“Don’t believe the lies spread by your government or that Trojan horse known as Celestia. We aren’t terrorists! The HLF is fighting for every single human begin on this planet! If we don’t fight those *censored* horses they will convert every single human into one of their own kind.
Those poor souls may tell you how much they enjoy their new live as pony and that they found true happiness but in reality they became brainwashed minions of the Trojan horse. Nothing more than mindless Zombies with big grins plastered on their faces. And just like Zombies there’s only one way to deal with them: A bullet in the head, right between the eyes.
And trust me, you’re doing them a favor.
- video message from Ken Wong, Leader of the “HLF East Asia division”
The question most people are asking is “Why”. Why does the PER forcefully turns people in ponies? Why take away the choice from the people? Why do you hate humanity so much?
Then I smile and ask them a question, too: How could you possibly want to stay in that imperfect, flawed human body if you could be a colorful, magical Pony full of happiness instead? Why do you cling to such a pathetic existence? If you are a Pony all your hate, all your worries and all your fears will be gone. So why do you hate us so much? We’re just trying to make you whole.
Most people then look at me like I’m a madman.
- diaries of AndreasVogel, “martyr” of the PER
Queen Celesia is a *censored* and everybody who drinks that pony *censored* is her *censored* and *censored* her *censored* all day long!
- Graffiti on a wall near the Conversion Bureau in London
***
Hello my name is Flashlight. I’m a soulless Zombie and I love talking about rainbows and sunshine in a creepy, monotonic voice. If I don’t talk about rainbows and sunshine in a creepy, monotonic voice I’m stalking people with a big soulless smile on my face until they call the police.
Nah I’m just kidding.
Hey don’t look so shocked. Just because I’m a Pony that doesn’t mean that I’ve lost my sense of humor.
And you’ve to admit that the HLF is pretty creative when it comes to demonizing Ponies. That Zombie comparison was pretty dam clever; they probably gave the guy who came up with this a promotion and a fancy medal.
Sorry, I’m babbling. Let’s start again, shall we?
My name is Flashlight and I’m a so-called Newfoal. That’s how the citizens of Equestria call the humans who went through the ponification process. To best honest, I never liked that name. It souns like we’re little children that can take care of themselves. Sure the first months are hard if until you get used to your new hooved body but it’s not like we need regular diaper changes. It’s still better than Zombie I guess.
As my dear friend Professor William asked me to talk in front of such a large audience about my experiences as a Newfoal here and in Equestria I was quiet flattered.
“Why me?” I asked him. “I’m sure there are other, smarter Newfoals that are far more qualified.”
And William simply said: “You’re story is rather interesting and it ends with a good moral. I’m sure my audience will like it.”
So if the next few hours turn out be the most boring moments in your lives, you can blame Professor William. He’s that laughing guy with the pipe over there.
So where do we start? Perhaps I should answer the most obvious questions about my conversion.
Did the ponification change my personality?
Yes I think it changed me. Compared to my old human self, I think I’m more optimistic and it’s harder to make me angry. I heard other Newfoals said similar things so it’s not just me. All in all I don’t think it’s a bad deal. And I defiantly didn’t lost my sense of humor.
Did the ponification erase my memories?
Yes and No. It’s hard to explain. As I woke up right after the ponification most of my memories were gone. Over the time most of them came back and many – but not all of them - are blurred and it feels like they belong to a different person. I would be lying if I told you that it doesn’t bother me. Luckily those memories are becoming clearer the more time passes one.
Did I become an always happy, smiling Zombie?
I don’t think so but feel free to prove me wrong.
Can I still feel negative emotions like hatred, jealousy or fear?
Despite the popular believes Newfoals – and Equestrians - are still able to fear, hate or lie.
Do I despise my old human self?
Not the slightest bit. They ponifcation may have changed me but my past live as a human still defines who I ‘am.
Some of you look surprised. You probably expected a rant about how much superior I’m no and that I’m glad that I’m no longer a pity human full of pity human problems.
Well, let me tell you something.
I was born and raised as human by humans. So far, I’ve spent most of my live as a human and I’ve kept some fond memories of that time. I remember two lovely parents who gave their son all the support he could ask for and prepared him for the big adventure called live. I remember my first love and how we shared a kiss in the moon light. I remember my old pet dog and how sad I was as he died.
So yeah, I’ve many happy memories of my time as human and I don’t regret a single day of my old live.
Now you’re probably asking yourself why I went to a Conversion Bureau If I was such a happy human begin.
Well… I don’t know.
Don’t look so surprised. I said that you lose some of your memories as a result of the Ponification.
So I can only speculation about my motivation. Maybe It was curiosity? Maybe I was afraid of dying after I learned that the expanding barrier would eventually kill all remaining humans? Or perhaps because my wife and I were going through a divorce and I was looking for a purpose in life?
The fact is, even if knew my reason it didn’t matter anymore. I’m happy now and that’s the only thing important to me.
You probably want to hear the whole story and how the human John Smith became Flashlight the Earth Pony. So let’s start with my first memories after I passed out from glopping down the ponification serum.