//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Cadance's Lovely Misadventure // by LordBrony2040 //------------------------------// After a rather horrible nightmare involving a pink pony that seemed to break all the laws of physics and just plain common sense with no effort, Scully found herself waking to a dark room. Once the woman jerked awake, sitting up halfway as she did, Scully took in a deep breath...and blinked. “Well, that’s interesting,” she mumbled. “Hmmm?” Scully jumped at the elevated location of the voice, then looked up to see Cadance laying down on the mass of floating water above her. “Oh, it’s just...my sinuses are clear. I always wake up with a clogged nose whenever I sleep in a rural area,” she explained before the reason why she wasn’t stopped up hit her. “Which, all the moisture in the air helped to negate.” Although, the fact that Cadance’s sleeping habits could clear her sinuses, it did little to put a creature that had completely destroyed all rationality in Scully’s good graces. The two of them sat in silence for several seconds before Cadance’s horn suddenly started glowing from the tip to bathe the room in a soft blue light before she spoke. “Hey Scully, what do you think of Mulder?” “What?” Scully asked in response to the oddity of the question. “What do you think of Mulder?” Scully frowned. “Why do you want to know something like that?” she asked in response to the question. “Well, the two of you are only humans that I have ever met,” Cadance told her. “I don’t have a baseline to compare either of you to. I could compare you to ponies, but using the norm for one race never work on others. I tried it with a pair of griffons once and ugh, it was a total mess.” The casual mention of another species made Scully’s mind  work overtime to quickly create an honest opinion of Mulder’s character as an act of survival for her sanity. “Well, I’d say that Mulder is...complicated,” she told the other female. “He’s been educated at Oxford, which is one of our world’s most prestigious colleges, and he’s a genius when it comes to analyzing information.” Cadance rolled her eyes. “That’s what he can do,” she said. “I asked what you think of him.” “Oh, well that’s…” Scully thought on it a moment. “Well, he’s driven, smart, although he can get kind of obsessed with trying to prove some of his more outlandish theories, he’s...well, he’s probably the most dependable men I know.” The release of emotions that came with her description of Mulder made Scully clear her throat. Despite the fog that filled the room, Scully could almost see Cadance’s smile as she asked her next question. “Do you think he’s cute?” Feeling like she was being put on the spot, Scully fidgeted in her bed. “Well...I guess,” she admitted. “So, do you want to get naked with him?” Scully’s back went rigid at Cadence’s question. “That’s...um...Cadance, do you mind if I ask you something first?” “Go right ahead,” she said. Since the horse could literally disappear into thin air whenever she wanted, Scully worked her mind to ask what she needed to in the most inoffensive way possible. “How does your species deal with...physical relations?” Cadance gave her a little frown. “You mean, kissing?” Seeing that tip-toeing around the subject wasn’t going to work, Scully decided to go right to the heart of the matter. “I mean intercourse,” she said before deciding to make it even clearer. “Sex...you know...breeding.” “Oh,” Cadance replied before her face became a little thoughtful. “Well, that’s actually more than one question, but… Well, I guess I’ll tackle the sex question first. You know how everypony goes into heat about once a month during the warmer seasons and you’re pretty much laid up in bed until you get some relief?” Scully frowned a little. “Actually, humans are a bit different in that regard,” she told the pony. “Do, um could you explain it all to me? Act like I know nothing about your species.” Which she didn’t, technically. After nodding in response, Cadance gave her reply. “Sure. Okay, so mares go into heat about eight to nine months out of the year once they rear the age where they can produce foals. During that time, we have  a throbbing biological urge to produce offspring. However, this process starts long before anypony is mentally prepared to have foals. So, we usually hook up with a fillyfriend and take care of eachother during this time. It’s not as good as a stallion’s attentions, but it does the job,” she explained without any problems. “When we do get steady coltfriends, usually around the age of seventeen or eighteen, and even ponies who grow up together wait until then, they start having male-female sexual relationships.” “What about childbirth?” she asked. “Is it normal for your species to have offspring so young?” Cadance shook her head. “No. Most mares take a potion that prevents conception during their heat when they’re with a stallion until they’re in their mid to late twenties so that they have time to establish themselves,” she explained before smiling a little. “I’ll admit, I waited until I was married for a year to have my foal with Shiny and our courtship was much longer than it needed to be since he’s been mounting me since we were at the academy together, but there were court politics involved. Bleh.” After putting all that information away till later, Scully thought about how to word her response. “Well, human’s do have a cycle, but it’s not as...sexually involved as the one you go though,” she explained. “In fact, we’re...a little squeamish about intercourse.” Cadance  frowned. “Why?” “Years of conditioning from a variety of sources, from religious to social,” Scully explained. “And part of having sexual intercourse is being in the nude with another person. So, when you ask if I want to be naked with Mulder, is