Seriously, why is Human Filthy Rich such a jerk? And why does his chin look like a butt? You wonder in bewilderment as the human stallion talks down to you.
This redesign is actually kind of atrocious. Not a big fan, Sombra mutters.
I hate to agree with you, but yeah. I mean all Humans are ugly, but this guy takes the cake.
And not just that, but this guy’s attitude sounds more like the upper nobility snobs of Canterlot back home. It’s actually starting to grate on my ears.
“And what kind of coat is that to wear sir? It is nowhere near Halloween,” he harrumphs.
“I think he’s a Weeb dad. It’s an anime thing,” human Diamond Tiara adds.
“I don’t know what that means, but seriously man, have some class. This mall still has standards, low as they may be and-“ And he continues to complain to you.
Down With Chrysalis’s Comment
This is definitely bad business practice. I’m just a stranger to this guy, and I would never go to his Barnyard Bargains after this.
For the past...you think five minutes this version of Filthy Rich has been berating you, your clothes, your lifestyle choices, and you think he was also insulting the mall too. It's kinda hard to tell since his fancy talk has gotten to levels of confusion at this point.
Bugze? Are you okay, usually you would have acted by now. I can fee. your anger bu-
Relax Selena, I got this.
By now you usually would have probably punched, yelled at, or both to the snob in front of you. But for some reason you can't explain you feel...calm isn't the word for it. You’re still getting more and more pissed off at this twisted version of a pony you respected, but you feel more...contained in your anger. Like something's keeping is helping keep it in check. It's refreshing...and a bit scary. You send the human a harsh glare, that he doesn’t seem to notice.
“Now man, if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my daughter shopping still, away from this particular spot and-“
"You finished?" you interrupt in a deep voice that surprises even you. Finally noticing your glare you take some pride as he flinches while Diamond looks confused.
Deal with snob first, worry about filly later.
"Why yes I am as a matter of fact. Why? Is the commoner finally getting tired and going to say how 'money means nothing' or some rubbish like that?" You simply grunt before responding,
"No, I was wondering when you'd get tired of yapping off so I can go get my brother before he eats himself into a coma."
"Are you saying that talking to me is a waste of time?! Do you know who I am!?" he asks sounding insulted.
"Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I just said your name and all you did was start insulting me and my awesome cloak. Not the best example for your daughter huh?"
"Don’t you tell me how to raise my princess. What would you even know about raising a child?" he glares and challenges.
"More than you, that's for sure,” you spit, thinking of Nightshade. “Parenting is about setting an example for your child before they turn out like you. I almost failed in that department, and trust me when I say it wasn't pretty. For all I know, it might be too late for her," you point to the filly human and she gasps out, feeling insulted. To that, Filthy looks about ready to burst a blood vessel.
Aw crud. Father instincts still exist in this world! You think in dread. With his fists clenched at the insult to his daughter, it looks like Filthy Rich might just throw a punch at you, but then…
"Filthy honey there you are!” comes another familiar voice.
BUCK! Not her too! You panic as you the voices owner walks up, setting her hand on Filthy’s shoulder. Not Spoiled Rich! Oh Luna, if Filthy is a jerk in this world, she must be a million times worse! Though at least her nose is fixed in this world.
As you sweat profusely, and before you can think to bolt, she speaks up again.
“I found some matching swim suits for-“ she then notices you and her husband’s angry face. “Oh, sorry to interrupt honey. Who’s your handsome friend?” she says in a giddy, pleasant voice that her Pony counterpart never displayed.
...
...
...
What?
What?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I’m handsome? No! EWWWW!!! Gross! I don’t want to be handsome to disgusting apes! Especially not her! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! While Sombra laughs his flank off, and your brain shuts down from that “compliment,” Filthy doesn’t fair much better.
“Wh-What? Spoiled!” he says feeling embarrassed. “He’s not a friend, he’s a low life ruffian who tried to tell me how to raise Diamond and-“
“Filthy,” she says in scolding manner with her hands on her hips. “What have we talked about?” To this, he unclenches his fist and sighs, all the tension leaving his body, like a scolded dog.
“That insulting people is bad for business…” he says reluctantly.
“Exactly. You can’t go yelling at folks no matter how stressed you are,” she encourages. He sighs again and says.
“You’re right honey…”
“I usually am,” she smirks. “Now, why don’t you and Diamond go on, I’ll meet you by the perfume counter.”
He nods, and walks off with his head down, not even looking back at you as Diamond follows, throwing dirty looks back at you.
