//------------------------------// // A funny case of bad plumbing // Story: Chaos: the Age of Spike // by Kaliann25 //------------------------------// A funny case of bad plumbing Apple Bloom was struggling to maintain the glass that she had on her head balanced. But she wasn’t the only one. A young dragon aside her, Kelvin, was doing it as well, as the teacher continued to walk around the class, as he made the kids an oral exam. But, in order to make it more dynamic, Magma decided to make the test a competition between boys and girls. He separated the class, and asked for two volunteers. They wouldn’t be asked any questions during the test. But, instead, they had to stay at the front, and hold a glass full of diet soda on their heads, as their teammates answered Magma’s questions. The subject, dragon anatomy. “Ten questions in, and both teams are tied with five points each.” smiled Magma. “I’m proud of you guys. But, this is still a game. So, for the big breaker, girls, are you ready?” “Yes, Mister Magma!” said the girls in unison. “Alright, who can tell me how many lungs we dragons have? Ten, nine, eight, seven…” “We have two pairs of lungs, Mister Magma!” cheered Celsia. Magma nodded happily, and turned to the boy team. “Alright boys, why do we have two pairs of lungs instead of one?” “Two for breathing, and the other two to stock helium and methane, that we use to breathe fire!” said Spike, happily. “It also help aerial dragons to stay on the air. Oh! And also, prevents Sirens from sinking when they’re diving deeply.” Magma nodded, pleased. He liked how enthusiastic Spike was about learning about dragons. But, as a teacher, he couldn’t show any favoritism, so he continued with the test: “All of you studied really hard, don’t you? Okay then, next question! How you determine the dragons’ gender when they just hatch?” “I know, I know!” said a little serpent dragon, called Flammable. “Male’s scales have brighter colors than females, and they’re a lot more aggressive.” Magma shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry, dear, but you can see that, as hatchling grow up. No. I said, when they just hatch.” Apple Bloom gulped, something really bad was going to happen to her if they lose. Magma noticed her concern, and did his best to calm her down. “Don’t worry Apple Bloom. If the boys fail too, you can walk back to your seat. Dry.” Grinning evilly, Rumble raised his hoof: “Teacher! I know!” Magma smiled. “Alright, tell us, Rumble.” “Okay, as far as I know, male dragons have two little bulges around the cloaca. Bulges that females doesn’t have.” Magma nodded, much to Apple Bloom’s misfortune. Nothing like a little of childish cruelty to make sure everyone studies. The teacher looked at Apple Bloom, like saying he was sorry, and then, he threw a mint to the diet cola glass she held on her head. What happened next, was what the kids were waiting for. The mint made the diet cola to react like a volcano, soaking Apple Bloom in the process. Her partner, Kelvin, slowly walked back to his seat. Not before drinking his cola, as a precaution. Luckily for Apple Bloom, there was a shower on the gym, so she got herself clean, before joining her friends when the classes were over. “Hey, Apple Bloom! No hard feelings, right?” asked Rumble. “Go to Tartarus.” The young colt shrugged, as the rest of the Team of Chaos giggled. “To be fair, we did warn you!” said an earth dragon called Molten, joining them. “If Mister Magma gives you the choice of not doing the test, don’t take it. It’s a trap!” “Yeah, he uses it to punish those who didn’t study.” sighed Kelvin. “But ya’ took it as well!” protested Apple Bloom. “Because I didn’t study.” shrugged him. “Is no big deal” Spike laughed happily. “But, do you know what is a big deal?” “What?” asked Kelivn, excitedly. Spike charged his claws with the black and purple energy of chaos. Before the Team of Chaos could react, their whole class surrounded them, waiting for the moment of truth. Spike exchanged a look with his friends, and snapped his fingers. A small remote control appeared on each of the children’s claws. “So, what this thing does?” asked Molten. Spike grinned, and aimed his remote to the faucet that was on the playground. He pressed the button. The faucet turned to Kelvin, and spitted a stream of molten lava to his face. “And just like that! It works with any