//------------------------------//
// Beloved by the Fates, by FoME and Masterweaver 
// Story: Group Precipitation 
// by FanOfMostEverything 
//------------------------------//

(FoME)

Tender Taps looked about the empty classroom. "Gentlemen, I trust you know why I've called you here today."

Button Mash scratched his head. "Uh... should we?"

Tender rolled his eyes. "Fine. Rumble, I trust you know why I've called you here today."

Rumble shook his head. "Sorry, Tender, I'm as lost as Button."

After a deep breath, Tender began, "I have called you here today because the Hearts in Hands dance is this week and three of the nicest, cutest, craziest girls in school want us to take them to it."

Button's jaw dropped. "Zipporwhill has a crush on one of us?"

"What?" said Tender. "No. Who said anything about Zipporwhill?"

"Well, she's nice, she's cute."

"She still calls her dog a puppy even though I'm pretty sure it weighs more than she does at this point," added Rumble.

Button nodded. "Yeah, that."

Tender buried his face in his hands for a few moments. "No. Just no."

"Well, who did you..." Rumble trailed off, shaking his head. "No, you can't be serious."

Tender looked back up and nodded. "I am."

Button looked back and forth between the two of them. "Who?"

"Seriously?" said both of the other boys.

"What?"

"You've basically already gone on several dates with Sweetie Belle already," said Tender.

"I have?"

Rumble gave him a flat look. "You know those times you'd go out for pizza and she'd watch you play Skysedge for hours?"

"... That's a date!?"

Tender laid a hand on Button's shoulder. "Yes, Button. That is a date. You are dating her. And now she wants you to ask her out to the Hearts in Hands dance. Because you are dating her. Do I need to be any more clear?"

Button shook his head before frowning in thought. "Wait, what about you two?"

"Yeah, what about us two?" said Rumble. "You can't seriously think Scootaloo like likes me."

Tender smirked. "I never said it was Scootaloo."

"It's obviously not Apple Bloom. Even I've seen the way she looks at you. The girl turns almost as red as her big brother. Speaking of which, you do have a big brother to worry about."

"We've... spoken. Sort of. I did most of the talking."

Rumble snickered. "Yeah, I'm sure. How much of it was pleading for your life?"

"Most of it. Not the point. The point is that Scootaloo is as clueless as we are when it comes to dating stuff. Heck, so is Apple Bloom. I'm pretty sure the only reason Sweetie's so confident is because of her sister."

"So when she kissed me on the cheek..." Button's hand flew to the cheek in question. "Oh my Tree, she's kissed me! How did I not notice that?"

"Also because she knows she's dealing with a complete doof."

"Hey!"

"Sorry, Button," said Rumble, "but you are kind of a doof." Before any response, he turned back to Tender. "So, what are we supposed to do about this?"

"We really only have the one option, ask them to the dance. Otherwise, they're going to start focusing their crazy against us."

"Seriously?" said Rumble. "What makes you say that?"

Tender's eyes darted back and forth. "Definitely not blackmail from Sweetie Belle."

"What?" said Button.

"Don't know how to tell you this, Button," said Rumble, "but your girlfriend's kind of scary."

A "ta-da" fanfare rang out. Tender checked his phone. "'No, I'm not,'" he read out.

"Well, you heard her." Button nodded, as though that settled the matter.

Tender just stared at him for a few moments before shaking his head. "You really are perfect for her."

Rumble crossed his arms. "Okay, so we go to the dance with them. Assuming nothing goes wrong, and it will, what then?"

Tender shrugged. "Who knows? We might actually get dates with some of the cutest, nicest girls in our grade. They might realize we're not what they're looking for. Worst case scenario, we still go to a Pinkie Pie party."

"How are you so calm about all of this?" said Button.

Tender tapped the top hat-and-spotlight lapel pin attached to his collar. "I'm a performer. I'm just playing the role of a guy who actually knows something about girls."

Rumble raised an eyebrow. "And that works?"

"I haven't stuttered once this whole time. If that isn't a Harmony-sent miracle, i don't know what is."





(Masterweaver)

"...wait what."

"I mean, you're cute and athletic and charming and—"

"Not t' put too fine a point on it, Zipps, but while I don't have anythin' against the whole, y'know, girls and girls thing—mah sis is datin' a girl, after all—but mah barn door just don't swing that way."

"...Oh."

"...Look, I'm sorry. What if, like... I look around and see if there're any gals that could take ya out fer tha dance?"

"...Okay. Yeah. No, I... I'll... bye, I guess—"

"We still up fer, uh, vidyagames next week?"

"...Sure."