//------------------------------// // Constants and Variables // Story: Oncoming Storm: Through a Mirror Darkly // by Chengar Qordath //------------------------------// Pony Rainbow frantically paced back in forth in front of both of us, ignoring the strange looks she was getting from as well as Twilight and Sunset. The pony princess had been quick to confirm our story, though judging by the annoyed glare she shot our way while doing so my Rainbow and I were going to be on the receiving end of a rather sharp lecture. I wasn’t too worried about that. Pony princess Twilight had nothing on Mom. My Rainbow looked over her counterpart and snorted. “Sheesh, what’s wrong with you? Not enough bran in your diet? Or do you just really need to go, but you’re too embarrassed to ask where the bathroom is?” Pony Rainbow shot her counterpart a dirty look. “There’s no way I was ever that much of an annoying brat. Not to mention I would never...” Her eyes darted between the two of us. “We gotta get you outta here and back where you belong right away. Cloud—the real Cloud—can never find out about this!” Another strangely familiar voice called out from the palace entrance. “What is it I’m not supposed to find out about, and how do I find out about it?” Pony Rainbow groaned and buried her face in her hooves as the new pony trotted in. As soon as I got a good look at her, I realized exactly why she sounded so familiar. I frowned and whispered to my Rainbow. “Does my voice really sound like that? I didn’t think I had an accent.” “You do.” Rainbow murmured back as she grinned and nudged me. “I think you picked up a bit of an accent when your parents were stationed across the pond for a year. Not a lot, especially not compared to Rarity. Just a tiny little bit of one. S’cute.” My pony doppleganger grinned at us. “What are you two whispering about? Is it whatever deep dark secret Rainbow’s trying to hide from me?” “No!” Pony Rainbow snapped out just a bit too quickly to seem believable. “Why are you even here?! And why aren’t you freaking out about seeing them?” Pony Me shrugged. “Lyra said she saw you hustling a copy of yourself and me off towards Twilight’s palace. Of course I wanted to come check it out.” She turned to face me directly. “You’re the version of me from that weird other dimension Twilight has a portal to, right?” “Yeah.” I looked back at Twilight. “I thought that was secret.” Other Me shrugged. “Fluttershy told me about it, and I figured you weren’t changelings since nobody was freaking out. Plus Twilight would’ve insisted you drop your disguises by now, and she sent Starlight to try and keep us busy.” “Speaking of which, she didn’t do a very good job,” Twilight grumbled. “Why are you here instead of being distracted by her?” Pony Rainbow smirked. “She took us to go see one of Trixie’s magic shows, and when ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie’ asked for a volunteer from the audience, she jumped up. Cloud and I bailed while they were about halfway through tying each other up for whatever trick she was gonna do next.” “I never knew they were into bondage,” Pony-me commented with shocking idleness. “Kicker!” Pony Rainbow groaned. Twilight meanwhile buried her face in her hooves, while Sunset just rolled her eyes. I traded a look with my Rainbow, and both our faces started heating up. I couldn’t believe Pony Me had just ... just said that. Like it was a totally normal and not at all weird or gross thing to drop into the middle of a conversation. “You see what I have to deal with?!” Pony Rainbow blurted, pointing to my pony doppleganger. “Now do you understand why it’s so important that, whatever you do,  you don’t tell her about ... you know what.” “You ponies are so weird,” my Rainbow grumbled. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about anymore.” “Tell me about it.” I settled in next to my Rainbow, getting cozy with her. Even if we were both still in our strange new bodies, she was still Rainbow. Meanwhile, the pony version of me was grinning like a shark who’d spotted a free buffet. “Oooh, Rainbow’s really worried. This must be good.” Pony Rainbow glowered back at her. “Yeah, but you’ll never—” “The other universe’s versions of Cloud and Rainbow are dating,” Twilight cut in. Pony Rainbow’s jaw hit the floor. “Twiliiight! How could you?!” “You really have to ask me that after all the times you’ve pranked me?” Twilight shot back. “If you thought I was pranking you before...” Pony Rainbow grumbled ominously. Meanwhile, my pony counterpart turned on her, mischief dancing in her eyes. “Oh, I am gonna have so much fun with this!” Rainbow groaned melodramatically and buried her face in her hooves. “My life is ruined. Utterly and completely ruined. How could you do this to me, Twilight?” “Do you want to borrow Rarity’s fainting couch?” Twilight shot back dryly. “What’s the big deal?” I asked, baffled by all the crazy pony reactions. I could only think of one explanation, and I didn’t like it. “Are ... are you two not a couple?” “Seriously?” My Rainbow frowned at both of them. “Laaaame.” “Yeah, sure, I’m the lame one,” Pony Rainbow groused, glowering at her counterpart. “Do you have any idea how much trouble you’ve gotten me into? I’m gonna get so much grief just because you weren’t strong enough.” “‘Not strong enough’?” My Rainbow repeated incredulously. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m plenty strong! I bet I’m stronger than you, you big stupid jerk.” “No you’re not,” the pony shot back. “Look at you. You couldn’t hold off Cloud Kicker.” “Hold her off?” Rainbow’s jaw hit the floor. She pointedly wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’m the one who hooked up with her!” That stunned Pony Dash into silence. Pony Me took advantage of the opening and trotted over to Pony Rainbow, grinning and bumping hips with her. “So it takes a lot of strength for you to resist my charms, does it? It’s a constant struggle, day in and day out? I knew you liked me.” “Shuddup, Kicker,” Pony Rainbow grumbled. “I do not.” My jaw dropped. Bad enough they weren’t together, but now... “You don’t even like each other?” “No!” Pony Rainbow blurted out. A second later she quickly corrected. “I mean, yes! But not like that! It’s just ... argh!” Pony Me snorted and gave her a pat on the back. “It’s okay Rainbow, I love you too.” She turned back to us, the teasing grin dropping off her face. “As a friend. Rainbow’s a great pony and I love her to bits, but we’re just friends. We hang out as friends and do lots of fun stuff together as friends.” She smirked and poked Pony Dash in the ribs. “And then we have sex as friends.” Pony Dash scowled swatted her upside the head with a wing. “Gyah! Shuddup you stupid lying jerk! They don’t know any better, they might believe you!” Twilight shot her a flat look. “I’m pretty sure they’re familiar with sarcasm and teasing in the other dimension, Rainbow.” “We have plenty of that,” Sunset confirmed. She frowned, and a moment later corrected. “Um, that is there’s plenty of that over there.” It was hard not to notice Sunset’s quick verbal backpedal. Between that and what happened with the hayburger earlier, I was pretty sure my aunt would just love to get Sunset to lie down on her couch and talk about her problems for a bit. Part of me wanted to help her out with that, but I had problems of my own right now. My Rainbow looked our counterparts over, frowning at them. “Okay, so we’ve established that you’re not quite as cool as we are already. So what do you do for work? Please don’t tell me you’re a janitor or something, because you’re already severely uncool for a Rainbow Dash.” Pony Dash scowled at her. “I’m a Wonderbolt. We’re the most elite aerial team in Equestria! That awesome enough for you?” “I guess that is pretty awesome,” my Rainbow responded. “But it doesn’t do too much to shore up your coolness score.” “Those are still the same thing,” Twilight grumbled, her horn lighting up and pulling down a huge tome. “See, look right here in the thesaurus. ‘Awesome’ has ‘cool’ and ‘radical’ listed as valid synonyms for it.” Both Rainbows sighed in near perfect unison. “Just because it’s not in one of your books doesn’t mean it’s not real, Twilight.” I jumped in to help her out. “Coolness is more about how your attitude and how you present yourself to the world, awesomeness is about going out and doing amazing things, and radicalness is all about testing and eventually breaking your own limits, doing the things nobody else would ever dare to even try.” My Rainbow grinned and hugged me. “You see why I love this girl?! She gets me!” Pony Me grinned and nudged Pony Dash. “C’mon, you gotta admit they make a cute couple.” Pony Dash rolled her eyes. “If I do that, you’ll just use it to tease me more.” Pony Me chuckled and smirked. “Dash, sweetheart, do you really think there’s anything you could say about this situation that would make me tease you more than I’m already planning to?” Pony Dash answered by crossing her forelegs over her chest and grumbling several less-than-complimentary things about my equine counterpart. I took advantage of her sulky silence to toss a few questions at my own pony version. “So what kind of work do you do?” “Nothing nearly as exciting as Rainbow, most days,” Pony Me answered with a shrug. “Most of the time it’s just filling out a ton of paperwork. Not exactly a surprise. “Mom and Dad did always say they spent way more time doing army paperwork than actually doing any of the exciting combat stuff.” Though Dad got the worst of that—he was quite fond of jokes about his job in the Chair Force. “Army?” Pony Me repeated. “Oh, I’m not in the Guard.” “What?” “The military,” Pony Cloud answered. “We call it the Guard over here. I’m not part of it. I went through West Hoof, but I didn’t join up.” I could scarcely believe my own ears. “You're not in the army, or the air force, or anything?! I’d even take the Navy or the Marines.” Sure, a squid or jarhead wouldn’t be as good, but I could live with it. “Coast Guard?” “Completely one hundred percent civilian,” Pony Cloud confirmed. My Rainbow seemed just as stunned by the revelation. “How can you not be in the army? Did you pull off some sort of crazy heroic thing and got discharged because you got hurt?” Pony Cloud shrugged. “I just didn’t join. It’s a long story.” “You just didn’t join?” Rainbow repeated incredulously. “How could you just not go into the army? Cloud does all kinds of stuff to get ready for going to some fancy military school. She busts her butt to get good grades, and does all that after school training. She’s even good enough to make her hardass of a mom happy.” Pony Cloud snorted and muttered under her breath, “Enjoy that while it lasts.” I snarled when I heard that, and if not for Rainbow’s restraining hoof on my shoulder I probably would’ve stomped over to her and done my best to kick her stupid pony ass. “Oh, bite me!” I