//------------------------------// // MMMMMurder On the Friendship Express: My Name’s Star Swirl, and Welcome to Jerk-Ass // Story: Totally Random! // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// “So!” Her sky-blue eyes shadowed slightly by the small brim of her checkered grey deerstalker hat, Pinkie Pie blew bubbles out of her brown pipe as she regarded her friends, but also suspects… and also an old gray unicorn gnashing his teeth loudly in an attempt to silence the pink pony currently talking. “We know Prince Blueblood was found in his personal quarters, dead!” she continued in a shrill tone reminiscent of chalk dragging on a chalkboard. The accusatory language was so inflammatory that before she had a chance to say another word, Star Swirl simply had to interrupt. “Of course he’s dead, you filthy pink ball of dryer lint! I killed him!” “Death by complete magical obliteration!” she continued, flagrantly ignoring the confession. “And I’ve finally deduced who the culprit is!” “Woman, are your ears also stuffed with lint?! I have just confessed to this crime!” “Ooh, I bet it’s me!” Rainbow Dash announced louder than the fuming unicorn. Applejack scoffed. “Dash, weren’t ya listenin’? This was clearly a magical murder.” “Yes! Yes it was, you utter unmagical morons! Who else but me could paint every square inch of a private room a new shade of red?!” Star Swirl exclaimed as he began to turn a pale shade of red. “Well, as much as I’d love to take the blame,” Rarity said with a straight face, “I can’t. This is far too messy and certainly not professional in the slightest.” The glare Star Swirl shot off was filled with malice at this foul statement from a foul pony surrounded by her equally foul friends! Oh no, this indignant remark, nay, this inconceivable situation before him would not stand! “How dare you belittle my magical expertise, you insolent sack of chalk dust! You couldn’t dream of a more beautiful slaughter if you had a thousand years to conceive of it in your feeble mind!” Fluttershy nodded in agreement with Rarity. “Not even I would be this messy and inhumane.” “No one even suspected you, critter hoarder! It’s me! ME! I did this!” Star Swirl objected with a voice an octave higher than usual. “Very well then,” Twilight announced to the group. “It’s comes down to me and only me, right?” “NO!” “Yes!” Pinkie concurred. “Only you could have done this, Twilight!” “Inconceivableeee!” Meanwhile, in the next train car over, a hoofful of blissfully drunk ponies laughed with unobstructed glee as they gathered around the door, watching their old friend-that-barely-counts-as-a-friend continue his descent into madness. “Alright, I’m taking bets now,” Flash Magnus said with a wide grin on his face as he placed a small stack of bits on the floor. “How long before he suspects there’s one of those noise dampening fields in place? Ten bits says he goes five minutes.” Rockhoof shook his head in disagreement. “I give him three minutes, tops. Twenty bits.” “Oh you are so on, big guy!” “Naw. I’ll bet thirty bits he actually picks up on the fact those girls have fully tuned him out,” Meadowbrook offered, placing her stack next to the others. “Ooh, I’ll match that! Just imagining his reaction to that is worth it even if I lose!” Somnambula produced a small bag with a faint green glow seeping through the fabric and placed it in the pile. “What about you, Mistmane? Care to place a bet?” Meadowbrook asked. Mistmane brought a hoof to her chin before coming to her decision. Smooth and quick in a bright flash of magic, she produced her wager while bearing a wicked smile on her face. “One bunch of century-old grapes says he leaves in frustration to go to his goat.” A round of gasps came from the group, along with an extra voice so loud they could clearly hear it from the other car: “LEAVE MY GOAT OUT OF THIS!”