The 4000 Year Old Virgin

by Harmlesskitten13


Chapter 6

Tradition is paramount in changeling culture, and this goes doubly so for the Queens. Passing on the rituals and practices of former Queens helps solidify their reign, as well as honor their predecessors. However, this is not to say that changeling Queens are rigid and unyielding in their actions. It would not do for the leader of a hive to remain stuck in the past if the current actions are proving to be disastrous. Oftentimes, Queens will tweak and make slight alterations to what they were taught in order to properly suit and enhance their abilities. This allows them to 'change with the times,' as it were, while also remaining faithful to their forebears. With that said, these are often small changes, as the Queens who have attempted massive replacements can and will upset the hive. Rarely does the radical Queen survive. - The Rise of the Changeling Queendom, Vol. III by Works Cited


Acting as though they were being attacked by some invisible force, the gathered ponies all responded differently. Rarity fainted. Pinkie Pie's hair flattened, and she fled to the darkest corner in the room. Applejack reared back, ready to stomp on whatever came at her. Twilight jumped back and charged her horn to release a counter. Starlight raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side.

"Huh. Hey, is it just me, or is that abnormally curved? Like it has a spiral sort of thing going on?" the unicorn asked. Twilight slammed the book shut.

"What are you even talking about?!" she shouted, flinging the book on the table. Her protege simply turned her head to repeat the question.

"I mean, if that's what I thought it was, didn't it seem kind of...I don't know...oddly proportioned to you?" she asked nonchalantly. Applejack stared at her incredulously.

"Okay. I'm goin' out on a limb here, but I'm guessing that wasn't a fifth leg or something, was it?" she asked to no one in particular. Taking a moment to compose herself, Twilight cleared her throat and returned to a more normal standing position.

"...no, I don't think that was a fifth leg. I think...I think that was her ovipositor. And for some demented reason, she decided to not only send a picture of it to me, but also make it pop out of the book." she replied, glaring at the album. "So. Um. Yeah. I definitely think she's trying to psyche me out here. That's the only possible reason." At that moment, Rarity slowly woke up from her impromptu nap.

"Ugh...I just had the most horrid nightmare...I dreamed that Queen Chrysalis had sent Twilight a love letter and photo album...and it contained a picture of her...parts!" she groggily said. Starlight offered a hoof to help the white unicorn up.

"Uh, yeah. That's exactly what she did. It wasn't a dream." she responded. Rarity gasped, and fainted again. Starlight rolled her eyes with a sigh. "You know, it's not THAT weird-looking. I've seen worse." As the alicorn's protege fanned the unconscious unicorn, Applejack placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder.

"So, uh, did that really 'psyche you out' or anything?" she asked. The alicorn didn't respond, and only looked forward. Finally, after several moments, she answered.

"Yes? No? I don't know, I'm still kind of in shock over it. Maybe in a day or two, I'll know for sure. I mean, WHO DOES THAT? Who just sends random pictures of their genitalia to ponies?" she asked, gesturing for effect. Starlight chuckled, eliciting a questioning stare from her mentor.

"...what? You've never heard of that?" Twilight vehemently shook her head. "Good grief, I'm only a year younger than you; how could you not know about that? It's not exactly something new. Ponies have been doing it for a while now." she replied. "I mean, I'm not going to say that sending some rando a picture of your junk is all that classy, but it's a popular method for trying to get some, you know?" Both Applejack and her teacher simply stood staring at her, slack-jawed. Starlight's eyes suddenly went wide. "Oh! Nononono! I've never done that! I mean, I've done some less-than-reputable things in my life, but not that! I just...know some ponies that have. Several times. Usually wearing a cape. Sometimes glasses...sometimes a hat." There was a pregnant pause, only interrupted by the unicorn giving an awkward laugh. "ANYWAY, we have more important things to worry about here. Like, are you still going to fight Chrysalis?" she asked. Twilight flopped back into her throne.

"I feel like I kind of have to now. Otherwise she'll know she 'got' to me, and I can't let her win. Not after everything she's done to Equestria. And my brother. And my sister-in-law. And the Princesses. And you girls. Furthermore, who knows when we'll have another chance to capture her?" she said, puffing a strand of mane out of her face. She looked over at Rainbow Dash. Her blue friend had finally gotten through the worst of it, and Fluttershy was helping her back to her throne. She slumped down in the seat with a groan, her head resting on the table.

"Twilight." she rasped out. "Kick her flank for me. HARD."


Compared to the morning, the rest of the day went swimmingly. There were a few friendship disputes in town that she had to resolve, but all in all, Twilight had a fairly uneventful rest of the day. As she sat down to dinner, she smiled at the plate: roasted eggplant, grilled asparagus smothered in garlic butter, and mashed potatoes. Spike always knew how to cheer her up. And he was a heck of a cook, too. As she picked up her fork, she heard a belch. The dragon walked into the dining area, his toque and "Kiss the Cook" apron marked with splattered food. He handed the alicorn the scroll, muttered something about a ruined sapphire souffle, and returned to the kitchen. She set her fork down and unrolled the note.

Twilight,

It is most disconcerting that Queen Chrysalis would reach out to you
this way. Given her past behavior, it is unlike her to be so bold, so we must be wary.
I will send you a squad of elite guards, as requested. They are en route from a patrol now,
and should arrive by morning. I'm afraid that Cadance and Shining Armor will be unable
to send any additional troops, as the tracks to the Crystal Empire have been blocked by a
snow avalanche. Please keep me informed of the situation.

Celestia

P.S. Did I read correctly that she sent a photo album with her letter? If so,
I would recommend against viewing it. Who knows what traps she may
have laid in it.