Spoiled then looks back to you and smiles.
“I’m sorry about that. I’m assuming Filthy gave you a hard time?” she asks with care in her voice.
“Uuuuhhhh…” you blather, your voice not working.
“Don’t take it personally, he’s under a lot of stress. He’s trying to close a business deal for some prime forest land and it’s not a smooth process. Even still, you didn’t deserve any of that. I’m sorry if he insulted you,” she says in genuine concern.
“Uhhh…” you still blather in confusion. She then reaches into her purse and pulls out a gift card.
“Here, to make up for any rudeness on my hubby’s part, take this. It’s good for 50 Dollars at any Barnyard Bargains. I hope you’ll still shop at our location.” She places the card in your hand while you still don’t know how to deal with the situation.
“Anyway, I have to go now. Have a nice day Handsome,” she says cheerfully, giving you a wink as she wanders off towards her husband and daughter. You stand there, Gift Card in your outstretched hand, for a good few minutes, before your brain reboots.
WHAT THE BUCK JUST HAPPENED?
It appears this Human Mare is the reasonable one in their marriage in this universe, Selena hypothesizes.
But…what sense does that make? Is that like it for all dopplegangers? Are we in the evil counterpart universe after all? And was she hitting on me in front of her husband?!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!Sombra continues to cackle.
She better not have,Selena says in conviction. Though I rather think she was trying to diffuse the situation if anything…Just like her husband’s pony counterpart would have done…
Ah that just isn’t right. What does that mean for everyone else? Up is Down, Black is White! Ponies are Humans! It’s all wrong I tell you! It’s-
*GONG*
The reverberations help clear your panic as you catch your breath.
We’ll worry about inverse hypotheticals later Bugze. For now, just be thankful they’ve left you alone.
Right…right…Still though that wink…You shudder at that as you make your way to B2, who is just chowing down. There are several plates of food in front of him.
“Yeesh B2, how hungry were you?” you ask, causing him to turn around and his eyes to widen.
TartarusFire’s Comment
He stands up dramatically putting his hands to his face and screams,
“OH MY GOD!!!” This startles you into nearly tripping over your feet, and makes other people in the food court look at him curiously.
“What?! What is it?!” you gasp looking around.
“That’s a pretty sick coat and hat man. Where’d you get it,” he says calmly as he sits back down in his chair.
“Really?” you grunt in annoyance. “You had to yell about it? I know the coat is awesome, but really?”
“What?” he shrugs, “I thought it looked good on me. But no seriously, where’d you get it?” he asks as he starts eating again.
“Over at the costume shop,” you say as you roll your eyes and sit down in front of him. “I don’t know what it’s from, but some filly said I’m a Weeb if that means anything.” He just shrugs and swallows his food.
“Don’t know, sounds like some sort of car or something. The Nissan Weeb…does that sound right?”
“Do I look like one of those small bus death traps?” you counter.
Falx_of_Lume’s Comment
ThePonySpartan’s Comment
“Good point. Also, there’s been something on my mind. You said trains don’t wobble back and forth. Isn’t that exactly what a train does? I’ve been on a few in and out of cities.”
“I meant they don’t go side to side, moving freely all willy nilly. Trains follow the tracks, they don’t just keep sliding on different sides of a road…Why were you thinking about that?”
He shrugs again, “Dunno, just going over everything you’ve said today again now that my mind is kind of clearing. I’m still tired as all Hell, but some of the haze is gone.”
“Is that why you’re eating so much food? Trying to stay awake?” you ask.
“That and I am freaking hungry. You want some?”
He slides over a pizza slice to you. At least you think it’s a pizza slice.
“What’s this?” you ask.
“Extra Cheese Cheese Pizza. It’s cheese pizza, with extra cheese on top, with cheese stuffed crust, and optional blue cheese dipping.”
“That’s…a lot of cheese,” you muse looking at the gloriously unhealthy creation in front of you.
“Eyup, but it’s delicious. I always get it half just the cheese, and half bacon. Figured if you were a Change Horse thing that you wouldn’t appreciate it.”
“HayBacon’s good,” you admit. “It’s one of the only things I’m truly fanatical about.”
“Amen to that brother,” he says as he takes another big bite and you bite into yours. Just as you thought, it’s Dangerously Cheesy.
“Woof. I feel like this is going to make me sweat cheese,” you mutter as you keep eating the artery clogging masterpiece.
Kersey475’s Comment
“Oh if you think that’s good, you should try theFool's Gold Loaf sometime. I used to eat those all the time on tour.”
