No Hugs for Sugar Crush

by FerociousCreation


After 59,251 words, Pinkie Pie finally gets a chapter

A pair of hooves ran down Pinkie Pie’s back, easing the earth pony’s energetic nerves into a relaxed slumber. Guitar music played in the dimly lit room, leaving not much for Pinkie Pie to look at. But for some reason, the massage, complimented by the peaceful melody, made her forget about the stresses of the world.

“It’s surprising to see you so calm,” Rarity said to Pinkie Pie as a stallion gave her the same treatment as the pink pony. Rarity laid on her belly, tensing up for a moment when a hoof ran down her spine before she settled back down.

Pinkie Pie didn’t bother to look at her friend. “Shhhh,” she gently hissed. “I’m in another world that doesn’t involve crying children and canceled orders.” A giggle escaped the unicorn, further breaking Pinkie Pie’s immersion with the guitar.

Returning to her imagination, Pinkie Pie continued to think about roasting marshmallows by a fireplace. She could feel the heat blazing against her face that bordered comfortable and holy hay that is hot!

The last few days for Pinkie Pie had been quite the flurry of events. A large order of Mr. Cake’s pumpkin cubes was canceled due to a customer’s reasoning that the desserts “were too low for higher society.” No doubt were they from Canterlot. Half of the order was done when the snooty mare asked for a full refund. Despite Mr. Cake having his pride crushed by a well-respected pony, Pinkie Pie did a daring act by pinky promising she would do her best to sell all of the pumpkin cubes. Too bad nopony bought more than half of them, and she ended up having to toss them. Mr. Cake was somehow not offended that Pinkie Pie couldn’t hold her promise. It was unacceptable to have let down Sugar Cube Corner!

While she was coping with her failure, the Cake Twins refused to give Pinkie Pie any relief as they fussed, fought, and like most babies do, cry. And dear sweet Celestia, did they cry! The combination of constantly upset foals, and the dishonor Pinkie Pie had brought to the Sugar Cube Corner, her mane refused to stay upright.

Thankfully, Rarity came to the bakery just in time before Pinkie Pie would have gone beyond her breaking point. The generous unicorn kindly asked the Cakes if she could allow Pinkie Pie a day or two off. Being just as charitable as Rarity, the Cakes gave their employee a week off.

With the help of Twilight, Rarity put together a personal list for Pinkie Pie to follow that would allow for an entire week of relaxation.

“Miss Pinkie Pie,” Aloe said, her hooves still running across Pinkie Pie’s back, “your massage is just about done. We will be taking you and Rarity to do your pedicures shortly.”

“Whatever you say,” Pinkie Pie hummed, still captured by her imagination. A few back rubs later, the massage was completed. It bothered Pinkie Pie that she couldn’t continue laying down and just sleep. At least she knew a chair in a far away room waited to be sat on.

Pinkie Pie slowly got up from the massage table and gave herself a long stretch. Rarity didn’t do any exaggerated bends or twists after she stood on all fours. “That was quite invigorating,” she said to her friend.

“Yes, it was,” Pinkie Pie agreed. “And I think the guitar is now my fourth favorite instrument. Sorry Mr. Bagpipe, but you have been demoted.”

Aloe lead Rarity and Pinkie Pie down a series of halls until they reached a much brighter room than where they were before. Pinkie’s tail instinctively covered her eyes as her pupils had not quite yet adjusted. Through the curls of her tail, she was able to still follow behind Aloe.

“Please take a seat,” Aloe said to her customers.

Pinkie Pie quickly climbed into the soft chair. She slumped into the cushions it provided and another sigh escaped her. “I am glad to see you relaxed, Pinkie,” Rarity said. “You’re almost a different pony when you are calm.”

Thinking her eyes were finally used to the light, Pinkie Pie lowered her tail and saw Rarity sitting beside her once again. “I think it has to do with the fact that I cannot remember why I was so stressed.”

“That’s what we are here for,” Aloe beamed as she prepared a hoof filer. “To help you forget all your problems.”