faucet in any part of Reptilia.” “And, what’s the plan?” “There’s no plan, just have fun!” said Spike. “Wanna play lava wars?” Apple Bloom didn’t wait, she simply aimed her remote, and the faucet send the stream of lava right toward Rumble. Of course, Spike had previously provided them with heat-resistance. “Hey!” complained the colt. “Ya’ owed me that one, teacher’s pet!” said Apple Bloom, with a grin. “You’ll pay!” said Rumble, aiming his remote to a nearby hydrant. A much more powerful stream pushed Apple Bloom away. And, just like that, the kids began to ran all over, starting a large-scale lava war. Magma looked at them through the window, and smiled. Usually, he and his bodyguards would escort the Team of Chaos, but today, they let them run free all over the city. Not only, at this point the visitors were familiar with the city, already. But also, Spike have told them that today, they would create chaos. Then, the schoolteacher looked at his own remote, and smiled. “Okay guys, let’s go back home!” he said to his bodyguards. “Who wants to mess with the old man?” Ignition and Turmoil laughed at this, and followed the Prince to annoy the one who controlled all the volcanoes in the world. In a corner, a couple of Spike’s new classmates were examining their remotes, and showing them to their younger siblings. “All you have to do is aim it to anything. Anything connected to the lava piping system.” explained Fahrenheit, a Siren. “For real?” asked her little brother. “Watch this!” Faren (as her friends called her), grinned, and aimed the remote to a lava fountain in the middle of a certain park. A dragon was passing by, selling ice-cream, when the stream of molten lava covered him entirely. Luckily for him, the kart was fire-proof, so the product didn’t suffered from the surprise attack. The two pairs of siblings looked at each other, and ran to hide as fast as they could. They didn’t had the experience, or the confidence that the Team of Chaos had. And, they ran into the first business they found. “Hey! I don’t need any annoying children in my laundry!” complained the owner. “Go play hide and seek elsewhere. I can’t stand children. I can’t stand children, I can’t stand…” Fahrenheit’s younger brother, Steam, as he activated the remote. One of the washing machines came to life, and send a stream to the owner. One more time, the siblings ran for their lives. “Cool! It’s almost like this thing reads our thoughts.” said Steam. “Yeah, pretty neat!” said a voice behind them. They turned. It a group, headed by Celsia. She pressed the remote’s button. The sewer, right behind them, came to life, and buried the kids under a ton of lava. “You’re going to pay for this!” shouted Fahrenheit. They resumed their lava fight, and weren’t the only ones. All over Lizardos, Magma’s students were having a hell of a time, fighting with Spike’s remotes. Steam was looking at his sister in awe, when Shadow kindly approached her from behind. “Hey! Want a remote?” “For real?” “Sure! Everyone must participate!” smiled the agent of chaos. “And, if ya’ see anyone without a remote, you call me or ma’ freinds. Alright?” “I’ll tell my friends!” “Sure! This is getting boring with Magma’s class only.” At the Palace-cave, King Flames was staring at the crater in the center of his home, unsure what to think. When, suddenly, his son came to say hi. “Hi, old man! What are you doing?” The King of all dragons stared at his son, and raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you supposed to be watching our guests, Magma?” “I left them playing with the other kids. They’re having a party with Spike’s powers.” Flames nodded, and looked back at the crater. He closed his eyes. “I can feel it. He messed with the core itself in order to power his prank.” “For real?” asked Magma with a grin Flames got his face closer to the crater, in order to study the problem, when Magma activated his remote. A stream of lava got right on the King’s face. “Dad?” asked Magma. The older dragon groaned. “Damn kid. But this was only to be expected.” A new stream of lava got his face. “Yes, this definitely smells like chaos.” said Flames, with a resigned sigh. “And what shall we do, dad?” Magma grinned. “You? Get out of my sight before I take that thing Spike gave you. Oh, and by the way, when I said ‘damn kid’, I meant you.” “I figured. If you excuse me, I’ll