//------------------------------// // 40 - Catharsis, Part 5 of 15 // Story: The Last Cutie Mark Crusader // by Jatheus //------------------------------// Cloud Blazer found it difficult to keep his eyes open. He shook himself, refusing to succumb to slumber before Pixyglitter was seen by the doctors. He had to be there for her. She had awakened briefly, but she only spoke nonsense before losing consciousness again. She was still breathing, and for now, that would have to be enough of a comfort for his raw emotional state. He looked around the room, at the numerous other ponies that were hurt or dying, waiting for the doctors to get to them. He felt a twinge of guilt at the realization that he didn’t care about any of them. If he could have made it so, he’d have put Pixyglitter to the front of the line. He pushed the arrogant thoughts from his mind. They were just as important to their loved ones as was she to him. Pixyglitter was not a special case, no matter how badly Cloud Blazer longed to see her healed. The moment he spotted Scootaloo, he was wide awake. His heart began pounding with a mixture of hope and fear. She seemed to be looking for somepony in the chaos of the hospital waiting room. It wasn’t quite full to bursting any longer, but it was still crowded. He watched as her eyes scanned the room, finally coming to rest when they locked with his gaze. She didn’t look away. She began approaching; her face held an appearance of growing concern. Within precious short moments, she was standing directly in front of him. He stared at her, saying nothing, unsure if words would be welcome. Scootaloo glanced at the wounded mare that lay between them. "Her name is Pixyglitter," Cloud Blazer ventured. Scootaloo nodded, "Apple Bloom told me." Cloud Blazer’s mouth felt dry, but his heart was lifted a little. She spoke to him. She was speaking to him. The moans of the wounded and dying again filled the silence between the pair. This lasted for a minute that felt like an hour. "Are you hurt?" Scootaloo finally asked. "No more than usual," he replied, attempting his good humor, but he felt it fall flat. "I was looking for you," Scootaloo began nervously. "I’ve been meaning to come find you for a while, but I’ve been away." A bitter feeling began seeping from some unknown reservoir within the stallion. He didn’t know from where it had come, but it was rather unpleasant. "I know I hurt you," she continued, "and if there was anything I could do to take any of it back, I would... I guess I’m trying to say… I’m sorry." "You’re sorry," he said blankly. The bitterness washed over him, growing more intense, banishing all other feelings and overwhelming the stallion’s capacity for reason or thought. "You’re sorry?" Everything that had happened since he fell began flashing through his mind. "Do you think that’s going to help fix anything?" He saw fear in her eyes. Had he been in a normal state of mind, he would have stopped, but after the things he had suffered combined with a lack of sleep and the very real possibility that Pixyglitter might die, he lacked any such sensitivity. Animalistic instinct pushed him to strike. "I was hurt. I almost died, and you’re sorry? You abandoned me when I was at my most vulnerable, and you’re sorry?” his voice sprang out hotly. “I had only one hope that kept me breathing. You crushed it as soon as you had a chance. Then you acted like I had died so you didn’t have to deal with me. I don’t think ‘sorry’ quite covers it!” She recoiled, but stopped only a step back, standing her ground. He continued, “Do you know why I brought up the rear in the forest? I did it to keep you safe, not the others, just you.” "I didn’t ask you to do that," she defended. "You didn’t have to! I knew you would have done it yourself, and I couldn’t let that happen. Don’t you get it? You’d be right here or dead if I hadn’t done what I did. Oh, but that’s okay, because you’re ‘sorry’. Who do you think you are?" "I was in command," she spoke guardedly. “But I didn’t order you to do that. You can’t put it on me." She wasn’t wrong, but Cloud Blazer found that he didn’t care. From some unknown depth, a dam had burst, spilling a lifetime of rage and hate. “You don’t get to abandon your friends when they need you most and then go on like nothing happened! In case you hadn’t noticed, I will never fly again because of you. I nearly died because of you! Pixyglitter may die because of you." "I had nothing to do with that," her eyes were filling with tears that hadn’t fallen yet. He continued to press the attack, "If you hadn’t pushed me away, I would have come to you when I started having the dreams." "What dreams?" "Ask Rainbow Dash. I did tell her, but she didn’t believe me just like you wouldn’t have." Pixyglitter coughed, breaking the onslaught of Cloud Blazer’s words. The wounded mare sputtered and wheezed, more foamy blood draining from her mouth. The enraged stallion looked back up at Scootaloo. She seemed smaller somehow. "I wouldn’t have had to find my own way to Manehattan and back. We could have been somewhere safe if you hadn’t pushed me away. That’s how it’s your fault." She had shrunk down, as if drawing herself into a small, defensive position. He let out one final barb, “I lost everything i had for you, and you threw me out like I was trash.” The orange pegasus took a deep breath, as if she would speak, “I...” "Get out,” the stallion cut her off. Scootaloo swallowed hard and made something that passed for a nod before she turned away without another word. She walked off with Cloud Blazer’s eyes boring every last ounce of hatred he could muster into her back. Then she was gone. The room had grown completely silent. As the angered stallion looked around, everypony returned to ignoring him. He had thought that releasing such things might make him feel better. That is the lie his emotions told him when they surfaced. In truth, he only felt worse.