The massage therapist’s words didn’t sit well with Pinkie Pie. “You aren’t trying to brainwash me, are you? Because if I start forgetting who I am-”

“Pinkie,” Rarity chimed in, “it’s a figure of speech.” A basket that rested between Pinkie Pie and Rarity bloomed with magazines. The unicorn lifted a random issue with her magic. “But I do agree with you on one thing.”

“That brainwashing is heavily frowned down upon?”

“Well, yes, that too. I also am glad to forget my stresses, and I now wonder what got me so worried.” The same stallion who tended to Rarity’s back began filing her hooves. “Sure, champagne can do the trick, but drowning oneself in an alcoholic stupor will grant one major headache later on.”

“Just as long as I don’t forget my best friends, I will be okay with forgetting about my troubles for a while,” Pinkie Pie said. One magazine in particular jutted out from the rest of the many flimsy booklets. Its spine glittered with a nice sheen of pink. She reached for her favorite color and claimed the issue. Might as well attempt to delve into something interesting.

The cover of the issue bore quite the interesting title: Bright Spotlight. Pinkie Pie was easily captured by the clever caption and quickly fanned the magazine wide open. As she navigated the various subjects that Bright Spotlight provided, Aloe began to file Pinkie Pie’s hooves.

There were many things that interested her as she flipped from page to page. Magazines definitely had a much better appearance than the bland blacks and grays of newsprint. But regardless of colors, both mediums provided an excellent amount of information that included news about future events, places to go, and of course, current trends.

Once again, the color pink grabbed Pinkie Pie’s full attention. But instead of a spine, an entire page was devoted to being pink. A lovely display of calligraphy was placed at the page's top. “Morganite’s Mission,” she muttered to herself.

“What was that, Pinkie?” Rarity asked.

“Oh, just reading something I found interesting. It’s also on a super cool shade of watermelon.”

Rarity lowered her magazine to give Pinkie Pie an odd stare. “Shade of… watermelon?”

Pinkie Pie fanned out the pages of Bright Spotlight to show the unicorn the color. “It’s a shade of pink. Though on a scale of 1 to 10, it scores a solid 8.5. in my books. Watermelon is not quite the perfect color of pink, but I still think its a nice addition to the pink family.”

“Hm. Shades of pink.” A light smile lifted Rarity’s white cheeks. “I think you might have given me an idea for a line of dresses.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” Pinkie Pie beamed before returning to the so-called “mission” Morganite was pursuing. She began to read the white text centered under Morganite’s Mission.

For over a year, I have been all across Equestria learning about the new things the world had invented while the Crystal Empire had disappeared so long ago. And even though there are many things I have yet to see, I chose this month to focus closer to home. In this month’s mission, I will be showing the many unique places and ponies the City of Gems has to offer.

“Wow…” Pinkie Pie said aloud.

“What is it, dear?” Rarity asked.

The pink mare grinned and buried her muzzle into the issue. “I have been hooked on something super interesting. Once I am done, I want you to read this.”

***

It pleased Rarity that Aloe allowed her to take the Bright Spotlight magazine. Rarity was hoping to try and go through an entire day with Pinkie Pie without her getting too thrilled about anything. Pinkie was supposed to be relaxing. However, Rarity knew whenever the bouncy pony was interested in something, it was worth at least a gander.

Rarity and Pinkie Pie were sitting outside of Ponyville’s very own Clover Cafe, waiting for their food orders. Because Twilight’s list of perfect relaxation involved a hearty lunch, the outdoors diner fit the criteria perfectly.

“Did you get to the cookie story?” Pinkie Pie asked after downing her orange juice.

“I’m not a fast reader like you and Twilight,” Rarity calmly replied. “When I get to that, then I shall give you my thoughts about this cookie you’ve been raving about.” While Pinkie Pike flagged down their waiter for a refill, Rarity continued to read about the viscous jousting duo, the Vamponies.

When I asked Saradiamond and Steadfast about how her team came to be, Saradiamond started explaining how her team was once a trio. “When I was growing up, I had a friend named Nebula,” Saradiamond explained. “She and I would always go to the training grounds to watch the jousters charge at one another, smashing the jousting lances into wooden shields, targets, and sometimes ponies.”

Rarity swallowed as she pictured somepony getting impaled by the elongated metal weapon. She wondered if there were safety precautions to ensure very few ponies became skewered during a “friendly” match.

