp- you're still part of a circus," Spike clarified. Phoenix stopped patting him on the head. "Nicky's pathetically low self-esteem aside, I think it's pretty much safe to say that EVERYONE objects to this plan?" Dan asked. "Yeah." "Pretty much." "YES!" "Basically." "T'would appear so." "Are the foodimals just here now? Where did they even... do we... do we have to clean up after them?" "I have no idea." "I guess." "Are you answering me or Dan?" "Sure." "Why not?" "Okay." "Okie dokie lokie-okie!" "Yesssssss." "Is that Pinkie? Why is Pinkie here?" "Thpppp." "Maybe." "I got nothing better to do." "GET ON WITH IT!" "So it's settled!" Dan announced. "We're all going on vacation! I'm happy we all came to an agreement." Twilight face-desked. Chrys face-Fluffled. "Everybody get packed up tonight, Nicky and I will go grab some food and we'll leave first thing in the morning. Vacation commencing!" Dan and Phoenix went out for pizza, ordering carry out rather than delivery(because the security system tended to target pizza delivery ponies in the event they were disguises.) Neither of them noticed a familiar pony walking on two metal boots among the wreckage, but Vice Grip definitely noticed them. For the moment, the scientist seemed to do nothing but observe. He still had that menacing look in his eye, however. With most of the town still under repair, many of the bakeries on Baker's Street banned to help one another. Ponies still needed to eat, so the bakers of Ponyville and other various restauranteurs joined up to combine whatever food and cooking equipment they had. Stews, salads, pizza and other meals that combined multiple ingredients were all that the town could provide, but there was fortunately plenty to go around. Phoenix and Dan were able to pick up several pizzas of various variety made with a little touch from every baker in town. It was a meal that comprised the best of Ponyville working together and symbolized unity and harmony in a time of hardship. Dan hated it at first, then started to like it, then hated it even more until his hate finally coalesced into mild tolerance with just a sprinkle of love. And possibly indigestion. The next morning, Dan awakened and was pleased to find everyone had packed just as he had instructed. "What the hell is wrong with you idiots? NONE of you packed ANYTHING?!" Except for the fact the exact opposite happened. "Can you please keep your voice down?" Twilight asked, holding her ears in her princess pajamas, made to look extra adorable and princess-y just for Lady Leomon. They may or may not have had her face on them, the pajamas. Twilight's face, not Lady Leomon's. Fluffle's pajamas, maybe cats. "That pizza gave me a stomach ache..." "It was made with over a hundred different kinds of dough cooked in a juryrigged-oven made from a hundred different kinds of ovens," Chrys said, groggy, holding the side of her head. She wore one of Dan's shirts because waifu. "It was like a Hot Pocket stuffed full of old carnival pretzels and bread crust." "Captain America needs coffee," Captain America said, fixing coffee. He spoke in third-person when he needed coffee. "If I may, Captain Rogers," Tuxley said, holding up his own cup, "A hot cup of tea can be just as invigorating and uplifting to the spirit." "Peggy liked tea," Cap said. His mouth worked for a moment before he turned to the lizard and said, "No, thank you. Kinda used to coffee, but thanks." Tuxley smiled, making sure to keep his upper lip stiff for a dinosaur. Only Reginald could tell his friend's distress. "Chin up, sir. We'll reach the yanks eventually." "I know," Tuxley said. "First Khan, now Captain America. Pour me another cup, Reginald. I must redouble my efforts." Wit and charm, the twin preferred weapons of the English, were maintained through perseverance. The English in Equestria were no exception, but any member of any species could simply become British, English, American or any number of cultures and nationalities for any variety of circumstances. Identity was more random and a matter of choice than a result of raising in Equestria, which is why Tuxley and Reginald were both Englishman despite being from the equivalent of Montana and the Crystal Empire respectively. Khan didn't have anything to pack, but hadn't made an effort to find something he could've packed either. And he could've packed his Freakazoid pajamas, but he didn't. "I believe I'll some tea as well. Would you mind?" he asked, taking a seat with the other two. Tux and Reginald both looked at him for a split moment, just long enough to consider all options. "Not at all, Mr. Khan." Reginald poured him a cup. Khan smiled and took a sip. "Alright... after breakfast, tea, coffee, WHATEVER, all of you, I want you to pack to get ready to leave. We're leaving in ONE HOUR," Dan declared. Three hours and sixteen-minutes later, they finally departed the house. Gust Grasp positioned one of his ships directly over the library and flew down to greet them along with his command crew. "Morning gang! Hey, Brozen brogurt with bru-" he was cut off by Dan throwing luggage out of the house. "Woah! You guys pack enough stuff?" "Don't get me started, turkey melt," Dan said through gritted teeth. "I know you helped defend the town, but if you even THINK of stealing anything-" Gust held up his claws. "Woah woah woah, cinnamon broll, I came here because you told me to and-" "AND you're coming with us. I have an entire list of what I need done, and you and your chicken crew are gonna-" "Hey, Caribbean jerk and chicken, can we get on the boat first before you go through this?" Phoenix asked. "Let's find out where we're going and then we can figure out what to insult each other with." "Fine," Dan said. He lugged the luggage onto the Flutterbird. "Yo, so you guys haven't told me where we're going yet," Gust said as Dan packed. "That's kinda important information. I mean, unless you're just gonna cruise for a couple weeks. But I need a course, man." Dan finished packing, exhaled and then smiled at him calmly. "We'll get on the boat, then I'll tell you. Okay?" "Kay." Gust flipped his shades down. "Alright, if that's everything, let's hit the sky!" The gang boarded the Flutterbird, somehow, along with all their luggage. To be fair, they are surprisingly spacious on the insides. "WAIT!" Dan said. He hopped out and ran back to the house. A few moments later, he ran back. "Had to arm the security system. Very important part of ALL vacation plans," he said, grinning mischievously. The Flutterbird aircraft flew up to the All of My Rage, second of the ring-shaped griffon carrier ships hanging low above Ponyville. Several of the griffons saluted Dan and the others as they disembarked, though mostly they were saluting Dan. Several even called him D-Boss or by name, the latter of which Dan actually appreciated. On the bridge of the carrier, Dan and the gang looked over the holographic map of Equestria. "So, where are we going, Dan? To the Eastern Easy Sea to search for Canterlantis or Rapture or whatever?" Twilight asked. Dan shook his head. "Nope." He drew his hand to a point far to the south-east, the Carefreeibbean Sea. "Head us down here." Gust grinned. "Cruising down south, eh? I can dig it. Helm, make your course south-by-southeast. Raise the altitude and the speed, ensign, we're going on vacation!" The massive sky-ship turned to face south and its engines roared. Within moments, Ponyville was behind them. The other two griffon carriers detached from Cloudsdale and headed west under secret instructions from Dan. With most of the Enclave among them, Ponyville, in its state of disrepair, now appeared completely defenseless. Which was exactly how Dan wanted it. Dan put his arms around Phoenix and Twilight. "Ahhh, ready for some overdue relaxation, guys?" They both sighed. "Yes, actually. It does sound like a good idea." "I'm still not sure why you're doing this so... spontaneously, Dan," Phoenix said. (Even though most of what you do is spontaneous.) "Nicky, by now I think you know I have a plan for everything," Dan said, grinning. "Now where have I heard that before?" Phoenix asked. But none of them answered. The ship flew through the clouds, heading south from Equestria. Before long, they saw their first signs of the Carefreeibbean Sea. Their vacation had begun. Little did they know, they were sailing into trouble... and mystery.