How long was it that he was out? Josh had no idea just what the exact time of his knocked-out stage was. However, what he did know was that he had a dream. A very unusual and strange dream. He thought he saw his own world, planet Earth, alongside the world of Equestria. What was happening? Was there war? Was there peace? Did the ponies acknowledge the humans? Did the humans acknowledge the ponies? Josh seemed to be floating in outer space, as though he were nothing more than an apparition. He couldn’t move his body; every inch of him felt numb and distorted. The more he tried to observe just what in the world was going on with his home and this world of ponies, the fuzzier it got. Then, just like that, the dream began to fade away into the darkness.
“No…don’t leave me…please, don’t leave me…” Josh whispered, trying to move his arm and reach out towards the two vanishing worlds in front of his eyes, “I…I don’t want to be alone…one world or the other, I don’t want this…come back…COME BACK!” His mind went blank as he screamed in terror, both planet Earth and Equestria vanishing as the boy was thrown into the empty black abyss inside the realm of dreams.
Josh opened his eyes and was greeted with the blinding light of reality. He was lying on his back, staring up at what was the ceiling of Zecora’s hut. His body felt very strange, not to mention still incredibly numb. His mind and body both felt lighter than they had ever been before. He also felt hotter than he had ever been in his life, almost as if he was wrapped tightly in a dozen thermo blankets. Josh couldn’t shake the feeling that he was no longer wearing clothes, either, which got him incredibly freaked out.
“I swear to God…if I find out Zecora is behind this…I’m suing her for sexual assault…and possibly sexual harassment as well,” Josh whispered to himself, blinking his eyes rapidly to try and focus them more. Speaking of Zecora, Josh tried flipping his eyes back and forth to see if he could spot the zebra, but his range of eyesight wasn’t good enough to catch her. Plus, his body still wasn’t cooperating with him, so he couldn’t even lift his head to see if he could see the girl.
The first thing that started to come back to him was the feeling in his neck muscles, and slowly but surely the numbing went away, starting from the top of his body and working its way down. When he felt the feeling returning to him, Josh immediately tried to use his hands to push himself up off the floor, since it was clear he was on the floor in Zecora’s hut, but it seemed he still couldn’t move his fingers. When he tried to move his hands, it was like he didn’t even HAVE fingers. It was more like both of his hands had been cut off and all that was left was his wrists. Both of his hands felt…rounded and flat.
“Ugh…damn you, Zecora…I should’ve known that this would happen if I drank some of your tea!” Josh moaned, “I am never drinking another drop of tea as long as I live…now I’m probably gonna have to go see a doctor…and I HATE doctors! If I have to get surgery for my aching body or therapy for the sickening thoughts that are already popping up inside of my head of what you could’ve done to me while I was knocked out…you are SO paying for it.”
“Josh…if you can, please lift up your head,” Zecora’s voice spoke from somewhere behind him, “You will see for yourself the error of what you just said. This was not my doing; it was surely the poison joke. No matter how much I warn, it seems that the flower always gets the last laugh at folks.”
“Stay right where you are, zebra…I’m making a citizen’s arrest on your butt…” Josh growled, trying his hardest to lift his head up and finding it almost impossible, “You’re gonna pay for this…drugging someone isn’t a crime, but it damn well should be! I feel so hot…you KNOW you did something to me, you…you…WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?!”
Finally able to lift his head, the first thing Josh tried to look at what his hands, since he was curious as to why they felt so strange. He immediately figured out why when he saw that his hands were no longer hands. Then again, his skin was no longer a nice, creamy white, either. In fact, he no longer looked anything like his past self. In fact, as he peered down at his new body, the first horrifying thought that came into Josh’s head was one that he absolutely did NOT want to think about: ponies. Indeed, that’s what he had become. He had become a pony.
“YOU…YOU…YOU EVIL LITTLE ZEBRA!” Josh screamed, whipping his head around and finding Zecora sitting down with a shocked expression, “HOW DARE YOU TURN ME INTO A STUPID HORSE! ONCE I GET THROUGH WITH YOU, I’M GONNA BE MAKING SOME ZEBRA STEW!”
“Josh, please, calm down and let me speak,” Zecora said, holding her ground and trying to withstand Josh’s understandable fury, “You are justified in what you shriek. However, what you have become was not done by me; if you allow me to explain, the light will be revealed for you to see.”
“I…DON’T…WANT…TO…HEAR IT!” Josh roared, desperately trying to take a swipe at Zecora and finding his movements incredibly sloppy, “DAMMIT! STUPID BODY! YOU’RE DEAD, ZEBRA!”