glared at her. “I thought meeting a pony version of me would be really cool, but it turns out she’s just a loser who couldn’t hack it.” Pony Cloud flinched, but Pony Dash stepped in to fill the gap, glowering at me. “You watch your mouth, brat! You don’t know the first thing about our Cloud!” “She’s not half the brat you are!” My Rainbow snapped back. “And if your version of Cloud is so great, how come you’re not with her?!” “None of your business!” Pony Dash snapped back. Things probably would’ve gotten a lot more heated if not for the purplish-pink wall of solid energy that suddenly sprang up between us and our pony counterparts. Princess Twilight followed her spell forward a moment later. “That’s enough of that! All four of you go cool off before you say something you’ll regret later.” Rainbow opened her mouth, but Twilight’s horn flashed again and when my girlfriend tried to speak no words came out. Sunset stepped forward, speaking firmly. “Ponies, go to the foyer. Humans, go to the dining room. We’ll try this again once you’ve all calmed down.” I paced back and forth across the dining room, growling under my breath. I still couldn’t believe how badly everything had gone. I’d been so excited about meeting the pony version of myself, and it wound up being a huge disappointment. No, even worse than that. I hated seeing myself like that. It was like seeing every single nightmare I’d ever had about my future all coming true at the same time. Rainbow walked over and gave me a quick pat on the shoulder. “Hey, don’t get so worked up worrying about yourself. You’re not worth it.” She hesitated awkwardly, then sighed. “That sounded way better in my head.” I had bigger issues than whether my girlfriend was having trouble figuring out the right pronoun to use with our alternate selves. “You were plenty mad at pony-you too.” Rainbow shrugged. “Yeah, well, I’m a jerk.” She groaned and buried her face in her hooves. “I’m mean, she’s a ... but I am she ... gyah! This is so annoying!” “Tell me about it.” I sighed and flopped into the one of the chairs, doing my best to sit like a normal person. “At least pony-you still has a cool job.” Rainbow shuffled on her hooves, not quite meeting my eyes. “Yeah, well ... yours is ... nice.” “I don’t see how,” I grumbled. “Well, she...” Rainbow trailed off, searching for something to say. I bit my lip and slumped down across the dining room table. The untouched hayburgers Rainbow and I had left behind had been cleared away at some point, leaving it completely empty. “What ... what if that’s me in ten years?” “It’s not,” Rainbow answered without a moment’s hesitation. “You kidding me? There’s no way you’re gonna chicken out of the military!” “Bet she didn’t think she would either,” I grumbled. “Mom and Dad warned me about that kind of thing. How you could go through years of training and preparation, then when you go out and have to do it for real, you choke. Hell, we’ve seen that with the soccer team. The army’s gotta be twenty times worse.” “You never choke,” Rainbow countered. “If I wasn’t so awesome, you’d be team captain for sure.” She leaned in a little bit and whispered, “There’s a reason I run all my gameplans past you to make sure they’re good. I might be awesome, but you’re better at tactics and planning. S’why we make such an awesome team.” “Yeah, we do.” Of course, that brought up a whole other can of issues. “But ... well, hard not to look at that side of it either. What about us?” “What about us?” Rainbow shot right back. I shrugged listlessly. “Well, they didn’t make it work.” Rainbow scoffed. “They never had it in the first place, so there was nothing to make work. We’re already different from them. Doesn’t matter what some weird pony thing that looks and acts kinda like me does, I’m still me.” “Well yeah, but...” I slumped down even further, like a puppet with its strings cut. “You know, it’s not like the movies or the TV shows. Most high school sweethearts move on to other things and don’t stay together. What happens when I got to military school and you head to some awesome sports college?” “We stay awesome together,” Rainbow answered firmly. “I figure those couples that broke up outta high school were never all that tight to begin with. If they’d wanted to make it work bad enough, they would’ve. No way I’m letting you go, Kicker.” “What happens after college?” I shot back. “I mean, can you really be an army wife, sitting around knitting while I’m out in the field? That doesn’t sound like you.” “I’m pretty sure your Dad’s not sitting around knitting socks while your Mom goes out to kick bad guy butt,” Rainbow countered. “And if you think I’m not tough enough to handle it, I’ll kick your butt. Besides, aren't you thinking way too far ahead about all this? We’re not even outta high school yet, and you’re worrying about what happens after college. Not even Twilight is that neurotic with her plans, and she has a checklist for checklist-making.” I groaned and rested my chin on my folded forelegs. “It’s hard not to think about what’s coming when I just got a good look at my future.” “It’s not your future!” Rainbow snapped. “Just some other Cloud's future. This is the same as you feeling guilty because you went to some crazy mirror universe where there was an evil version of you with a goatee that went around being a total jerk. You’re being really stupid about this, and the more you do it the more it hurts. And I hate seeing you get hurt.” I