//------------------------------// // Chapter 29 // Story: Borrowed Time // by Gambit Prawn //------------------------------// For some reason, I found it hard to get back to sleep following the blue smoke monster nightmare. The chase hadn’t been particularly scary, but what had followed after was worse than anything the brown dream stallion had shown me. Pondering it, I recalled that he had been in the dream as well. I also got the vague sense that he had been populating a lot of my forgotten dreams. In any case, waking up so early was to my advantage, as I needed to make it back to the castle for my Career Day experience. Jill and her company knew that I was to leave early, but I had intended on getting at least a few more hours of sleep first. Still, it worked out as I wanted time to have breakfast at the castle first. Missing out on any more thank-you hugs from Jill’s mom was just an added bonus. When I came to the door, I discovered to my chagrin that the lock was at the height of an adult mare. Cursing my size, I borrowed a footrest from the den area to use as a stepstool. And after a clumsy minute of fumbling with the chain lock, I finally got it open. I had opened the door just a crack when my ears suddenly perked up. I turned to face the source of the noise—Iron Jill. “It was nothing you did,” I explained, defensive. “I just figured I may as well head back if I won’t be able to get to sleep anyway.” Jill shook her head. “I’m not objecting at all. I just wanted to thank you.” I shrugged. “I guess. But it’s Star who flew all around Canterlot to get those invitations out. If you want to thank anypony you should probably thank her.” “I disagree,” Jill said. “Though I still would appreciate it if you would pass my thanks along to her too. The way I see it, the only reason Stardust and Style came was because of you. And that’s not the only thing. You also helped them see that I wasn’t scary and encouraged me to be myself around them. I know yesterday was just a flash in the pan—a mirage of sorts— but I’m still thankful for it. I mean, it actually felt like I had friends for once, and I’ll never forget it.” With impeccable timing, Stardust and Style tiphooved into the room. “What do you mean a mirage?” Style asked. “Yeah, I enjoyed it,” Stardust insisted. “You play a mean game of mahjong, Jill. Besides, your hospitality was wonderful.” “You—you’re just being nice,” Jill said, shaking her head. “It’s not like we’re actually friends now, right? I know you want to be polite, but making friends isn’t that simple.” “Why wouldn’t it be?” Style asked. “Well… umm…. It’s never been easy before, so I’d be a fool to think you two would want to be my friends now.” “Well, I can’t speak for you or Style, but I want to be friends,” said Stardust. Jill froze. “You do?” “Sure thing!” Stardust said. ‘I do have to admit I was afraid of you at first, but River showed us that you’re not so different from any other filly.” Jill had tears of happiness in her eyes. “I—I don’t know what to say. Thank you! Thank you!” Without warning she pulled all three of us into a bear hug. “Jill… too tight…” “Can’t… breathe…” Blushing, she let us go and murmured an apology. “Correction: she may be stronger than any other filly, but my point still stands,” Stardust said through a mild coughing fit. “I’m happy for you, Jill,” I said as she opened the door for me. “See you at school.” “Take care, River,” Stardust said. “Bye, River,” Style said. “Now, Jill, might you be interested in joining—” Stopping the door abruptly with my back hoof, I slipped back into the room with haste. “Stardust, don’t tell me you were just buttering her up for the AAA?” “Don’t be silly. I would never do that!” She protested. “I did have a good time and I still want to be her friend. I just thought it would be a good fit.” “AAA?” Jill asked confused. “It’s this thing we’re trying to organize to oppose Annuity. If we can get most of the class to stand united against her, the theory is she won’t be able to bully anypony anymore.” “I’d love to be included,” Jill said. “I don’t see why you had reservations about them bringing it up, River.” “Well, these two have been fairly aggressive in pitching it…” I explained warily. Stardust’s ears drooped slightly. “Yeah, I guess I have gotten a little carried away, haven’t I? Sorry…” “It’s just something to be aware of,” I offered. “Anyhow I’d better get going.” “Bye, River. Thanks for inviting us,” Style called after me. Stardust said something as well, but the heavy door had already slammed shut behind me. As soon as I hopped down the last step to return to ground level, Star Chart joined me. “Have fun?” she asked “Not really,” I confessed. “Most of the time was me trying to help Jill’s party actually be enjoyable for her.” “You did good, Alice,” Star praised as she lightly stroked me with her wing. “I’m sure your good deed will come back around pretty soon.” I opted to change the subject: “Jill wanted to thank you as well for sending out those invitations.” “Don’t mention it,” she said, smiling. “Bulwark was real disappointed that she couldn’t come, though. While the other two did take some persuading, they were more than happy to come.” I nodded idly before something dawned on me. “Let me guess: you mentioned the AAA?” Stardust smiled. “I may have had to mention it.” “Figures,” I said. “You don’t sound too enthused about it,” Star noted. “It’s just that I don’t think it will work. I mean, we can gather a bunch of ponies, taurs and griffins who don’t like Annuity, but it’s not like we can fight her or anything. And even if we eventually outnumber her group of friends, it won’t change the fact that Fizzle loves her.” “Good points,” Star admitted, “but I still think making a group of friends can’t be all bad.” “I guess, but I won’t l believe it until something other than disliking Annuity brings us together.” Star nodded. “There is a certain risk to having been united by something negative.” “Oh? I thought you’d be all for me having tons of friends,” I challenged facetiously. “It’s the old dilemma of becoming that which you oppose: if you’re not careful, you may become the ones who are bullying her.” I laughed. “That’s never going to happen.” I then scrutinized Star’s expression more carefully and found that she was being completely serious. I considered commenting that she would deserve it, but I doubted ponies would be receptive to an eye for an eye mentality. “Having more friends is great, but to