Josh instantly tried to get to his feet, which were now hooves, and he immediately fell down flat on his face during his first attempt. Still completely enraged, Josh once more tried to pull himself together, but this time ended up stumbling around and crashing into several of Zecora’s artifacts strewn around the room. Zecora herself winced as she watched Josh basically wear himself out, since the stubborn boy refused to relax; he wanted nothing more than to attack Zecora, whom he was blaming for his current culture shock.
After stumbling around and crashing over a chair, Zecora’s cushion, a few kettles, some random artifacts, and a small table, Josh’s anger finally subsided briefly enough for him to take a good look at his new body. As he lifted himself up off the floor from his new crash site in the farthest corner away from Zecora, the former human observed his pony form with looks of incredible distain and rage.
Gone was his near six-foot body and instead he was no more than around a foot or two high, just like Twilight Sparkle and Zecora, and only about two or three feet long. His body was a dark purple, much like Twilight’s, which was ironically his favorite color anyway. He still had his dark green eyes, but his black hair was now a short mane that barely covered his forehead and hardly touched his back. His black mane was now matched with an equally-small black tail. He was at least relieved to find that he didn’t have any girly cutie marks on either of his thighs…or, in this case, flanks. However, what he did have left him even angrier.
“Oh, you STUPID zebra!” Josh snarled, glaring over at the silent Zecora once again, “You gave me wings AND a freaking horn? Wings are manly, that much is true, but you didn’t have to give me a stupid horn on my head, too! This is NOT okay and I’m not having this!”
Indeed, on the top of his head, Josh now had a purple unicorn’s horn, which was about as big as Twilight’s. However, what was odder was that he also had a pair of Pegasus wings attached to his sides, making him look like a smaller, male version of Celestia…in a way. He would later learn that these ponies with both a horn and wings were called “alicorns”, but for the moment, Josh was intent on ripping the horn off his head and getting rid of it.
Zecora continued to just watch and let Josh rant and rave and continue to make himself look stupid. The former human had reached up and, after several tries, finally managed to clumsily grasp his front hooves around his new horn. From there, he had begun pulling, tugging, twisting, yanking, and doing everything in his power to try and get the “girly” horn off his head. He may be a pony at the moment, but there was no way he was gonna stand for looking like a girlish unicorn; horns were obviously for girls. Sadly, he found out the hard way that that was not how it worked.
After ten minutes of constant struggling to rip off his horn, all that Josh managed to accomplish was working up a sweat, giving himself a severe headache, and making himself look like an even bigger moron. His horn stayed right where it was, attached to his head, as though it had always been there. Letting out a furious roar that sounded like fans from an arena, Josh finally stopped his pursuit to get rid of his horn and instead focused on glaring daggers over at his “enemy”, Zecora.
“You…you are SO dead!” he snarled again, weakly getting to his hooves and nearly falling onto his butt as he still wasn’t used to hind legs, “Female or not, I’m gonna tear you apart! First I’m gonna kick your ass, and then I’m gonna bash your face, and then I’m gonna throw you over a cliff! With whatever’s left over, I’m gonna make that zebra stew! Any last words, zebra?”
“…those who are angry always say things they do not mean,” Zecora said softly, not even flinching as she took in all of Josh’s angry threats, “Please, continue to rant at me and let off your steam. I will wait for when you want to talk about this, but if you continue to fail, remember that I always here to give you a lift.”
“A lift? A LIFT?!?! AFTER WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME?!?!” Josh screamed, once more trying to rush at Zecora, but once more falling flat on his face as he had completely forgotten to move his forelegs, “UGH, DAMMIT! STUPID BODY! I DON’T DESERVE THIS!”
“They say that you always get what you deserve, so it would be best to keep your energy and conserve,” Zecora stated, “If you would allow me to explain, dear Josh, I can attempt to soothe your rage. Allowing your anger to consume your judgment is no more than mocking a lion stuck in a cage.”
“SHUT UP!” Josh roared, continuing again and again to try and attack Zecora, but each and every time falling flat on his face and never making ground on the zebra, “I TOLD YOU A PERSONAL STORY, AND YOU USED IT AGAINST ME! YOU AND THE REST OF THIS STUPID WORLD PROBABLY DID THIS ON PURPOSE! THAT STUPID PRINCESS TOLD YOU TO DO THIS TO ME! ADMIT IT!” Seeing that Josh wasn’t going to let Zecora get a word in edgewise that didn’t involve confessing to something she didn’t do, the zebra gave a soft sigh and just decided to explain her thoughts anyway.
