Canterlot was no stranger to weddings. Even with the invasion by the Changeling army, couples from around the country seek for their special day to have a touch of elegance among the magnificent buildings and the criminally overpriced wedding planners. The same can be true for one couple that has just tied the knot. Fancy Pants and Acrylic Brush had taken their vows before witnesses of the wealthy elite, friends, and family. One “I do’s” and a kiss later, the two stallions were pronounced as Husbands.
“Terribly sorry ‘Crylic, you wouldn’t have spotted my undergarments from last night? I seem to have misplaced them somewhere,” Fancy groaned as he reluctantly slithered out into the cold morning air. It was the morning after their wedding, but for the unicorn, he was still feeling like his head was split into pieces.
Acrylic rolled his eyes as he went towards the closet, “Actually, I do. Along with everything else.” Before he entered, he stopped for a moment to crane his neck over with a wicked grin on his muzzle. “So do you want to go with the white one or the red hot one?”
“The white one, thank you very much. Shame on you, picking on a poor stallion with a hangover and an important meeting tonight to boot…” He grumbled as Acrylic lightly tossed the undergarment onto his head. Fancy pulled them off his face and trudged into the bathroom for a much-needed shower.
Meanwhile, Acrylic fell back into his morning routine as he sorted out the other clothing from his closet from the white pressed shirts to the imported suits and even the color of bowties was arranged before Fancy could step out of the bathroom with bags under his eyes. After slightly opening the door, he hung the clothes on the doorknob before closing it again. “You want me to ring up for some coffee now or later?”
“I think I will be needing some coffee as soon as it is made available.” Fancy called out as the warm jets drowned out his speech. “I feel as if you are rather enjoying the fact that I may have had one glass too many at our reception,” He called out after clambering into the shower, his groggy face getting a blast of relaxing water and relieving his symptoms.
“To be fair,” his husband called out. “You know that I’m not the kind to drink alcohol, and I keep giving all my glasses of champagne over to you. So I guess it’s my fault for getting you so drunk at the end. While you’re awake, I should apologize for that since you’re sober now.”
“Oh it’s alright, you should have seen me when Hoity hosted the bachelor’s party… On second thought, let me rephrase that, you shouldn’t.... At all!” Fancy shouted, “That pony is a terrible influence on me come to think of it.” Fancy thought under his breath.
“And you’re just noticing that now?” he could hear Acrylic deadpan through the door. “You know what, please don’t tell me. Knowing him, it’s a wonder how come I’m considered the crazy one.” After clearing his throat he added, “By the way, I just rang for coffee so it should be up here in a couple of minutes.”
Fancy finished off his shower, feeling a little more refreshed he got into his daily outfit and trotted with a little more energy back into the room. “Hey, Fancy?” Acrylic asked as he looked out over the balcony, “What is… next for us?”
“In terms of what exactly?”
“Well, we are married now, we are well off. We are happy, but… Well, what is the next stage here? I feel like there should be more to this.” Acrylic asked as he went back inside to help Fancy with his bowtie.
“That all depends,” he replied. “In the long term, quite a bit is up to us to decide on where to go from here. If you want to say… continue what we’ve been doing, that’s fine. Or if you want to feel ready to raise a family perhaps - again, that’s up to us. But for the short term, however, there is always the honeymoon. Once that stupid meeting is done and… What are you thinking about doing for it?”
His spouse blinked, “A honey...what?”
Acrylic looked out of the window of their train car, watching the grassy green give way to the dead yellows of the desert. He turned over to his spouse who was sitting next to him. “So where exactly is this place again?”
“Dodge Junction, a.k.a, the absolute middle of nowhere!” Fancy exclaimed, a smile big and wide. “The perfect place for a honeymoon because there is absolutely nothing to distract us from quality time together! No business calls, no emergency meetings, and not a single damn critic pestering me for advice within a hundred-kilometer radius! This has been a long time coming.” Fancy exclaimed with exuberance.