Before any readers think that jousting involves the defeated being poked by a sharp lance, I assure you that all lances have a large ball-tipped edge. In addition, the lances are wooden, so a hard enough impact with simply shatter the joust. Jousters are also layered with dense armor, leaving very little room for injury.

"That is quite the relief,” Rarity sighed.

“What is?” Pinkie Pie asked.

“The… intense activity of jousting. It is interesting to learn about the customs of the Crystal Empire. However, just the thought of being charged at with anything doesn’t make me feel comfortable in the slightest, be it me or somepony else.”

Pinkie Pie simply swayed in her chair, “Just keep reading.”

Since the cookie story appeared to be more interesting and much less dangerous, Rarity continued reading.

“I remember the day I met Saradiamond and Nebula,” Steadfast said to me. “I was on the field with my father as he was teaching me the importance of holding a shield and jousting lance.”

For context, jousting involves two ponies; one who holds the joust, and the other who hovers a shield. In every team, a unicorn is required for a fair match. Earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns can wield a lance, but one has to be a unicorn to hold a shield.

It was difficult for Rarity to admit that she was becoming somewhat interested in the rules of jousting.

“When I charged forward as I levitated my shield,” Steadfast continued, “I noticed two foals from the stands following the same motions as I was. And because I wasn’t watching where I was going, I managed to ram into one of the all-star jousters.”

“I felt so bad for you when your dad scolded you,” Saradiamond said. “So Nebula and I ran over to Steadfast and said we were the ones who distracted him. His dad then asked us why me and my friend were at the field, and I told him that we wanted to be jousters.”

“What happened next?” I asked.

“Nebula and I were offered to audition for the Crystal Empire’s Jr. Jousting League!” Saradiamond cheered. “Normally, ponies have to sign up and hope their application gets accepted. But because Nebula and I showed how much we really wanted to be proud jousters, Steadfast’s dad gave us a helping hoof. During our tryouts, Nebula, Steadfast, and I always practiced with each other. And eventually, the Vamponies were born!”

When I asked why Nebula was not with the team anymore, Steadfast simply stated that their previous teammate had gone away for personal reasons. And I left it at that.

With the Crystal Fair in just three months, both Steadfast and Saradiamond have been training vigorously in hopes to obtain the first place prize. The Crystal Fair Jousting Tournament is the most anticipated event for Crystal Empire jousters. What makes the tournament unique is that it lasts the entire length of the fair; one long and enduring week.

“What secrets are you willing to share that enhances your performance?” I asked the jousters.

“Support from friends, family, and fans,” Steadfast answered. “Just the sight of ponies who come to see us perform is enough to fill my blood with pride and vigor! And I hope to see everypony who cherishes the Vamponies on the stands this year.” Saradiamond had her own secrets, but she refused to address them. Not all team secrets become public knowledge.

“Any last thoughts?” I asked the duo.

“Just a word of advice to anypony who reads our interview,” Saradiamond said. “Fans are one thing, but friends are another. Be there for the ponies you care about the most. Friends are family. And families stick together.”

“Aww,” Rarity hummed as she concluded the story.

“Did you get to the-”

“Pinkie, I have not gotten to the cookie story!” Rarity huffed.

“I was going to ask about the jousting interview,” Pinkie Pie said as she took a harsh sip from her cup. “I’m not always about cookies and parties you know. I wanted to ask your thoughts about the story.”

Rarity gently placed the magazine down on the table. “I must say, it was a sweet story,” she smiled. “It reminds me of the time when Twilight came to Ponyville and became great friends with you, me, and the other three.”

“I was going to say the same thing! And that story really put more curls in my tail!”

“Well I am glad to hear that your mood is even brighter than before,” Rarity said. She looked down at the article and gave it a simple glare. “I must say, the interview did leave me with one question: what happened to Nebula?”

“Yeah.” Pinkie Pie’s mood deflated, and her ears lost the strength to sit up. “Makes you wonder if something bad happened to the Vamponies’ friendship.”