“Is that a pizza?” you ask naively.
“Nah dude, it’s a sandwich on steroids. What you do is, you get an entire loaf of bread, and fill that with an entire jar of peanut butter, and a jar of jelly and a pound of bacon. You slather that baby with a whole stick of butter and toast it golden…” he says in remembrance. A bit of drool leaks out the corner of his mouth, and despite yourself, you can’t help but fantasize about it as well.”
That abomination would surely kill you through sheer cholesterol intake Bugze, Selena scolds.
Yeah…but it sounds so good… And while Selena rolls her eyes, you and your counterpart continue to eat. When the last plate has been vanquished, he belches and looks to you.
“I got everything I wanted. How about you?”
“Yeah I’m good. I also got this,” you hand him the Barnyard Bargains Gift Card. “Should be good for groceries.”
“Aw sweet. I love the bakery pies they have,” he says enthusiastically.
“Yeah, even if their owner is kind of a prick. Though I wonder if my discount card works in this universe…?”
After that, the two of you grab the clothing bags, and B2 leads you to the exit. But before you get there…
Kichi’s Comment
You are suddenly bumped into by Human Diamond Tiara.
“Oops, sorry Mister,” she says almost suspiciously.
“Eh, no problem kiddo, why don’t you run along before your dad starts yelling again,” you suggest and she kind of smirks before skipping off.
“What was that all about?” asks B2.
“Eh, I ran into her and her dad earlier, and he’s a jerk,” you answer truthfully.
“Aw, some rich blowhard?” he surmises.
“And then some. But she’s just a little filly, so she’s not all that bad,” you comment. As soon as you say that though, a piercing alarm goes off just as you were crossing through a doorway.
"Gaaah! The sky is falling!" you shout, flopping to the ground and covering your head with your wriggly hands.
"No it ain’t, that’s an anti-theft alarm. Did you forget to pay for anything?” B2 says as he looks through his bags of clothing.
“Nah, I bought this hat and coat legally. Is my Nook technology setting this off?” you sputter.
“Huh?” B2 asks in confusion. As he does, a Uniformed Human guard of some kind starts walking over to you.
“Excuse me, may I see your receipt please?” he asks.
“Uh yeah, just hold on a sec,” B2 says as he opens up his bag, showing the guard and hands him the slip of paper.
“You too buddy,” the guard says, causing you to roll your eyes. You put your hand in your pocket, and as you do, you feel something round and made of glass. You pull it out, and see that it is a bottle of pink perfume with the price tag still on it.
“Huh? Where’d this come from?” you ask in confusion. The guard just raises an eyebrow at you, clearly not believing your shock.
“No seriously, I don’t know where this came from I swear,” you protest.
“Buddy, I hear that every day,” the guard sighs. “Look, I don’t want to write up a report or anything, so just pay for it and everything will be cool alright?”
“But I don’t even want this! What do I need with 100 bi-er-Dollar perfume? I…”
“Don’t worry, I got this,” B2 interrupts as he hands over the cash to the guard who just nods.
“Alright, just don’t go doing this again or you’re not coming in this mall again understand?”
“Yes sir, thank you sir,” B2 says nervously as the guard leaves.
“Why the buck did you do that? I don’t want this mare stuff,” you say glaring at the offending bottle.
“Because I don’t want to be kicked out of the mall man. I’m already a filthy bum, and finding a job is going to be harder if I get in trouble.”
“Oh alright fine,” you huff putting the perfume into your bag.
1 Bottle of Perfume Added
“I still say that’s a waste of cash. I don’t even know how it got in my pocket in the first place!”
That little brat! Selena suddenly gasps out in your head.
“Huh? What brat?” you ask aloud confusing B2.
That tiara wearing brat! She bumped into you out of nowhere and was acting suspicious. She planted that fragrance on you, she says heatedly. You think back to a few moments ago and what she says makes sense.
“Oh Come On! I Gave Her the Benefit of the Doubt!” you groan in frustration.
“Yo, other me, don’t go talking to your voices right now, others are watching,” he points out. Other humans are indeed staring at you, creeping you out even more.
“Buck off humies!” you grunt and walk out the door, with B2 following.
“What’s up with you?” he asks as he stomp off.
“That little filly planted that perfume on me to get me in trouble. And to think, I helped pony her fix her attitude problems.”
“Ooookkkkaaayyyy…” B2 says unsurely before he notices that you aren’t stopping. “Hey, aren’t you gonna hop on the bus with me?”