go to annoy mom.” said Magma, leaving his father alone in the room. Flames rolled his eyes. “A bit childish, but that’s what you get for working with kids. Pffs, and Lava wanted to educate him to be a politician. What a waste that would be!” Then, an angry shriek resounded all over the Palace: “MAGMA! COME BACK HERE IMMEDIATELLY! YOU RUINED MY FACE MASK!” Followed by four pairs of paws running frenetically. One escaping, and, the other, chasing. Flames laughed at this. Most of the time, Magma could be childish, but he loved his son. But, he had more important things to do. Twilight Sparkle had given him instructions of what to do, in case Spike decided to create mayhem. Step one: determine exactly what the prank did. Step two: determine how far it expanded. Step three: locate the epicenter of chaos. Step four: solve the thing. Step five: take an aspirin. Flames shrugged, and began his preparations. But, he spotted how Magma jumped through a window, and his bodyguards caught him, and flew away from his mother. “YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS MAGMA! I SWEAR TO YOUR FATHER!” The King laughed, as he wished his son the best of lucks. Outside, the kids continued playing, annoying adults, yes. But, mostly, they joined the massive lava war all over Lizardos. A volcanic city was the perfect place to do such thing. “You’ll see ponies! Those wings of yours will not help you at all!” shouted an aerial dragon, flying toward Mist and Dark. With their chaotically-increased agility, the pegasi, did their best to avoid the lava. They may be heat-resistant now, but, unlike the dragons, their pony feathers would get heavy, made them unable to fly. As for the dragons, the lava would slip from their membranous, unfeathered wings. “Behind you, Dark!” shouted Mist, pressing the remote’s buttons. A nearby fountain unleashed all its power to their pursuers, as Dark pressed her own remote. She used the sewers to protect her coltfriend from another group of pursuers, who came to attack from behind. “Thanks Dark!” “Together, we’re invincible Mist!” From a hill, another group of dragons watched the ponies. “Come on! Don’t you have the best aim, Plasma?” “Shut up, Charcoal! They’re ponies, little ponies. Do you really think is easy to aim something of that size? Besides, they’re fast!” A wave of pure lava tackled the group from behind. When they recovered, they saw the two pegasi right above them. “How did you see us?” asked Charcoal. “Chaotically enhanced senses.” Shrugged Mist. In another hill, a group of serpent dragons, sirens, and earth dragons, were leaded by Spike and Sweetie; planning to take down the aerial group. “Are you ready?!” asked Spike. “Yes captain, we’re ready! “We can’t hear you!” joked Sweetie. “Yes captain, we’re ready!” They all pressed the button on their remotes at the time, and all the sewers below the aerials exploded sending a ton of lava to the group. From the ground, where everyone was sent to, the aerials regrouped. “It seems like the earthling want to play.” smiled Dark. “What do you say, guys? Truce?” “Truce!” agreed the others, in the unison. “This means war.” A group of younger children, headed by Steam, approached to Spike and company. “Hey, my friends want to play too!” Spike smiled, and made appear a bunch of remotes for them. “Of course! Courtesy of the Lord of Disharmony and Chaos.” The younger dragons shrieked in excitement, intensifying the battle. Already out of control. It was when, Dark approached from over a cloud, and covered Spike and Sweetie Black in lava. “Catch me if you can!” mocked the dark pegasus. “This means war!” And, Spike was about to follow his friend, when suddenly, he reminded of Pina. “Oh, damn it! I promised her I would include her in this! I have to go to Draguentina!” “Hey, I’ll go.” offered him Sweetie Black. “For real?” “Just go!” Spike smiled satisfied, and in his floating throne, he began to chase Dark. By her way, Sweetie sighed in relief, and tele-ported to Draguentina. She had to keep Spike as far from that dragoness as she could. But, when she appeared in Pina’s kitchen, she found the dragoness seasoning a mountain of raw meat. That almost made her faint. If she barely tolerated cooked meat, raw meat was simply revolting for the unicorn filly. Pina looked at her with a blank expression. “If you can’t take it, send Spike instead.” “NO!” shouted