Rarity saw a gray cloud drift overhead, blocking out the sun and its magnificent rays. And with Pinkie Pie being just as gloomy as the ugly clump that drifted above, Rarity wanted to be her friend’s beacon of light. “Now don’t let that part of the story get you down. Remember, you have the week off. No time for worries.” A pony with a tray of food began to approach. “And speaking of time, it is time for our lunch.”

“Ooo! Really?” Pinkie Pie spun around to see the waiter.

Oh Pinkie, you behave like a lamp. Off and on you go.

“Your food, ladies,” the stallion spoke with a Prance ascent. “I have one plate of spaghetti with diced tomatoes and parmesan cheese.”

“That’s me!” Pinkie Pie rose her hoof. The waiter placed the dish along with a knife and fork bundled in a napkin before her.

“And I have an eggplant and rose petal sandwich diced into four squares with no crust on rye bread.”

“That is for me,” Rarity said. She moved the magazine out of the way and gently placed it on the ground. Her body naturally began to salivate, a natural behavior Rarity believed to be unladylike. But food was food. The glass plate knocked on the wooden table as her waiter gave the last order to Rarity.

“You both enjoy… your…”

The stallion’s sentence trailed off, and his eyes widened. Rarity took quick notice of his action and looked back to see Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily approach the Clover Cafe. All conversations quickly came to a halt as the three became the center of everypony’s attention.

“Ooo! Somepony put the definition of sparkly clean to the test!” Pinkie Pie said before slurping on a mouthful of noodles.

“Indeed!” Rarity responded in awe. The trio talked and laughed among one another as every inch of their body twinkled with every step. But instead of having one sleek shade of color, the mares appeared to be like the fabulous crystal ponies.

I must know what they did to become so beautiful! Rarity pushed herself back, the legs of her chair digging a little into the grass. Calm down, Rarity. This may be something nopony has ever seen, but you must maintain a calm composure.

To appear less eager than she actually was, Rarity carefully stood up and walked over to the dazzling mares. “Hello, Rarity,” Daisy smiled.

“Good afternoon to you and your friends.” Now pause. Look at each pony for half a second. Then speak. “My, don’t you three look as lovely as the flowers you grow.”

“Hehe, thanks,” Roseluck giggled.

“I know it is rude to approach you with such haste, and I am sure you’ve already been harassed with questions. I was just wondering how you managed to look like those naturally beautiful crystal ponies?” You may have overdone yourself with your wording, Rarity. But this is in the name of being fabulous.

“Well,” Lily began, “we had a vacation to the Crystal Empire a little over a month ago. When we were at this bakery, a…” She looked at her friends with a curious furrow. “What was that mare, again?”

“A batpony? Roseluck answered with uncertainty. “She had these wings like a bat, so she wasn’t a pegasus.”

Rarity’s ears twitched, “Like a vampony?”

“Yeah!” Daisy nodded.

Interesting, Rarity thought. “Continue, please.”

“Regardless of what pony she was,” Roseluck continued, “she told us she was not a crystal pony and that a friend of hers gave her a body and mane wash that made non-crystal ponies look like a, well, crystal pony.”

“What is this wash called?” Rarity asked.

“Crystal Coat,” Lily answered. “Though, it did cost us quite the bit. But if you are interested in getting a bottle for yourself, I may have the business card back at the shop. Come by later and I’ll try and find it.”

“Thank you, Lily,” Rarity nodded. “I apologize for intruding on your day, ladies.”

“Don’t be sorry for anything,” Daisy batted a hoof. “We kind of expected somepony to ask us about our shiny appearance.”

“Well, you three have a wonderful day.”

“You too, Rarity,” Roseluck said.

The four walked over to the Clover Cafe. Rarity broke off from the three and returned to Pinkie Pike who had already finished her meal. Pinkie smirked at the unicorn, “Alright, let it out.”

Knowing her friend would be an outlet for excitement, Rarity squealed as quietly as she could. “Oh my stars!” she whispered. “I need a bottle of Crystal Coat!” Rarity looked back to see the glittering mares sitting at a table. “Do you know how fabulous I would be if I looked like a crystal pony while complimenting myself in a light-blue blouse?” She gasped, “Or what if I wore for a more flamboyant outfit? Like my yellow dress for a leisurely afternoon. Oh! The choices I could use!” Before Rarity could make herself appear more excited, she cleared her throat and calmly spoke, “It would be nice to have that wonderful wash.”