“I’ll walk! I assume you stupid humans have been doing it for years, and I need the practice away from that smelly death box!” you shout back and continue to walk your frustrations out.
“Alright, I’ll meet you at the library then!”
“Yeah yeah…”
Bugze, It might be a bad idea separating from your doppelganger, Selena warns.
“It’s fine! I’ll find my way there.
1 Hour Later
“Where the buck is the library?!” you yell as you take street after street trying to find your way back to your temporary home. And unsurprisingly, you’re lost. You’ve somehow managed to enter the maze that is Suburbia.
“Why do all these streets and houses look the same?!” you groan as you continue to wander around lost and confused.
I told you to stick with the other you, Selena scolds.
“And as usual, you’re right!” you agree huffily. “Ugh, all I need is some direction!”
“Hey Mister, if you’re looking for spiritual direction I can help!” comes a bubbly cheerful voice that you would know anywhere. Whipping your head around you spy the speaker and your jaw drops.
Kersey475’s Comment
“PINKIE!?" you state in alarm seeing a head of pink fluffy hair you'd recognize in any universe in a cloak and fortuneteller's hat.
"Yup, that's m- I mean- Noooo" Pinkie says in a faux-spooky tone, "I am Madame Pinkie, caterer of fate's destinnnnnny…Nice coat by the way."
“Uh…Thanks?” you answer as you look at her surroundings. She has a small purple pop up tent over her, set at the edge of a suburban house and lawn, presumably hers. In front of her is a cloth covered table and crystal ball. And despite her being human, it’s unmistakably her. The same eyes, the same smile, even the same feeling of unease and comfort around her.
Regardless of what universe we're in, Pinkie will always be Pinkie. Selena observes.
Be wary, she might have a canon full of cake to blast you, Sombra shudders remembering his last fight with her.
Good advice all around…but what’s she doing? I thought magic didn’t exist here? And why does she look so young?
Well if anyone can access what little magic that exists in this world, it'll be Pinkie Pie, you theorize, Might as well see if this Pinkie really can predict what's in store for me.
With that you shrug and take a seat in the lawn chair in front of her and her crystal orb.
"Before the orb can answer, you must provide a most vital ingredient."
"Ingredient? Like what? Hair? Blood? Bone?"
“Ew No!” she gags. “Money silly,” she says holding out her hand.
“Oh, right,” you chuckle nervously. “How much?”
“10 for a fortune, 20 for it to be less cryptic,” she answers. Rolling your eyes, you hand her the bill that has a 10 on it. She smiles, and places it in a jar that reads,
Limey and Marble’s Movie Cameo Fund
Before you can even question what that means, she continues.
"Look deep into the crystal ball... for soon it will reveal all! Ah, yes, I see something... It is a vision of the future... I see... you, "
"Really? Wher- WAH!" you say leaning in closer only for you to accidentally trip and bang your head against the orb cracking it.
“OH NO!” Pinkie gasps.
"Horseapples! Don’t worry, I can fix it!" you say reaching for your duct tape only for the orb's cracks to start glowing orange as it shakes violently and erratically.
"HIT THE DECK!" Pinkie yells as the orb explodes sending surprisingly harmless pieces everywhere.
"Your destiny! This is incredible!" Pinkie exclaims, "You will be involved in a great battle, a Candyland piece in an awesome conflict between multiple agents of fate commenting and guiding your every mov-
"Yeah, yeah, That’s old news," you casually dismiss causing her to sputter. “Large battles, and yadda yadda, I deal with that practically every year. Does my fate say anything more recent? Like where I can find what I’m looking for?"
"Uh..." Pinkie Pie says confused at your casual dismissal as she takes out another orb from under her hat and starts waving her hands around it,
"Since you clearly do not care,
Let us see what you will soon have to bewar-"
"Do you really have to speak like that?" you ask in slight annoyance.
"It's in the fortune teller's rule-scroll." she nonchalantly says as she pulls a contract out of her hair before putting it back. With that Pinkie concentrates on her orb again,
"When the Sunset starts to rise,
You will have to help open its eyes.
And when you duel the sisters three,
Music shall be your key."
You wait for her to continue, but she says nothing more.
“What that’s it?”
“Yup.”
“But that doesn’t make any sense! Where are the Red Stones? What pieces of technology do I need besides my Nook?”
“Buddy, you broke my main orb and you didn’t pay for the less cryptic reading. Fate is fickle,” she says nonchalantly.
“Ugh, fine,” you huff and give her another ten. “Now what does that mean?”
