Somehow while floating in the void I knew I was dead, I also somehow knew I had some time before I was lost to the nothingness and I should spend it with my memories. My thoughts took me to my family as it was before we split apart, the days where not one week would go by that there wasn’t a party or cook out of some kind filled with laughter and karaoke. Family members got along with each other, exchanging work stories, playing games, and drinking which always led someone to do something hilariously stupid. Rather it was embarrassment or actual injury the rest of the family would always be there to pick them up dust them off and get them back on their feet. However, I was young at the time and never was fond of all the attention, and kind of wished they would stop. If only I realized how much id miss it.
I was around the age of 9 when someone new married into the family, and they changed everything. What once was fun parties with family turned into ‘invite everyone you know because the more the merrier right?’ wrong. These new people started changing the ‘fun for all ages’ parties into a ‘get drunk and take pictures of other family members genitals while the kids get locked into a room’ kind of party. This corrupted my family; the good ones fought the corrupt ones over which party was better which ended in them all turning on each other. The parties and cook outs stopped after the physical fights started, and everyone went their separate ways hating each other for stupid reasons.
At this point I was happy to have a simple life back, me my parents, grandpa, and aunt. My parents and I lived in a trailer that was surrounded by forest and ponds with a road that led to my grandpa’s house and the highway next to it. On school days I would stay at my parent’s place with my two older brothers, which I despised at the time because of their thievery and attitudes, then on weekends I would stay with my grandpa and aunt getting spoiled the whole time. Life continued like this for 6 years, my brothers were out on their own living life and my parents and I had moved into my grandpa’s because we couldn’t afford repairs on the trailer. My grandpa was getting up there in age at the time and had problems getting around by himself. On day while I was at school my dad was mowing the lawn while my grandpa was watching from a patio chair in the yard, he got bored and decided he wanted to look at the other tractor to see if it was still in working order.
‘I must hate myself for bringing up this memory again. I’m supposed to be remembering the good times.’ I tried to force the memory away, but it stayed firm playing back in the void like it was recorded and playing on a tv screen. ‘Ya a 3D tv screen that shows stuff I wasn’t even around for.’ I thought.
Being 83 years old and barely able to stand up he ended up ‘falling’ on the way there which broke his hip. He ended up in the hospital for a week, caught pneumonia and couldn’t eat anything no matter what the doctors did. He was going to die. He had himself discharged from the hospital because he wanted to pass at home, in bed.
“Why? WHY are you forcing me to relive this? This man.. my grandpa was like a second father to me, I don’t want to see this again…” my voice steadily got quieter as I spoke to the void and the memories I was being forced through.
It didn’t take long after he was brought home for him to start sleeping longer and talking less, I stayed with him until I just couldn’t handle it anymore I was mentally and physically exhausted from days of grieving without sleep. ‘I’m starting to feel the same way watching this happen again..’ At this point floating there watching this happen I truly started believing that this was hell, I had been deemed unworthy and sent the deep dark of nothingness to relive the worst moments of my life. “Please, please stop this. What did I do to deser- “
Everything stopped. The memory on pause while I stood on an invisible surface unable to speak another word. ‘What’s happening?’ I thought when everything faded to blackness again. After what seemed to be hours I heard something familiar. A name. My name. “Terran, it’s time to wake up.” then silence. I lost all feeling and emotion, slowly fading into non-existence, becoming one with the void.