basically asking…” The eyes of the pink pony widened. “Oh! You thought I was asking if you and Mulder want to have sex.” Scully cleared her throat. “Yes,” she admitted before going over the events of last night in her head, now that she was in a much calmer state. “I can see now that you didn’t mean to ask something like that, what with how you don’t wear any clothes and Mulder told you that only people who are really close take off their clothes in each other’s presence...but, that’s how it could be seen.” “Which would be an embarrassing question to ask a human in front of one of the opposite gender,” Cadance said as she nodded in understanding. Sighing in relief at being able to finally put this whole thing being her, Scully’s mouth curbed into a little smile. “Exactly.” “So, do you want to have sex with Mulder?” Scully’s head shot up to give Cadance an annoyed look. “What? Why would you ask me something like that after what we just got through talking about?” The reaction got a confused blink from Cadance. “What? We’re both females and Mulder isn’t around, so it’s not against any human social norm to ask you if you want to have sex with him. Right?” she asked before her eyes went wide. “Oh! Or is it that you do have feelings, and you’re embarrassed about them? That’s a very pony thing to do, so I understand.” “That’s...it’s not...you can’t just…” Scully took a deep breath as she tried to right the thoughts in her brain, which wasn’t easy considering the events of the past twelve hours. After all, Scully had run over Cadance, had the majority of physical laws that the universe was supposed to function on broken by the magical unicorn with wings, and listened to her partner interview the pink pony like… Scully frowned when she thought back to the interview. Something Cadance had said stuck out when she went over it again. “Cadance...exactly why did you say you came to Earth again?” “To spread love and harmony among those who need it,” the replied before thinking for a second. “Which I guess I wasn’t that specific about the first time around. Sorry.” “So, you’re like some kind of ambassador for your species, or something?” she asked. Cadance shook her head. “No. If any princess fits that description it would be my little sister, Twilight. The love and harmony I spread amongst others is more specific and targeted towards the couple. Nothing universal.” The explanation did made Scully’s stomach drop out from under her. “You almost make it sound like you’re here to play matchmaker or something.” “Excuse me,” Cadance said before she sat up on her cloud to cross her hooves and glare down at Scully with a dark expression the human was surprised that a creature so cute could actually pull off. “The crafting of happy couples is a very serious business in Equestria. One does not simply play at being a matchmaker.” Mulder stood in a white expanse and looked at the giant stone door as it opened, showing him all the secrets of the universe. Beyond it lay information on who really shot JFK, what those little plastic things on the end of shoelaces were called, the autopsy reports from Roswell, and everything else he had ever wanted to know. Information flashed by him so quickly he could only understand the barest fraction of the knowledge. But, he knew one thing above all others. The Truth was in there. He took a step towards the door, and widened his eyes when it slammed shut in front of him. The tree of knowledge design on the front mocking Mulder with the fact that everything he had ever wanted to know what beyond a door much too hard to open by himself. “No! No you can’t do this!” he shouted at the door as he ran up to it and tried to pry it open. “Just one more look. Please, the Truth is in there!” “Mulder.” The calling of his name made him look around for a second to see that he wasn’t alone. Right beside the gate was a small gray humanoid with an oversized head and big black eyes smoking a cigarette. “You, it’s one of you,” Mulder mumbled. “Mulder!” Mulder moved closer to the extraterrestrial. “You’ve got to let in there. I’ll give you anything you want. You want an arm? You want a leg? I’ll give you anything, just let me see the Truth!” “MULDER! WAKE UP!” Mulder awakened from his nightmare and opened his eyes to the glare of the motel lights as Scully stood over him with a frown on her face. “Sc-Scully, what is it?” “She’s Cupid, Mulder!” With his shouting partner giving no answers and the light from the door being barely noticeable thanks to the sun just starting to come up, Mulder reached over to turn on the lamp to the left of his bed. “Scully? Wha-wait,” he said before noticing that the pink pony was nowhere to be seen. “Where’s Cadance?” “She’s making coffee,” Scully told him before crossing her arms. “But she and I got to talking a few minutes ago, and do you know why she’s here Mulder?” Mulder rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. “Well, considering how she talks about the Earth more along the lines of a country than a planet and a complete lack of information on anything involving humanity, I’m guessing her appearance was a complete accident.” “That’s what I thought too at first,” Scully told him. “But it turns out, it’s not. Cadance meant to...teleport here...sort of.” As his brain pushed the remnants of sleep from his mind, Mulder sat up in his bed, making sure the sheets continued to cover his chest. “What do you mean?” Before Scully could explain, Mulder heard a startled scream coming from the other room they had rented. Both of the FBI agents were out the door less than ten seconds later, with Mulder still in his undershirt and underwear while Scully still had on the sweatsuit that she slept in. Despite her orders Cadance was standing at the window to Scully’s room with the blinds open so that anyone