Chapter 9: Delver’s Mark
Manehattan is the most vibrant city in all Equestria, the city that never sleeps. I think of it like the big city in those screwball comedies from the 1930’s: His Girl Friday, My Man Forge, that sort of thing, where everybody talks fast and smart and nobody cares what your religion or sex is.
“Um, where did you get this from?” Deliver interrupted. “I never saw the pony version of New York City.”
“Dreams,” Celestia said idly, waving a hand in the air. “Continuing on…”
On the twelfth story of a high-rise building in Manehattan is the headquarters for Polo House, the publishing firm. Polo’s chief editor has invited a new writer in to discuss changes to her manuscript before it can be published. The writer’s name is A. K. Yearling, and the novel being considered has the title of The Cursed Medallion.
‘Congratulations, A. K.,’ the editor began. ‘I believe you have the makings of a great series of adventure fiction for young readers. However, that is not the story that you have submitted to me. This story is frankly unpublishable, for quite a long list of reasons. If you are willing to make the changes that I suggest, then we will be happy to write up a six-book deal for your first series. Or, you could attempt to sell your very serious and somewhat disturbing adult novel with juvenile elements to one of the other publishing houses, although I strongly suspect that they’ve already rejected it. There simply isn’t a market for this book as you wrote it.’
The author settled back into her all-enveloping cloak as she considered. ‘I will admit that the story got away from me in parts. And perhaps some changes would be the safest way to proceed. Alright, I’m willing to at least consider your list.’
‘Excellent!’ replied the editor. ‘Let’s go over my objections one at a time.
‘First of all, the setting: Seaddle and the newly-discovered Amarezon Jungle in the 950’s, right after the end of the Great Griffon-Dragon War. I think that right there is the primary mistake of the entire work. It was a very grim and morally-compromised time, as you made abundantly clear. Many ponies had violated the Princess’ strong recommendation not to assist either side in the War, and had been disillusioned to discover how ruthless both sides in the conflict had become in their urgent desire to win at all costs, and that disillusionment had bled into their post-War lives. I realize you use this setting to excuse the actions of Pr. Villainpants—
“‘Professor Villainpants’?” Gus asked incredulously.
“Well, he won’t tell me the guy’s name!” Celestia replied.
“That’s because this pony had a human counterpart who was nothing like him, and I refuse to compromise his reputation with my story,” explained Delver. “Now where did you get this post-War silliness from? Equestria would never have had a war. Unless you’re implying that you got that tidbit from the Princess’ dreams as well?”
“Look, do you want to take over this story?” Celestia asked, pointedly refusing to answer Delver’s question.
“…No.”
“And I haven’t said anything that directly contradicts your story, so let me tell this my way, OK?”
‘Pr. Villainpants, a once idealistic scholar who had turned to fencing archeological artifacts for a living in order to pay off his exorbitant gambling addiction. So far, he had kept his double life a secret from the university that employed him, and especially from his doctoral student, a newly-marked pegasus named Daring Do.
‘Now see, this part I like. I just don’t see a reason to use an era of Equestrian history that most ponies would rather pretend never happened. The villain is a villain, and up to now he was low-key enough to get away with it. That works just fine for juveniles.
‘Next, Daring Do herself. I think you characterized her just right, naïve initially but quickly figuring her way out of the web of lies that she had been enveloped in. I also like her friendship with the doomed pegasus orphan Truth Delver.’
‘Well you see that was a major reason for setting the story in the 950’s,’ A. K. Yearling replied. ‘The study of the deadly Wasting Disease had finally begun to advance, thanks to the invention of magic infusion technology. Now a disease that claimed its young victims within a year of infection could have its most deadly symptom—magic draining—removed entirely, revealing the mundane respiratory disease hiding behind it. The drain had ensured that this was one of the few diseases immune to magical treatment, and there was hope that by studying patients like Truth Delver, a non-magical cure could be found, one that would end the threat of Wasting Disease once and for all.’
The editor steepled her hooves. ‘Yes, yes, I know that historically this all happened in the 950’s, but besides the stigma attached to that decade in particular, I feel that there is a problem tying a series that hopefully could span many, many years to any specific period. Already the 950’s are so long ago that it seems unlikely that Daring Do and Pr. Villainpants could still be around and chasing after treasures into the present day.’
‘Alright, I’ll concede that,’ Yearling said with reluctance. ‘Maybe I could change it to a fictional disease, one that still couldn’t be cured magically and which required magical treatment just to keep its victims alive.’