“Basically, be a good person, make new friends, listen to a good song once in awhile, and have fun,” she says without the cryptic voice.
…I’ve just been bamboozled…By Pinkie Pie! Groaning at the Fortune Cookie Wisdom, you ask
“Can you at least tell me how to get out of this maze of houses and get back to my library?”
“Sure I can. Giving directions is a freebie,” she smiles and your face goes blank.
Really?
“So, which library are you looking for?”
“I don’t know. It’s all run down and out of business. It’s close by some train tracks I think.”
“Train tracks?” she says confused. “Those are clear over in South East Canterlot, how’d you get way over here?”
“I took a bus to the mall, and didn’t want to ride back, so I don’t know,” you admit.
“Oh, well if you take two lefts, one right, and then head about a mile East towards the Grocery Store, there’s a bus stop,” she offers.
“Awwwooo, do I have to?” you whine to the teenaged girl.
“Well unless you want to walk until it gets dark…”
“Ugh…Fine…Thanks Pinkie,” you groan as you get up from the chair and walk your tender feet towards the bus stop.
And while you still curse your lack of tough hooves instead of weak feet, Pinkie mutters to herself.
“What a strange guy…Wonder how he knew my name?” she then shrugs and sits back waiting for the next customer. “You know, I bet I’d have more visitors if I set up at Sugar Cube Corner instead of my own house…”
Later
After another horror filled trip on the Tartarus that is Public Transportation, you eventually found yourself in the right part of the city, and through the grace of some higher power, you found your library.
Entering through the back, you groggily make for the couches and see B2 sprawled across one, snoring quite deeply.
“He’s got the right idea,” you say as you take another couch. “Seriously, today was all kinds of weird. I met my washed out alternate self, found a place to stay, almost died from that Evil Bus. Twice! And met a few counterparts…Not a big fan of most of them.”
Well at least you seem to be on good terms with this world’s Element of Laughter, Selena points out.
Yeah, which is more than our first meeting back home. Maybe that will help out when B2 and I apply for Crystal Prep. If the bookworm and her brother are there, chances are the rest are as well.
So they’ll potentially be wearing school uniforms then? Sombra asks eagerly.
Put a sock in it ya dang filthy humie, you chastise.
Well, Selena interjects, I suppose on the bright side we did make our first step forward in our technology hunt.
“Oh yeah,” you mutter as you pull the Nook out of your bag and turn it on. “I bet if these get reworked into Equestria it will put Twilight’s Library out of business.”
She’s a princess now, I doubt she requires the money, Selena points out. Frowning at the reminder, you flick the Nook on and hit a random book.
“Yeah, but a guy can dream can’t he?” you then cast your eyes upon the electronic scroll book.
“Poetry huh? Well, let’s see what Humans enjoy…I Have a Rendezvous With Death…”
You shudder as goosebumps break out across your body and you gasp.
Bugze? Are you alright? Selena asks in concern.
Yeah, yeah I’m fine, you say as you get yourself back under control. Just…Just had a weird feeling…
You then look back at the “cheerfully” titled poem some human wrote and read the entire thing. Each verse sticks with you, and you don’t know why. You still wonder this even as you fall asleep.
8BitMadness’s Comment
After a night of restless dreams you awake, well into the afternoon, still feeling groggy.
You don’t know why, but that poem just wouldn’t leave you alone. You look over to your counterpart, and he is still asleep. You lean over and start shaking him.
“Hey. Hey B2, wake up.”
“Ugggghhhh, I don’t want to go to school Gramps…just five more minutes…” he groans.
“Hey, sleeping beauty, wake up,” you order shaking him more.
He immediately opens his eyes in confusion before holding a hand to his head.
“Ohhhh…” he groans.
“Are you OK?” you ask.
“Hell no. My subsequent hangovers have all caught up with me…” he groans and looks at you with squinting eyes.
“And Holy Hell, you’re still real.”
“As I’ve repeatedly said,” you say sarcastically with a roll of your eyes.
“I…I just…Oh God Sobriety sucks…Can’t I just, lay here for awhile and eat some chips before we talk? I still gotta get my head wrapped around this.”
“Where’d you get chips?”
“You gave me that Gift Card Yesterday…Wow, you actually did. Heh,” he chuckles as he slowly pulls out a bag of chips and begins to slowly eat out of them.
“Um…How long are you going to take?” you ask.
“I…I don’t know…just give me fifteen hours or so…”
“Oh Come On, I wanted to get you that job at Crystal Prep so that we can find that magic mirror ahead of time,” you complain.