Twilight snorted. Yeah, no kidding. she thought. I guess I know that for the future. Lesson learned. She set the scroll aside, and picked up her fork. Jabbing at a bite of asparagus, she lifted it to her mouth, only to be interrupted by a loud knocking at her castle's front doors. She sighed, put the fork back on the plate, and got up from the table. The knocking only became louder and more rapid as she neared the doors. "I'm coming, I'm coming! Keep your horseshoes on!" she said to herself. Opening the door, she saw a familiar dark brown pegasus. Come to think of it, a little too familiar.

"YOU!" she shouted, pointing her hoof at the pony in front of her. It didn't respond. Instead, it stared at her with an emotionless face. "...I suppose you're here about that package you gave me earlier?" she asked. The pony nodded its head once. Standing a little straighter, her wings puffed out as she fought a primal urge to tackle the apparent changeling in front of her. "Tell your Queen that I agree to her terms. Three days, the field west of my castle, and she comes alone. Got it?" she ordered. The pony again nodded once, then turned around, and stole away into the night. She squinted at the creature as it flew off, before it finally disappeared from view. She turned around, slammed the door shut with a huff, and walked back to her meal. Or rather, what was left of it. Sitting in her chair, eating her meal, and using her flatware was a light blue unicorn giving a contented sigh and patting her stomach. "TRIXIE?!"

The unicorn jumped with a jolt. "Oh! Twilight! You scared Trixie! Don't sneak up on her like that!" she said, catching her breath. "I saw this meal here, and since nopony else was eating it, I figured I shouldn't let it go to waste. I must say, your pet is a wonderful cook! Give my compliments to him, would you?" she said, dabbing her mouth with a napkin. As she left the room, Twilight ground her teeth, and charged her horn.

I could do it. Just turn her to ash. Starlight would be mad, but she'd get over it. I could even play it off as an accident. 'Oh no! I thought it was another changeling, and I just reacted! I guess I don't know my own strength!' Yeah. I could do it. Her nostrils flared in anger. Taking a deep breath, and powering down her magic, she frowned. Alright, no. I couldn't. But I'd be lying if I said she doesn't make me WANT to. Looking at the plate, she let out a small whimper. There was one measly piece of asparagus, and a tiny dollop of mashed potatoes left. She picked the remains up, and entered the kitchen. "Spike!" she called, only to hear a frustrated groan.

"Oh, come on! That was my last batch of sapphires!" came a shout.


After a plethora of apologies and promises to get more gems in the morning, as well as a slightly less gourmet meal of delivery pizza, Twilight sat melancholic at her vanity. She had had worse days, that's for sure. But today would rank up there. Sitting in front of her was Invisible Enemies: Changelings and Their Plans; it was a monograph that contained all changeling information known to Equestria. Written a century before she was born, it contained a wealth of information about the species. It's too bad that a lot of it was misinformed, or hearsay based off of rumor. But it was the only published work she could find that wasn't ridiculously politically biased or an excessively focused case study, so it would have to do. Trying to fix as many issues as she could, the studious alicorn had filled the margins with her scribbles and notes while spending days picking King Thorax's brain after the reformation of the Badlands Hive. But tonight it was near-useless to her. She had gone through the entire tome and all her notes, and found less than nothing explaining Chrysalis' actions. Apparently the Queen had wiped her records and executed her archivists just prior to being overthrown. She was far more diabolical than expected, if Twilight was honest. She left no evidence to study, no threads to pull on, no leads to follow. It's as though she had planned to throw away her hive solely for this battle. The more the alicorn thought about it, the less surprising it seemed, seeing how callous the Queen had been in destroying an entire department's worth of drones. She looked over at a clock. It was nearly midnight. She needed to get to bed if she was to be up early enough to meet the elite guards Celestia had sent. The purple pony closed the book and was about to blow out her candle when she stopped to look at the picture of her and her friends. Lingering on Applejack, she pulled out the list from earlier, unrolled it, gave a sad sigh, and quietly crossed off number four hundred thirty-eight. She replaced it in its hiding spot, making sure that not only was the false bottom fully closed, but even had items on top of it to distract any would-be snooping. With a yawn, she closed the drawer, blew out her candle, and went to bed. Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be better.


Dominatus walked the halls of the hive with a wooden box behind her and a mad grin plastered on her face. She had gone to bed with the most wonderful news: the pony Princess had agreed to a date with her daughter! And so quickly! She was afraid that this 'Twilight Sparkle' would hold off, maybe play hard-to-get, but no! It was within hours of the package arriving! She must be as desperate as Chryssi! This was perfect! And it finally gave the Queen of Queens the chance to bond with her daughter over something important! Arriving at the future Queen of Queen's bedroom door, she lightly knocked. "Chryssi? Are you awake?" she whispered. Hearing no response, she turned around and bucked the door in. The room's occupant jumped out of bed, screaming obscenities, before hitting the floor with a dull thud.

"MOM! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! CAN'T YOU KNOCK?!" Chrysalis yelled, rubbing her head. The Queen of Queens calmly walked in, shut the now-dented door, and stood over her daughter.

"But I did knock, dear. You must have still been asleep. But you're awake now, and that's what matters! More importantly, guess what!" she said, her smile threatening to split her face in half. Chrysalis shakily stood up and sat on her bed, giving her mother a sideways glance.

"If I guess right, will you stop smiling like that? You're kinda creeping me out." Her mother gave her a playful shove.

"Oh, you." she said with a wink. Chrysalis scooted further away from the Queen of Queens.

"Seriously, who are you, and what have done with my real mom? She's never this friendly." she replied, slowly reaching over to the lamp on her night stand. She may not have much magic, but this thing would hurt if she chucked it.

