Sonâmbula looked out the window and watched the world go by. They had been on the train for a day and were scheduled to reach their destination by dawn tomorrow. The pegasus quickly glanced around her. Behind her their Southern Equestrian guide, Daring Do dozed quietly. Her hat was tipped downward over her eyes and her forelegs crossed as she slept. Sonâmbula hadn’t spoken much to the pegasus since on the trip. Pinkie had for the most part been the life of every conversation.
To the right, on the next bench, Pinkie Pie lay sprawled out across the bench peacefully dozing. A pile of… strange, confections were at her hooves. The lively pink earth pony lay still, her muzzle agape as she snored, her frizzy curly mane and tail spilled over the side of the seating. It was hard to believe that she ever stopped moving, or talking for that matter, but her perpetual sense of joy and wonder were endearing. In Pinkie Pie’s company it was easy to forget one's worries but they always came back in times of silence such as this.
Sonâmbula hoped that no pony misunderstood her, she was grateful to be given the opportunity to return to her old home… But she was also very afraid. She had been gone for 1,000 years, things would be very different. When she had chosen to leave she knew it would be very much like dying. She would be here one moment and then be gone in the next. It had been easy to make that choice then… easy to step out to save everyone to hide from more difficult issues.
It was wrong. No, selfish to have these feelings.
She had chosen to become a pillar.
She alone had decided to make the sacrifice.
She had no right to these regrets now.
Sonâmbula took a deep breath and sighed, perhaps what she needed was some fresh air. She grabbed her satchel and slowly crept passed the two ponies. Sonâmbula wanted to be alone for a bit. The pale peach pony quietly trotted away, she wandered down the surprisingly long engine until she reached the caboose. In a way the sound of the wheels running over iron were unsettling and unfamiliar, the landscape was often blurred. However the caboose was comforting, the sound of the train made it hard for her mind to wander and from the rear of the train the land felt like it was fading away rather than being wiped away.
Sonâmbula raised her head towards the starry sky. Somewhere beneath the night sky her friends were also seeing these same stars. Her chest tightened painfully, “everyone feels so far away…” she flipped open the satchel and removed a journal. The normally optimistic mare had never thought she would be the first to use it, but after not having spoken to her fellow pillars in some time she felt as if… she needed this. This land was strange, her home would also likely be strange, even they were now strange. Nothing would ever be the same again, it could never be the same again. She knew this and that would bring new and exciting changes, with plenty of memories to be made along the way. These changes terrified her, even if no one ever read it, just the idea of sharing her worries with her friends would make her feel more at peace. Gingerly, she lifted the cover open and removed a magical quill from her bag.
“To my friends,” Sonâmbula began her letter “As I write this letter to you I have still not arrived in Southern Equestria. While I feel blessed to have so many ponies supporting me and making my return home easier I must confess that I am filled with dread. I know that when I return that nothing will be the same. Since I was presented with this opportunity, my sleep has been plagued by endless nightmares. Some are more pleasant than others but one continues to haunt me…”
⊰ ★ ⊱ ❈ ⊰ ★ ⊱ ❈ ⊰ ★ ⊱
We were on a balcony overlooking the river banks. The water gently lapped at the shore, the papyrus lazily swayed to the waters silent beat. The sun warmed my coat and I couldn’t help but sigh contentedly. I felt at peace, the scene I viewed now wasn’t unfamiliar and I had experienced many days like them. Something about this moment felt priceless, and filled me with a strange sense of nostalgia.
It won’t last. These days are numbered.
Ahead of me Prince Hisan looked over the river, his back was turned to me. While I couldn’t see his face, I knew Hisan, no doubt his mind was claimed by an endless list of tasks he wished to accomplish. In the last several months my prince had matured rapidly, his ascension to pharaoh was to occur by the end of the next moon. The way his withers were stiffened told me whatever was on his mind was troubling him greatly.
“Your majesty,” I called in greeting, kneeling as I drew closer, my muzzle grazing the earth.
“Sonâmbula, please. Let's not bother with formalities now. You are my trusted advisor.” Hisan didn’t turn to face me, he kept looking out towards the river. Sensing something was wrong I trotted forward, standing next to him, our withers only centimeters apart.
“Yes, what is troubling you my prince?”
“Why must something be wrong for me to want to enjoy the company of my advisor?”
“You are correct, nothing has to be wrong. However, as a stickler for rules. I highly doubt that my prince would send Atlas to call me here unless you were entertaining thoughts you didn’t wish for anypony to know.”
“... You are correct.”
“Please, my prince. I am here for you.” Hisan stepped closer to the edge of the balcony his chest pressing against the rails.