“Magic Mirror? Is that where you came from or something?”
“Yes and no, what happened was…” you are interrupted as you hear him snoring, with a chip in his mouth. Rolling your eyes, you say, “You know what, I’ll wait till you’re all mentally there to tell you that tale. So, just sit there and eat your chips, I’m gonna go get us that job,” you declare as you head to the door.
"SHHH! This is a library!" B2 shouts suddenly sitting up.
"WHY ARE WE YELLING THEN?!" You respond in kind.
"I DON'T KNOW, WHY ARE WE YELLING?!" He returns.
"…I don’t know! Just eat your chips, I’ll be back,” you declare as you walk out the door
You exit the library, and somehow manage to navigate your way to the school without incident, or without having to ride the unholy bus again. Really it was Sombra’s directions.
How did you know how to get back here? You ask as you stand in front of the doors where you first landed in this world.
While you were busy spazzing, I was taking in the wonderful scenery of this place. It’s much easier when you pay attention.
“Aw shaddup Smokey Joe.”
And just like B2 said, there aren’t any students in site. Whatever Holiday it is, plus it being Sunday, helps immensely. Entering through the front doors, you immediately enter the door labeled 'Office', and walk up to the secretary.
"Welcome to Crystal Prep, how can I help you sir?" she asks, clearly unenthused at life in general. You hesitate for a moment, then manage to gather enough confidence to speak.
"Yeah, I'm here to apply for the janitor position." You say with purpose.
"Oh, you're looking for Scruffy then. He's probably in the boiler room. Napping. Again." She replies in a monotone.
"And how am I supposed to get there?" You ask.
"Main stairwell down the hall, go down two flights and go through the red door labeled 'Maintenance', you can't miss it." Taking her advice, you walk off, but not before hearing the secretary mumble something along the lines of "Finally, the floors haven't been properly cleaned in months."
Once you enter the boiler room, you immediately see a man sitting in a chair, with his legs crossed and resting against a desk. He is asleep, and has a magazine with a scantily clad human draped over his face, which disgusts you immensely. He is wearing a dark sea green pair of work pants, a matching jacket with a sky blue shirt underneath, work pants, and a belt, as well as a burgundy hat.
"Excuse me? I'm here for the janitor job?" You announce, waking the man.
Now that the magazine is off his face, you can see a gray, unkempt soup strainer of a mustache on his face.
"Huh, who? Oh. Why are you down here?" He asks in a very deep voice.
"I'm here for the janitor job." You reply.
"Oh. You're hired. Name's Scruffy, I'm the Head of Maintenance," he says while opening up his magazine.
"Wait Really? Huh, that was easy. I expected an interview or something." You say taken aback
"Nope. Too lazy." He replies and flips the page.
“Um, don’t I need to fill out paper work, or sign my name or something?” you ask.
“Don’t see why any of that would be important,” he shrugs. “You’ll get paid cash under the table. Helps avoid taxes and what not.”
This can’t possibly be this easy, Selena says, just as aghast as you are.
“But…but what if I was some sort of crazed killer or something? You don’t want to check that out?” you ask, still confused as all Tartarus.
“Meh,” he shrugs. “What you do on your own time ain’t my business. Truth be told, I’ll probably forget what you look like on a daily basis.”
“Wait…so if I suddenly came in here with longer hair and a beard one day, and was clean shaven the next, you wouldn’t bat an eye?”
“Hmmph. Your hair is your business,” he mutters. The old human continues to read his magazine and you just stare in wonder and amazement.
"Dude, how have you not been fired yet?" You inquire, genuinely confused as to how this man has kept his job.
"I used to be a teacher here, and managed to secure tenure. I also have a position on the school board. Good luck getting rid of Scruffy," he responds followed by a long sniff from his nose.
“Okkkaaayyy. I have no idea what that means…” you babble. “Uh…is there something I have to do now?”
“Nah. It’s a holiday weekend. That’s why I’m here “cleaning up” for when the twerps come back Tuesday.” Remembering the secretary muttering under her breath, you wonder the validity of that statement.
“OK. Do I need a uniform or…?”
He just points to a set of lockers to the side. “Grab as many as you need. Come in tomorrow, Tuesday, or whenever, and just clean and all that.”
“Right…” you say as you head to the locker and pull out a pair of jumpsuits that look as if they’ve never been used.
“So…I guess I’ll be going now,” you say as you stuff the jumpsuits into your Inventory.
“Mmhmm,” he murmurs.