"Hush. I just wanted to be the one to give you the good news! Twilight Sparkle accepted your letter, and she agreed to the terms!" Dominatus squealed, the giddiness in her face threatening to overtake her features. Chrysalis sat dumbfounded.

"R-really? Seriously? You're not joking, are you? Like, this isn't some sort of 'character-building' thing, is it?" she asked. Her mother enthusiastically shook her head, and plopped down on the bed.

"See? And you thought you were undesirable!" she said, nudging the young royal. Chrysalis scrunched her nose indignantly.

"Hey! I never said th-" her mother shushed her, and floated over the box she had been hiding behind her back, placing it on Chrysalis' lap. It was the box from the other day, the one they hadn't gotten to. It was made of bloodwood and clearly old, with ancient runes and script carved into it. And she could swear she heard a faint chanting the closer she put her ear to it. Glancing back up at her mother, she gave a questioning look. The Queen of Queens straightened her back, adjusted her crown, and cleared her throat.

"Queen Chrysalis, I hereby bestow upon you the most important artifact in all Changeling Queendom. This object is more important than any one Queen, even me. It has been passed down from Queen of Queens to Queen of Queens for thousands of years. And today, I pass it on to you. Protect it with every fiber of your being, and down to your last breath. Under no circumstances is anyone other than a Queen of Queens to use it." she said haughtily, before her face softened. "And Chryssi, you have no idea how honored I am to be passing this on to you." Dominatus said in a wavering voice, doing her best to hold back tears.

Chrysalis was speechless. She had never seen her mother this...what's the word? Proud? Yeah, proud of her for anything. She looked back down at the box, and slowly opened the lid. The inside was leather-lined, apparently with hydra skin, and on a small cushion sat a helmet. It was jet black magicaeferro, and strong enough to withstand a magical strike from even the most powerful of alicorns. The front featured a hole for its wearer's horn, and a spiked snout guard. On its side were jagged edges, seemingly acting as mandibles. The rear came down in a beavertail shape, with a serrated end. It was a fearsome sight to behold. Chrysalis held it up in the light, and turned it around, taking in even more details. On the outside of the helmet were engravings, showing ancient Queens of Queens defeating foes. Most were ponies, but some were griffons, others minotaurs, and even some dragons. On the front, above the holes for the eyes but below the one for the horn, was an inscription:

Be not afraid of any beast, no matter the size.
When danger threatens, wield me, and I shall see to its demise.

If she was speechless before, now Chrysalis wasn't sure if she ever knew how to talk to begin with. Her mouth opened and closed, but she was unable to form a coherent thought. Dominatus smiled, and took the helmet from her daughter. "And this is no ordinary helmet. Like I said, this was passed down to me from my mother and to her from hers. And...it contains a portion of all of our power." she said, patting on the headpiece. Chrysalis furrowed her brow.

"What do you mean?" she asked. Her mother gave a proud look.

"I mean, that in this helmet is a little bit of EVERY Queen of Queens, all the way back to Queen Praedo the Bloodthirsty. When you put this on, not only do you represent the future of our species, you represent the past as well. You will feel their power. Hear their wisdom. So, you must never lose it, or let it be destroyed." Her mother gave a dark look. "Because if you do, you'll wish you had been destroyed along with it." Chrysalis shrunk from her mother, only to jump at a knock on her door. Dominatus' face instantly brightened, and she passed the headpiece back to her daughter.

"Ah! That must be Mu! I told him to meet us here when he gathered your armor." she said, practically skipping over to the door. Sure enough, the little clothier entered, with a large box in tow. Like her mother's, the box was made of hardened flyder silk, and was roughly the same size.

"Chryssi! I'm so glad to see you again! How did the photoshoot go?" the drone asked, setting the box on Chrysalis' desk. The Queen, still taken aback by what she held in her hooves, responded meekly.

"Uh...it went okay. I guess. I liked the...thing you made for me." she stammered out. Mu gave a lopsided smile, and sat at the desk.

"That's good to hear. And I'm glad you liked it! It may have taken me all night to get that gold filigree right, but it was worth it in the end!" he replied. Looking over at the Queen of Queens, he nodded. "And by the way, yours should be done soon. That burgundy cragadile leather is a lot tougher to sew through than I expected!" This seemed to snap Chrysalis out of her trance, and she gave her mother a disgusted look. Feigning innocence, her mother put a foreleg to her barrel.

"What? Mommy likes to feel pretty sometimes, too!" she said with a mischievous smile. "Anyway, you have perfect timing, Mu! I just gave Chryssi here the crown!" The clothier gasped.

"Oh, she is going to look marvelous in it, especially when she's wearing THIS!" he proudly said, pulling the lid off the silken box. In it was the Queen's armor. Like the lingerie, it was practically form-fitted for her. On the top was a large breastplate, intended to cover the front of her barrel. Beneath it were two sets of interlocking armor plates for her rear barrel and neck, all designed to move with the wearer, allowing for both flexibility and protection. After that were armored guards for her legs, and a two-piece set of armor to cover her flank, split down the middle. At the bottom of the box was a quartet of shoes, with small sharpened cleats on the bottom. The whole set was, like the helmet, black. However, as the drone held up each piece of armor, Chrysalis could see a slight green iridescent shimmer move across them. She reached over to pick up the breastplate, and was shocked to find it to be incredibly light. Mu caught her surprise, and answered before she could even ask.