maintain a group of them, you need something in common,” Star continued. “I think Beakington said the same thing,” I noted. The conversation ended there, and we were silent for the next half a block. “So, Star, I’ve been wondering…” I began. “Hmm?” she responded. “Do you even sleep? I mean, aside from the day you took off, you’ve been at my side or hanging around in the vicinity constantly. And despite it being four in the morning, you were ready to escort me home.” Star laughed. “I appreciate that it gives me a mysterious aura of sorts, but there’s a stallion by the name of Midnight Oil who watches you in my stead while I’m sleeping. He also takes over for me during school hours.” “Oh, well that makes sense,” I said, somewhat underwhelmed by the mundane explanation. “Any reason why haven’t I met him yet?” “Oh, you wouldn’t like him,” Star Chart said playfully. “He’s a total stiff—no sense of humor whatsoever. And he basically sees you as cargo he needs to watch over.” “So ponies like that do exist,” I marvelled. “I thought most of the guard was like Trusty.” “Cut him some slack; he’s still relatively new,” Star said. “There’s still plenty of room for him to learn on the job.” “Where I’m from, learning on the job would mean you’re a liability at best and cannon fodder at worst,” I mused. “Maybe, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that Equestria is more forgiving, which I think is a good thing overall.” “I don’t know,” I replied as I pondered it. “Without adversity, nothing will demand growth and adaptation.” “I hadn’t thought of it like that before. You know, you’re pretty smart, Alice.” “Don’t patronize me.” “I mean it. I’m not trying to praise you like a foal; it’s that I’m impressed with the depth of your personality.  Between your kindness towards Bulwark, your compassion for Cake Slice, and helping Jill make friends, you’re proving yourself to be a caring, well-rounded pony.” Dismayed by this praise, a cynical thought occurred to me. “Or Equestria could be making me into more of a pony. Those things you listed even surprised me. I’m not sure if my feelings are even native to me anymore.” “Give yourself more credit,” Star said, nudging me in the barrel. “Ponies aren’t always nice.  Take that Annuity filly for instance.” “I guess,” I said, hoping to end the conversation. Still, worry about my own free will persisted, so I tried to change the subject. “So what should I expect from Career Day?” “Truth be told, I don’t know what Princess Celestia has planned. What I can say is I always found it fun back when I was a filly.” She regarded me with a smile. “You’re in for a treat. I know Princess Celestia is going to go all-out.” I was one of the first ones in the kitchen when it opened that morning. I asked for some porridge and sleepily ate it. When I had started to zone out, Trusty jolted me awake with a tap from behind. I shook my head in disbelief. This was not like me at all. “So, what’s new?” I asked the stallion, hoping any sort of conversation would help bring me back to attention. “Oh, not much,” Trusty said, yawning. “Keeping up with Pink Diamond takes a lot of energy. As much as I like her, I’m kind of relieved to have a day off of sorts.” “I can understand why,” I said. “So has that taken over your normal guard duties?” “Not quite,” Trusty said, mixing some cream into his coffee. “Though I have been reassigned. I now help plan and supervise the weekend outings for the exchange students. Come to think of it, you weren’t with us this past Saturday.” “Oh,” I said, troubled. I had completely forgotten that these weekend outings were a thing. I made a mental note to thank Celestia for not insisting I go. Then again, she had probably exempted me in view of my multiple sleepovers. “This weekend we’ll be heading to see Canterlot’s weather factory. I hope you’ll be able to join us,” Trusty prompted. “That—that actually doesn’t sound terrible,” I admitted. Trusty’s ears drooped. “Why would it be terrible?” “I don’t know. I just kind of assumed any activities other foals might enjoy would be a pain for me.” Trusty paused to think, and after a few seconds, something seemed to dawn on him. “That’s right. I keep having to remind myself that you’re not a regular foal.” This might have bothered me normally, but I had enough on my mind as it stood. “So should I sign you up?” Trusty asked. “Y—wait a second. I just remember I might do that soccer thing with Squirt, so I don’t know.” “Soccer thing?” “Long story,” I said dismissively. “Well, in any case, you’re welcome to come. We leave at the crack of dawn.” “Noted.” “You’re going to love today,” Trusty added. “I helped Celestia plan it. Maybe I’m not experienced enough to be a role model myself, but I’ll at least be able to contribute to career day this way. Are you excited?” “I’m sure that I’m not as excited as Pink Diamond,” I replied, dodging the question. Trusty laughed. “That one is a bit over eager, but she always has a pep in her step. I can tell the ponies around her appreciate it.” I crossed my forelegs and considered my words. “I can’t really speak for other ponies, but for me, I think she’s best dealt with in small doses.” “I really like her, but I’d be lying if I said she didn’t wear me out a bit,” Trusty admitted. From there, the conversation died off, and I cleared my dishes and excused myself. Returning to my room, I decided to lie down on top of the comforter and take a short nap. I briefly wondered to myself if Celestia would come looking for me if I overslept, but then again, I had some confidence in my internal alarm clock. Unfortunately, said alarm bells went off in my head before I was even able to get back to sleep. Sighing, I hopped out of bed and dragged my feet into the hallway. It then occurred to me that I had no idea where to go, but I caught sight of New Moon and followed her, figuring she knew what I didn’t. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I ended up outside the throne room with Trusty, Star and a gaggle of other foals. There was a murmur of excited conversation, with Pink Diamond easily the loudest. I walked up to Star to try and engage her, but she seemed to be projecting an aura of professionalism that made me reluctant to distract her from her door-guarding duties. What now? Do I wait to get pulled into the gravity of one of these conversation groups? On one hoof, it would be worrying if I found socializing with foals increasingly easy, but at the same time, I didn’t want to stand around awkwardly by myself. A larger blue pegasus colt with white spots seemed to take notice of me and closed the distance between us. “Ponjour, my filly. I am Mix-Up. I come from Prance. How are you?” I was reminded of Beakington for a second as I tried to extract what the colt was saying from his accent. It then occurred to me that there was something to the comparison, as Beakington had mistaken me for a filly as well. Although, in this pegasus’s case, he was correct. “Umm hi,” I said weakly. “I’m River Glade. I’m from Neighbraska.” “Izzit far from here?” “Oh, I’m not sure. I—uh… I’m not good at geography,” I offered. After a brief bit of thought, I concluded I probably needed to shore up my knowledge of my fictional home at some point. Then again, I couldn’t come up with a better idea of what this would look like—aside from a tsunami of Twilight-approved reading that is. “Ah, anuzzer pony I don’t know. Ponjour, I am Mix-Up.” “Oh, hi…” Cake Slice weakly said as she joined us. “Hello, Cake. Any idea what we’re in for today?” “I don’t know, but when I asked the princess last night, she told me she had rearranged her schedule for today to best give us a sample of her day-to-day.” “Zat is great,” Mix-Up said. “I live far away, so zis is a fine opportunity for me.” While formulating my response, I noticed that Cake was almost jittery. She was shuffling her hooves and appeared as if she was holding back the impulse to start hopping in place. “Oh! I’ve always wanted to see Celestia govern. And I wouldn’t have dreamed that the opportunity would come so soon. I can’t wait!” Impulse won out after all and she bounced, complete with spoinging sound effect. Upon her landing, Trusty and Star opened the double doors and Celestia appeared to greet her adoring public. The fillies and colts began to cheer. “Hello, my little ponies. Are you ready for Career Day?” “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Pink Diamond cheered, louder than anypony else. “Well then, follow me.” More cheers erupted as we twelve mini-ponies formed two lines to march behind her. There were two guards I didn’t recognize at the side of Celestia’s throne. However, much more prominent were the twelve colorful cushions surrounding the throne. They were spread into four groups of three, and each group had a foal-sized table with one of the princesses’ cutie marks taped on them. “For today, I decided to divide the twelve of you into four teams. You will be able to discuss today’s issues amongst your groups, and then I will ask for each group’s opinion in turn. First up is team Twilight, which will be Hail Stone, Mix-Up and Cake Slice.” The three of them trotted to the front of the group and took their seats. Hail Stone, a chubby pegasus colt, initiated some small-talk with his groupmates. Mix-up, apparently still learning Equish needed some words repeated, while Cake Slice seemed a mite uncomfortable being the only filly in the group. “Now for team Cadance,” said Celestia. “It will be Perfect Cover, New Moon and Noble Truth.” “Hmm, I would’ve thought I would be on team Cadance,” Pink Diamond said. “Not that I’m complaining. If I’m lucky, I may be on team Celestia!” It doesn’t matter! I thought for myself, fighting the urge to tell her such. “Team Luna is next,” Celestia said. “It’s Pink Diamond, Monocle and River Glade.” In truth, I was not surprised. Having to soak up Pink Diamond’s enthusiasm all day seemed like a virtual inevitability. At least the filly named Monocle sat in the middle, so I’d have something of a buffer. “As for Team Me, I think you know who you are,” Celestia said, shepherding the remaining ponies  to the far right table. “Now, I thought it would be prudent to start out with a bit of a civics refresher. First, can anypony tell me what the traditional four branches of Equestrian government.” “Ohh! Ohh! Pick me! Pick me!” Pink Diamond shouted, earning a few weird looks. Celestia chuckled. “Yes, Pink Diamond?” “They are the activism of ordinary citizens, the House of Ponies here in Canterlot, the militia—like guardsponies and policeponies—and the justice system.” “Very good. Five points for team Luna,” Celestia praised. “But notice that there’s nothing about the princesses in that breakdown. So where do we fit in?” The same hoof shot up. Celestia smiled. “Is there anypony besides Pink DIamond who knows?” She scanned the assembled exchange ponies, lingering on me slightly. I momentarily panicked, realizing that I didn’t know. “Rough Rider, what do you think?” she prompted. “Do the princesses control the four branches?” the earth pony colt tried. Celestia smiled patiently. “Close, but not quite. Yours is a common misconception. You are correct in that the princesses have influence over the four branches; however, we usually do not get the final say. Rather, the princesses can make sure each branch works within its limits and in harmony with the others. For example, we can hear petitioners raise issues and pass these concerns on to the House of Ponies. It’s only when we act within the justice system that we can actually decide policy ourselves. In that vein, we have the option of hearing cases ourselves as a form of final arbitration. Even so, we don’t avail ourselves of this option very often. Why is that?” “Uhh… I have no idea,” Rough Rider said, suddenly bashful. “No problem,” Celestia said reassuringly. “Is there anypony else who knows?” Not even Pink Diamond raised her hoof this time. Celestia patiently waited for somepony to step up. To my surprise, Cake Slice volunteered. Celestia called on her, smiling at the filly’s bravery. “I’m not sure. It might be a stupid guess, but I have an idea…” Cake stammered. “Go on,” Celestia encouraged. “Right or wrong I can’t wait to hear what you think.” “Okay. Umm… is it because you want to keep it special?” Celestia cocked her head to the side. “Keep going. I want to make sure I understand your perspective.” “Well—I… if you decided things all the time it wouldn’t be as special. Just like if—you see, one of my teachers said that if you have lots of rules you will have more rulebreakers, but if you have one or two they’ll be easier to follow. I—I don’t really know. Now I’m just rambling.” Cake hung her head. Celestia beamed. “You are absolutely correct, my little pony. We seldom decide cases because we want the rules we decide to hold firm. In limiting ourselves we in effect maintain the legitimacy of our power by making sure any decision is well-thought-out. Fifteen points for team Twilight.” “Umm,” Hail Stone intoned nervously. “What are the points for?” “They are completely arbitrary and meaningless,” Celestia explained capriciously. “So are we ready for our first petitioner?” Everypony cheered. “All right. Who do we have first?” Celestia asked. “Ambassadors Steel Pact and Harpynn are here to discuss an extension of the guest contractor program,” Star announced. On cue, my two nonpony classmates entered with their moms. Jill was in the frilliest pink dress imaginable, while Beakington was in a full tuxedo, which looked fairly strange on a griffin. Harpynn was a bit on the older side with a greener hue than her son. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but her feathered face had an unmistakable feminine quality to it. Steel Pact stepped in front of Celestia and genuflected. “Princess,” she greeted with professionalism before a wide smile overtook her. “Oh my look at all you adorable little ponies! Are you all here for Career Day?” “Pact, we were notified that there would be exchange students here for career day,” Harpynn scolded. “Yes, but seeing them all there is just so precious!” Celestia cleared her throat. “Now I’m aware of the details myself, but for the benefit of my audience, could you give a brief synopsis?” “Certainly,” Harpynn replied, taking point. “Ten years ago the House of Ponies passed a bill allowing hundreds of griffin and minotaur guest workers to relocate to Equestria in order to fill a need by the Equestrian government for certain skilled laborers. These fields included construction, ironworking, manufacturing, pest control, and carpentry. It also had provisions for talented individuals whose skills would be in demand or not readily available in Equestria. Finally, it provided for seasonal workers during… certain times of year.” Steel Pact finally had gotten over our cuteness and added, “Yes, this is a mutually beneficial arrangement for both economies. We have recommended that our national legislatures adopt a similar law, expanding beyond the weather ponies that currently live abroad year-round. The law has also had a positive impact on our unemployment rates, and we believe similar benefits will be seen in Equestria.” Celestia nodded and smiled serenely. After a moment of reciprocating her smile, the ambassadors started to shuffle awkwardly. “So, what do you think, Princess? Will you recommend that the law be renewed? For both our sakes?” Celestia smiled even more broadly. “I don’t know. I’ll have to consult… my advisors!” What advisor—oh… Pink Diamond sprung to her feet and pumped a hoof. “All right, everypony. Discuss among yourselves what you think of this proposal,” the princess prompted. “I think it’s a great idea! I’d like to make friends with more griffins and minotaurs. Like she said, they can do construction, carpentry, and what were the others? I can’t remember! Anyway, I like Beakington and Jill, so the details don’t matter so much. Don’t you think so too, Monocle?” Pink Diamond said, rapidfire. The turquoise filly seemed like she was thinking it over carefully. “Well, I’m no expert, but I know my parents have criticized similar programs in the past. Umm… your name was Pink Diamond, right?” “That’s right!” the pink pony answered. “And that’s River Glade. Nice to meet you, Monocle! Anyway, why don’t your parents like minotaurs and griffins moving into Equestria?” “Well, it’s not that they don’t like minotaurs and griffins. It’s that such laws might put them ahead of ponies.” “How so?” Diamond asked, patient. “Well, I’m just repeating what I heard from my parents, but Equestria’s government exists for the benefit of its own citizens. If it clears the way for griffins and minotaurs to come here and get jobs, ponies with cutie marks in related fields might find themselves out of work.” Pink Diamond’s smile dipped. “I hadn’t thought of that. I guess it’s not a good idea after all…” “I’m not saying that,” Monocle said, backtracking. “I just wanted to explain why some ponies would be against it. I like griffins and minotaurs just fine. What do you think, River?” “Oh, me? Hmm...” My first inclination was to side with Monocle’s parents. Just as Rhod was ours, Equestria was a pony country first and foremost. Still, as I glanced across the room at Beakington and Jill, I felt myself wavering. In a similar manner, our class could have had two extra ponies in their place. But other ponies would be hard-pressed to replace what Beakington and Jill added to the classroom. Then I changed my mind again when I realized that it would be impossible to know what kind of ponies would be in our class if we had those roster spots open. “All right, I heard some good discussion, but we need to move on,” Celestia announced. “Let’s go group by group here. First up, Team Me, what did you think?” The two colts and single filly exchanged glances before nodding and letting their chosen leader speak. “We think it makes a lot of sense,” a bronze pegasus colt said. “If there aren’t enough ponies to do these jobs, we can let minotaurs and griffins do them, so it’s good for both parties.” “Very good,” said Celestia. “Team Cadance, you’re up next.” This time, New Moon took the lead and voiced essentially the same opinion. “Team Twilight?” Celestia prompted. “Oh, ummm… we think it’s a good idea too,” said Cake Slice. It’s like how we’re here and get to enjoy Canterlot because the princess invited us. We think griffins and minotaurs should have the same chance.” “Good point,” Celestia praised. “Last but not least, Team Luna.” “We disagreed a little bit, so I’ll just say what I think,” Pink Diamond began. “Although, I think it’s a good idea like everypony else said. But Monocle—” “Me too!” Monocle cut in. “I have no problem with minotaurs and griffins.” “Sounds like a consensus to me,” Celestia mused. “Unless… do you disagree, River?” I looked around and say everyone’s eyes on me. There was a familiar pressure to take the path of least resistance and defer to the collective wisdom of the group. Though somehow, I also felt a competing force which pushed me to buck the groupthink. I couldn’t explain it, but it felt similar to unrest from leaving the bed unmade or my homework undone. Moving on without fully considering the problem felt like negligence. After a few seconds spent grappling with these thoughts, I reached a decision. “I don’t know, Princess,” I confessed. “The points the others