‘Of course. So, Daring witnesses her mentor meeting with a mysterious noblepony in the shadows and shortly afterwards the recently-translated inscriptions she and Truth had been working on mysteriously disappeared. Daring is framed for the destruction of priceless artifacts and arrested. Truth completes the translation of one final inscription that fills him with panic, and then an assassin disguised as a nurse tries to finish him off. This is terrific stuff, A. K., terrific, but kind of dark. I think we can get away with it if we make the assassin a griffon instead of a pony.’
“Oh sure, blame the griffons. They’re always ruining everything.”
Celestia looked questioningly at Gus before turning to Delver. “Did I hit a nerve or something?”
“Well I do think you’re getting bogged down in details. Continue the story.”
‘Unaware of the attack on Truth, Daring proves that the evidence against her is faked and is released from prison. She spends her last bit equipping herself before racing over to the Amarezon to get to the bottom of the conspiracy. She discovers the professor unearthing the long lost Medallion of Life, accompanied by Prince Bronze Heart—the traitorous brother of that generation’s Blueblood. Bronze Heart’s thugs discover Daring Do, leading to a fight that Daring is about to lose, when she is suddenly rescued by Truth Delver.
‘Flash back to Truth fighting for his life. The weak pegasus is thrown into the magic infuser machine, temporarily charging the pony with so much magic that he easily defeats his attacker and flies all the way to the Amarezon.’
“What, seriously?” asked Gus, interrupting the story. “If the pony counterpart of you had this awful disease, how could he have flown from Seaddle [Seattle] to the Amazon all by himself, even with a ‘magic infusion’? And how could he have shown up in time to make a difference?”
“That’s because in Equestria the Amarezon is only about fifty miles [80 km] east of Seaddle’s city limits, despite having a completely different climate.”
“What?!”
“It’s magic, Pr. Guiseman. You just have to accept that logic doesn’t apply in these cases.”
Gus crossed his arms. “I can accept it, but I don’t have to like it.”
‘Truth joins up with Daring and at first he is easily able to fight off any number of goons. He confides in Daring his discovery—that the Medallion was the direct cause of the fall of the Amerezon Civilization that created it, and if it is not removed from exposure to sunlight immediately, it could mean the end for all ponykind.
‘Prince Bronze Heart not only disregards this warning, he begins a ceremony designed to concentrate the artifact’s dark power within himself. Daring disrupts the ceremony, causing the artifact to discharge its power harmlessly. But Truth had dangerously over-exerted himself, and he falls right out of the sky. Daring tries to save him, but she’s too late—Truth has become the latest victim of the Wasting Disease.
‘This is too dark, especially considering the events I’ll cover next. I think it’s best if Truth raises an alarm and the assassin escapes. Truth remains at the hospital, and he most certainly doesn’t die. Maybe he has been teaching his translation skills to Daring, and she’s able to put together the fatal inscription herself as she’s spying on the villains. And that’s why she’s discovered. Everything would work out just as well without imperiled foals and especially with no dying foals.
‘But let’s go over what happens next, so I can outline how the story can still work without killing Truth. In your version, Daring sneaks off and spends several days alone, deeply traumatized by what happened to a pony she considers her little brother. And then…Truth Deliver rises from the dead.’ She gave a look of obvious distaste to the author.
‘Yes, but that was the whole point of the Medallion of Life,’ Yearling protested. ‘It not only prevented anyone under its influence from dying, but it also started reversing death in its vicinity. That’s why Truth came back to life.’
‘Alright, but consider the implications. Somepony coming back to life—that’s horror, not adventure. No parent is going to allow their impressionable foal to read a story with that kind of plot twist. And not only that, but it’s not even Truth who truly comes back, but some bizarre alien. That’s the stuff of nightmares.
‘Why’d you even need to introduce that plot twist? I mean, I still would have objected, but it would have been a lot simpler if he came back as a zompony, or as himself with some amnesia. But this alien—also coincidentally named Truth Delver—comes completely out of left field. I mean…a world without magic? Where ponies get their cutie marks through a secret ceremony? And the alien subjects himself to this ceremony because he was among the first to get the newly-discovered cure to “tuberculosis”—supposedly another name for Wasting Disease, but he overdosed himself on ‘hay smoke’ causing him to accidentally take over the body of his Equestrian duplicate’s corpse and…no foal reading this is possibly going to go along with all of this nonsense!