"This armor is made of some of the rarest metal in the world. It's only found here in the MacIntosh Mountains, and I'm not even sure ponies are aware of it. It's infinitely dense for its weight, which keeps it light, and can deflect the overwhelming majority of physical blows regardless of the sharpness of the blade or strength of the attacker. Your mother's armor is made of the same material, and from what I hear, it saved her on more than one occasion." Dominatus nodded in agreement. "Also, it's fairly decent against magical attacks." he added. "And, now that it's delivered, I must return to my work. Let me know how your date goes, Chryssi!" the drone said, placing the armor back in its box. He bowed, and left the room. As soon as the door was closed, Chrysalis gave her mother a dirty look.

"Great. Now you've got him calling me that stupid name too!" she spat out. Her mother tsked.

"Oh, he's always referred to you by that. The only difference is now he does it in front of you!" Dominatus replied with a chuckle, holding up the ensemble. "Anyway, I LOVE what he did with your armor! Once you pair it with the crown, you will look amazing! You'll have to beat the mares off with a stick!" she exclaimed. "Then again, you'll be bludgeoning them anyway, so I guess that phrase doesn't work. But you get my meaning." She replaced the lid to the box, and turned to face her daughter. "Regardless! Your Princess will fall head over hooves for you the second she sees you in this!" Chrysalis let out a grunt.

"She's not 'my princess!' She just the only one available that's not freaky or some weird shut-in!" she exclaimed. Her mother gave an airy laugh.

"Sure, sure, keep telling yourself that. Some day it may come true!" Dominatus replied with a wink. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some errands to take care of. In the meantime, make sure you're as prepared as possible for your date. Go practice your combat skills, and make sure you have a nice clean room for when you bring your date back. You only get the one chance before you're stuck with choosing between a 'freak' and a 'shut-in,' so you don't want a dirty room turning her away." She turned to leave, only to clop her hoof on the floor. "Oh curses! I nearly forgot! For you, sweetie." she said, floating a book over to her daughter. Chrysalis read the title aloud.

"'So You Want to Mate: A Beginner's Guide.' Har-de-har, Mom." Her mother only smiled in response, before leaving the room. Chrysalis stared at the book. "Oh yeah, Mom, I'm sure a book will definitely help me get laid." she said in a mocking voice before casually tossing the book to the floor. Laying back on her bed, a flood of memories came rushing to the forefront of her mind.


Approximately 500 Years Before Unification

Chrysalis squinted in the Saddle Arabian sun. If she could sweat, she would be doing so profusely right now. Looking over to the pony next to her, Safanad, she silently shook her head. How could a mare as beautiful as her manage to constantly look so pristine? It made no sense, especially in such a sandy, windswept environment. Ugh, sand. She hated it. Were she in her original form, it would get between the plates in her exoskeleton, and irritate her beyond belief. The two creatures quietly poked their heads over a dune.

"Aminah, look! They have stopped running!" Safanad whispered to the disguised changeling. Chrysalis brought her hood forward to shield her eyes. As her friend had said, the thieves they had been shadowing for days had stopped their trek, and were apparently arguing with each other. "We will make them pay for their insolence!" she said with contempt. These ponies were from an opposing tribe, and in a recent raid had stolen many ancient artifacts from the chief. "And," she added with a smile, "perhaps when we return the hajar alhaqiqa, Father will finally trust you!" Chrysalis smiled. Finally. She had managed to infiltrate a tribe! She could now prove to her mother that she could do it! She turned to the other mare.

"Shall we begin?" she asked with a devilish grin. With a nod, the two ponies crested the dune, and charged at the still-arguing group below them. As they neared the squabbling raiders, they released a fierce war cry. The thieves turned, drawing their swords and spears. Chrysalis and Safanad crashed into their enemies with the might and fury of hundreds of ponies combined. The tribals were no match, and as each one fell, the changeling could feel her bloodlust rising. So barbaric was the Queen, she lost herself in the fight. Hacking and slashing, she tore into them, and could only see red. After the last enemy had fallen, Chrysalis stood panting. She had needed this fight. She was so stressed and pent up from attempting to infiltrate the Sabino tribe, and she needed an outlet. With a mad grin, she turned to her friend. "They never stood a chance against two of Saddle Arabia's best warriors, eh?" Safanad had a look of horror on her face, and she leveled her sword to the Queen.

"SAHIRA! FATHER WAS RIGHT! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOU!" Taken aback, Chrysalis sputtered and stammered.

"Wh-what do you mean, Safanad? Why do you call me a witch? I am your friend!" she begged, before the pony in front of her slashed at her. The blade struck her neck, but bounced off the thick chitin hide of the changeling. However, the force and anger behind it was strong enough to put Chrysalis on the ground. Groaning, she began to get up when she caught her reflection in the metal plating on one of the fallen pony's shields. Apparently, she had focused so much on the battle moments before that she had inadvertently dropped her disguise. Before she could think up an excuse, the mare that had been her friend jumped on her, and attempted to plunge her sword into the barrel of the changeling. Panicking, Chrysalis let out a burst of magic, blasting the pony off her. She jumped to her feet, and galloped away.

Weeks later, after an oppressive slog through the desert, she arrived at her mother's hive. Entering into the throne room, she was filthy, disheveled, and exhausted. She bowed.

"So, how goes your attempts to infiltrate the Sabinos?" her mother asked. Chrysalis looked up at her mother, the shame evident on her face.

"I...I was discovered, my Queen of Queens. I have met with failure." Dominatus gave a slight hum of disapproval, then a tight-lipped smile.

"Well, do not lose faith, my child. No Queen wins every battle. What matters is that we learn from our mistakes, and put those lessons to use in future endeavors." Chrysalis nodded, and left the chambers.