felt something stinging my eyes, and a second later the tears started. “But what if I turn into a loser who can’t even get in the army, and I lose you?” “Not gonna happen.” Rainbow did her best to grab my shoulders, fumbling a bit on account of her hooves. “You’re stuck with me. You hear me?” “And the army?” I whimpered, turning away from her. “You’d go nuts whenever I had to go on deployment. You can’t stand being stuck on the sidelines.” “Yeah, I would.” She bumped shoulders with me. “Sorta like how you hated being literally stuck on the sidelines after you got your foot hurt fighting that bug monster under the school. But you still showed up for every game, right?” “Of course I did.” “Because we’re a team,” Rainbow concluded. “S’why I’m gonna stick with you, even if it means that sometimes I’m stuck on the sidelines and hating every minute of it. I have magical loyalty powers, there’s no way I’d ever leave you hanging.” She grinned and punched my shoulder. “You’re stuck with me, Kicker. It’s gonna take a lot more than you traveling halfway across the world and getting shot at to get outta this.” I wanted to keep moping and feeling miserable, but it was hard to keep that up when Rainbow was just being so ... Rainbow. I wiped my eyes and put on a smile for her. “Sap.” She grinned and bumped my shoulder. “Maybe a little, but so’re you. I mean, look at how well that sappy line worked on you.” “I guess you bring out my inner sap.” I sighed, resting my head on her shoulder. “Sorry if I’m being a huge pain in the ass, I just...” I trailed off with a sigh. Rainbow gave my head a gently prompting jostle with her shoulder. “Just what?” I took a moment to think it over, then confessed. “I’m scared. I guess I just always took all that stuff for granted. Me going into the army. Me and you. It’s like ... like I never even thought about what my life would be like without that. Now I’m seeing it right in front of my face, and it scares me way more than some evil version of me would.” I scooted a bit closer, burying my face in her shoulder. “I mean, if I saw some a version of me in a different universe who was a total looney monster, I could just say ‘that’s not me,’ and I’d be okay. But her ... I could end up like that. I mean, it was just totally random luck we even wound up together.” “Bullshit,” Rainbow answered without a moment’s hesitation. “Dash...” I pressed up closer against her. “I’m gonna be honest. Up until that day in the locker rooms, I never really ... well it’s not like I was in love with you before then. We were just friends, same as the pony versions of us are. Us hooking up was a total accident.” Rainbow frowned, then slowly nodded. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, it’s not like I was massively in love with you before we hooked up. But ... well, lemme put it this way. We share a locker room with the rest of the team. I’ve bumped into other girls before. Usually we just kinda mumble an apology and forget about it. I don’t think we woulda gone from me accidently touching a boob to doin’ it and having a serious relationship after if there was nothing there.” “You’ve got a point.” I glanced down at my flat, featureless pony chest. “I miss my boobs.” Rainbow grinned lecherously. “I miss your boobs too.” I lightly slugged her shoulder as token punishment for her perviness. “I bet that’s why those two never hooked up. No boobs.” I chuckled and kissed her cheek. “Well, that and not being as awesome as us.” “Can’t hold that against them,” Rainbow answered with a grin. “I mean, as awesome as both of us put together? That’s a pretty ridiculously high standard.” “Yeah.” I sighed softly. “So ... what do we do now?” Rainbow shrugged. “I don’t think we need to do anything about them. We just need to fix your magical whatsit and go home. They can have their lives and we can have our own.” I frowned uncertainly. “So we just forget all about what happened with meeting our pony versions and go on with our lives?” “Why not?” Rainbow asked. “It’s not like we need to completely reevaluate our entire lives just because of this. I mean, what’re you gonna change? You wanted to be in the army and you wanted to stick with me before, and that’s what you still want. Right?” “Yeah,” I answered without a moment’s hesitation. “So what’s the problem?” “I guess I just got a little freaked out,” I admitted. “Didn’t really think it through.” “You got so scared it turned your brain off,” Rainbow agreed. “Which is pretty bad, considering how little brain you have to start with.” I scowled and slugged her shoulder again. “Which one of us is barely keeping her grades good enough to stay on the soccer team, and which one of us is an A-student?” Rainbow scoffed. “If grades had anything to do with how smart someone was, maybe you’d have a point. Anyway, you doing better now?” “Yeah, I am. Thanks.” I looked up at her, and somehow managed to work my neck around to line our lips up and kiss her. “Love you.” “You too.” Rainbow grimaced, rubbing her muzzle. “These pony faces are weird. We can barely even kiss like normal.” “Yeah,” I pulled away from her and got back onto my hooves. “Being a magical horse was pretty cool at first, but I’m ready to get back to being human.” “I can get behind that,” Rainbow agreed. “Let’s get outta this crazy pony dimension and go back to our high school full of monsters and magical powers. You know, somewhere normal.” “Our definition of normal has gotten very weird