“Sonâmbula, what is the hardest part of a battle for a Pharaoh- no - a leader?” His voice was unusually flat, but calm.
“Just before the battle.”
“Why?” Hisan asked. His eyes cast towards the horizon.
“The time, if you are attacking your forces have spent alot of energy marching to your enemies door. If you are defending preparations may be quick but then you are left with the anxiety of waiting for the end. If you are not prepared every hour feels like a second and you may not be ready when the enemy arrives.”
“That is a good answer, but you are wrong. Try again.” I smiled and lifted an eyebrow. I stepped forward after him. Hisan still didn’t look at me, I felt as if he must have a reason. Instead of searching his face I let my eyes wander across the surface of
the water. The tranquil waters below glittered like a shifting pool of diamonds. Something bothered my about the water.
“Then it must be the middle of the battle.” I finally responded, my eyes still fixed below.
“Why?” Hisan asked again.
“Well the first half of a battle can be indicative of which way the battle will go. You must struggle to continue pressing your forces onward, when their energies have been mostly spent. If you are loosing, to keep them going can be difficult, finding that rallying cry can become… impossible. If you are winning, well, winning is slightly a step above loosing and it can change at any moment with even one small mistake.”
“You are wrong.”
“Tell me how I am wrong my prince," I replied with slight exasperation "Share with me your answer.” I had studied many tomes about battle and texts drafted by warriors whom had returned from battle. The texts may have been from many moons ago, but their wisdom had held true.
“It is after the battle.” Hisan replied matter of factly.
“Why?”
“Before a battle you prepare yourself. Tell yourself that there will be losses, sacrifices, and untold suffering. You know that the ponies before you may not return, but you won’t know which ponies will fall until it has happened. In the middle of a battle you can not deny what is so clearly in front of your muzzle. Winning or losing, it is all easily seen. But after a battle…” Hisan’s voice faltered for a moment, growing quiet. “After a battle you are left with only the consequences and regret. All those lives are irrevocably changed by the decisions you made days, hours, or minutes ago. You can not change what's happened you can only watch and try to stem the.”
Hisan’s tone changed, my ears perked in response, but a movement in the water had my attention. I watched as a shadow just beneath the water's surface. I blinked for just a moment and when I opened my eyes the shadow was gone.
“Wise words my prince, you have grown so much in such a short time. Tell me what is on your mind. You usually don’t entertain such thoughts.” I remarked, pulling my eyes away from the water. Hisan was still looking outwards towards something on the horizon I couldn’t see.
“My coronation will come in less than a month I am unsure if I am ready. As the days approach I think more of the burden I bear as leader of our people, of the terrible costs my actions will have…” I trotted to his side and laid a hoof on his withers.
“Hisan,” I saw his ears flick as I used his name rather than his title, a small smile taking shape upon his lips. “That is why you will have me and the rest of your advisors at your side. The final decision may be yours alone but we will be there to help in whatever capacity you might need us. If we do, decisions like this might not be necessary. We have good relations with the neighboring kingdoms.” I smiled “Clearly you’ve given things deep thought. If you continue to reflect on all options so thoroughly then I believe you will be a great leader.” I turned away and looked back towards the water. The shadow had returned, the water around it seemed to bubble and ripple.
“Sonâmbula,” Hisan said my name with a tenderness I hadn’t heard before. “I… I can’t do this alone.”
“My prince, we’ll be there-”
“That isn’t what I mean. You know that.” My cheeks flushed. “Sonâmbula, a pharaoh does not rule alone. He counts on the wisdom and strength of his council and... his queen. I can think of no better pony to serve as queen.”
“Hisan, I-I don’t know what to say. I am just a common pony, there are other mares who must be-” I backed away.
“Not one mare of my standing that I have suited has met my standards. Only you have ever exceeded them.” He turned towards me
“My prince, I don’t know.” I turned away.
You lie to yourself. Tell him now before it is too late or forever hold your peace.
“I understand that this… this is sudden. You don’t have to give me your answer now.” he said anxiously “W-what I mean is,” he coughed “I know you’ve been summoned to Equestria by the pillars. When you return please give me your answer.” I didn’t want to say anything but I already knew what would come next.
I already had an answer, I knew it all along.
It didn’t matter.
I would turn away.
In Equestria I would arrive.
The pony of shadows would appear.
I and five other ponies would sacrifice ourselves to save the lands we loved.
I would never see Hisan again.
He would never hear how I felt.
No. I didn’t want it to end like this. I resisted the natural numbing path that my body seemed to pulling me towards. The ground beneath my hooves felt like it was turning into quicksand. As I desperately tried to break free I looked back at Hisan.
