The sun had just begun to rise as The Friendship Express made its way through the midwestern heartland of Equestria.
“This is so cool!” fluttered Scootaloo from her spot on the viewing car. The sight of the rising sun over the rolling hills made her imagine herself flying right alongside the train as the wind blew through her mane.
“Not like ya’ to be up so early,” stated Apple Bloom. “Couldn’t you get comfortable in our cabin last night?”
The orange Pegasus kept her view on the outside as she replied, “How can you sleep when it just looks so cool outside?”
Apple Bloom shrugged.
“I know Sweetie Belle can,” she stated as she thought on the white Unicorn who was back in the cabin singing, “La-La-LA!”, in her sleep.
“Mornin’, Apple Bloom. Scootaloo,” greeted Applejack as she and Big Mac entered into the viewing car of the train. “We’re just about at Neighbraska.”
“Applejack?” wondered Apple Bloom. “Why haven’t ya’ ever told us ‘bout our kin in Neighbraska?”
Applejack turned to Big Mac who promptly shook his head and said, “nope!”
The orange farm filly moved closer to her younger sister.
“Do you remember how Granny was a bit, well, reluctant to talk about our Pear heritage?” she inquired.
“Yeah…,” trailed Apple Bloom as she waited for the rest of what her older sister had to say.
“Well,” mumbled Applejack. “It’s kind of like that.”
“Well, then!” cheered Apple Bloom with a twirl. “Then we got nuttin’ to be worryin’ about because We’re all apples to the core!”
Applejack rolled her eyes as she tried to think of how to better explain their Neighbraskan kin.
“What yer’ sister is tryin’ to say is that yer’ Neighbraskan relatives are a bit, well, different,” stated Big mac.
“Different?” wondered Apple Bloom. “Like how different?”
Applejack moved towards the large window of the train car and looked out towards the open fields passing by.
“We’re all about to find out,” she said.
***
“Somethin’ smells a might funny,” remarked Apple Bloom as they disembarked from the train.
Scootaloo gagged.
“That’s putting it mildly,” she remarked.
“Now you all be nice,” whispered Applejack. “We don’t wanna’ go offendin’ any pony.”
“Applejack!” an exhuberatnly lispy voiced cried out. “ you there.”
Every pony looked ahead to see an olive-green colored Earth Pony with a frizzy red mane dashing towards them.
“Apple Smell?” wondered Applejack as she watched the freckled pony clumsily draw closer.
“Darn tootin’ its me!” the young mare replied while bounding onto the train platform. “How’d ya’ know it was me?”
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo felt their eyes water as the unwashed scent of the buck-toothed pony assaulted their noses.
“Lucky guess,” struggled Applejack.
Big Mac gulped, “Eeyup.”
“Well what are we waitin’ fer!” cheered Apple Smell. “Let’s get back to the farm and catch on up!”
Scootaloo and Apple Bloom exchanged looks as Sweetie Belle’s white cheeks turned green.
“This sure is gonna’ be a long trip,” moaned Apple Bloom while trying to breathe as minimally as possible.
“Eeyup,” choked Scootaloo as she, too, tried to not take in the scent of Apple Smell.
“Anyone got some perfume?” cracked Sweetie Belle. “Perhaps a clothes pin?”
***
Conditions back at the farm weren’t much better for the CMC, Applejack, or Big Mac. They were truly starting to grasp why Granny smith had firmly decline the invitation that Apple Smell and her family had sent for their family and friends to visit. However there was no turning back now.
“Glad ya’ could make it,” greeted Apple Wood. He was a brown Earth Pony with green hair.
“We sure are buckin’ happy to see our kin from Ponyville,” Pine Scent added. She was forest-green in color with a lime-colored mane. Interestingly enough neither had the same ‘distinct’ scent of the younger mare who greeted them, Apple Smell.
“Can I show Apple Bloom and her friends around the acres?” Apple Smell asked.
The CMC cringed as they were certain that they were soon going to be spending one-on-one time with the foul-smelling Apple.