lately,” I couldn’t help but observe. “Beats ‘normal’ just being another word for ‘boring,’” Rainbow countered. “Good point.” About an hour later, I had to face myself again. It made me strangely grateful we were stuck in this weird pony dimension. It was a lot easier to see her as someone different from me when she didn’t look anything like I saw myself. Sure, I might look like her right now, but I still thought of myself as a human, not a weird horse thing. So that made things slightly less weird. Slightly. Not much, but I’d take what I could get. Pony Cloud was pacing back and forth, waiting for me. After a little hesitation, I’d left Rainbow behind. Not that I didn’t appreciate her support, but this was one of those things I needed to handle on my own. Not to mention it was a bit of a delicate situation, and while I love her to bits, Rainbow’s not the world’s most sensitive person. Pony Cloud spotted me and smiled uncertainly. “Hey.” “Hey,” I responded in kind. Both of us stood, awkwardly shuffling and waiting for the other to make the first move. She broke the silence. “So, did you have cooldown sex with your Rainbow? 'Cause me and mine...” “Oh my god,” I groaned. “Was that the best icebreaker you could think of?” Pony Cloud shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry I was trying for a joke, and I guess I forgot to actually be funny. Well, that or maybe you’re not used to my sense of humor.” “It’s not completely new,” I grumbled. “My sister’s a massive brat, but between me, Mom and Rainbow, we keep her in line. You know how it is—middle child syndrome, so she tries to be as loud, shocking, and outrageous as possible so she’ll get extra attention.” Pony Cloud cocked her head to the side. “Middle child?” “Yeah, Sparkler.” I sighed and shook my head. “The worst thing is she's starting to have an influence on Alula too.” I shivered and shook my head. “Little sisters ... this is why even though I love them, I must utterly destroy them. ‘Course, I probably don’t need to tell you that, huh?” Pony Cloud frowned at me. “Okay, guess there are more differences than just our species and you hooking up with Dash. I never really had any sibling rivalries on my end. Sparkler’s not my sister, and Alula’s just a kid. She wasn’t even born until after I moved out. Granted, I did still have to witness the eternal war between Star and Storm, but I try to stay out of that.” I blinked, and tried to process what she’d just said. “Sparks isn’t ... and Alula’s just a ... damn.” Sure, I might complain about my little sisters all the time, and with good reason, but they were still family. Thinking about what it would be like without them was every bit as terrifying as the idea of me not winding up in the army or not being with Rainbow. Growing up with no sisters ... Rainbow had been right, this pony version of me really was a completely different person. Pony Cloud smiled and gave me a quick pat on the shoulder. “Still got ‘em around. They’re just different. Alula’s still a cute little kid who wants to grow up to be a ninja, and Sparkler ... Derpy adopted her.” “Derpy adopted her?” I repeated incredulously. “And—and Derpy’s your age?” “Sure is,” Pony Cloud confirmed. I stared at for several seconds, trying to wrap my head around all the implications of that. “Oh my god, you’re old.” Pony me answered with a flat, unamused look. “You’ve definitely been spending too much time with Rainbow. You picked up her knack for diplomacy.” “She was pretty much the first friend I ever made at school.” Hell, I’d known her for longer than Sparkler, and Sparks was family. Thinking about Sparks just reminded me that apparently pony me was old enough to adopt her ... yet Alula was apparently still young enough to qualify as a cute little kid. It was starting to look like this place was less a parallel universe and more some twisted bizarro horse world where the timeline made no sense and everything was just a twisted equine parody of reality. A new thought sprang to mind. “Oh god, Mom and Dad’ve gotta be ancient. I bet they’ve started bugging you for grandkids.” Bringing that up immediately reminded me of another possible landmine. “Oh please tell me you’re still gay. I mean, you joked about having sex with Rainbow, but ... yeah, this is weird enough that you being straight would barely even register.” “I believe in loving ponies regardless of what’s in between their legs,” Pony Cloud answered before frowning and adding, “And I’m not that old.” “Way older than me,” I mumbled. Another question sprang to mind, but I wasn’t quite sure if I really wanted to know the answer. “So, um ... if you’re not in the army, what do you do?” Pony Cloud shrugged. “Mostly, I’ve been working with the weather service. Lately, Princess Twilight’s had a few other things in mind for me.” “Weather service?” My Rainbow frowned at her as she tried to figure out what my pony version was talking about. “What, like you fly around and let everyone know what kind of weather’s coming up?” Pony Cloud grinned and shook her head. “Nah, nothing like that. We don’t predict the weather. We make the weather.” “Huh.” I thought that over for a bit. “Okay, not gonna lie, that is pretty legitimately cool. Weather control is an awesome power. So how do you do it? I mean, Twilight talked about it a little bit during her whole ‘everything about Equestria’ lecture, but she didn’t go into too much detail about it. It can’t be magic, since you don’t have horns.” I’d