Black, but she managed to calm down. “Sorry. I mean, he’s too busy right now, so I came.” Pina laughed softly, and put aside her kitchen tools as she sat aside Sweetie Belle. “What? You don’t like that Spike likes to spend time with me so much?” The filly frowned. “Yes! Lately, he’s coming to see you a lot. And you are a dragon and…” Pina stroked Sweetie’s mane. “Are you really worried about that? Come on, kid, he’s only twelve. He’s just a preteen. And yeah, maybe sixty nine aren’t that many years (for a dragon). But all I do, is teaching him some things about Reptilia, our people. He’s more like a little brother for me. Are we cool?” “I guess so.” said Sweetie Black softly. But her voice was still full of anger. Pina sighed, this girl could only be compared with a dragoness in heat. “I’ll tell you a little secret, okay?” smiled Pina. “Not all of the dragon eggs hatch. That’s the law of life, I think. Anyway, twelve years ago, more or less, I was about to be an older sister. But, he couldn’t make it. Do you understand? I never get to know him. It was the saddest day of my life.” Black gulped. “Oh, I didn’t know…” “Few people know. But don’t worry, It’s all in the past now. However, I began to think about him, like a lot, since the day I met Spike. My brother would be around his age now. I’m not trying to steal your drakefriend from you, it’s only that, he reminds me of my brother. What it could be.” Black finally relaxed. “I’m sorry I was jealous of you.” “Don’t worry about it, kid.” shrugged Pina. “It could happen to anyone. And, you’re no different from a dragoness. Seriously.” “For real?” asked Black. Pina smiled to the filly. “Oh, yeah, we stop at nothing when we’re protecting our mates. There are very few things more dangerous, that a jealous dragoness.” “Does it have to be with the dragon’s heat that you keep mentioning?” asked Black. “Dragons’ heat is as big as we are; and dragons with mates are especially dangerous. Look, it isn’t uncommon for us to find your mate before the first heat, and, when it happens, well… things get complicated. First, you two share the first heat, and become overprotective with your partner.” The dragoness showed Black a couple of scars she had on her chin. “I got this from a friend of mine. I accidentally approached a little too much to her drakefriend. And that’s not the most important thing” “Then what is?” asked Black. “How can I explain this? Where do I start? Let me see, remember how Spike lost control because of the hunger attack?” Black nodded. “Well, it’s almost the same. You lost your mind, and suddenly want to ‘make yours’ every member of the opposite sex you see.” Sweetie imagined this, and shivered. It didn’t seem that nice. “What you do about it?” Pina grinned. “What else? You punch them, its normal.” “But isn’t that dangerous?” asked Black. “I mean, dragons are too big!” “And we’re all dragons in here, genius!” mocked Pina. “All big, and solid. I break a couple of noses from time to time, but, we all accept it as a part of life.” “But Spike lives among ponies!” said Sweetie. Pina chuckled. “Exactly! That’s why we keep saying that, when his first heat comes, it would be hilarious.” Sweetie Black shivered again. “Sweet Boss…” “Hey, don’t worry that much. Like I said, it seems like you are his designated mate, so you would share your first head. You’ll get too dangerous for any mare to approach Spike… and stallion would dare to approach to you with an angry dragon, and a God of Chaos, willing to rip their heads off. Literally, male dragons can be really aggressive when they’re in heat.” “Life is full of surprises. What brings you here?” asked Pina. Sweetie Black gave her a remote. “From Spike. It controls all the lava pipes of the Kingdom.” “Great! Thank you, kid. Now, if you excuse me, I have six cow to season, before I start grilling.” Sweetie Black felt sick again. Again, she teleported to the battle of Lizardos. Everywhere, every single thing that was connected to the lava pipes, was temporary useless, because of the kids’ game. It was fun, at first, but dragons weren’t used to Spike’s messes, at least directly. And most of them were getting sick of the situation. They chased the kids away from one time to another, but they were too sneaky, and Spike’s magic protected them. “So, do you have any idea of how this prank works, dear?” asked Queen