Acrylic looked outside the window at the desolate desert as far as the eye could see, the only noticeable landmark being a lonely dead tree carcass in the distance with an eagle eating a snake on one of the failed branches. “Ummm, don’t you think it is a little… unpopulated? Uh… like distant from civilized for your tastes?” Acrylic said nervously looking up at Fancy. “I mean, is this normal for Equestrians to do this?”
Fancy laughed, his foreleg wrapped around his husband. “Why Acrylic! Any other newlyweds would go somewhere noisy and crowded. But for you, this calls for something special. Just some time to get us out of the way not only for us to have some breathing room, but to have all the time to do whatever we want with nopony looking. Especially, as I said, there’s not a single damn annoying critic anywhere.” Fancy growled the last sentence, but his spouse still won’t let down his raised eyebrow.
“Besides you of course,” Acrylic said. “I mean, not that I mind. But then again, I’m not exactly used to these Equestrian customs so… I guess I wouldn’t know better. Still, at least I get to paint now and then, right?”
“Oh, but of course! You can paint the intricate detail of the sweat coming off the racing buffalo as they gracefully migrate throughout the dusty, dry landscape to your heart’s content. The brilliant blue sky watching over a rustic yet hard-working town filled with ponies wearing ten-gallon hats! It’s the perfect setting for your next brush of inspiration!” Fancy shouted, drawing the attention of everypony else in the cabin.
“Fancy, calm down, you’re making me look sane in comparison.” Acrylic looked around at the faces. “I can tell you’re excited but do get a grip of your…” he paused. “Awe great, I’m starting to sound like you already.”
“We all need a little bit of excitement in our lives! The aristocratic lifestyle gets to me sometimes… This trip will be just the thing I need, I can loosen up, talk to some fascinating cow ponies, and explore the wonderful… wild… west! As the young ‘uns say these days, I can just do this chilling-out thing.” Fancy replied happily.
“Fair enough. I guess a change in scenery would be interesting. Considering that I don’t know what Dodge Junction even looks like. Besides, I don’t know what to expect out of this whole ‘honeymoon’ thing. And you’re right, I don’t think I’ve painted enough deserts, so who knows, maybe we’ll see something interesting.”
“Quite! Quite! Speaking of, I believe that is the town just up ahead.” Fancy replied, leaning over towards the window.
His spouse looked out of the window, but before he could get a good look at their destination, he was suddenly grabbed by his husband’s aura, dragging him and their belongings out the door. “Here we are!” Fancy said as he stepped out of the train carriage. “Welcome to Dodge… Junction…?”
It was here that Acrylic did get a good look at their destination. At first, he wanted to ask if they had gotten off at the wrong town if it weren’t for the sign hanging there at the shack of a station. Behind the station were five buildings nearby: A hotel, a saloon, a post office, grocers, and a sheriff’s. Beyond that was only about a mile or two of desserts with a patch of cherry trees in the distance. A small stretch of residential houses spanned away from the main town center, yet outside of that in the unkind heat of the sun were deserts in every direction with next to no outstanding landmarks except for cacti and short shrubs. The only noticeable feature of this land was a clifftop that was some ways off.
The artist looked over to Fancy, “Is this it?”
“I do think… so? The brochure was not any better indicator than I! This place is desolate...“ Fancy replied. “But no matter! We shall make good use of this time we have, with or without a large town. I am sure there are plenty of things to do here, and the tavern looks quaint, doesn’t it! Let’s get ourselves known at our accommodation.”
“If you say so…” Acrylic spoke with caution in his voice. “Although, first thing’s first, mind putting me down? I think I can walk from here.” Fancy did so. After gathering their suitcases on their backs, the couple went towards the only “hotel” in “town.” Through the swinging doors, they found a bored-looking mare behind the counter reading a book that hadn’t noticed they had come in. Behind her was a row of keys that were opened from the tiny hotel. Fancy stepped up to ring the little bell on the wall next to the reception, only to find no sound to come out of it... The bar next to reception cheered loudly, a wall of sound hitting the two stallions like a blast furnace door opening.
“Would you mind explaining what on earth all the cheering and jesting in there is for!?” Fancy yelled above the shouting.