been a bit curious about how pegasi changed the weather, but I refrained from asking Twilight any follow-up questions for obvious reasons. Namely, I didn’t want to find out whether Twilight could educate Rainbow to death before she snapped and strangled me. “Actually, we do have a few bits of pegasus magic.” Pony Cloud answered with a grin. “Unicorns are the only ones with natural spellcasting ability, but we can manipulate clouds, walk on them, and even do a couple things with lightning.” She zipped out a window, coming back a minute later carrying a cloud. Her hooves blurred over it, and within a few moments she’d produced a passable cloud duplicates of Pony Rainbow and Twilight. “Would’ve done somepony else, but they’re the only ponies you know.” I reached out to touch the cloud, but my hoof went right through it. The resemblance really was uncanny. “Okay, that is really cool.” Pony Cloud grinned and bowed. “Thank you, thank you, I’m here all week. But enough about me, let’s talk about ... me. Twilight said you have some sort of magic powers too.” It took me a minute to remember the reason I’d come here in the first place. “Yeah, I picked up a little something from Rainbow. It’s some kinda gun-magic that supercharges any firearm I use.” “Firearm...” Pony Cloud frowned and tapped her chin. “I think I heard about those back at West Hoof. The zebras use them. Some kind alchemical weapon that launches bullets with explosions. Like a sling, except way more complicated.” West Hoof? Was she actually serious with that name? These ponies and their puns. Still, at least she had some idea what I was talking about. “Kinda like that, yeah. Anyway, the problem with my magic is that it's so new to me I haven’t figured it out yet. So a toy version of a gun melted in my hand and wound up really hurting Applejack. Since my world doesn’t have magic, Sunset figured we should come here for help. Pony Cloud nodded along. “Anything I can do to help?” “I don’t know, honestly.” I shrugged, but it felt weird. A second later, I realized why: my wings had moved along with my shoulders. “Gah, I’m never going to get used to these things.” Pony Cloud grinned. “I bet Twilight said the same thing when she first got them, and now she seems just fine. Though I doubt you’ll be staying long enough for that to happen.” She hesitated for a moment, then offered me her hoof. “Sorry about the bad first impression. I’ve got enough issues without literally getting into a fight with myself.” I frowned and tried to replicate the gesture. Standing on just three legs was hard, but I eventually pulled it off. “Yeah, same.” Pony Cloud grimaced and sighed. “I have some regrets in my past. Things I don’t love being reminded of. Running into younger me kinda poked at some old wounds.” “I picked up on that, yeah.” I sighed and took a deep breath. “So ... not trying to rip off the bandage or anything, but why didn’t you join the army? It’s just that I’ve never not thought about it. Hell, I only got my car ‘cause I kept my grades good enough to get into all the best military academies. I do all my military training while everyone else is off doing their summer or after school jobs. Hell, once break starts, Mom’s been talking running me through the same courses she puts her soldiers through, and they’re special forces.” I was already doing a hundred sit-ups, push-ups, and squats every day, plus a 10k run every other day. “Sounds like her,” Pony Cloud agreed with a grunt. “As for your question ... I guess I just freaked out because I always assumed I would join the Guard. I had a big ‘is this really what I want to do with the rest of my life?’ moment at the worst possible time.” She took a deep breath, then carefully said, “I know you probably don’t want advice from me, and I’m probably the last pony who should be telling anyone how to avoid making horrible life-altering mistakes, but ... make sure before you do anything about the military.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sure. Mom and Dad brought it up a few times, and Rainbow brought it up a couple times when she saw how hard Mom pushes me for training. I’m as sure about it as I am about her, and that’s pretty damn sure.” Pony Cloud nodded along, then very quietly said. “You two are good together.” That raised a few rather obvious questions about Pony Cloud and Pony Rainbow. After a couple seconds of hesitation, I took the plunge. “So you and your Rainbow...” “Best friends,” she answered firmly. “No real romance though. We very briefly toyed with the idea after she hit on me once while drunk, but that was more about her feeling like I didn’t value her friendship enough filtered through drunk logic. We’re tight, just not in the love and romance way. More the the lifelong friend way.” I frowned and slowly nodded. “I guess I can see that. I mean, that’s how Rainbow and I were before everything changed. Hell, aside from the fact that we kiss and do the other stuff, not much really changed after we hooked up. She went from being my awesome and supportive friend who I can always count on to my awesome and supportive girlfriend who I can always count on. Not exactly world-shaking.” I sighed and turned away, pacing. “Except at the same time, it’s also totally different. I mean, nowadays we’re not just hanging out together and having fun, it’s all a lot more serious. Hell, we just talked about what might happen if we’re still together by the time I join the army and