made are valid, but they don’t seem like the whole story. In fact, Monocle said something that made me consider some possibly negative consequences. Why don’t you tell them, Monocle?” Monocle blushed and seemed to shrink in her seat. “I would love to hear your ideas, Monocle,” Celestia said with interest. “I—I don’t disagree with this proposal,” Monocle insisted, looking over the ambassadors, Beakington, and Jill.” “We know, my little pony. But counterpoints are very important for princesses. We have to consider all the consequences that our decisions might have. Not everything is clear-cut in its impact,” Celestia explained. “Okay…” Monocle took a breath and explained to the room what her parents thought. Celestia and the ambassadors listened carefully to her secondhand argument. “So you yourself aren’t convinced by this, but River seems to be?” “Yes, but I can’t speak for her,” Monocle replied. I momentarily got goosebumps at Monocle calling me ‘her,’ but I exhaled in relief upon remembering that both Beakington and Jill already knew. “I mean, it has to depend on the specifics,” I said upon realizing Celestia was waiting for me. “If ponies were consistently put out of work by this, it probably wouldn’t make sense. While similarly, if there is a shortage of skilled workers in certain areas, it could be clearly the best decision. I apologize for not having a more direct answer, but I think the specifics of the policy should dictate whether it continues.” As I took note of Quick Script recording every word, I made a point to better articulate my ideas. “Ambassadors, do you have anything to say in response?” Celestia asked. Steel Pact took a step forward. “We can’t guarantee that no ponies will lose jobs over this policy. However, we have crafted our proposal to try and minimize this. Meanwhile, the symbolic importance in the friendship of our nations and economic benefits cannot be ignored.” Silence hung on the air for a few brief moments. I didn’t know if it was a power play by Celestia, but it certainly seemed to cause the ambassadors some consternation. “Very good,” Celestia finally said. “I’ll read your proposal and give my opinion to the House of Ponies. However, all you needed to prove was that there is meaningful debate to be had over this policy. The legislators will have to do their thing. Thank you, ambassadors.” They bowed. “Thank you too, junior ambassadors,” Celestia said playfully. The children bowed and followed their parents out. “Okay then, who’s next?” The princess asked. “Penny Pincher is here to discuss some funding issues.” Although Pink Diamond and Monocle’s reverence for the Princess kept them engaged, I personally found it hard to pay attention. Penny Pincher was basically in charge of keeping track of the princesses’ expenses. Apparently they had to foot a pretty big bill for that Grand Galloping Gala thing I had elected to skip. Celestia stopped at various points to explain what role the princesses played in finances. Apparently it was normally the militia branch that dealt with funding. Specifically, whoever was in charge of the policeponies in each region was responsible for requesting funds for his or her area and distributing them. However, with respect to Canterlot, the princesses directly handled all funding issues. I started to settle in when some of the details came to the forefront. Of particular interest, Celestia increased funding for the Junior Royal Guards. I wanted to believe that I had nothing to do with this decision, but I wasn’t too hopeful. Just when I thought it was over, though, Celestia had an open session where anypony could come in and make budgeting suggestions. Only a single pony entered the room this time. She was an black-maned, blue earth pony mare named Serene Growth. She entered the room silently and bowed. “Now, everypony, this is where ponies can make suggestions for our allotment of funding. However, it is not the only way to do so. Letters sent to us will also be considered. The rule of thumb is each letter is equivalent to about five-hundred ponies feeling the same way. Double that for direct petitioners,” Celestia explained. “So, what do you have for me?” “Princess, I represent Under My Wing, Equestria’s largest organization for helping young ponies find apprenticeships. Over the last year alone we helped over five-thousand ponies take the first step into new careers. While our success has been great, there are certain fields that have proven extremely difficult due to dwindling numbers of potential masters. For this reason we humbly request a grant, which will be used entirely as incentive for skilled practitioners to take on apprentices.” Celestia smiled, revealing nothing. “Okay everypony, discuss this proposal amongst yourselves.” “This sounds fantastic! It will help young ponies like ourselves grow into positions. Don’t you think so, Monocle?” Pink Diamond asked. “Well, I…” Pink Diamond smiled at her. “Yes, I do think that’s a good use of funding.” She flashed me the same look, clearly fishing for validation. “I don’t know,” I said. “All things equal, a lot of things would benefit from more funding, but I know if you give more resources to one area, you have to cut somewhere else.” Monocle nodded. “Yeah, she’s right,” Monocle said. “But I think it still deserves more funding.” Celestia went around the room again, calling on our group last. When prompted, the three of us were divided once again. Pink Diamond praised the idea, but I couldn’t conceive of giving the mare carte blanche. “Can I ask a question?” I asked, once Pink Diamond had finished a litany of positive benefits. “Yes, River. Go ahead.” “Thank you,” I said. “Ms. Serene Growth. Your program sounds good, but where do you propose the funding come from.” “Pardon?” the mare said. “Yes, it is a good question,” Celestia asked. “I normally ask it myself. Nothing is ever truly free.” Serene retreated a few paces before recomposing herself. “Oh, yes. I did do some thinking about this matter. I know you might hear this a lot, but there are multiple government operations that run at a budget surplus. For example, you could cut the Department of Animal Relations—they almost never use their whole budget.” Surprisingly, Celestia looked at me. “Since you brought this up, River, what do you think of cutting the animal relations department?” I recoiled a bit at the direct attention. “Uhh… that’s what Fluttershy does, right?” Celestia’s looked at me expectantly. “It