Rarity targeted the upper right square and levitated it to her mouth and took a tiny bite. She gulped her little mouthful and quickly returned her attention to the Bright Spotlight magazine. For once, food was second priority. With her own hooves, Rarity grabbed the issue and fanned back to Morganite’s Spotlight. “I must know if the Crystal Coat is being featured!”

“I don’t think it is,” Pinkie Pie said. “But there is a shiny bat… pony? Vampony?” Rarity’s ears twitched again, swiveling around to angle themselves at the pink mare. “Well anyways, the cookie story that I’ve been wanting to see you read has a picture of a pony that heavily depicts who Roseluck, Lily, and Daisy were explaining. Maybe you should check there.”

Rarity turned the page so roughly, she created a tear in one of the thin sheets. Rarity, you need to get a hold of yourself. Again, the Crystal Coat is something you must get at all costs. But roughing up the magazine that has the answers to your question will do nothing but make you look a fool.

At the base of the last page of Morganite’s Mission was a photo of two ponies standing side by side. They both appeared to be crystal ponies. And the bat pony instantly grabbed Rarity’s sights. The horrifying image of a vampony fluttered away when she saw the bat pony smiling as bright as her silver fur and sapphire mane. Sure, the bat pony had quite the display of sharp teeth, but she didn’t appear to be a threatening creature compared to the heathens in the movies. The handsome amethyst stallion beside the mare also smiled alongside her.

A nice long article splayed itself out across the page. Rarity knew the answer to finding her own Crystal Coat may not be delayed any further.

“Rarity! Pinkie Pie!” a voice from above cried. Both mares looked up to see a purple blur fling itself through the air. It fell towards them and landed with a heavy stomp. A contorted mixture of panic was plastered onto Twilight Sparkle’s face. “You need to come to the castle!”

“Is something wrong, dear?” Rarity asked. “You look like you saw a ghost!”

Pinkie Pie pulled a pair of shades from her mane and applied it to her eyes. “Duty calls,” she said as she pointed to her hip. Rarity looked at her friend’s flank. Pinkie’s cutie mark was flashing, the signature sign that a friendship problem was about. Rarity glanced at her rump to see that her gems mimicked the same action as her friend’s balloons.

***

Sweet wonderful Celestia, I am going to the CRYSTAL EMPIRE! AAAAHHHHH! Rarity simply stood still as her mind began to scream joyfully. Twilight was pacing around the cutie map, her stare unable to look at Rarity’s and Pinkie Pie’s cutie marks that danced around the miniature image of the Crystal Empire.

“What’s got you down, Twilight?” Pinkie Pie frowned. “Do you need me to write a list like you did for me to get you back in the wonderful mood of being happy? Because if that is the case…” She reached into her mane and pulled out a typewriter. “...I got you covered.” At once, Pinkie began to type with speedy hooves.

As much as Rarity wanted to continue thinking about the various things she could do at the ancient city, her friend was much more important than material goods. “I must also ask the same thing. Normally, you are excited to send us off to solve a friendship problem.”

Twilight stopped at the other side of the cutie map. “I am excited,” she said. Her voice echoed off the hollow walls of the chamber, nowhere near the level of an “excited” tone. “Really, I am. But I am worried about this friendship problem.”

“What has you so distressed?”

The princess placed her forehooves onto the edges of the cutie map and leaned in toward the Crystal Empire. “I’m worried the friendship problem involves Cadence and Shining Armor.”

“Oh you don’t have to worry about them,” Pinkie Pie said reassuringly without looking up from her activity. “Rarity and I read this article in a magazine that will most likely direct us to the center of this friendship problem in no time.”

“Which article are you referring to?” Rarity asked.

“The jousting one, of course. Remember the part when Morganite asked Saradiamond why Nebula wasn’t on the team anymore, Steadfast simply said that her friend moved away without saying anything else.”

“That is quite the stretch, Pinkie,” Rarity said. She looked at the Bright Spotlight magazine that sat on one of the marble chairs surrounding the cutie map. “But that does give us a potential lead.”