_________________________

Approximately 300 Years Before Unification

"I still don't trust him, Asturcon." said a brown Earth pony as he searched through his satchel. His light yellow friend chuckled.

"You must learn to relax, Mallorquin. Just because he's a little...strange is no reason to not trust him. He's saved BOTH of our lives before, isn't that enough?"

"No, no, there is something otherworldly about that one. No Earth pony moves so quickly, or is that adept with a spear. And I'm going to prove it as soon as I find th- ah-ha! I knew I had it!" he replied, holding up a small box. Opening the container, he revealed a small stone that glowed softly in the moonlight. "This, the piedra de la verdad will tell us what we want to know!" Asturcon rolled his eyes.

"Fine, fine. If your silly rock shows that he's nothing terrible, will you finally drop it and trust him? After all, you saw how much his presence helped in conquering the Garrano tribe. One look at him, and they were shaking!" Mallorquin only grunted and gestured for his friend to follow him. The two crouched low, sneaking around their encampment. The grounds were quiet, save for the chirping of crickets and hooting of owls. As they neared the tent of the troublesome pony, they stopped. There was an ominous green glow coming from behind the tent's flaps. Asturcon silently poked his head in, to see a dark blue Earth pony writing in his journal. Except for one problem: the pony's quill was glowing, and seemingly moving on its own. Letting out a feral growl, the yellow pony jumped into the tent. "SPY!" he shouted. "YOU WERE SENT HERE BY THE UNICORNS, WEREN'T YOU?!" The tent's occupant whipped around in shock. He began to stutter out a response when Mallorquin entered the tent.

"Save your lies, you filthy bruja!" he spat, before throwing the stone at the accused pony. Flinching, he caught it in his magic. Realizing his mistake, he dropped everything and burst through the two stallions. As they got up, they began shouting warnings about the apparent foreign agent, waking up the camp in the process. As a massive dark red stallion exited his tent, the spy ran right into him. He bounced off the muscled pony and fell to the ground. The stallion glared at him.

"YOU. I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!" he bellowed. He attempted to tackle the dark blue stallion, but was too slow, as it jumped up and ran off into the night, never to be seen again. Days later, a defeated Chrysalis entered into the throne room. Bowing dejectedly, she was met with an unapproving stare.

"I'm going to assume that you were unable to successfully manipulate the Andalusian tribe, yes?" She was only met with a bitter nod. "I see. This is the fourth Earth pony tribe you have failed to infiltrate. If this continues, they will undoubtedly unite under one banner. Return to your quarters, and we will discuss this in private." The Queen bowed again, and left with head hung low.

Great. Just great. Now I'm going to be subjected to yet another 'you can do it if you put your mind to it' lecture. There goes the rest of the evening.

_________________________

Approximately 150 Years Before Nightmare Moon's Banishment

Dear Mother,

I regret to inform you that my attempts at infiltrating the ponies of the Percheron region have met with failure. Furthermore, the majority of my drones were killed or captured, and I will therefore require a new hive's worth.

Chrysalis

____________

Daughter,

I will contact Reticentur. Her eastern hive is doing rather well, and should have the eggs to spare. What could have happened? Per your last letter, you and your drones had erected a successful gristmill, and were feeding on the love from the local town. What changed?

Yours,

Mother

____________

Mother,

I will spare you the details, but please allow me to say that the mares here are far too puritanical for my taste, nor can they keep a secret.

Chrysalis

_________________________

330 Years Following Nightmare Moon's Banishment

A bedraggled Chrysalis, sporting fresh scars and burn marks all over her body, limped into the throne room. She gave a feeble bow. The Queen of Queens didn't even look up from the parchment she was reading.

"So, how did it happen this time?"

The young Queen gave a bitter sigh. "Dragons suck, Mom. They just...suck."

"Let me guess: the drones and hive are gone too, right?" Dominatus asked. Chrysalis snorted.

"What do you think?"

The Queen of Queens huffed and put down her parchment. "Dear, you know that I care about you. I really do. But you need to start thinking your plans through. I'll talk to your half-sisters about getting another hive, but in the meanwhile would you like some assistance in choosing a location this time? Maybe one further away from a nest of dragons?"

The battle-scarred changeling rolled her eyes. "No, Mom. I'm fine. Really. It's just some...bad luck, is all." The elder Queen gently shook her head.

"When you requested a loan, I asked if you wanted help setting it up. And you said no, so I gave you your space. Honestly, I don't think it's bad luck, it's just that you're just not living up to your poten-"

"Oh good grief Mom, it's just bad luck! How else could I have managed to lose this many hives this many times? I'm not THAT stupid. So please. For my sanity, don't give me another lecture." Chrysalis said sourly. Her mother scratched her chin.

"Alright, fine. Ignore my thousands of years and dozens of hives of experience. But one of these days all of this 'bad luck' is going to catch up with you, and in a big way." Her daughter let out a groan.

"Sure, whatever you say, Mom. Look, are we done here? I need to go...research." The Queen of Queens nodded, and Chrysalis limped out of the throne room.

_________________________

985 Years Following Nightmare Moon's Banishment

A bespectacled pale gray pegasus dressed in dark clothing sat in the hallway of the Royal Canterlot High School. She wore an oversized black sweater, black lipstick, heavy eyeshadow, and had her hooves painted the color of a moonless night. As a student passed her, he nonchalantly kicked her textbooks down the hall with a laugh.

"HEY! Jerk! You kicked my books!" she yelled. He only replied with a rude gesture and kept walking. "Whatever." she muttered to herself. Wait. Her trig book was in that stack. With a frustrated groan, she trudged down to the end of the hallway, only for her book to magically float into the air with a familiar blue glow. Recent alicorn Mi Amore Cadenza, or as she preferred to be called, 'Cadance,' walked around the corner.