Lava. “Because you know that I cannot relax without my daily lava bath, and with this…” “Forget your superficial taste for a little.” Said Flames. “If they continue like this, they’ll destabilize the earth’s core…” Queen Lava shook her head. “Don’t be that pessimistic. He is not using lava from the core, but from the tank trunks from the homes, and business. The source of this problem is in…” “The lava purification plant! Of course!” said Flames. “I may be superficial, and a snob, but that doesn’t make me an idiot. You didn’t married an airhead, moron.” scolded the Dragon Queen. Flames accepted the insult with a nod, and he quickly went to the plant. He would have a couple of words with the workers. He teleported in front of the plant, where he was received by an enormous, muscular earth dragon, with his body covered in tattoos. He flexed his muscles, showing them to Flames, and walked toward him. “Hey, hold right there! No celebrity pass this point without giving me what I want.” “Do you realize who you are talking to?” asked Flames, exhaling a cloud of smoke from his nose. Incineration took a pen, and aimed it to the King. “Still, any celebrity who puts a claw in my plant, haves to give me his autograph.” Flames raised an eyebrow, but shrugged. “Oh, okay then. Give me a piece of paper and let’s finish this already.” Incineration aimed to his belly, the only inkless part of his body. “Sign it in me.” It was when Flames noticed that every single one of Incineration’s tattoos were autographs from celebrities all over Reptilia, plus the six Agents of Chaos. “Okay, you have issues, youngster.” “I know, but chasing celebrities is far more healthier than drowning my sorrows in alcohol.” explained Incineration. “What about that autograph?” Flames couldn’t really argue with that. He gave Incineration what he wanted, and, the dragon simply guided him through the purification plant. “I’m grateful, my King. Come this way.” Aside Incineration, who was his guide, all the other workers were extremely cooperative. All of them extremely delighted to see their King in their workplace. He signed a couple of more autographs, and finally, he got to see the machinery. It was glowing with black and purple energy. “So he was actually here.” “Right after he and his agents signed my belly.” smiled Incineration, showing the six autographs over Flames’. Flames rolled his eyes. “I see.” “Yeah, I like the little fellow. Not only he gave me his autograph, and automatically tattooed them in my body, but also, he promised me your autograph, and the Bearers’.” “The Bearers?” asked Flames. “The Bearers of Harmony, of course. Only them can clean up this chaos!” “Are you sure?” “He told me to tell you that.” said Incineration, bowing to this King. Flames face-clawed. Great, that was a two hour trip. He thanked the employees, and teleported back to his Palace. “Flames?” asked Queen Lava. “Send a squad of aerial dragons to Equestria to pick me up, along with the Bearers of Harmony.” Queen Lava made an understanding nod. “Okay. Are you going to teleport to Equestria?” “To gather the Bearers, and plan our strategy.” “Good luck!” wished him Lava. (line) In Equestria, the girls were chilling, having a lunch with friends, when, someone called at the door. Calmly, Twilight went to open the door, only to face the King Flames. She sighed. “Let me guess, you have a problem with Spike.” “No, he is the problem.” explained Flames, getting into the Palace as big as he was. The Bearers of Harmony made a coordinated groans. “Come on! Aren’t they supposed to be on vacation?” complained Dash. “Well, they are the ones in vacation. Not us.” reasoned Pinkie Pie. “All we have to do is wait for our transportation.” Said Flames. “I must give some reward to my air force, the flight to Equestria is two hour long. And they have to do it twice.” “In the meantime, let’s get some Harmony Grenades.” said Twilight, sighing as well. They were ready in five minutes. But, they had to wait until Flames’ air force came to pick them up. All of them equipped with sedan chairs, for the Bearers’ comfort. Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were together with one dragon. Pinkie Pie was all by herself, but she was chatting happily with her ‘pilot’. And finally, Applejack and Twilight were together with another dragon. “Good thing yer’ not uncomfortable with me anymore.” smiled the cowgirl. “As long as you don’t mention it, I have no problem with that.” Said Twilight. “But, you’re right, I don’t have to drown in a glass of water. Nothing have to change between us, right?” “Right!” They landed on Lizardos, where Flames casted a heat-resistance spell on them. “Why is this?” asked Twilight. A kid was passing right on time, and used Spike’s remote to cover them with molten lava. “Any other question?” asked Flames, calmed. “For us, this is nothing. But, without the spell, this could be a little lethal.” “Yeah, right.” “And, also, we have to go to the center of the earth.” explained the Dragon King. “Where the lava purification plant is.” “What now?” asked Dash in disbelief. “It would be annoying to explain our relationship with lava, sorry.” said Flames. “Anyway, let’s go!” He leaded the ponies through the sewers. Rarity was about to protest about this, but she soon realized that these sewers were completely different. They were clean, and yeah, it smelled pretty bad. But, it was because of the sulfur, coming from the pipes of lava. “Impressive.” said Twilight. “I wonder why ponies don’t come to visit more often.” “Alimentary differences.” explained the dragon. “You can’t digest neither gems, or meat.” Fluttershy stopped, to puke in a corner. Much to Flames’ annoyance, but, since he was the one who called the ponies, he remained silent. “Are you going to be alright?” asked Pinkie Pie. “I’ll try. But, I just can’t stand it.” said Fluttershy. “It’s only, that, poor little creatures. They don’t deserve this, they haven’t done anything to anyone.” “Sorry, darling, but, shall I remind you, that, some animals eat meat as well?” asked Rarity. “For example, Opal. She eats tuna, that’s fish. And have tried to chase down some mice as well.” “Gummy! He eats fish too!” said Pinkie Pie. “And Owlowicious hunts mice, and other small prays.” joined Twilight. Fluttershy was about to get sick, but luckily, they have just arrived to the plant. And, as the last time, they were intercepted by the muscular, and threatening, Incineration. “SIGN MY SCALES!” demanded the dragon. Fluttershy shrieked in surprise, and fainted. “What’s with her?” asked Incineration, switching from threatening, to worried. “And ya’ asked why we don’t visit Reptila more often.” said Applejack to Twilight. “But, can you still sign my scales?” insisted Incineration. “I guess so…” said Twilight, unsure what to think about this dragon. She have just noticed that each one of his tattoos was a signature from some kind of celebrity. “Great! Next, I want you to take a selfie with me.” said Incineration. “Whatever!” In the outside, the lava fight continued for a while, when suddenly, the remotes stopped working. “Oh, come on! Just when we were winning!” complained an aerial. “But, what just happened?” asked an earth dragon. Spike looked at a sewer, warned by his instincts. “It seems like King Flames brought the cavalry.” smiled the God of Chaos. “Are you sure?” asked Night. And, right at that moment, the six Bearers of Harmony emerged from a lava sewer, seeming really unpleased. “So King Flames brought you here.” greeted Spike. “Yes, there was no choice. Only Harmony can stop your Chaos, and you know it.” said Twilight angrily. “Seriously Spike, you’re supposed to be on vacation, right?” “Yeah, that’s why but we wanted to do something fun with our new classmates.” explained Black, joining her drakefriend. “Causing mayhem, annoying the grownups. You know, the usual fun.” “Also, we kinda’ missed ya’!” said Shadow, hugging her sister. “Yeah, we missed ya’ too. But A’ thought you’ll let us rest for our vacation.” said Applejack, sighing. “I thought only the Team of Chaos were on vacation.” said a six-year-old Serpent Dragon. “Trust me, kid, we’re all relaxing. As much as we can.” complained Rarity. “That, apparently, isn’t much.” mumbled Rarity. However, Rainbow Dash preferred to take this with good mood, and turned to Dark. “And, tell me, Scoots. How’s Reptilia?” “You know, it’s great!” smiled the Agent of Chaos. “Aside we still have to go to school, and the weird food. But dragons are great!” “Eeyup, not that different from ponies.” said Shadow. “Except that they’re big, and, scaly.” “Okay, what about you tell us everything while waiting for Flames’ soldiers to recover?” asked Twilight. And they began to share their experiences.