//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3: A Dragons Revelation and Planning 
// Story: A Stressed Spike 
// by JordanOlson 
//------------------------------//

Spike walked back to the library, mustering up all the willpower he had to put on the normally practiced and faked smile he usually wore to avoid attention but this time, he had trouble from keeping the smile from wavering.

It had been less then five minutes since he left Fluttershy's cottage and yet, he felt he had been walking for hours. The reason for this was because the mental wall that kept his emotions in check had finally cracked. Now he had to not only patch up his now damaged mental barrier and keep himself from letting any emotions loose, but he also had to resist the urge to collapse from the mental exhaustion he was experiencing. At this point, his body was on autopilot as his mind took care of "damage control".

This didn't mean that Spike wasn't aware of his surroundings. No, he saw everything. Ponies playing and having fun, working the stalls, or just taking a trot around town. Even though he was envious of all the happiness other ponies were flaunting around, it made hiding his tears of sadness and avoiding attention much easier.

"Finally I'm done" Spike announced in a tired sigh as he started to approach and enter the library he called home.

As he entered, he was glad to see the library still intact. Even without the girls there, the place still had a chance of somehow making itself a mess that he had to clean. Luckily for Spike, he was done with all the hard work for today. It seems that he will get some rest after all.

He of course, didn't forget about Owlicious. He got some food for his feathery companion and fed him before finally going upstairs to his bed, or at least what he used as a bed. While he never complained about his sleeping conditions before, he would've liked to have a real bed not a basket....

"Just another reminder of my inferiority, having to sleep in a basket like a dog. Heck even a crib would be better then this. Being unable to get out of it once you were put into it would be a very minor inconvenience at worst. I would also actually be able to stretch out for once without either my arms or legs going over the sides, I'd say that is a bargain." Spike thought to himself as he looked disappointedly at his "bed".

Spike then paused for a moment and frowned "Of course I'd want a crib since my mind clearly wants me to not have any self respect. I...I can't even muster up the energy to worry, I just want rest."

As Spike hopped into his "bed" and pulled the covers over himself, he couldn't help but feel restless even though his body demanded rest. Part of his mind was yelling at him to just let himself sleep so his brain could rest as well as his body while another part of his mind was forcing himself to stay awake, making his thoughts so powerful that he couldn't even stay still in his basket-bed.

After what felt like an hour of tossing and turning he finally gave up and took a look at the clock. "Ten minutes! There is no way I had only been laying there trying to sleep for ten bucking minutes!" Spike said out loud, almost baffled at how he couldn't have the one thing he had been waiting for all day since he woke up. All he ever wanted to do was just.... go back to sleep.

"Well, maybe some milk will help." He told himself, hoping his body would comply and shut down afterwards. He figured it was a long shot but why not at least try and see if it worked.

Spike went down to the kitchen and poured himself a nice cool glass a milk. His mouth desperately wanted to suck the beverage into his body as soon as it entered the glass, which he had done.

As he stared at the empty glass, his already overworked brain swelled with more questions and desires. "I wonder, what would drinking from a bottle feel like? Would milk taste better in a bottle? Is it hard getting milk out of a bottle? If foals had a choice would they drink from a bottle, sippy cup, or glass? Is it truly wrong to want a bottle of my own?"

These thoughts were the only thoughts he could actually understand, as his thoughts were so jumbled he could only hear bits and pieces of other foalish things."Bibs, toys, mommy, cuddles, love, cribs, naps, storytime, lullabies."

Spike then clutched his claws to his head tightly and shut his eyes as he began to get a painful headache from all the words bouncing within his mind. Eventually he couldn't understand anything. At this point everything sounded like gibberish... or a clumped up alien language, however, one word had sounded almost separated from the rest. "Diapers."

Spikes eyes then flew open with clear determination on his face and a simple goal in mind. "Alright that's it, I need answers right now!"

He then walked into the main room. Twenty thousand books worth of knowledge and at least one book that had to have what he was searching for, or so he hoped.

"Well then, I guess it's time to embrace my inner Twilight if I plan to find out why I have these persisting thoughts." Spike said in an unexcited tone.

He then came to a realization which made him grin. "On the bright side, I only need to look through a book with 'psychology' as the topic or at least something similar. This means over ninety percent of these books are avoidable since most will be useless to me."

"Well then, looks like it's time to hit the books." Spike said as he cracked his claws and neck with a challenging smirk on his face.


Four hours later.....


"Ugghhhh, another waste of bucking time!" Spike said as he chucked the book he was currently looking through at the bookshelf he found it at.

He had read through, what looked to be twenty different psychology books and so far and he found absolutely nothing. "Hmph, seems like I could be the only one with this problem. I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

Then by pure luck, the suns rays came through the windows and had aimed themselves on one of the many, many books that currently covered the floor. Out of curiosity and desperation, he picked up the book and read the title. "Quirks and Kinks of all Kinds" written by somepony Spike had never heard of (even though he didn't really know many authors in general), and quite frankly, had an odd name "Masked Muzzle".

Spike was curious which was easily heard by the tone in his voice. "I get that not all pony names are perfect. Fancy pants is a perfect example. I mean, what pony actually wears pants. This name however, is by far the oddest name I've ever heard."

"Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure Twilight mentioned how some authors use an alias when writting a story to remain anonymous. Oh well, it's probably not important."

As Spike looked through the book, he was baffled at some of the topics he'd seen. He thought his brain was going to burst at suddenly being thrust into a reality he never knew existed. Hoof worship, bondage, and even...spanking? That can't be right, wouldn't ponies dislike being spanked?"

All of these topics, each far different from the last and yet, despite seeing so many different topics, he's never even heard of a single ONE of them. "This... this has to be exaggerated. Maybe most of them are outdated or something, otherwise I would've heard about at least one of these before, right?"

Finally after looking through dozens of odd and some interesting topics, he'd found what he's been looking for. "A....Forever Foal?" After reading through the subject Spike had to admit, while he wasn't a pony and therefore couldn't technically be considered a foal, he found that term to be very... satisfying. The name was certainly better then "Forever Hatchling" which didn't roll off the tongue as well.

"This whole 'Forever Foal' thing... this describes me almost perfectly! Basically, some individuals wish to regress to a time without stress. A time where they can feel carefree, loved, and secure. Some ponies even wish to regress because they want a better childhood then they had, which is like me! Sure, for some ponies this can somehow be 'stimulating' and 'sexual' (which he notices many of the topics say) whatever the hay that means. From everything I've just read, this could only mean one thing, I'm not alone!" Spike was inwardly cheering at both his success at finding his elusive answers and the fact that from what he read, he was not insane.

His silent cheering came to a sudden halt at an unmistakable detail he remembered reading. "The longer I try to repress this urge, the worse it will become. Eventually I will have no choice but to act on this desire or I could end up making the situation MUCH worse. If lashing out somehow miraculously doesn't make somepony worried then what will happen if I lose all reason to think rationally and I end up unintentionally indulging in my desire where others end up easily finding out?"

His stands up and paces around the room, planning while putting the books he pulled out back where they belong, except for "Quirks and Kinks of all Kinds". If he is correct, then Twilight may SOMEHOW not know about this books existence and he intends to keep it that way. "This means that I'll need to get some diapers as soon as possible. Since all the girls are gone, today would be the best opportunity. I don't know when I'll get another chance to get diapers without any pony I know noticing, especially ponies close to me. Also, if I get a strong urge to wear a diaper and I don't have one, I could end up making rasher decisions then an angry Rainbow Dash."

"I don't have any other options unless I decide to wait longer and that's not happening. I guess it's settled then. I'm going out to buy some diapers today."