I groan in pain. My throat feels thick and gravelly, like somepony poured wet concrete in my mouth. I cough violently. When my fit is over, I roll onto my side, still seething. My head throbs as I do so.
I open my eyes, and the first thing that greets me is Fluttershy standing beside my bed. I look up into her eyes. She looks tired. And scared. Her eyes are somewhat reddened, as if she's been crying. She casts her gaze to the floor as she holds an ice pack to my head.
"I didn't think you would be up yet," She whispers. I notice her voice is shot, like she had been screaming earlier. "How are you feeling?"
"Great." I grouse.
"Great," Fluttershy picks up on my sarcasm, but doesn't seem to know how to respond appropriately. "That's... great."
For a minute, neither of us speak. I try standing up, and I immediately regret it. My legs are shaky, leaving my balance off. Fluttershy moves to my side, attempting to help keep me steady.
She grimaces at my sounds of discomfort. "I, um...we need to talk."
"Yeah we do," I say through gritted teeth. "For starters, why the hell did you stab me?"
"I stabbed you?" Fluttershy looks mortified. "Oh Rainbow, I-I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking. I was just so angry."
Fluttershy continues to whimper out apologies as she frantically searches my body for wounds. Muddy memories start to climb out of the murky depths of my imagination. It's now that my brain clicks and I fully realize what's going on.
Well... this is what you wanted, Rainbow Dash. That is your wife. Just play right into it.
"I'm fine," I grab the invading hooves to keep them still. "I was just overreacting. Sorry."
Fluttershy refuses to look at me. "...You shouldn't have to be sorry."
"No, I do. I messed up," I insist. "And I'm sorry for yelling at you last night."
"I deserved it. I wasn't thinking straight."
"Neither of us were," I shrug. "It doesn't matter. What's done is done."
Another period of silence. I rub my forehead. Take charge, Rainbow Dash!
"I wanna do something today. I don't care what. Let's just do something fun, Fluttershy."
Heaven knows fun hasn't been a part of my life in a long time.
Fluttershy shakes her trembling head. "I...I was going to run away."
...I know.
She says this like a confession, but it is no revelation to me. I hug her, leaning my head into the side of her neck.
"I don't care. You didn't."
"But, you have to go back to the Wonderbolt HQ today." Fluttershy squirms, now scraping for excuses.
"Nope," I chuckle at the dramatic irony. "No I don't. C'mon, Fluttershy."
I draw back, puffing out my chest. Fluttershy notices this, trying her best to keep her eyes averted.
"W-what are you doing?"
"I'm not doing anything," I say innocently as I lower my rump, simultaneously inhaling through my nostrils to expand my chest. The signs of temptation become evident on Fluttershy's face. I give a wiggle to really lay it on thick, and she sighs in a mixture of annoyance and desire. I try to suppress my grin, but I can't hold it for long.
"You... You are a cheater." She snips, unable to hide her stiffening wings.
"Me? Never," I smirk as I nuzzle her. "So?"
I wait for her answer.
"...Okay."
"Awesome."
I smile so much it hurts. This is going... well, perfectly so far. I still know in the back of my mind that I probably shouldn't be doing this. But now that I've already begun, I am not about to stop.
Fluttershy wipes at her eyes, then rests her forehead against my chest. I take this opportunity to kiss her head, her soft mane tickling my muzzle.
"We, um... we should probably clean up first."
"Yeah," I nod in agreement. "Probably."
"So do you want to go on a flight? Is there someplace you want to visit?"
I ponder as I stuff my face full of pancakes. It's difficult, as I spend a lot of effort ignoring Fluttershy's empty plate, and pretending she's just already finished.
"Well, I wouldn't mind hanging out at the lake, only..."
Only I would have no explanation for everything if anypony saw us.
I stop chewing.
You know what, no. I've spent long enough being a mopey, do-nothing slob. My life is all about risks. Best-case scenario, nopony sees us. It is an Autumn weekday morning, after all. Worst-case scenario, well... My friends will understand. Possibly.
"Actually, yeah. Let's go to the lake. Not to swim. Just to hang out." I add when Fluttershy looks at me dubiously.
"Well, alright. We should bring some scarves and hats. I'll go fetch them."
I watch her dainty flanks move as she gets up and trots over to the stairs. My brief trance is shattered when the doorbell rings.
"Coming!" Fluttershy calls, much to my alarm.
She moves instead to answer the door. In surely a record speed, I hurdle over the table and zoom forward. Just as Fluttershy starts to open the door, I slam it shut.
"Hello?" My guts twist as I recognize the voice of Twilight Sparkle.
IchangemymindIchangemymindIchangemymind!!!
"Just a minute!" I yell in a screechy high-pitched voice. "Something in my throat!"
I hurriedly usher Fluttershy away from the door, a bewildered look on her face.
"Are you insane?" I hiss when we're far enough away.
"I-I don't understand," Fluttershy mumbles helplessly. "What did I-"
"Command: pause task." I interrupt curtly. Instantly, Fluttershy's baffled expression shifts to one of mild curiosity.
"What's the matter?" She asks me simply.