have to deploy.” “That’s kind of a big deal,” Pony Cloud agreed. “And not one I can help you with, or one you want my help with, I’d bet. So ... anything I can do?” I thought it over for a second. I didn’t really need much, but... “Actually Rainbow did want to try out flying while we were here. The whole reason we broke out of the palace and went exploring in the first place was that we were both bored to tears. A few flying lessons would give us something to do with all that extra energy, even if we don’t really learn much from it.” Pony Cloud nodded. “I’m sure Rainbow and I could show ... er, you and Rainbow a few things. Probably nothing more than the basics of the basics, but even a few little things would be pretty cool, right?” She smirked, not quite managing a deadpan. “And speaking of basics, if you two are going to bang while you’re here, you need to know how to manage with four legs.” I groaned and slammed my head on the table. “Now you’re just going out of your way to embarrass me.” Her grin widened. “It’s part of my charm.” I grinned and looked down at the floor, carefully pumping my wings. I was only a couple centimeters off the ground, but that’s still enough to qualify as airborne. I turned to Pony Cloud. “I think I might be getting the hang of hoveri—” The distraction of talking made me stop focusing on flying for half a second, and promptly slam face first into the floor. Thankfully, there were plenty of soft pillows to cushion my fall. Pony Cloud sighed and shook her head. “You had to jinx yourself...” My Rainbow quickly trotted over to check on me, abandoning her own lessons from her pony counterpart. “You alright, Cloud?” I groaned and got back up, taking a quick mental inventory. “I’m okay, I only hurt my pride. And my face. And my neck.” “Mostly your pride though, right?” Rainbow asked, checking me over. “Just saying your mom has so many ways of kicking my ass if you actually got hurt.” “I’m fine,” I gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Relax, worrywart.” “Right, right.” She paused a moment, then punched my shoulder. “Don't spook me like that.” I grinned and rolled my eyes. “Yeah yeah. You’re a big tough gal, and I love you too.” Pony Cloud grinned and nudged Pony Dash, whispering just loud enough for me to hear. “They really are cute together.” Pony Rainbow groaned and rubbed her face. “If I say they are, you’ll tease me about it. If I say they aren’t, you’ll tease me about that. There’s no way to win. You’re never going to let me live this down, are you?” Pony Cloud grinned shamelessly. “Nope.” Pony Dash buried her face in her hooves. “I really don’t understand why I hang out with you sometimes.” “Because she’s a lot of fun and one of your oldest friends,” Twilight answered as she trotted in. “How’re the flying lessons going, girls?” “We’re having fun,” I answered. “And I think we’re even learning a few things.” “Good to hear,” Sunset grinned at us. “Not too many accidents, I hope.” “Nothing worth mentioning,” I confirmed. “There’s more than enough padding all over the room, and other-Cloud won’t let us do anything too crazy.” “I could do more than just barely hover off the floor if she’d let me,” my Rainbow grumbled. “I’m sure you could.” Pony Cloud conceded. “But we didn’t have enough time to add padding to all the ceilings, or replace all the windows with shatter-proof glass.” “Cloud,” Rainbow grumbled and nudged me. “Get in there and defend my honor from yourself.” I rolled my eyes. “Rainbow, I’m starting to think you enjoy making your pronouns as confusing as possible.” I decided to move past any mild bruising to Rainbow’s ego and focus on the reason we’d actually come to ponyland in the first place. “Any news on the magical front?” Twilight grinned and nodded. “Actually, yes, we’ve got some very good news. Now, everything is tentative and needs additional testing to verify the results, but we think we’ve found a way to help Cloud stabilize her magic.” She pulled out several preposterously long scrolls, opening one of them up to consult her notes. “After going over the data from her internal ley line scan, we think that the problem comes from the Cloud's aetheric stabilization—” Sunset pointedly cleared her throat and set a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “No need to give them all the details that are going to fly over their heads. The bottom line is, we have a pretty good idea of how to fix Cloud’s magic. It’s just a matter of testing it out to make sure.” Her horn lit up, and a small case floated over to me. I opened it up and had a look. It was a tiny gemstone, almost exactly like the one Rainbow used to make her own magical powers work. I guess it should’ve been obvious in hindsight. The only reason it hadn’t occurred to me was that I didn’t even know they could make a magical gem. Pony Cloud took a much simpler view on the matter. “Oooh, Sunset’s giving your girlfriend jewelry. Better look out, Dash.” For once, Pony and Human Rainbow were in completely agreement. “Oh shuddup, Kicker.” Sunset rolled her eyes and didn’t dignify my doppleganger’s remark with a response. “Obviously we’re going to need to spend a while testing it out first. That’s going to require some back and forth, given all the reasons why bringing guns into Equestria would be a bad idea. For all I know they wouldn’t even be able to pass through the portal.” “Testing?” My Rainbow grinned. “Does that mean we get to shoot Sparkler again? ‘Cause I’m