“The minor blue stains I found on your hands were obviously done from poison joke glands,” Zecora said, never taking her eyes off the angry male, “Never before has a human came into this forest, especially not one where their heart was at the sorest. You must’ve touched this plant, it’s true, for your hands were colored with the faint hints of blue.”
“Yeah, so what if I did touch a stupid blue flower?” Josh growled, now basically acting like an infant as he attempted to crawl towards Zecora.
“The poison joke plays tricks on those who stroke their forms,” Zecora went on, “They take their victim’s body and distorts and exaggerates it from the norm. Twilight and her friends had the same fate once before, and learning their lesson about the plant was no easy chore. It seems you had quite a reaction to this plant, more than even I could’ve foreseen; you have been turned into an alicorn, which in case you don’t know, is a pony with a horn and wings.”
“…and I’m supposed to believe that a freaking FLOWER did this to me?!?!” Josh snarled, now halfway to Zecora after crawling along with adamant success, “Give me a break! I’m not allergic to a damn thing, and now I’m supposed to believe that some stupid plant somehow managed to change my whole body into the ugly and pathetic form that it is now? I wasn’t born in a barn, you know!”
“Josh, it is up to you whether to believe me or not, but if I was lying to you…for what I could gain, there is not a lot,” Zecora said, still not moving away out of fear of being caught by the angry new stallion, “But, I give you my word that I am not the cause of your pain; think deep in your mind and ask yourself what there would be for me to gain.” At that moment, Josh finally managed to pull himself up to the zebra, and immediately tried to grasp her with his hooves, but found it just as difficult as trying to get a firm hold on his new horn.
“Even if I were to believe you…I don’t care!” Josh snapped, pulling himself up and wobbly standing on his four legs as he glared right into Zecora’s eyes, “I want to be changed back…NOW!”
“If that is what you wish, I can mix up a remedial bath to do the trick,” Zecora continued, tilting her head as she examined the new stallion before her, “I did the same for Twilight and her friends, so it should work on you lickety-split.”
“Good, then do it, and make it snappy,” Josh demanded, trying to sit down and cool off, but ended up yelping as he was still unused to sitting on his new rump and ended up on his backside when he toppled over backwards. Zecora couldn’t help but stifle a little giggle as she watched the former human make a complete fool of himself. Deep down, Zecora didn’t take any of his threats seriously, since she honestly believed Josh was not the violent type and all of his rage was just his pain being let out in a yelling voice rather than a physical assault.
“It will take some time to make, and there is no guarantee that it will work,” Zecora explained, “For ponies, it has been done, but in one such as you, your ailments may continue to lurk. For one who was a human, to be turned into a pony…I am not sure that such a thing can be so easily reversed, but I guess we shall see.”
“Just do it before I make good on that zebra stew idea,” Josh grumbled, “I don’t want to spend another second in this horrid body. I wonder if this is what death feels like…if it is, it’s a certainty that I’m in the opposite place than heaven, that’s for sure!” Zecora thankfully chose to ignore Josh’s whining as she turned and softly trotted towards her bookshelf while letting the former human stew in his seat.
As Zecora searched for her book of mystical remedies, which she had used once before when Twilight and her friends had fallen victim to the poison joke, the zebra couldn’t help but glance over at Josh now and then. Now since he was a stallion, he was basically her size, give or take an inch or two. Josh was basically grumbling the entire time, mumbling things under his breath while randomly casting angry glares down at his new body and sometimes using his hooves to slap whatever part of him was pissing him off most at the moment. In a way, Zecora thought he was kinda…cute.
However, just as Zecora was pulling down the book for strange remedies, there came another knock at her door. Despite the fact that Josh growled at Zecora to keep going with the antidote for his little “condition”, the zebra shaman was much too polite to ignore a guest, especially since she had a good idea of just who it was and why they were there. When she opened the door, she smiled when she saw that it was none other than Twilight Sparkle, along with all of her friends.
“Ah, Twilight and friends, what a pleasant surprise!” Zecora chuckled, feigning ignorance as to why they were there, “I was just about to go out and get some supplies.”
“Hello, Zecora,” Twilight sighed, “We’re sorry to bother you on such short notice, but we’re kinda looking for somepony…well, not exactly a pony, but…”
“Guess again, nerdy!” Josh snapped from inside the house, instantly shocking the purple unicorn. Almost immediately, Rainbow Dash flew past Zecora and whipped her head around crazily for sight of Josh.