is.” “Well, I don’t want to be influenced by having someone I know with a stake in this matter, but I don’t think that you should be penalized just because you don’t use all of your resources. At worse, that would encourage wasteful spending, if cutting funding off became the prescribed punishment.” The petitioner mare’s ears began to droop. Celestia picked up on this immediately, though. “Thank you for coming in today. Your request was by no means unwelcome. I will take all of this in consideration and let you know. Serene perked up slightly. “Thank you, Princess.” “Okay, my little apprentices, next up is another scheduled petitioner with a funding suggestion. I’m not quite sure what she wants, so let’s give her a warm welcome.” Star and Trusty opened the double-doors and a gray-maned, white pegasus came into the room. She had a cutie mark of a moon obscured by a cloud. Celestia smiled warmly. “What can I do for you today?” “Good day, Your Highness. I come today for a funding manner. Specifically, a bridge.” Celestia’s features sunk, making her unflinching smile look misplaced. “This project will put millions of bits into the construction industry, facilitate the shipping of Bridleton produce, and help put the Grand Geysers of Calamitous Chasm on the map!” “Ungh… Luna,” Celestia said through a groan. Illusion spell dispelled, Luna laughed heartily. “Oh my, Sister, you should have beheld your countenance. It was GLORIOUS!” Luna collapsed into another fit of laughter as Celestia rolled her eyes. The exchange students were completely confused, while Quick Script’s scratching seemed amplified. “Sorry about that,” Celestia offered. “My sister enjoys pranks sometimes.” As Luna left, the room slowly reverted back to normal and the guards at the door let in a bearded unicorn stallion. “Yes, Kickback?” I could detect a slight trace of perturbation in her voice. “Princess, I humbly request three million bits for a new stadium in the heart of downtown. Canterlot. This will include two sets of locker rooms for both the Canterlot Nauticals and the Canterlot Brookers, a seating capacity of nineteen thousand, and even a private pool. I believe it will further enhance Canterlot’s reputation for high-class entertainment.” “You’re the owner of these sports franchises, correct?” Celestia asked. “Of the Brookers I am, yes,” he answered. “And do you think taxpayers should fund your stadium?” “I do. It will enhance the desirability of the city and be a boon to nearby businesses.” “And will the city recuperate its investment through the event hosting fees?” “No, I will keep that.” “And will the city collect a portion of the stadium’s franchising fees?” “Actually, I will keep all of it. But think: I can invest all of that back into the city!” “Everypony, what do you think?” Celestia prompted. All three of us on team Luna locked eyes. “No!” all twelve foals shouted at once. “That will be my answer as well, unless you can prove it will benefit anypony but you,” said Celestia. “But, Princess, you are forgetting the intangible benefits. The revenue it would create nearby! The identity of the city! Your investment will be recuperated, it just won’t be obvious.” “Can you prove any of these benefits?” Celestia asked, pressing on with the interrogation. “Well, no…” he mumbled. “That’s my answer as well. Good day.” “Princess, you are forgetting that if we don’t get this stadium I may have to consider moving the Brookers elsewhere, where ponies may be more generous in their support of local sports.” Celestia stared him down. “So you’re threatening us?” “I wouldn’t put it like that,” Kickback said weakly. “You actually think I’d believe you’d move the league’s most famous hoofball franchise with its tens of thousands of fans elsewhere over a stadium?” “You never know…” Kickback offered. “Let me make this clear: the treasury is not your bank,” Celestia scolded. “Next!” Hanging his head, the stallion limped out of the throne room. “Well, that was easy,” Monocle said, chuckling. “That it was, Monocle,” Celestia agreed. “That it was.” For the next leg of the day, more discussion of recently passed laws was on the agenda. A superintendent came to see Celestia with his proposal to synchronize the curricula of Canterlot’s major school districts. He suggested that doing so would ensure that all foals would receive the same basic regimen. Pink Diamond was all for it, but Monocle pointed out that it would probably most serve to benefit the textbook publishing industry. This time, Monocle didn’t need prompting to share this. The superintendent didn’t deny it, which said a lot. From there, we took a lunch break and Celestia distributed a dozen box lunches. To everyone’s pleasure, the castle’s kitchen staff had made each foal’s favorites. In my case, I got a box filled with fruits and vegetable along with a piece of apple pie. When the break had ended, I was surprised to see the next petitioners were Squirt and his mother. Is Annuity next? How many more of my classmates is she going to wheel in here? “Hello, Table Top. I understand you’re here to request a recent law be reviewed.” “That I am, Princess,” Table replied. “Which law is that?” Celestia asked, clearly for our benefit. “It’s the noneducational game tax, Bill 3120317,” Squirt explained. “It’s a proposed tax on games targeted towards older foals, such as tabletop games and card games, as opposed to games that serve as learning aids. What makes this especially egregious is that family games, even if they have no educational content whatsoever are exempt. Clearly this law is poorly thought-out and inconsistent with its goals.” “Spoken with zest, young one.” Celestia said warmly. Squirt nodded, rising to the occasion with his cool composure. “We realize the good intention behind the law,” Table Top conceded. “We get it that the hope is to encourage young foals to spend their allowances on games that foster learning. However, we feel this hurts our part of the gaming industry unnecessarily. I think the same thing could be accomplished by a subsidy for educational games. Granted this would be at a cost to the government as opposed to raising revenue, but I can’t imagine it would be expensive by any means.” Squirt took a step forward. “More importantly, I think it’s based on a false dichotomy. Just because the games I enjoy aren’t educational by nature doesn’t mean they’re devoid of opportunities to learn. For instance, math is essential to games such as Ogres and