‘It would be so much simpler to just have Truth awaken without his memory, but still be the same Truth Delver. (Except of course that it’s even easier to remove Truth entirely from this part of the story.) But in any case, the amnesiac Truth wanders into the camp of the villains, who adopt him and try to indoctrinate him into their cause. The Professor does this out of guilt for being partially responsible for his death. The Prince does this to study the revived pegasus.
‘In my mind, this whole scene is just another attempt to make these villains sympathetic, which is just not going to work considering their ultimate plan. And yes, I do think we need that rant from Bronze Heart where he claims that the Princess is deliberately withholding immortality from the unicorn master race that deserves it. It’s a good insane villain speech, so move it back to the preparations for the ceremony prior to Daring being discovered.
‘You have the alien Truth gradually discover the nature of Equestria, which is an odd section that looks like it’s written for foreigners or something. I mean, you even explain the differences between unicorns, pegasi and earth ponies, for Celestia’s sake! And all that talk about Truth flying, as if…the alien couldn’t fly, could he?’
‘No.’
‘…OK, you know what? This alien thing could be interesting, but in a story all its own. Like maybe in the second or third story, Daring discovers this misshapen block of unidentifiable wood, and donates it to a famous artist, who carves it into the shape of a pegasus foal. And then on Nightmare Night it comes to life, possessed by this alien. See, I found a way for you to include these ideas after asking you to rip them heartlessly out of this story we’re talking about today.
‘The alien Truth soon figures out that his two “father figures” are absolutely up to no good, and one night goes flying to find the Daring Do that he’s been told is the one trying to steal Villainpants’ glory and doom all ponykind. And Daring, being so close to the original Truth, easily sees through the alien’s attempts to pretend to be the original. They reconcile and come up with a plan.
‘The next day is when the ceremony is ready to be repeated. The Prince brings in a balloon, to make it harder for the ceremony to be interrupted, and brings in lots of winged mercenaries to protect him. And…this part gets really, really ugly. Any particular reason for this?’
‘Well, there’s been a lot of debate recently about whether ponies would be better off if they were all immortal or not,’ Yearling answered. ‘Rather than weigh in with yet another opinion, I pointed out a scenario where nobody would want immortality: if that deathlessness was extended to all life, not just ponies. Every disease, every parasite living in your gut or in your tear ducts, all of them impossible to kill and voraciously hungry. You can heal the damage, but only after the fact. Of course a scenario like that was going to get ugly. Imagine being digested from the inside out…’
‘I don’t have to imagine, Miss Yearling, as you have so gracefully described that process happening in full detail to Prince Bronze Heart, and starting to happen to Truth, who is grappling with him at the moment the curse changes from alicorn-level magic to oatmeal-ification.
‘And then of course when the medallion is destroyed, Truth immediately starts dying, which means we get another lovely description, of what it is like to decay into fertilizer in fast motion, while still being alive to feel all of it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat chocolate lava cake again by the way.’
Yearling merely shrugged. “What can I say? I have a good head for descriptive detail.”
‘So in the end Truth forces himself to hold together long enough to describe how to find and prepare the “streptomycin treatment” that cures Wasting Disease. The act of explaining earns Truth—the possessed body as well as the alien himself—a cutie mark of a magnifying glass examining a historical document. This allows him to die, his mission fulfilled. And so ends a section that was deeply, vilely unacceptable for Polo House’s target audience.
‘So how about this: We are introducing the world to Daring Do. So for this story only, take it easy. No complicated subplots, no mind-boggling plot twists, and no gory endings. Spend half the book with Daring and Truth in his hospital bed, bonding over their translations and Truth’s disease which is kind of Wasting Disease but not really. Together, they figure out what Villainpants is up to, and Daring reluctantly leaves her friend because she’s the only one who can save the world. The Prince gives his speech—although maybe use a made-up unicorn supremacist instead of the actual royal traitor from that era that nopony wants to talk about nowadays—and we go right to the fight with the balloon. The Prince goes all powerful, and then the Wasting Disease-replacement germs he caught when he hired that assassin are suddenly energized enough to strike him down. Daring rushes the artifact back into the buried pyramid, and as the whole place is collapsing, she retrieves one last inscription which contains the cure to the disease, so nobody really dies and the Prince is reformed offstage by the Princess and everypony lives happily ever after. Well?’
Yearling is furiously taking notes. ‘I think I can work with most of that. Can you give me a month to get you another draft?’
‘Better make it two. We have to get to work on our big advertising campaign for Daring Do, after all.’