“Where are you? Get out here so I can kick your butt for what you said about Twilight and me!” Rainbow Dash snapped, her eyes finally landing on the dark purple male alicorn, “Uh…who are you?”
“Take three guesses, you stupid Pegasus, and the first two don’t count,” Josh growled, trying to flip off the Pegasus but loudly whining when he was once again met with the realization that he HAD no fingers. Allowing the stunned six of ponies into her house, Zecora watched with slight amusement as Twilight, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rarity all raced in to join the stunned Rainbow Dash in staring at the new alicorn sitting before them.
“J-J-Josh? Is…is that…really you?” Twilight gasped.
“Oh my…um, what happened?” Fluttershy asked, weakly moving a bit closer to get a better look.
“I touched some stupid blue flower and it apparently turned me into this hideous form!” Josh grumbled, “Take a picture, it’ll last longer…even as a dumbass pony I STILL get treated as a sideshow attraction.”
“Ya touched poison joke and this is what it did to ya?” Applejack blinked, trotting a bit closer to admire Josh’s new form as well, “Whoa…ain’t never heard of THIS happenin’ before…probably ‘cause we ain’t never seen a human before.”
“Is this why you came to see Zecora?” Twilight ventured.
“No, I came here randomly while going for a walk to get away from YOU nagging horses!” Josh growled, crossing his forelegs irritably, “I touched some of…poison joke…and while having a little chat with our resident creepy zebra, I fainted. When I woke up, I was a hideous horse…damn this coat is hot! Where’s a razor when you need one?”
For a moment, the six ponies in front of the angry Josh remained stunned by this new situation. They had honestly come looking for Josh after getting a hint that he was seen heading in the direction of the Everfree Forest. After recovering from the humiliation that Josh inflicted on Twilight, and after Twilight had went to get the rest of her friends for backup, the team of six had set out to retrieve the feisty human. This was the last thing they were expecting to find.
“This is…this is…SO COOL!” Pinkie squealed, finally bouncing up to Josh and smiling right in his face, “Now you’re one of us! Now we can play and have lots of fun, not that we couldn’t before, but now even more so! Ooh, how about a party to welcome you to Ponyville as a resident pony?”
“How about you get out of my face before I knock out a few of your teeth?” Josh snarled, glaring back at the bouncing pink pony, “I am NOT okay with this…AT ALL! This is beyond a humiliation and I am never gonna get rid of these mental scars. Once Zecora makes me that antidote bath or whatever, I’m turning myself back to normal. I refuse to be seen in public in this wretched form!”
“Oh, but darling, you look…very charming,” Rarity smiled, circling Josh and admiring his mane and tail, “Despite your…foul mouth and horrid attitude…you fit in perfectly now! You MUST let me fix up your mane and make you a nice outfit; I don’t get to work that much with stallions, you see.”
“But…huh…you have both a horn AND wings…but no cutie marks,” Twilight pointed out before Josh could interject with an insult directed at Rarity’s statement, “This is…fascinating! Josh, you MUST let me study you! I must understand what this all means!”
“It MEANS that my name is Joshua Schwartz, I’m a human, and a stupid blue flower turned me into a stupid pony without stupid tattoos on my thighs and with stupid wings and a stupid horn!” Josh said sarcastically, “What more do you want to know, genius?” However, his words seemed to fall on deaf ears, as all six ponies were now far more interested in him than before.
“I HAVE to teach you how to fly!” Rainbow Dash grinned, poking at Josh’s wings, “It’s SO awesome!”
“Um…if you like…I could introduce you to my animals later on…if that’s alright,” Fluttershy smiled.
“Darling, you and I…we’re gonna do MANY fashionable things,” Rarity grinned excitedly into Josh’s face.
“We’re gonna party the night away…and then the morning and afternoon away!” Pinkie cheered.
“Maybe now you’ll come to understand us ponies better…Joshy boy,” Applejack smirked at the alicorn.
“I can’t wait to learn more about how this happened and what your magic can do!” Twilight gushed.
“Either I’m gonna be sick and puke my lungs out…or I’m gonna be kicking six pony butts in a second,” Josh muttered, but once more his words shockingly went unnoticed or ignored as the group of ponies continued to surround him with great interest. Despite his rage and his anger, a tiny part of Josh was actually somewhat happy that the six ponies surrounding him seemed to be happier that he was around, even if it DID take him to undergo metamorphosis for it to happen. Even though he still wanted to kick some pony butts, a flicker of a smile played at the edges of Josh’s mouth, while Zecora stood back and just smiled while observing the scene. She would wait to get those poison joke cure ingredients.