Oubliettes. And besides, games of strategy encourage planning and critical thinking skills. I don’t think this is so hard to accept, since many ponies have their foals play chess for similar reasons.” “Well said,” Celestia praised. “Let’s see what my advisors think, starting with Team Twilight.” “I agree with him,” Hail Stone said. “I’m not a huge gamer, but I don’t want to pay extra.” “He was persuasive,” Mix-up agreed. “Umm… I still think it’s a good idea to promote educational games,” Cake Slice said meekly. When all eyes in the room landed on her she seemed to freeze for a second. “Because educational games aren’t as popular.” “Thank you for sharing, Cake,” Celestia praised. “Let’s hear from Team Luna next. “I think ponies should be able to play whatever games they want,” Pink Diamond said. “Me too,” said Monocle. Weighing the silence for a few moments, Celestia then pointed to me. “River, do you agree?” “I think so,” I said. “Granted, I played some of these taxed games with Squirt so that may be influencing me, but even so, I still think the tax is unfair.” After hearing from the other two teams, who mostly just agreed, Celestia looked back at the petitioners. “Thank you. I will take your comments in consideration. Since there’s a debate to be had, I’ll almost certainly have the House of Ponies reconsider the law.” Squirt’s mom bowed and Squirt awkwardly imitated her. I had to wonder if Celestia had arranged for my classmates to be present on purpose. EIther way, it helped me to keep interest in the matters presented. I felt a squirming sensation. It was subtle at first, so I didn’t immediately recognize it, but then it started to tickle my foreleg. I looked down and saw a medium-sized lizard crawling on me. “Gah!” I shrieked, lightly shaking the affected leg. “Igloo, what did I tell you about crawling on other ponies?” Monocle scolded. “Say you’re sorry.” The blue-striped lizard stared me down. I had to wonder if this was because of how I shook him off, or if it was another case of animals just not liking me. “That’s so cool!” Pink Diamond shouted. “Is that your pet?” “Yes,” Monocle said, “this is Igloo. I’ve had him for two years. He’s really smart. He mostly hangs out on my withers or in my mane, but sometimes he gets a little adventurous. Sorry about that, River.” “Oh, no problem,” I assured her, even though it had been a somewhat unpleasant surprise. And it still amazed me how smart animals were in Equestria. “Okay, now that our break is over, let me set the stage for the next set of petitioners. As you all know, we the princesses can serve as the final judges on cases that have nationwide repercussions. Believe it or not, I’ve been hearing arguments from these two ponies for over five years.” “Really!? Five years!?” Pink Diamond exclaimed in disbelief. “It’s true. It seems that these two ponies just can’t stop feuding over intellectual property matters,” Celestia explained. “First, Rose Tea created a special pizza sauce, but lost the recipe one day while in town. Donut Dawn picked it up and began using it, despite it being marked confidential. I ruled in favor of Rose Tea, because her sauce was a protected trade secret.” I looked around the room and some of the foals’ eyes were already glazed over. “Then, Rose Tea invented a new pizza-making machine. In her patent, she claimed a method for making pizza comprising the step of mixing the pizza briskly with a magical mixing apparatus. I decided that these descriptors were indefinite and if the patent was corrected, Donut Dawn would have intervening rights.” “Umm… what’s a patent?” Pink Diamond asked. Celestia smiled. “Good question. When somepony invents something useful, the temptation may be to keep it a secret. So if, Rose Tea kept her pizza-making machine secret, only she would be able to use it. However, if inventors kept their inventions secret all the time, Equestria would lose out on innovation. That’s why we have patents, which are a compromise. A patent basically says that only the pony who invented something can make or use the invention, though it only lasts for a limited time. So it’s a trade of sorts: the inventor still gets the advantage of being first, but in exchange, Equestria will learn about the invention, which can in turn can allow further innovation.” Pink Diamond still looked confused. I was only able to make sense of it because I had learned in school on Rhod that patents had mostly ceased to exist on my homeworld because our focus was mostly re-inventing old technology. “Next, Rose Tea and Donut Dawn came up with nearly identical jingles to advertise their respective restaurants. Donut Dawn insisted that Mrs. Tea copied the jingle, but since he couldn’t prove actual copying, nor that she ever had access to the jingle, I concluded that they were created independently. And today, well, I’ll let them explain it.” Trusty and Star opened the doors once more, and a unicorn mare and an earth pony stallion slowly trotted in. Each was pulling a cart with what looked like a giant mixing bowl and a robot arm. All the way up to the throne, the two of them glared at each other. “Hello again,” Celestia greeted. “I hear you have a trademark issue for me today.” “Yes, Your Highness,” said Rose Tea. “I opened a restaurant called Pizza Spinners in downtown Canterlot this Spring. And not two months later, this thief has the gall to open a restaurant called Spinners’ Pizza.” “Do you agree with this account of events?” Celestia asked the stallion. “I don’t deny that I happened to open a restaurant with a similar name. And if I opened a restaurant in Canterlot that would be one matter. But since my restaurant is in Fillydelphia, it is highly unlikely I am actually costing her any customers.” “But what if I want to expand to Fillydelphia!?” Rose stated emphatically. “I won’t be able to capitalize on my success and move into a new market because of this squatter!” “It doesn’t matter!” the stallion shouted back. “I was in Fillydelphia first!” “Ahem…” Celestia articulated, silencing their bickering. “I would appreciate it if we could approach this methodically.” “Of course, Princess,” the stallion said. “Sorry,” said the mare. If the others had been bored by the initial dispute, this was nothing compared to how tedious they found the details that unfolded over the next two hours. After their patent case had ended a while back, both parties had tried to turn their local restaurants into chains, using the pizza-making