“I don’t see why not,” shrugged Applejack.
“Only if it’s alright with your parents,” added Big Mac as he faced Apple Wood.
The brown stallion nodded and smiled.
“That’d be great!” he proclaimed. “Poor Apple smell’s been in quite the pickle findin’ friends her age!”
“Yes!” agreed Pine Scent. “It’s safe ‘round here. Why not see what fine orchard raisin’ we got goin’ on here in these parts of Neighbraska.”
Apple Bloom gave her older sister a pleading look. However the stage had been set and Apple Smell was soon with them as the older ponies went into the farm house.
***
“It’s been lonely out here,” moaned Apple Smell as they entered into the orchard.
“I can only wonder why,” remarked scootaloo before being quickly knocked by Apple Bloom.
“We can’t be judgin’ by her smellin’,” the bow-wearing crusader stated. “She’s family and she seems nice and all.”
“She’d be nicer after a shower,” persisted scootaloo. “Or ten.”
Sweetie Belle nudged Scootaloo.
“C’mon,” gasped the white Unicorn. “It’s not fair to judge a pony by her smell.”
“Did some pony say somethin’ about smellin’?” asked Apple Smell as she turned to face the crusaders. “Golly! I have always wanted to share my special talent with others!”
Sweetie Belle turned green in the cheeks as she felt another rush of nausea come over her as a result of smelling the breath that went along with the olive-green pony.
Scootaloo took a step back as Apple Bloom eyed Apple smell’s cutie mark. It looked like a rotten apple that had been out to spoil for way too long.
“What is ‘yer’ talent, Apple smell?” she asked curiously.
The olive-green filly’s nose flared.
“Wait right here!” she cheered before dashing off.
“Phew,” gasped Sweetie Belle as she felt herself regaining her composure.
“Where do you think she went off to?” wondered Scootaloo.
GALLOP-GALLOP
SKISH!
“Behold!” cried Apple smell with pride as she returned with a large brown lump in her hooves.
Sweetie Belle’s nausea returned with avengeance before she bolted away with Scootaloo quickly in tow.
“Guys,” Apple Bloom groaned to herself as Apple Smell held the lump outward.
“Ye’ see this ‘ear manure?” inquired the buck-toothed pony. “This be freshly dropped by the cows and ready ‘fer fertilizin’ the granny smiths!”
“Huh?” wondered Apple Bloom.
“Come!” Apple smell gleedas she swatted a fly away with her tail. “I’ll shows ya’!”
Apple Bloom turned back to see Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle about ten steps behind her.
“Umm…,” shrugged Apple Bloom. “Comin’…”
***
It took a lot of effort to get Scootaloo and sweetie Belle to rejoin Apple smell with her, but Apple Bloom did and they found her putting the manure she had hoof-grabbed around a granny smith saporling.
“See!” cheered Apple smell. “This here tree is gonna’ get right big and make the best apples ever!”
“How’s that?” wondered Apple Bloom.
“Fertilizer, of course!” gleed Apple Smell. “Nuttin’ but the best ‘fer my trees!”
“Your trees?” wondered Apple Bloom.
The olive-colored mare gleed as she gestured to a long line of apple trees that all had large green apples on them.
“Planted em’ all myself!” she beamed. “You’ll be hard pressed to find any granny smiths better than mine!”
“Gee, Apple Smell,” said Sweetie Belle. “How’d you plant all these trees yourself?”
“Easy!” cried Apple smell as she started to dig a hole and proceed to sit her backside above it. “The time to plant is when nature calls!”
All the CMC were aghast at what they were witnessing.
“You aren’t ‘planting’ seeds right now…,” trailed Scootaloo. “Are you?”
“Nah!” hoofed Apple Smell. “Did that earlier today.”
“So, uh,” struggled Apple Bloom. “Yer’ sayin’ that you ‘make’ the seeds?”