“But before I go, have you seen any magic mirrors that lead to another dimension anywhere on campus?” you ask.
“Don’t rightly know. Don’t get out much,” he grunts.
“I figured as much…” you groan.
“You want more info, ask the Vice Principal with the Sweet Can when she comes in on Tuesday,” he advises. Gagging at the thought of a human having a sweet can, you head for the door before he calls out.
“Oh wait, there is one rule you should follow.” You turn around and his eyes are still on the magazine.
“And what’s that?” you ask curiously.
“Don’t get on Cinch’s bad side.”
Whoever Cinch is, you know it’s bad to get on their side if Scruffy actually went out of his way to warn you.
Gulping, you give a nod which he doesn’t see and make your way out of the school.
So…I guess I got B2 and myself a job/cover.
And rather simplistically as well, Selena says still in bemusement.
I guess it’s true, you can always count on the laziness of strangers to make your life easier.
That’s not how the saying goes…but I suppose the results speak for themselves, she shrugs.
After a few more hours of walking (you are getting better at it) you reenter the library to find B2 in the same spot he was at before you left, still eating the same bag of chips.
"How the buck do you still have chips?" You ask.
"Turns out there were a few left in the bag. I almost threw them out!" B2 replies, somehow incredibly proud of his "accomplishment". “Also, you’re saying it wrong, it doesn’t start with an B.”
“The buck you talking about?” you ask.
“See right there,” he points at you. “It isn’t buck, it’s fu-“
“I don’t care,” you wave him off as you sit down across from him. “It’s my world’s curses, and I refuse to use any human-centric ones.”
“Right…horse world…” he muses as he places the chips to the side. “So did you get the job?”
“WE got the job,” you say as you pull out one of the jumpsuits and throw it to him. “The head maintenance guy is one of the most laziest people I’ve met, Human or otherwise. We can take turns, at least until I find that mirror. I still have to search for the Siren stones, and get more technology as well.”
“Okay…” he trails off looking at his jump suit, before looking back to you. “Say, do you mind, you know…Explaining some stuff now?”
“Huh?” you ask taken aback.
“It’s just that, well, my head is cleared now, and I can kind of accept the craziness of what happened yesterday…but I still don’t know much about you. You’re me from some sort of Magical Horsey Dimension and are a Shifter or something right?”
“A changeling actually,” you correct.
“Yeah that. But still, I’d like to know what’s going on. Why you came to this world, what you need tech for, and more importantly, what’s this other world like?” he asks in curiosity.
Looking into his eyes, your eyes, you see a hunger sober mind wanting any and all information after the hardships of a decade.
Are you sure you wish to tell him everything? Asks Selena trepidly.
Yeah. If he’s going to be my partner in crime so to speak, he needs to be filled in. It will help with our quest if everything’s on the table. Besides, if I can’t trust myself, then who?
Very well then, she relents. Just don’t embellish too much.
Smiling, you pick up your own bag of chips.
“Well B2, the reason why I’m here is actually a pretty long, and chaotic tale.”
He shrugs and sits back, “I got time.”
I know you do buddy. Nodding at this you continue.
“Alright then. Well first of all, the world I come from is called Equus, and on that world is a country called Equestria…”
POV CHANGE: Nightshade
SOMEWHERE IN EQUESTRIA
The wind rushes past your face, humid and warm, as the vast green of the jungle blurs beneath you. It’s only been a couple days since your Dad went through that portal to the otherworld, but you and Grandbuggy have wasted no time in speeding up the plan to get your Mommy a body.
And so far, this adventure has been amazing, despite the boring history lessons, because now you are doing something not even Daddy can do.
“You alright back there kiddo? We’ve been at it nearly all day, do you need a rest?” Grandbuggy calls back.
“Are you kidding? No Way!” you cheer triumphantly. “I can’t believe I’ve gone my whole life without this before!”
“Heh, all four years of em,” he jests before setting his eyes forward. “We’re almost there anyway.”
“Awww, I kind of don’t want this to end,” you whine. “But you were right, walking would have sucked.”
“You’re Goramned Right Kiddo. I’m just glad I could finally share this again…” he says wistfully. “But get beside me now, you never know if his stupid hired help might take a shot at us.”
Nodding, you put on a burst of speed and zip past Grandbuggy before doing a loopy to loop and stay in formation beside him.
“You’re a natural kid,” he compliments as he gives you a mane rub, and you giggle.
“Well it’s true. I’m Kick Flank at Flying!” And it’s true, considering you only learned how yesterday.