"Here you go, New Moon! I thought I heard Butch bullying someone. I'm so sorry about him." she said, floating the book into the pegasus' hooves. New Moon blushed heavily.

"O-oh, no, it's fine. He's a wastoid anyway." she replied with a nervous giggle. As the alicorn picked up the rest of the scattered books, she idly scratched the back of her neck. "Um, hey, Cadance?" The pink pony lowered her saddlebags and looked her in the eyes.

"Yes, New Moon?"

"Um. Cadance. So. You know how, like, the Prom is coming, right?" She squeaked out. The alicorn nodded her head. "So. Um. I was wondering, if, like, you know...gosh, did it get hot in here? Anyway. Um. Didyoumaybewannagowithme?" she said, rushing the question out as quickly as possible. Cadance gave a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry, but no." she softly replied. "It's just that, well, I'm not really into mares like that. And also there's a stallion I was looking to go with. I'm so, so sorry. You seem really nice, and I bet we'd have a great time, but I just don't want to lead you on. It wouldn't be fair to you. Is there another mare that you'd like to go with? We could make it a double date if you wanted!" she offered. Crestfallen, New Moon backpedaled as hard she could.

"Oh! Ha ha! No, it's not that! No, I was just, uh...joking. Yeah. Joking. You know me, always joking about stuff like that! Um. Yeah. I'mgonnagonowbye!" New Moon grabbed her books and left a confused alicorn in the hallway. Cadance watched as her embarrassed classmate ran off with a sad frown.

"That poor girl. It must have been hard for her to work up the courage to ask me. I hope she finds the right mare for her to go to the dance." she quietly said to herself. The alicorn picked up her saddlebags and began walking towards cheerleading practice when a locker next to her began banging and shouting.

"HEY! LEMME OUT! SOME DORKWAD SHOVED ME IN HERE!"

Magically opening the locker, Cadance watched a bright pink unicorn with a green mane spill out onto the floor. Looking up at her rescuer, her eyes widened.

"Whoa, you are one bodacious babe! Hey, wanna go to prom, sweet stuff? I could probably get us some beers and buds! I know a guy who knows a guy!"

Cadance inwardly cringed. "Oh. Hey, Bubblegum. Um, no, thanks. I'm planning on going with another pony." The unicorn kept talking as the alicorn began slowly moving away.

"What, that nerdlinger stallion? Psh. He can't rock your world the way I can!" Bubblegum said, giving a lecherous smile while snaking out her tongue.

"I said no thank you, Bubblegum. Now please excuse me; I need to get to practice." she said quickly, briskly walking away. The unicorn's smile turned to a frown.

"Whatever. Bite me, skank." she muttered as the alicorn turned the corner. Oh yeah, go to high school, she says. Get intelligence, she says. Teenagers don't know how to keep their mouths shut, she says. It'll be easy, she says. This sucks. I wanna go home.

_________________________

Two Years After the Return of Princess Luna

"Okay, go over it again, please, because I just can't help but feel like I'm missing something." Dominatus said with a sigh. Her daughter had practically kicked the doors to her bedroom open, and was keeping her from her beauty sleep.

"Fine! So I just heard that some alicorn just got engaged, right? So, get this: she's the Princess of Love! You can't tell me that if I didn't impersonate her, I'd be drowning in the stuff, right?! So all I'm asking for is a small loan of drones as a backup plan, just in case things go wrong. They won't, but just in case!" Chrysalis replied, the excitement practically taking over her voice. And it'll give me a chance to get back at that skank for saying 'no' when I asked her to prom!

"Wouldn't her fiance notice that you're not her, though?" came her mother's drowsy voice.

"Not if I put a spell on him, convincing him that I'm her!"

Dominatus thought for a moment, then sighed. "Alright. Fine. I'll contact one of your half-sisters in the morning. For now, can I PLEASE get some sleep?" Her daughter enthusiastically nodded, and left the room.

"You won't regret this!"


Chrysalis stared off into space. As her mother was wont to remind her, she didn't exactly have a stellar record. But you know what? Maybe this time will be different. After all, she's not having to sneak into anything, she doesn't have to pretend to fit in with a bunch of weirdos, and she can't get tripped up by some tiny mistake. This time, she's been upfront with her desires. And apparently Sparkle liked what she saw, because otherwise she wouldn't want to go on this date, would she? Best of all, this was going to be combat! She KNEW combat! She may not know the whole dating thing, but apparently it was just combat where she didn't actually kill anything. Well, there was also the mating part. She didn't know that. But she had seen plenty of...documentaries showing it, so what's to know? Stick the thing into the thing. It's not brain surgery. She laid back on her bed, placed the needle on the record, stuck her headphones on, and relaxed. Yeah. This will be easy.


This was going to be so hard. Normally, Royal Guards were nothing to get excited about. They usually arrived before one of the Princesses to check out the area, and make sure it was safe. That was nothing new. But trying to explain to some of the nosier Ponyville citizens as to why there were Royal Guards in the area without the requisite Princess? While also not giving away anything? Now that was new.

"I can assure you, Carrot Top, there's nothing underhoofed going on. They're simply here because Princess Celestia has requested they scout the area for a rare creature, nothing more." Twilight said, trying to not talk down to the farmer.

"Sure. And carrots only come in the color orange. There's more going on than what you're saying, Princess, and I deserve to know! We ALL deserve to know!" the Earth pony said forcefully. "So what is it? Some weird hoodoo creature? A government takeover? What?!"