"'What's the matter'?" My eyes boggle in disbelief. "What are you doing? I can't have anypony see you, much less my friends!"
Fluttershy opens her mouth, but doesn't speak. Instead, another tinny voice come out. My voice.
"I want to re-live my last day with Fluttershy, if she hadn't left me. If she hadn't... well, you know."
I am speechless. Not in the fun way.
"You... you recorded me?"
"For data analysis purposes," Fluttershy nods. My white-hot glare causes her to play with her mane. "Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not installed with video footage capture."
"Command: delete all recordings, and never record me again." I growl unamusedly.
"Of course," Fluttershy complies. "All audio files erased. Was there anything else you need?"
"Yeah, I need you to hide and stay out of sight," I mutter as I cast a look over my shoulder. "My friends are going to think I'm a nutjob if they find you."
"You shouldn't worry about that," Fluttershy tsks at me in amusement. "Everything's been taken care of. Just play into it."
"Howdy, Rainbow Dash!"
I was about to interrogate Fluttershy further, but my front door swings open. I hear multiple ponies trot in, and it dawns on me that Twilight is not alone.
"Command: resume task." Is all I have time to whisper before my new guests round the corner.
Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie accompany Twilight, the latter likely having cast a cloudwalking spell on the others. We are in plain sight, there is no hiding at this point. My jaw works up and down, words failing me. At last, I titter nervously.
"Uh, guys... I can explain."
"Good morning, Rainbow Dash! Good morning Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie bounces between us, hugging us both. I sputter wildly in shock.
"Good morning, Pinkie." Fluttershy says with a smile.
...Huh?
"Oh my, it is much warmer in here." Rarity says gratefully as she shakes off the cold.
"We're sorry to barge in like this," Twilight laughs bashfully, tilting her head at Applejack. "But we thought we'd surprise you."
"After all, it's only a few days before your guys' anniversary," Pinkie begins excitedly. "And we have so much to go over to plan the best anniversary party ever!"
"A little window shopping wouldn't hurt, either," Rarity chimes in. "And don't worry about flowers; I had Roseluck import a fine southern selection."
I gape in pure astonishment. How...? I turn my head to look at Fluttershy, then back to my friends. I alternate several times, rapidly growing more incredulous.
"You okay, sugarcube?" Applejack places a hoof on my shoulder.
"Am I-" I giggle hysterically. "How do I- Do you not-"
I gesture wildly at Fluttershy with a flailing hoof. My friends all watch me with perplexed looks.
"Are we... interrupting something?" Twilight asks cautiously.
I give up. I'm stumped. I fall back onto my haunches.
What is happening?
I shift my focus back to Fluttershy.
...What did she mean when she said everything was taken care of?
"I... heh, um, excuse me." I quickly scour the tops of my friends' heads, looking for removable panels. They just kind of let me, too stunned to do anything else. But no, they're all flesh and blood ponies.
I frown. "Am I dreaming?"
Out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie slaps me across the face with one of my abandoned pancakes, causing me to cry out.
"Did you feel that?" Pinkie asks in curiosity. I snort in irritation. No, I am evidently not dreaming.
"Okay, we need to have a chat."
I herd all of my friends, excluding Fluttershy, into the living room as quickly as I can. I motion for Fluttershy to stay put. She looks concerned, but she doesn't argue.
"Rainbow, y'all better tell us what's goin' on," Applejack says warningly. "Yer actin'... well, a might bit irrational."
"I should be asking you guys that!" I retort. "Do seriously none of you see what's wrong with this situation?"
"We do," Twilights nods solemnly. "That's... well, that's really why we're here in the first place."
"You... do?" They all nod their heads as well. I exhale slowly. "Okay, so, what gives? What's with the act?"
"We're worried about you, darling," Rarity sighs. "Not to be an alarmist, but both Miss Pie and myself heard you and Fluttershy last night."
I gulp. I can already feel my face burning.
"You did, huh?" I paw nervously at the cloud floor. "I uh... wasn't counting on that."
"Look, we're not trying to snoop in and meddle with your private affairs," Twilight offers. "We just don't want you doing anything that you'll come to regret."
I give a weak, defeated laugh. "Might be a little too late for that."
"...You and Fluttershy aren't thinking of divorcing, are you?" Pinkie Pie asks in a scared, hushed tone.
"No, I-" I freeze. "What?"
"We ain't blind, Rainbow," Applejack says bluntly. "Y'all two been so tense and distant, yer pretty much all the folks in town talk about. Yer fight last night? A match in a keg of gunpowder."
"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down!" I wave my hooves. Something isn't adding up. "...Pinkie, you said our anniversary was in a few days."
"Yes...?"
...Our anniversary was weeks ago.
I fly up the stairs without a word. I check the calendar pinned to my bedroom wall. The last marked day is... the second of November.
My legs are jelly. It's-it's just not possible! I unsteadily climb back down the stairs. My stomach is... all wrong inside.
When I near the bottom, I peak into the dining area where I hear voices chatter. My friends are talking to Fluttershy in low voices. She seems to be trying to reassure them of something. Her eyes meet mine, and I cock my head at her smile.
Then she winks.