//------------------------------// // Adventures in Fillysitting // Story: My Best Mare's Wedding // by Cupcake Chaos //------------------------------// “You …you can’t do this Pinkie, were your friends…” “I know you are silly fillies, and that’s why I’m so happy I’ve got you here. Now hold still. You three are gonna be the most yummy snacks EVER.” Pinkie roared as the decorations jingled on her costume. Sweetie bell, Scootaloo, and Apple bloom ran away from her screaming and giggling as Pinkie hopped after them spastically, her bright green, sloppily made alligator costume flopping around as she went. Gilda face clawed at the sight. How were they stuck babysitting on a Friday night, without being able to find a single person willing to take over the task? If this was a year ago she would have just violently bullied someone into taking over the responsibility, but unfortunately she was becoming more and more soft in her time as a “goody goody”. Rarity was starting on the tuxes and very close to a mental breakdown so someone had to give the fashionista a night of rest. But Applejack and Fluttershy both had dates and gave the most convincing doe eyed pleading to get her to comply, Rainbow dash was completely MIA, and Twilight had something she called her “Celestia appreciation night” planned which definitely didn’t sound like an academic endeavor from the conspicuous vibrating noises she heard when she knocked on her door. Everyone was having some sort of interesting, or at least noteworthy, evening except the two of them. Even Mr. and Mrs. Cake were most likely sipping fruity drinks on the beach in Equipulco together right now, enjoying some R&R before the wedding prep began. “Then again”… she thought looking at her fiancé, her beautiful bouncy pink locks spilling out from under the foam head and her bright lovely blue eyes straining to contort into an expression of cannibalistic fury, “I'm sort of on a date aren’t I?” She smiled mischievously and puffed her feathers out. When Pinkie and the girls neared her she roared and clawed at the air. “Me want cupcakes!” She bellowed chasing after the girls in Pinkies place. The pink pony just smiled and watched her roar and flap after the little fillies enjoying the sight of her having fun. It was a world Gilda was becoming much more accustomed to being with someone as joyful and adventurous as herself. Gilda was so closed off and angry from her life as a bully she hadn’t been able to have any fun or take time to enjoy herself. If it hadn’t been for Pinkie, that anger may have consumed her and turned her into someone like Princess Luna, who became so far gone she couldn’t even understand the concept of fun anymore. “Rarity may be a crazy marshmallow,” Pinkie thought, “but maybe she has some good ideas once and a while.” She held up her hooves and blew a whistle she pulled from thin air. “Alright ladies, cutie mark crusader monster mashers isn’t working, so what do you want to try next?” “Cutie mark crusader mind freaks?” Scootaloo shouted. “Cutie mark crusader fortune tellers?” Sweetie bell giggled. “Oooh ooh ah know. Cutie mark crusader paranormal investigators?” Apple bloom squealed. “Now hold on little fillies. Maybe your auntie Gilda has some ideas. She was in flight camp so she knows even more super fun stuff for us to try. Well Gildie?” “I uhh….” The three fillies hopping in a circle around her giggling in anticipation reminded her of the day she met Rainbow Dash. The cyan pegasus flew in circles around her, giddy about meeting a new creature for the first time. She was so giddy in fact; she started a small cyclone in the air around them, sending them both spinning into the air and landing on Ditzy Doo in a tangled pile of limbs. The poor filly never quite saw the same way again. “Definitely not something dangerous.” She blurted out. Scootaloo silently slid a chainsaw back under the couch pouting. “Hey, how would you kiddos feel about learning my old, flight camp chant?” “Can ah still wear mah investigator hat?” “Yes Apple bloom, you can wear your hat.” *** A few hours later, with the girls safely tucked into bed, Pinkie led her lover up the stairs and into their roomy apartment above the bakery. Since the two moved in together the inside of the cupcake topped tower had been redecorated with much more subdued Pinkie panache. Her small living room lead up to a bedroom lavishly decorated in varying shades of pink and magenta, her bed piled high with soft downy gold pillows (newly stuffed since Gilda’s last molting), and luxurious silky sheets Rarity sewed just for them. “They’re made of unusually strong fibers to make comfortable little restraints in more… rapturous… situations darling. Very