The Princess began to give an answer when Bon Bon happened by the scene. "Oh, hey, Carrot Top! What's up?"

"The Princess won't tell us why there's a bunch of Royal Guards in town! I KNOW it's something sinister, and I'm not leaving until I get answers!" she replied, stomping her hoof.

"Oh, Carrot Top, you and your conspiracy theories." chuckled the confectioneer as she wrapped a foreleg around the other mare. The farmer returned to her tirade, only to quickly go silent, and slump over. "Don't worry Princess; you don't have to explain a thing. When she wakes up, I'll say I found her unconscious outside, and she must have succumbed to heat stroke." said Bon Bon with a wink, hefting up the limp yellow pony. Throwing her over her back, she walked back towards the farmer's home.

WHAT. JUST. HAPPENED. thought a slack-jawed Princess. She was about to pursue the two Earth ponies when a cerulean face appeared in front of hers.

"Hey, Twilight!" The alicorn jumped back, emitting a surprised yelp in the process.

"For goodness' sake, Rainbow Dash! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?! Give me a little warning next time!" The pegasus gave a little laugh.

"I did, egghead. I said 'Hey, Twilight!' What do you want, a written invitation next time?" she asked with a playful smirk. Twilight only rolled her eyes in response.

"So...have you noticed anything strange?" she asked in a hushed tone. Dash shook her head.

"Nope. Everything seems cool."

"Darn. Rarity and Pinkie Pie said the same thing. Fluttershy's busy with a sick Kodiak, so she's been stuck at home. All of this...normalcy makes me nervous. The...battle...is tomorrow," she said, looking over her shoulder, "and you'd think we'd find something. The Royal Guards Princess Celestia sent are supposed to be the best changeling hunters she has, and they haven't seen anything suspicious. Just what is that bug playing at?" she asked, leaning against a lamppost. "There has to be something I'm just not seeing. And I'm afraid that it won't appear until it's too late."

"Has Applejack seen anything?" the pegasus asked.

"I haven't had a chance to ask her yet. I've been so busy trying to deflect questions, and when I'm not doing that, she's busy." she replied, nodding towards the line of ponies in front of the Apples' cart. Dash scoffed.

"So? Just say 'Official Princess Business! Outta the way!' and then do it. Easy-peasy." Twilight turned to give her an incredulous look.

"What? No, I'm not going to do that! It would be rude to the customers that have waited, and more importantly, it would force me to use my station to push other ponies around. And worst of all, it would probably only bring even more questions." she stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." the pegasus replied, "'Course, then again, it could just all be a nice and easy excuse to keep you from having to talk to your crush." she added with a mischievous smirk. Her friend rolled her eyes.

"Okay, first of all, what I have is an infatuation, not a 'crush.' Crushes are for little colts and fillies. Second of all, it's not an excuse, it's an actual, rational reason. And third, I don't want to talk about this right now, because I have enough on my plate as it is. And fourth? Shut up, I'm not avoiding her." Rainbow landed and threw her hooves up in front of her with a snicker.

"Whatever you say, Twilight. But one of these days somepony is going to go on a date with her, and it might not be you. And then she gets married. To not-you. And she has a huge family. Also with not-you. And she grows old with no-"

"What did I just say about not wanting to talk about it?!" the alicorn snapped.

"Look, all I'm saying is, the sooner you ask her, the sooner you know if it will work out or not. You've been sitting on your hooves for...ever, I think, about this, and nothing's changed. At least if you asked, you'd know. And not like you've been doing. Just ask her straight up. And you'll kn-"

"I'LL KNOW, I get it." Twilight interrupted with gritted teeth. "Alright, fine. Here's the deal: I'm not going to ask her now, because, like I said earlier, I'm kind of busy with trying to look out for Public Enemy Number One. But, if I promise to ask her after that's taken care of, will you shut up about it?" The pegasus gave a triumphant smile.

"Of course! And hey, if she says no, I know some pegasi on the weather team that wouldn't kick you out of bed for eating crackers." she answered with a wink.

"Thanks, Dash, I'll keep that in mind." A few minutes of pony-watching went by, with Twilight impatiently tapping her hoof. She let out a puff of air. "You know what?" she said, jerking her head to face her blue friend. "I'm going to prove that I'm not avoiding her! Just you watch!" And with that, the alicorn stood up, and marched with purpose over to the cart. But instead of going to the front of the line, she stood in the back. Stupid Dash. Thinks she's so smart. 'Oh, you're afraid to talk to her!' Yeah, right. I'm not. I'm doing it now, see? And I'm even waiting in line to do it, just to prove to her that I'm not scared. So ha! she thought with an ever-deepening frown. The line moved surprisingly quickly, and as the alicorn got closer and closer to the front, she thought she heard the sound of laughter. Applejack's laughter, to be specific. Huh. Pinkie must be up there. It's strange that I didn't see her, though. The closer and closer she got, the more she saw that it wasn't a pink Earth pony causing the farmer's laughter; it was some gray stallion. He was standing off to the side, allowing Applejack to conduct her business, and filling the time in between customers with what sounded like humorous anecdotes. Hey! He can't do that! That's...that's cutting! And probably loitering! Oooohhhh I am SO reporting this to the police once I'm done here! Yeah, yuk it up. Let's see how much you're laughing when you get slapped with a Class D Misdemeanor!

"...and so just as the bull bucked me off, I see this rodeo clown comin' at me, waving his hooves and yellin' 'Take off yer dang hat! Take off yer dang hat!' Sure 'nough, that bright red star I had on the front was makin' that bull all KINDS of angry!" the gray stallion rattled off with a chuckle. Applejack nodded with a bright smile, urging him to continue. "So, I take off mah hat, chuck it as far as I could, and- well, howdy there, Princess! Pardon me, I'm just swappin' stories with a fellow cowpony! Sometimes I just get a little wrapped up in mah stories, ya know?" he said with a small bow. His politeness caught her off guard, and she was slow to respond.