who bothered to look in could see her. Since Mulder was the only two of the agents armed, he went in first with his gun out but held close to his chest in case someone was lying in wait by the door to try and take it from him. Scully quickly followed along looked around, seeing no threat. “What is it?” Mulder asked as he looked around, his eyes focusing on the bathroom. “What do you mean what’s going on?” Cadance asked “Look!” She pointed out the eastward-facing window. Seeing nothing of consequence, Mulder put away his firearm to close the blinds while Scully went outside with her badge to discourage anyone else from getting too close. “What is it Cadance.” In response to the question, Cadance turned around and frowned at her. “Don’t pretend you don’t know. You saw the sun!” she exclaimed. “And the moon, it’s morning but the moon is still in the sky!” Mulder gave the pony an uneasy look. “Um...yeah,” he told her. “That’s how it’s always worked here...on Earth.” “No it hasn’t!” Cadance exclaimed. “Celestia never goes so slow raising the sun, and the moon always goes down before she does. Something horrible must have happened!” With the crowd dispersing, Scully went back inside the room and shut the door behind her. “What’s going on?” Mulder spared a look at his partner, then turned his attention back to Cadance. “Uh, just let me check something real quick,” he said. “Cadance, you do know you’re no longer on your home planet, right?” What seemed like several hours after her first panic, which was quickly followed by the fear of never being able to see her family again before realizing that since she left all the calculations for her teleportation spell in the library, it would be a simple matter for Celestia or Twilight to use it as a basis for following her to Earth with a spell to take them both home, Cadance sipped the calming tea as she sat on the lumpy bed the poor creatures that were sheltering her were forced to use. “So...are you good now?” Mulder asked her while Scully stilled played with that telephone thing. Cadance took in a breath, then imagined all the unease being pushed out as she exhaled. “Yeah...more or less,” she said. “I just...interdimensional teleportation...I thought I just popped over to an undiscovered country,” she said with a shake of her head. “Oh, Shiny is not going to take this very well.” Scully looked away from her phone device as it continued to play music. “How exactly did you not figure out you are one another planet?” “Hey!” Cadance shot back. “Has your species explored every inch of your planet?” “Yes,” Scully told her. Cadance blinked. “Oh, well...we don’t need to,” she said. “We let the griffons and the centaurs and the dragons have their own lands while we keep to ours.” For some reason, Mulder gulped down a great deal of saliva after hearing the names of the various species. “Ahem, so...uh, you’re not here to colonize Earth or open diplomatic relations.” “Nope,” she said. “Like I told Scully, I’m just here to-” Cadance cut herself off when she heard the music on Scully’s machine come to a stop. “This is Director Skinner.” “Sir, this is Agent Scully,” she said before giving her badge number. “I’m afraid that you’re going to need to reassign some agents to the investigation that Mulder and I were put on.” “Agent Scully, you are aware that Mulder begged me for this assignment, correct?” a voice from the machine asked. “Literally on his knees. He even said that he would give up bothering me over this kind of stuff if he never found anything, and only work on things that he was assigned to from now on instead of chasing rumors.” Scully looked over to Cadance. “Oh, we...found something, Sir. That’s why we’re calling, we’ll be heading back to DC momentarily.” “...are you claiming to actually have proof of...what exactly?” the voice asked. “Well Sir, I’m a bit reluctant to mention it over the phone,” she told him. “Do you need me to contact you on a secure line?” Skinner asked. Scully didn’t respond immediately. “No Sir. However, we do need to meet with you privately to arrange...special accommodations for an unknown period of time. Please Sir, once you meet with us, you’ll understand why this isn’t something we can talk about, even over a secure line.” “Agent Scully-” “Sir, I know Mulder can be...well, Mulder,” she said before the voice could finish. “But this is me you’re talking to, and I’m the one saying that you need to see what we found with your own eyes.” “Is it that important?” Scully cleared her throat and turned her attention back to the device. “Sir, it is my belief that after seeing what Mulder and I have found, you will agree with the need for absolute secrecy.” There was nearly a minute of silence before Cadance’ ears picked up the response. “Alright then, where is it you want to meet?” Deputy Director Skinner nodded at the instructions that told him to meet with Mulder and Scully at the Thai place he had said gave him indigestion a month ago. From there, he would follow them to a more private location. After hanging up the phone, Skinner looked back up at the older man sitting in the corner of his office, blatantly ignoring the no smoking sign that was on Skinner’s desk. “How exactly was it that you knew Scully would be giving me a call this morning?” he demanded in an even tone. The cigarette smoking man took a whiff of his cancer stick and blew it out before replying. “Oh, I like to keep track of Agents Mulder and Scully. When they didn’t show up to that little school like they were supposed to, I knew that something must have happened,” he replied. “And that you would have been one of the people they first contacted. Now, would you mind giving me the name of that restaurant so that associates can find out just what it is Mulder thinks he’s stumbled across that’s so important?”