FLASHBACK
ThePonySpartan’s Comment
"Kiddo, I think it's time you finally learn how to fly," Grandbuggy announces to you while in the middle of dray canyon. You two had trekked about half a day after being let off at the southern most train stop. After that, there were no signs of civilization, only wilderness.
At your Grandbuggy’s sudden declaration however, you forget your surroundings and stare blankly at him for a hot second, before you turn your head in surprise and stare at your wings.
"I... kinda forgot I had these," You admit sheepishly as you give them a few flaps.
"You get that from your dad," Grandbuggy explains, “But unlike him, you’re wings are fully functional, you’ve just never been taught how to use them. And I can tell you this much kiddo, I ain’t walking all the way to my buddy’s jungle home.” With that, he transforms into a pegasus stallion.
“Wait, why do you have to transform?” you ask.
"It’ll be easier to show you how to use your type of wings. My natural wings work a bit differently.” He then flexes the wings in his pony form, “Now, let's get started."
You practiced for hours, eating and drinking on occasion and making progress very quickly. The old bug wasn't the greatest flyer by far, but if there’s anything he’s good at, it was teaching.
He taught you how to hover, how to fly backwards, how to dive bomb, and even how to fly upside down. And like a duck to water, you took to it. The final feat came when he lead you higher into the air, and you landed for the first time on a soft pillowy cloud.
“Wow, these things are fluffier than I thought,” you squee as you lean down to take a bite. Unfortunately for you, clouds only take like water.
“Kid,” Grandbuggy pants while beaming with pride. “You are by far the fastest learner I’ve ever seen.”
"It's not that hard really. I don't get how Scootaloo can't do this, This is so fun!" you cheer and hover off the cloud.
"Easy, sure, but mastery is difficult. You’re no Wonderbolt, but I have high hopes for you kiddo," he chuckles and tussles your mane.
Beaming from nose to tail, you know that you’ve just unlocked a whole slew of possibilities.
The Present
“Maybe one day I can fly around as my alicorn self with my friends…” you think in wonderment as the ground blurs below you. “And when Spike finally gets his wings, we can fly around together.”
“What was that kid?” your Great Grandbug asks.
“N-Nothing, just thinking aloud,” you chuckle.
“Well get your thoughts together then filly, we’re here,” he points ahead of you and your jaw drops. You see some sort of ancient, square shaped temple jutting out of the jungle.
“Holy Guacamole…” you gasp as you two land in front of the massive structure.
“Heh, if you think that’s impressive, you should have seen when it was first built,” Grandbuggy chuckles and walks forward.
At the entrance to the temple, there are several stallions holding spears, and wearing leaves and jungle make up on them. They level their spears at you two and shout in some sort of language you’ve never heard.
“Oh get those Goramned things out of our faces or I’ll smack ya silly!” Grandbuggy orders harshly causing the stallions to wince and take a step back.
“Now I know ya’ll can understand me, so run and tell yer boss that a very old friend is here to see him, and he brought cigars,” Grandbuggy pulls out a box of the smelly things from his own pack and tosses it to one of the stallions who nods and runs into building.
And while you two wait in front of the structure, you look to your surroundings and see countless other Jungle Ponies, even a few mares as well.
“G-Grandbuggy?” you ask in awe. “Who exactly is your friend?”
“Oh he’s an overdramatic blowhard that tries too hard to be flashy and loves big cats,” he explains.
“Big Cats? Are they fluffy?” you ask excitedly.
“Well, the little one maybe, but I’d stay away from the others. I don’t think you’d want to play with the Tiger.”
You cross your arms, “I’ll have you know I pet a giant three headed dog into submission once.”
He turns back to you in confusion,
“Wait a sec, you’ve met Cerberus? When the hay did that ha-“
“Quick Fix~” comes a very excited accented voice. “Dios Mio, is that really you?”
You and Grandbuggy both look back to the entrance, and while Grandbuggy smiles, your jaw drops in shock.
“You know it Ahzy!” Grandbuggy laughs as he trots forward, meeting the tall…cat thing halfway and the two embrace in a hug.
“Stars above, I thought your old hide was dead,” Grandbuggy’s friend guffaws.
“Rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated,” Grandbuggy laughs uproariously.
And while the two of them continue to laugh and enjoy each other’s company, there’s only one thing that comes to mind that you can vocalize.
“Grandbuggy, What The Buck?! You’re Friends With The Bad Guy From Daring Do?!”
WHAT DO YOU DO?