“Hisan!” I screamed “Please! Wait! I have the answer!” He turned towards me with a sad smile on his face. “I-I’m stuck but if you give me a moment.” I continued to struggle, trying to spread my wings. Hisan didn’t move, instead, he began to silently cry. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched me struggle towards him.
“Sonâmbula,” Hisan said in the same gentle tone “We both know how this story ends.” Suddenly the river waters seemed to rise. Water, that should have been far below the balcony was now level with it. The shadow was much larger and had many spines. I thrashed more wildly, wings desperately flapping at my sides, but the earth refused to release me.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I was afraid, the idea was new to me. I-I never considered that you had such feelings for me. I thought I had time to decide-” I couldn’t fight it any longer.
“Sonâmbula, I know-” he kept speaking but I couldn’t understand what he was trying to say. The shadow rose from the water in the form of a crocodile. It towered over him and looked down. Hisan either didn’t see or didn’t care and he continued to smile at me while weeping.
“Hisan! I’m Sorry!” he kept talking, his mouth forming words that would never reach my ears.
“I’m Sorry!” I screamed it louder but it was as if he couldn’t hear what I said. He just continued smiling sadly. The crocodile let loose an ungodly roar, rocking the world around me. Hisan closed his eyes and the Crocodile threw itself forward.
“I’m sorry!” I screamed again. The crocodile's shadow stretched forward, blocking out the light as the massive reptilian behemoth fell forward sending water high into the air “I’m sorry!” I watched as it fell forward and the world seemed to be breaking into tiny pieces as the dream came to an end.
⊰ ★ ⊱ ❈ ⊰ ★ ⊱ ❈ ⊰ ★ ⊱
Sonâmbula took a deep breath and sighed “I know this dream sounds… silly. Truthfully, I feel like an ungrateful foal for even being nervous about this opportunity. Everypony went so far to ensure that I could have this chance. I miss you all terribly, but I know we all had our own paths to follow. I hope to hear from you soon and I pray that you all are doing well on your own journeys.” as she concluded her thoughts the pegasus sighed and looked to the stars. They had shifted since she had left and the stars overhead weren’t even the ones that she had grown up gazing at.
“Mind if I join you?” a gentle husky voice asked making Sonâmbula jump up with a small gasp of surprise. Behind her stood Daring Do, the adventurer removed her hat as a sign of respect, very few ponies ever removed their hats to somepony as a sign of respect, even fewer had done it in her home region.
“Not at all, please make yourself comfortable,” Sonâmbula scooted over to make a bit of room for the other pony. “I am surprised to see you awake, both you and Pinkie Pie seemed to be sleeping quite soundly when I slipped out.”
“Heh, not really. I’m actually quite a light sleeper. You could say it’s something I’ve acquired over the course of my adventures,” she said with a chuckle “When you were getting up is about when I woke up, I couldn’t help but noticed that you looked a bit upset when you left.” she noted, glancing at Sonâmbula from the corner of her eye.
“My, you are quite observant aren’t you?”
“What can I say? In my line of work being observant can make all the difference between success and failure. But,” She smiled before turning to face Sonâmbula “I will take it that my observation was correct. If you need to talk about something I’m all ears.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m upset so much as… I am afraid of what I might see when I return home. Things will be different, I know this, but will it be so different that I recognize nothing? Is home still really home if none of the ponies that made it home still live?” her voice broke for a moment and a single tear rolled down her cheek.
“Oh boy, that is tough isn’t it?” Daring Do sighed “Home is any place you want it to be, would you regret it more if you didn’t come and see if home still felt like home?” she asked.
“I would… I suppose not knowing would be worse than knowing all that I had loved was lost,” Sonâmbula conceded quietly. “What would you do if you were me?” she turned to look Daring Do.
“I don’t know, if no pony was in danger I would probably run away… at least for a little while. I mean, I’ve never been gone for thousands of years but if I were I think it would be hard to go back,” Daring Do admitted. “I only know about what I’ve seen in a couple small villages on the edge of Southern Equestria. What was it like in your time?”
“How about I make you a deal, I will tell you about my home, or what it was like when I lived there if you tell me about some of your adventures,” she smiled slyly at the other pegasus “Pinkie Pie happened to let it slip that you were something like an adventuring scribe.”
“You could say it’s something like that,” Daring Do chuckled “You have a deal.” she replied with a grin. The two mares spent the rest of the night talking and trading stories. Sonâmbula’s fears and worries faded with the setting moon as the two mares filled the night with laughter. It would be a moment that the peach pegasus would come to fondly recall for many moons after.