apropos for you ladies if I do say so myself.” Gilda’s contributions to the room were quite noticeable as well, with handsome mahogany dressers, vanitys, and other furniture from her old apartment replacing some of Pinkies cutesy throwaway items. It all made the room feel almost uncharacteristically mature. The pink pony tossed her childish costume into the wardrobe and reached inside, pulling out a tight lacy pink nightgown that barely pulled past her hips, leaving her supple flanks exposed. She sat on the edge of the bed and motioned for the birdy beauty to join her. Gilda smirked and tossed her feathers out of her face seductively as she stalked closer to her prey. She had been waiting all night to get her pink princess to herself and she wasn’t about to waste the opportunity. Pinkie ran her hoof along her lover’s beak sensing the urgency as she felt her weight press down on top of her. The bed sank, as did Pinkie, feeling herself padded by the soft downy warmth of feathers both above and below. She kissed her passionately, the beak that was so exotic to her tracing soft circles around her lips and making the wings she eyed with lust stiffen in anticipation. Pinkie giggled and wrapped her hind legs around Gilda’s hips locking her into a ravishing embrace. “So we make babies now?” Gilda stifled a laugh and nipped at Pinkies ear. “So you really haven't been with a lady before huh babe?” The pink pony blushed and shook her head in response. “Well how about I show you a good time and later I can tell you the many things that are wrong with that sentence.” *** Rainbow dash and Spike stood outside Sugarcube corner gazing up at the massive, gingerbread like structure they were infiltrating. They had spent the night hidden in the bushes waiting for most of the lights to go off before making their move.Once a light came on inside the cupcake shaped spire on top of the building,they shook leaves off their black turtlenecks and crept around to the back door. Dash gingerly peeked through the window into the kitchen. It was completely dark and silent on the entire first floor. “So how are we gonna do this big D? Telescope? Bug? I may have a few nanny cams from when I hid one in Opals hair bow…” Spike said rummaging through the black book bag he dragged with him. The two stopped at the library on the way over to get snacks, camouflage, and supplies. There was a slight halt when Twilight, probably doing some silly thing for an experiment, continually bothered Dash while wearing a painfully tight corset and thigh high socks. Apparently it was some nonsense about “appreciating” her. Whatever weird thing she needed help with, she could be an oddball and lick Dash’s ears some other night. Tonight was a night for awesomely epic adventure, and once that pestering pony was out of their hair they raced out of the house to start the mission. “What the hay kind of experiment involves that kind of getup anyway?” Dash thought. She shook her head, clearing away thoughts of the distracting purple mare and pulled on a pair of black goggles. “It’s gonna be the best plan I’ve ever come up with Spikey boy. I'm gonna fly up there to her window and look inside.” Rainbow dash smirked, digging her hooves into the flowerbed and drawing black streaks of mud across her cheeks. “Complicated. But I like it.” "I need you to keep watch down here while I go up there. Make sure nopony see's me alright?" “Now hold on a second. I don't get to actually do anything cool? I wanted to use spy gadgets! I wanted to do some super awesome acrobatics and dodge lasers and stuff.” “Sorry kid. You’re just here to make sure I don't get caught. I thought about what you said earlier and I wouldn’t like it if Gilda killed you...” “Gee thanks Dash!” “…there would be less people to worship my awesomeness if she did. Now just keep watch and stay cool alright?” He raised his eyebrow and stared at her expectantly. "Excuse me? I don’t do favors for just anybody. What’s in it for me?" He buzzed, leering hopefully at her flanks. She sighed and reached into her sweater, pulling out a large sapphire that made his eyes light up and his mouth water. He hadn’t had dinner that well in days. Spike saluted her and stood at attention. He tried his best to look menacing as he began pacing rigidly back and forth, looking around for any sign of trouble. Dash nodded in approval and slowly ascended the exterior of the bakery, checking windows to make sure the coast was clear. The cutie mark crusaders were asleep in a room on the 2nd floor. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the three little fillies sleeping so soundly. Pinkie was a much more aggressive babysitter than Fluttershy and the room was littered with crayons, adventure gear, and any other activities Pinkie could use to tire them out. She almost felt a little jealous. Nopony had ever asked her to babysit before. Somepony in town had even said Queen Faust herself thought she wouldn’t make a good older sister. Since she and Gilda were so much alike, how had Gilda been entrusted to help take care of the fillies all day? Maybe there was a secret motherly side to her she had never known. A sweet gentle side that coo’d lullabies and picked flowers and... Rainbow dash had to fly away from the window quickly. Her loud riotous burst of laughter made Sweetie bell stir. She quickly glided towards Pinkies window still snickering at the idea. Gilda was just hiding her attitude temporarily. One look into that window and she would find her verbally degrading Pinkie or eating an innocent baby bunny. Hell, if this was a good day she would catch her in the act of some horrifying Discordic ritual, sacrificing Gummy in an effort to destroy Ponyville and take over the world. "Damn... maybe I’m really not big sister material" she thought to herself as she slipped into position at Pinkies window, carefully pushing against the glass to see inside. A light on a small table was on and Pinkie pie was in the bed. The pink sheets were disheveled and pink mare was writhing on them sweating profusely and biting her lip. For some reason her hooves were flailing wildly in the air. Her previously neat, bouncy hair was tousled as though it was roughed up in a fray. She didn’t see much else at first, her view obscured a bit by darkness. She pulled up her goggles and stared inside intently. There was Gilda! He wings were spread high and menacing and she had pinkie pinned to the bed, her claws holding the mare by the midsection. Dash’s first instinct was to rush in and rescue her friend...until she heard the soft sound of moaning coming from the room... and saw that Gilda’s face was buried squarely between Pinkies hind legs. Legs that soon wrapped around Gilda’s neck, as the mare they were attached to started to convulse and squeal. Rainbow dash's eyes went wide and she felt her wings stiffen completely. So completely she didn’t even notice them stop beating or feel herself plummeting towards the ground. She fell with a solid thump, landing on spike just as he completed another sweep of the building. They both cried out in pain and another, a brighter light came on in the bedroom upstairs as they struggled to get untangled from each other. Pinkies head popped out of the window first, her wide blue eyes sparkling with amusement. She waved wildly, enjoying the spectacle before her. "Hiya dashie! Never thought of you as a peeping tammy. You know if you wanted to watch, you could have just asked!" Gilda soon followed suit looking out the window a bit more confused than excited by the voyeuristic display. "Umm... should we like... call the cops or somethin? I feel kinda... violated...." The party pony kissed her fiance and shook her head "No silly. Dash doesn’t know a whole lot about the birds and the bees. We should invite her up and show her how we get down here in Ponyville." She waggled her eyebrows, trying to really sell the idea. "Umm... Pinks?" Gilda started. "Yuh huh!" "YOU don’t know a lot about the birds and the bees yourself." "Pfft course I do! What the hay were we doing in there? Baking cookies?” “That’s not the same. I mean you don't know where babies come from. I told you I would have to explain that to you at some point.” Pinkie giggled, preparing herself for a speech "Oh I know all about that silly. I'm a very worldly mare. You see, when a daddy pony and a mommy pony love each other very much, they go to a store that sells a bunch of leather stuff and buy a whip and a bridle, then they go home and the mommy pony gets some whipped cream from the fridge...." After about 10 minutes of complicated explanation involving pie fillings, fishing equipment, ball gags, farm animals, and power tools, she drew a breath and finished her explanation, exclaiming "And THAT'S why I’m not allowed in the post office anymore!" She looked around to see her entire audience had their faces buried in their claws and hooves, looking quite traumatized and annoyed. She put her hooves on her hips and huffed indignantly. "Gee, you guys are sensitive. Haven't you ever…” "No!" They all screamed at once sending her reeling backwards. "Oh...well in that case, maybe I know too MUCH about it…" she muttered, blushing profusely. Unfortunately the others had stopped listening entirely by now. Each of them was trying to find a happy place to hide in their mind while the rest was being scrubbed with a healthy dose of bleach.