“Shucks, no!” giggled Apple Smell before running to a nearby tree and bucking it. Some apples fell and she promptly ate one whole in just a few bites. “I get ma’ belly full of seeds and they get all ripe-an-ready right inside me before comin’ out the ol’ hiney-hole!”
The CMC exchanged looks.
“Why not try one fer’ yerselves?” suggested Apple Smell as she reached for one of the fallen apples and held it out towards the crusaders.
Sweetie Belle’s eyes started to roll into the back of her head as she knew what was on the unwashed hoof holding out that apple. She also knew she was beyond grossed out and there was no holding back her disgust.
“Bwarf,” she gagged as she dashed away to find a less obvious place to recover.
“Uh,” Scootaloo quickly said as she turned away. “I need to check on sweetie Belle.”
Apple Bloom scowled as she was now left alone with Apple Smell and ‘her’ apples.
“I’m glad yer’ still with me, Apple Bloom,” said Apple smell. “I don’t blame yer’ friends for runnin’. Lotsa’ ponies go a runnin’ from me.”
Apple Bloom gulped.
“Why?” she asked in an attempt to appear surprised. “You seem like a very nice pony and all.”
“Shucks, cuz,” gleed the greasy-haired filly while embracing Apple Bloom. “I shoulda’ known you’d understand what ya’ gotta’ do to raise a fine crop of apples.”
Now Apple Bloom was beginning to feel sick. However she knew she had to stay strong. Apple Smell might, well, ‘smell’ bad but that didn’t make her a bad pony.
“Ma and pa say I should take a bath and wash meh’ hands and brush meh’ teeth more often,” continued Apple Smell as she chomped into the granny smith she had intended for the CMC. “However I have to keep tellin’ em’ I can’t raise award winnin’ apples without bein’ 110% committed to meh’ produce!”
“Do your folks plant apples like you do?” gasped Apple Bloom.
“Nah!” scoffed Apple Smell as her breath hit Apple Bloom like the pig pen on a hot day. “Ma and pa always be raisin’ lettuce, kern, and them red ripe apples. Only I can make the granny smiths.”
“How?” wheezed the sickly young filly.
“It all started the day I gots meh’ cutie mark,” stated Apple Smell proudly. “I needed to use the latrine and Pa was hunkered down in thur’. Then I remembered how the latrine can be called ‘The Pot’ and so I went and found meh’self an empty flower pot and went about me’ business.”
Apple Bloom was at a loss for words.
“And that’s how you got yer’ cutie mark?” she asked.
“Nah!” chuckled Apple smell as she wrapped a hoof around her cousin. “I gots my mark when that mess I made in the flower pot sprouted itself into a fine lookin’ saporling!”
“Oh…,” nodded the yellow farm pony.
“Looks over there!” proclaimed Apple Smell as she gestured towards the tallest of the granny smith trees. “Over thur’ is meh’ very first tree! Ma and Pa never did understand why I liked them granny smith apples but now ponies from all over Equestria come a callin’ for em’ to make sour apple candy, pies, and anythin’ else ya’ can think of for a tart tastin’ apple!”
Apple Bloom thought on how she had a sour apple lollipop at a recent carnival and how it may have been from one of her cousin’s trees.
“That’s a might’ amazin’, Apple Smell,” she remarked. “But why don’t ya’ ever wash up? It’s healthy and even Applejack and I do it after we finish our chores.”
“All natural,” replied the olive-green filly with a wink of her eye. “Ponies are all about all natural and if I gots any of that thur’ soap and such on meh’ hooves and teeth I’d be taintin’ the natural part of meh’ award winnin’ apples!”
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes.
“Guess that makes sense…,” she thought.
SNIFF-SNIFF
Apple Smell’s nose flared.
“Oh!” she cried. “One of the cows is about to make meh’ some fresh fertilizer! Tell yer’ friends to meet meh’ back at the farm house for some granny smith pie!”
Apple Bloom watched as her cousin ran off towards the pasture.
“Now I know why Granny didn’t come,” she said. “It’s goin’ be hard now to ever hear her name and not think back on this experience.”