machine Rose had originally invented. They both endeavored to expand beyond their localities, and in Baltimare, Rose Tea was only a few days behind Donut. Now, they were suing each other for trademark infringement, Rose Tea on the grounds that she came up with the name first, and Donut Dawn because he was first to Baltimare. I followed along closely, interested in how the princess would handle this dispute. “Any questions?” Celestia asked us, scanning the four teams. Most ponies were shaking their heads. Celestia seemed to linger on me. Feeling pressured, I decided there was something I was wondering. “Yes. Mr. Donut,” I began. “How did you come up with the name for your pizza restaurant?” Celestia smiled. “Umm…. my great-aunt was a weaver, and I thought I’d pay homage to her antique spinning wheel with the name.” “Liar!” Rose shouted. “You steal my invention and now you steal my name! It can hardly be a coincidence!” “River raises a good point, and it plays directly into my verdict. Henceforth, unregistered trademarks will depend on a first-come first-serve basis by region. In this case, each restaurant has been established in their respective areas and gained brand name recognition in their respective customer bases. However, the second to adopt the trademark must have chosen it without any malicious intentions,” Celestia commanded. I saw the stallion swallow hard. “Case closed,” Celestia decreed. The mare was clearly perturbed, but she chose to say nothing. “Although, I have to wonder: why did you wheel those machines in?” Celestia asked. “Excellent question, Princess. It turns out that I patented a new improvement for the pizza-making machine. And she copied it with impunity.” “It was my invention originally! What gives you the right to patent an improvement!?” Rose yelled, enraged. “Ahem,” Celestia began. “While that dispute certainly has merit, I will only hear one case per session. You will have to book another time if you want me to settle this dispute.” Rose pumped a hoof. “Oh… I guess that’s fair,” Donut said meekly. “Although, we do have a dozen little ponies who haven’t eaten dinner yet. I suppose I wouldn’t object to a demonstration.” The exchange ponies cheered. Clearly recognizing the opportunity to curry favor, the two petitioners quickly agreed. After tossing in flour, water, vegetables, cheese and other ingredients, they flipped on the mixers. I was extremely confused that they didn’t start with just making dough.But when I began to actually see something resembling pizza in the mixing bowls, I concluded the device must be able to magically assemble and cook whole pizzas. “Check out my improvement, Princess,” Donut prompted. “I can increase the mixing speed by twenty percent.” He flipped a switch and the mixer went into overdrive. “Hmph. Any ordinary engineer could come up with that. It’s hardly worthy of a patent. In fact, I’ve done something even further beyond.” Her machine revved up. “That’s not all I have. Watch!” the stallion said defiantly, putting his machine into overdrive. “Me too!” said Rose. Being turned up to max, the machines creaked and screeched out of control, eventually upturning the mixing bowls, sending the contents flying. Celestia, Quick Script and the twelve of us were all covered in sauce, cheese and various toppings, turning us into walking pony pizzas. Apparently the dough had stuck to the bottom of the bowls, but we were still a mess. Pink Diamond giggled as she licked her face. “I’ll need to have a word with the two of you,” Celestia said ominously. We never did get that pizza, but I was okay with that. The disappointing part was that Celestia had had to shepherd us to her private bath. Having to accommodate her much larger body, it was huge for us. We could all comfortably fit, relax and scrub one another. Pink Diamond spent ten minutes trying to get the last off the sauce out of my mane, lathering me up good. It turned out there were disadvantages to my longer mane. Still, it made for a strange bonding experience as I scrubbed her up and down as well. “That was fun! Wouldn’t you say, Cake?” “Yes, I had a good time,” Cake responded. “Though I didn’t really understand the last case.” “I know! That was kind of boring, but the rest was so interesting.” I personally thought the last dispute was the most interesting, though I didn’t say anything. Certainly Donut Dawn and Rose Tea’s bickering got a bit old after a while, but the foundation of what they were discussing remained interesting. “All right, let’s get everypony dry!” said Celestia as she suddenly grabbed me by the neck and carried me over to the other side of the room. Using her magic she fluffed me and dried me with a towel. “You had some good input today, River. I was impressed,” she said. “Really? I thought I was pretty indecisive,” I confessed. “Not at all. You played the part of a considerate leader.” “I don’t know what you’re seeing. I can’t lead at all.” “Well, you prompted Monocle to speak her mind when she was afraid to go against the herd.” I shook my head. “That was just being diligent. She had some perspective to share.” “You also were aware of your biases.” “How so?” I asked, not seeing it at all. “You were aware that you would want to side with Fluttershy and Squirt. In the latter case, what was even more impressive is that you took a position in spite of your biases.” “Well yeah, but—” “What impressed me the most, though, was how interested you were in the last case.” I shrugged. “It was just interesting. I was curious to see how you would decide the case. I’m also wondering if there’s a way to prevent this in the future, like making a…” “A registration system for trademarks?” “Yeah!” “We have that. It just so happened that Rose Tea didn’t register her trademark.” “Oh.” “Like I said, you did really well,” Celestia praised. “I’m going to stop you before you tell me what a great princess I would be.” She smiled enigmatically. “I didn’t say that.” As she continued drying me in silence, I had begun to suspect she was intentionally taking a long time on me. It was comfortable, so I didn’t mind too much. As she finished, I stretched and let out a huge yawn. “Star said you had trouble sleeping. Any idea why?” Celestia asked. “I don’t know. I had this weird dream with Pinkie and a blue smoke monster and I couldn’t get back to sleep.” Celestia’s eyes went wide. “Uhh… Celestia?” She grabbed me in her magic and flared her wings. “We have to get you to Ponyville! Now!”