"O-oh. Yeah, I know how that is. Hey, I need to talk to Applejack. Alone. Official Princess Business." And with that, the stallion nodded his head with a smile, and left.

"I'll see ya around, AJ! You have a good rest of the day, now!" he said, trotting away.

"You too, Barrel Race! Hey there Twi, what's up?" the farm pony asked with a gentle smile.

"Who was that? He wasn't bothering you, was he?" she asked, glaring at the stallion as he rounded a corner and out of sight.

"Who, him? Naw. That's Barrel Race. I think I met him in Appleloosa a while back. Nice fella. We were just shootin' the breeze about the things we've seen at some of the rodeos we've been to."

"Oh. Um, you haven't seen anything suspicious, have you? Concerning a, uh, certain bit of royalty?" Twilight asked in a hushed tone.

"No, I can't say I have. Everything's seemed pretty normal. Nothing's really jumped out at me as strange, anyway." she replied, flipping the sign on her cart to 'closed.' "Anypony else seen anything?" The alicorn frowned.

"Nopony's seen anything, and it's stressing me out. There is no way that...'she'...would just let things be, especially when we're this close to the, uh, 'main event.' I just think I'm missing something." she answered, leaning against the cart.

"I'm sorry it's causing you so much trouble, sugarcube." Applejack said, putting her hoof on the Princess' shoulder. "For what it's worth, us girls know how seriously you take your duties. We know you'll always be there for us, and we really appreciate you for it." she continued, packing up her cart for the day. "But, will you promise me something, Twi?" The purple alicorn's ears perked up.

"Anything, AJ. Anything at all."

"Will you promise to spend more time for yourself after all this settles down? I think I can safely speak for the rest of the girls when I say that we're kinda...worried about you. You just take on so much responsibility, and I can respect that, but we don't want you to burn yourself out." she quietly said with a worried look on her face. "Look, it ain't like I haven't done the same thing, so I know what I'm sayin'. And I'd never forgive myself if I let it happen to somepony I care so much about." Twilight blinked.

"I...thank you. I appreciate it." she said, again slow on the draw. Hey! You could leverage this! Use it to your advantage! Get it, Sparkle! "Um, AJ? How about I promise to do that if you promise to do something for me?" The cowpony shrugged her shoulders.

"Anything, sugarcube. What is it?"

Here goes! "Applejack, if I promise to take care of myself more after this, will you..." Come on, just say it! "...will you promise to...keep the girls on task tomorrow? You know how, um, divergent they can get if they don't have somepony guiding them. Also, please don't tell them I said that." she said, looking away. Coward.

"I sure will, Twi. Don't you worry." she said with a wink. "Well, I'd better get back to the farm. Gotta make sure 'Bloom did her chores! See ya tomorrow, Twi!" And with that, Applejack hitched up her cart, and started the long journey back to Sweet Apple Acres.


It was nearly ten o'clock when Twilight managed to sit down to dinner, and this time, she wasn't going to let any stupid mooching blue unicorn steal it! Especially when Spike had made her favorite: a roasted cauliflower steak with Romesco sauce on a bed of couscous. Admittedly, it was a slightly new favorite, as Pinkie had learned to make it on a recent trip to Manehattan. But as soon as she had taken her first bite, she knew she had found her newest comfort food dish. Her stomach grumbled as she picked up her fork; she had barely eaten all day. Maybe Applejack was right about her taking on too much at once. Oh well. Bringing out her book on changelings, she ate in relative silence as she tried for the umpteenth time to find anything explaining Chrysalis' actions up to this point. Failing that, she switched to the one chapter that she was fairly certain was true: combat. Their culture and rituals may be a mystery, but their fighting skills are not. She found that out personally at her brother's wedding. She pored over the pages' descriptions and diagrams until a nearby clock's chimes reminded her that it was nearly midnight. With a yawn, she put her dishes in the sink, and trudged to bed.


Twilight did not have a restful night. She kept having dreams, or in some cases, nightmares. When she finally woke up in the morning, she felt like she had run a mental marathon. But she couldn't worry about that right now. Today was the day. Once she arrested the fugitive changeling Queen, she could rest easily. More importantly, she could simultaneously keep her promises to both Rainbow Dash and Applejack. Taking the farmer out on a date could certainly be relaxing. Admittedly, it could end in heartbreak, but hey! It could end in marriage! So...good odds? She was on autopilot as she got out of bed, running a brush through her mane, eating breakfast, brushing her teeth, and putting on her crow- wait. Should she wear her crown into combat? Sure, the battle wasn't set to start for several hours, but it might look strange if she wore her crown for most of the day, then took it off, wouldn't it? Probably. Besides, she's already lost one crown, she doesn't need to lose another. And if anypony asks, she could always explain it away. Say it's out for cleaning or something.

Apparently the townsponies had gotten used to the guards being in Ponyville, as Twilight didn't receive a single complaint the entire day. That, or maybe it had something to do with Bon Bon giving her a knowing nod and wink when she saw her in the town's square. That was confusing. Regardless, the sun was nearing the horizon, and she knew where she needed to be. After finalizing the plans with the girls to stay in town and help the Royal Guards if needed, she walked west. As she crested the hill overlooking the field, a gentle wind blew from the south, making the tall grass move in waves. Just then, a green flash appeared on the opposite end. There was Queen Chrysalis, standing proud with a devilish grin.