totally down for that.” I sighed and shook my head. Not that I wouldn’t have been all for shooting my bratty little sister most of the time, but... “Until I’m one hundred percent sure this gem is working, I’m going to treat even a toy nerf gun like the real thing.” My Rainbow grimaced and nodded sheepishly. “Right, yeah, that’s probably a good idea. I mean, she’s a massive brat and all, but...” “Exactly.” I turned to the pony dopplegangers of myself and Rainbow. “Well, I guess we need to go back home and test it out. So, uh, cool meeting you, I guess.” “It definitely wasn’t boring.” Pony Cloud agreed. My Rainbow sighed. “I was just starting to get the hang of these wings.” She turned to Sunset. “Any chance we can come back?” Sunset frowned. “I really don’t want to use the portal for casual interdimensional tourism ... but we will probably need to make a few followup visits to refine Cloud’s gem, and there are probably a few other things I should research as long as I’m making trips back and forth.” “I wouldn’t mind seeing you again,” Twilight agreed. “I should be a bit better prepared for your next visit, and I won’t need to worry about finding some way to distract our version of Rainbow and Cloud.” “Sounds like a plan.” I waved goodbye and started walking towards the portal. I was about halfway there when the mirror suddenly lit up and started swirling like a pool of water. I blinked and quickly stepped back. “Uh, is it supposed to do that?” “Someone’s coming through,” Sunset explained, frowning at it. “As far as I know, nobody’s supposed to be following us. Twilight, did you expect anyone?” Twilight frowned and shook her head. “No, I’m surprised as you are.” The portal flashed again, and a pegasus stepped out. The full plate armor was new, but between the colors and her faintly annoyed scowl it was easy enough to recognize her. “Mom, what are you doing here?” Mom staggered and slowly got her hooves under her, managing much better than I had. For some reason, Twilight and Rainbow both looked back at my pony version, who’d gone pale and was staring at Mom. I had to wonder what the hell was up with that, but part of me suspected I was probably happier not knowing. Mom looked herself over, taking in her new body. Then she grunted. “Huh.” She fixed her eyes on me. “How did it go, Cloud?” I needed a moment to get over my surprise at seeing Mom at all, let alone in pony form. “Um, it went alright. They’re pretty sure they’ve got some idea of how to fix my magic issues. We’re going to do some testing to make sure, of course.” I coughed, and lowered my voice a bit. “What are you doing here, Mom? Sunset doesn’t want too many people crossing over. Besides, I thought you had an army thing.” Mom grunted and nodded. “Why I’m here. We had to move up the timetable. I’m deploying first thing in the morning.” “Oh.” It was hard not to flinch. It was a long way from the first time Mom had gone off on one of those missions I wasn’t allowed to ask about, and she’d come back just fine every single time. That didn’t make it any less scary. “Tor’s picking up Sparkler and Alula, and we’re meeting up for pizza before I have to head back to base,” Mom continued. She turned to Rainbow, then paused and frowned when she realized there were two of them. Then she spotted my own pony double. “Hmm.” “Um...” Pony Cloud waved awkwardly, staring at her as if she’d grown an extra head. “Yeah, apparently this is some sort of parallel dimension where there’s pony versions of everyone,” I explained. “Kinda weird, but kinda cool too.” “Hmm,” Mom grunted again. “Tor and your sisters are waiting.” She glanced over at the two Rainbows. “Did you have dinner plans?” “Um...” My Rainbow shuffled uncertainly. “Not really? I mean, I didn’t really get much in the way of lunch, so...” “I’ll let your parents know you’ll be eating with us,” Mom grunted, turning around and heading back to the portal. She paused at the entrance. “Is there anything else my daughter needs to take care of right away, or can it wait?” “Nothing that can’t wait,” Pony Cloud answered at once. “Just need to say something real quick to your daughter before she goes.” “Right,” Mom grunted. “Five minutes. Coming, Rainbow?” Without another word, she stepped through the portal, my girlfriend in tow. I noticed the actual ponies also clearing out pretty quickly, leaving the two of us alone. “Same old Mom, no matter the dimension.” Pony Cloud grumbled under her breath. “She must really like Rainbow. None of my partners ever got invited to a pre-deployment dinner.” “That wasn’t so much an invitation as an order,” I pointed out. “That’s ... kinda how she rolls,” Cloud murmured. “It’s ... look, I know Mom’s a hardass who doesn’t know how to say please or thank you or ‘Good work Cloud, I’m so proud of you,’ but...” She bit her lip, looking down at her hooves. “Just ... be good to her, okay? She’s just trying to be a good mom, even she’s not perfect at it. And Guard stuff’s...” A rather terrible suspicion began leaking into my mind. Something that would nicely explain exactly why all the ponies got so awkward when Mom showed up, why Pony Cloud looked like she’d seen a ghost, and why now she was telling me to be extra-tolerant of all Mom’s mom-ness before she deployed. The last thing I wanted to do was actually acknowledge that. After all, if it could happen to her mom... “Yeah, got it.” She nodded slowly, then patted my shoulder. “See you around, Cloud.” “You too, Cloud.”