“Well duh! I mean, think about how convenient everything played out today. First, I started reading the Bright Spotlight. Then you started reading it. Then you read the jousting interview. Then Twilight falls from the sky and brought us to the castle because of a friendship problem.” Pinkie Pie halted her typing and grinned at the magical map. “All I am trying to say is that the cutie map is hooking us up along with the information we already have.” She reached out her hoof and cried, “You know what you're up to, cutie map! Give me a high-hoof!”

Twilight pursed her lips, “Pinkie, the cutie map isn’t a sentient being. It is a magical representation of Equestria that senses distress and sends us to various parts of the land to solve friendship issues. And I don’t think talking to it will give us any answers, let alone give you a high-hoof.”

The two cutie marks that hovered around the Crystal Empire flung themselves toward Pinkie Pie. Rarity and Twilight gasped at the spectacle while Pinkie remained unaffected. They winkled the moment both collided with her hoof. “Awwww yeah!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

“How- When- Did-” Twilight began choking on her tongue, unable to muster up a response to what had just happened.

Rarity was just as surprised as Twilight, but managed to have retained her ability to speak, unlike the muttering alicorn. “I think… I’m going to go out on a limb and side with you on your train of thought, Pinkie. Perhaps we already have the necessary steps to solve our friendship problem. All we have to do is successfully take the path given to us. Also, I think it’s hard to deny your educated guess after you… talked with the cutie map.”

Twilight fanned out her wings and flew over to Pinkie Pie. “Are you sure that Shining Armor and Cadence are not the ones having the friendship problem? It would be nice to not have to stress over them. I just don’t want to assume that their marriage might be in jeopardy. But that was the first thing that came to mind when your cutie marks appeared over the Crystal Empire.”

Twilight’s wings slumped to the ground and her ears retreated. Rarity quickly responded by hugging her friend. “Twilight darling, I know you have your worries about the ponies you care about, especially when it comes to family. Even if Princess Cadence and Shining Armor did have a quarrel, I am sure it would be easily resolved, with or without the cutie map’s assistance.”

“You can count on us to resolve this friendship issue!” Pinkie Pie cried. “And with Rarity and I on the case, you can bet your flank that we can handle anything that is given to us. Pinkie. Promise.”

While Pinkei Pie did the motions for a pinkie promise, it took a moment for Twilight to reobtain the ability to smile. “You are right. Thanks, girls.” She rubbed the back of her foreleg, a sign of uncertainty. “But just to be sure… can you girls bring Spike along as an extra pair of eyes?” Twilight grinned with a wide, guilty smile. “Just to be sure?”

“No offense, Twilight, but I don’t think we can bring Spike,” Pinkie Pie said.

“Why not?” Rarity argued. “I am not against the idea of Spike attending the voyage, even if Twilight is forcing him to come along just to ease some of her overwhelming worries.”

“Hey!” Twilight barked, but Rarity simply ignored the outcry.

“So long as he didn’t mind coming, Spike would be a fine addition to the trip to the Crystal Empire. Besides, the Cutie Map doesn’t exclude dragons from the trip. It may not need Twilight on our venture, but since Spikey-boo doesn’t have a cutie mark, it shouldn’t hurt us in the slightest.”

“Y-yes!” Twilight nodded. “And besides, the Crystal Empire loves having Spike around.” She leaned in toward Rarity and whispered, “Nice use of logic there.”

“Your welcome,” Rarity sang. Redirecting her attention back to Pinkie Pie, Rarity asked, “Why do you believe we can’t bring him along?”

“Because he isn’t in the roster of characters for this story. Only five tags are allowed per fan fiction, so I don’t think he should even be discussed.” While Rarity and Twilight glanced at one another, unsure about what Pinkie Pie was blathering about, the obscure pony crossed her arms. “Unless…” She gasped, “...Spike is a surprise character!” Pinkie Pie beamed at her ‘revelation.’ “Okay, he can come.”

"Umm, Pinkie Pie, you are acting very strange," Rarity muttered.

"Though I do need to ask myself this question: why did it take almost sixty-thousand words before I finally was introduced to this story?" Pinkie Pie shrugged, "Guess I'll never know."