The mare pointed slightly above the bell, where a small plaque was hammered in.
He who rings the bell in jest, buys a drink for all the rest.
“How did we miss that?” Acrylic asked as he too stepped up. “Sorry to disturb you ma’am, but we’re hoping to get a room here?”
“Sorry lads, you see the bell, ponies ‘round here take that little sign reaaaaaaaaal seriously. You want service, ya gotta do a round,” She replied casually.
“Absurd! You can’t expect us to buy drinks for all of those… those ruffians in there!” Fancy huffed angrily.
“Oi! Casanova, one of those ‘ruffians’ so happens to be my stallion!” She replied back, equally as angry.
“Fine! Fine! I will purchase drinks for all those… gentlecolts over in the bar.” He hissed to hear another course of shouting and cheering from the bar. However, he stopped when the mare behind the desk was laughing her head off.
“All good mate, that’ll be fifteen bits a room for the lot, and no hard feelings, we just like to have a bit of fun this far out.” She winked. The mare reached down and pulled open a book, “So then… would you fellas want two beds in the same room, or one bed in two rooms?”
The two stallions looked at one another. “Not really?” Acrylic began. “Could we just get a bed in a room?”
She looked up with an eyebrow raised. “I… suppose so? How long are ya planin’ on stayin’ anyways? No offense, jus’ not many of your kind ‘round these parts though. Well, ‘cept for him.” She snickered, pointing a hoof towards the bar. “As long as ya pay up, I ain’t complainin’. Now how long do ya want to be here?”
“We were thinking a week,” Fancy replied irritably.
Blinking, the mare behind the desk whistled, “Wow… okay then,” she turned the book around. “Just sign yer names down there.” While they did so she added: “Must be down here for somethin’ important then, long time to stay in a little town.” She winked.
“We will make good use of it, and here is for the drinks as well.” Fancy grumbled as he placed the extra money on the counter.
“Room four gentlecolts, second floor, third on the right.” She cackled and returned to her book after throwing the key in their direction. Fancy and Acrylic were quick to go to their room.
No surprise that their room was barely bigger than a breadbox. Aside from the plain, wooden walls, floor, and ceiling, there was enough room for a bed, a hideous carpet, a nightstand with a lamp, and a window to look out to the flat sands outside. That same window was opened, and the couple quickly noticed that there was not so much as a fan to cool them down with. Even Acrylic commented, “You know, I think my ratty village had been more luxurious than this place.”
“Oh come now Acrylic! Let’s not be pessimistic about things, at least she put us away from that loud rowdy bar. It is breezy through here and it’s not like the holiday is about the bedroom anyway.” Fancy replied optimistically.
Acrylic smirked, “Oh but I am sure you would be happy to spend plenty of time in here regardless. (Not that I’m complaining.)”
“Oh shush with your dirty talk, let us hope it can cool down a tiny bit by tonight. And ah! Look at this delightful bathroom!” Fancy swung open the bathroom door to find a toilet and a corner with a shower head and a plug, the sink right next to the toilet. And an old-fashioned bathtub that sat by a window. “Wonderful!” He beamed. “We are here to get away from all of those civil luxuries and enjoy some other aspects of life and living. Creature comforts are a necessity we will be glad to live without for a while!” Fancy exclaimed.
His husband craned his neck in, and with a sigh, he muttered, “Good thing I was homeless for a while.”
“What was that?”
“Nevermind. As… interesting as this is, I do think that we can still manage though.” He put a hoof to his chin in thought, “Probably could improvise if it’s necessarily needed.”
“That’s the spirit!” his spouse beamed. “Now let’s try to unpack our things and let’s go see the town!”
Just as Fancy finished his sentence the door burst open with a loud bang, and dust from the floorboards filled the room. Acrylic shrieked and jumped into Fancy’s hooves in terror as the dust started settling back to the floor. As the dust cleared a large yellow stallion with a vest, hat, and a smile almost as wide as his actual face stood at the doorway.
”Why HOWDY friends! Welcome to DAWWWWWWWDGE JUNCTION!”